The Outer Banks

We talk and cry for a while longer, the wine bottle goes empty and I say goodnight with a kiss on Baileys forehead and go to bed.

I had music playing softly in the living room and Bailey went to bed I thought at the same time I did. I was in the master bedroom and Bailey was in the guest room. We had seemingly exhausted our talking, our crying. We had done as Beth had asked. Just the two of us, and of course the crew of the sailboat we had chartered, we had slowly dropped Beth's ashes over the side and returned her forever to the ocean she loved so much."

I was fine until I wasn't. We had unofficially married only two months before on the beach and now I was unofficially a widow. I would never again lie next to her and it was suddenly overwhelming. I was weeping uncontrollably when the door opened. It was Bailey. She entered the room and came over to the side of the bed. I stopped crying as best I could and asked her if she was ok."

Bailey looked at me and said "No, I'm not ok either. May I sleep with you tonight?"

I told her "Of course baby, just give me the tee shirt on the back of the chair, I'm naked." Bailey turned and reached over for the tee shirt I mentioned then she turned back to me. She briefly held it out toward me and pulled it back. She dropped it on the floor.

Bailey and I locked eyes and she pulled her own night shirt over her head and stood before me naked.

I lowered my eyes, looked at her perfect body and said "Bailey, no, this is not right we cannot."

She ignored me and climbed in bed beside me. She did not touch me and I did not touch her. We were both under the sheets and blankets. She started talking. "Robin, my mom told me you both slept naked every night because you can't keep secrets from another woman who is with you naked." I laughed a little, it was a long standing joke between Beth and me, and I told Bailey that I was not sure that was true but Beth said it all the time. We never had secrets from each other especially naked in bed. We both laughed a little. For the first but not the last time we had shared a memory of Beth that helped us through a difficult time.

Bailey continued, "Well I'm naked with you now. May I ask you questions?" I said yes, anything to keep from going back to being alone with my thoughts.

Bailey said, "Mom cheated on you a lot. Did you both cheat on each other?"

I turned on my side to face her. "Bailey, in the five years we were together I never was with another woman or man, never."

"Why do you suppose she cheated on you?"

I replied, "I loved your mom. I needed no other. I think I was not a man and every now and then a little signal went off in your mom and she needed a man in her life. We talked about it. I hated the fact that I could not complete her as she completed me. Every time it happened she promised it would never happen again but we both knew it would."

Bailey added, "Robin, were you ever in love with a man?"

I answered honestly, "Yes, Bailey I was married many years ago to a man who left me when we found out I could not have children. I loved him. Sex with him and other men in my life was wonderful but sex with Beth was incomparable. When we made love we became one person for a moment. Understand?"

"No, I have never had that feeling."

"You will. Find the right person and you will."

"How did you know you were bisexual? You know, liked women."

I answered as honestly as I could, "For me it was simple. The man I was married to had us involved in what were then called swinger groups. That was when I first was with a woman. I discovered something important about me. I really believe you do not have to be in love to make love. Sex is not the same as making love. I now prefer what I have heard others call the soft side of sex, lesbian love."

"Would you make love with me if I asked you to?"

I answered, "Bailey, you are a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul. There was a time when I would not have had to be asked twice but I am you mother now. That can never happen!"

"Can I sleep here with you? Just tonight?"

"Of course." "I reached out to hug her and the covers slipped away."

Her body was firm and warm. When our breasts pressed against each other I felt a need I pushed away, I blocked out. She held me for a long time with her hands wandering on my back and hips. Nothing really sexual just warm caresses and touching that I returned.

We awoke in the morning and showered together like kids in a gym class...no touching.

I brought Bailey to the airport on Friday and she was back at school.

Bailey returned to visit over the holidays. In my life I have done some things I am not proud of. Those mostly relate to things I allowed my ex-husband and his friends to use me for and do to me. This time with Bailey is one of those times I wish with all my heart I could take back, undo.

Down to my core I wanted Beth back and Bailey was her natural daughter but now a grown woman who looked and behaved so very much like her mom.

I wanted to do everything possible to not fail her.

When Bailey came home I had my current fling, Connie, over for dinner and once she left Bailey was full of questions. I told her the story of how Connie and I met and told her that no I did not see long term prospects for her.

Bailey confessed that life had expanded for her as well with a woman named Lauren. She told me she finally understood what I meant when I called sex with another woman the soft side of sex.

That evening after we went to bed I was feeling great. Bailey was here and my life was slowly coming together. Connie wasn't long term but she was great in bed.

Around 2:00 am I heard her in the pool. I went into the kitchen, poured myself a drink and wandered into the pool area. She was doing laps and did not see me. I sat and watched her naked form moving through the water in the moonlight shining through the lanai screen. As she turned she at various times exposed her bum her breasts and even her bush. A truly beautiful woman.

If she ever was Beth's little girl, tonight she was the physical twin of her mom. As I sat and watched I was ashamed that I was getting wet and I started back to my bedroom. Too late! She spotted me. "Hey Robin, take that robe off and join me. The water is wonderful."

"No no baby, I'll see you in the morning."

"Oh come on! I've seen you naked before! Get in here!"

I walked to the pool stairs dropped my frumpy old robe on a chair and climbed in. Beth came over to me and gave me a big wet hug. Her breasts were larger and firmer than I remember, certainly firmer and larger than Beth's and as they pressed into me I knew I was in trouble. She kissed me. Not a Mom/Daughter kiss but a real adult soft warm kiss. The kind of kiss that leads to more and trouble.

I felt in my heart that we were on the edge of the unthinkable! She was my daughter! I pushed her away and told her the truth. "Beth, STOP! I need to get out of this fucking pool NOW!" Oh fuck, I had called her Beth and she noticed. I was weeping, suddenly thrown back to a time, to a love, that was now gone forever. I was weeping, thrown back to a time, to a love, that was gone forever. I climbed out of the pool, ran to my bedroom and closed the door.

She followed me and pushed the door open. I was sitting on the edge of the now wet bed. "Mom, it's ok. I didn't mean to lead you to think I wanted. ... I love you." She left the room. I dried myself and went to bed thinking we had to talk this through tomorrow. This can never happen again.

There would be no talk tomorrow. At 3:00 am the door opened. It was Bailey and she was still naked except for a towel around her waist.

"Robin, can we talk?" She came over and sat on my side of the bed. She pulled my covers down to my waist. She took my hand and put it high on her thigh under the towel. My fingers could feel the heat of her and the edge of the fur of her bush. She whispered "Robin, I'm wet, touch me." She pushed my hand into her center.

She stopped my words with a finger to my lips, then that finger then another in my mouth. She looked at me and I thought I saw tears welling up in her eyes. "Let me be her tonight."

Bailey kissed my breasts, kissed down my chest, to my stomach to my mons. She was in the bed between my legs pushing them up onto her back. My daughter was giving me oral sex and I felt a orgasm coming. Like an ocean wave it swept over me.

She looked up at me, smiled, and said "You can still be my mom tomorrow."

Part 2 -- Half way there.

I had completed half the trip to North Carolina and stopped for the night.

I met him while eating dinner sitting in the hotel bar. After a very difficult month or more in Florida this nice man, Ron, was a welcome respite. I admit that I have in the past, sometimes slut that I am, found a nice married hotel bound man or woman to warm my bed while traveling. Either is pretty safe from STDs and seldom want more than just sex. Yes, Ron would do nicely.

Six a.m. came quickly. My alarm tried its best to wake me and I did my best to ignore it. Helpful hint, alarms won't try to wake you anymore if you turn them off.

I finally dragged myself out of bed and into the shower at seven. My new friend Ron was not into the soft side of sex. Was I out of shape or just getting old? Maybe it was just that I had too few demanding men in my life but I ached everywhere, My hip joints were sore as they had not been in a long long time.

He had used his hands behind my knees to push my thighs up along side my body to pivot my vagina to meet his thrusts. I remember the splendid feeling of him pounding. It brought me to a delicious orgasm I was not quiet about.

Lesson learned, again, always find a man with a flat hard stomach. It makes the pounding so much more enjoyable. He stayed longer than I though he would, looking for, and taking a second chance. Judging from his groans both times this would have to be a double panty liner day. Oh, a hot shower will help.

Part 3 -- Barbara and Anne.

During the first five hours of driving North I put behind me, like the highway I had just travelled, the memories of Beth and Bailey at least for a while. This next leg of the trip was going to be a time to think about, and also put behind me, the women who most recently found their way into my life.

Some months after the Beth passed Doctor Catherine asked if I was going to be ok without Beth to see to 'my needs'. I knew what she meant and told her I would be fine, after all sex is not all that it is cracked up to be. She smiled and told me that if I changed my mind, there was a group of 'adult women' she could introduce me to.

She told me it might sound awful but it was a way to get needs met without unnecessary complications. She left it that she would never bring it up again. If I wanted to explore it further she would make the necessary arrangements and introductions.

I lasted three more months. I had no real expectation that anything long lasting would come of it because they were all from a group recommended by my doctor and that I wrote about in my DOCTOR CATHERINE series. Just a group of mature women who want safe sex with other women. Expectations and desires are two different things and some however, left me wanting, no hoping for more. Two in particular...

Barbara

If anyone finally drove me to pull the trigger and move from Florida it was Barbara Sandeman.

I loved everything about her and wanted more, much more, than just sex but that was never going to happen.

Barbara was on the Doctor Catherine list of available women but that is not how I actually met her.

With the weekend coming I went to buy beer, shrimp, a nice rib eye steak and red potatoes. The plan was to settle in for a few days with my favorite author, a few good meals and maybe do some writing of my own. The market was jammed with shoppers. I had only a few items but the "10 items or less" line was longer than the regular checkout so I fell in line behind an attractive woman who appeared to be about my age perhaps younger. Alright, she was younger, damn it everyone is!

As she was unloading her items onto the belt she looked up, caught my eye, smiled a beautiful friendly smile and said hello. I returned the simple greeting and started helping her load her items onto the conveyor. She was wearing an open collar white shirt with the top few buttons open and I could see with every dip into the basket that she was braless. I thought she might even be deliberately exposing herself. I was sure she knew I was looking.

She had short sun bleached blond hair and had obviously spent many hours in the sun. She was deeply tanned and her otherwise beautiful face had the look of many seasons with too much sun. Every time I saw her lean over into the basket I caught the less tanned white of her breasts. She had the kind of beautiful large breasts that swayed as she moved and as she stood in profile the light from the windows silhouetted them thru her shirt fabric.

In front of us in line is a young black mom with one youngster on her hip and another still younger in the cart. She is trying to pay for her purchases with some form of debit card but she has miscalculated and is $15.00 short. She is seemingly humiliated and tears are running down her cheeks as she tries to decide what she will not buy, what the children don't need?

I reach into my purse, take out a $20 bill, hand it to "tanned lady" and motion for her to give it to the cashier. The young lady turns and thanks "tanned lady." She tries to explain that it was not her but I touch her arm and shake my head no. It's over and the young woman kisses the baby in her arms, says thank you, thank you to no one in particular and leaves.

As "tanned lady" and I finish paying and are leaving she holds back and tells me how nice a gesture that was. We chat as I pay for my purchases and walk out following behind her. She is in front of me and I notice her legs. Oh yes, her legs, tan long muscular and perfect! She is taller than I am. I can see just the edge of Nantucket red shorts below the hem of her white shirt. She is wearing boat shoes, "topsiders" I think they are called.

As we exit the building she turns extends her hand and says, "Hello, my name is Barbara" and she hands me a white business card. It has the outline of a sailboat and a name and city on two lines, "BARBARA GRACE - VENICE FLORIDA" in navy blue letters.

I look up at her and say "Hello Barbara, I'm Robin."

She looks at me and smiles again. I look back to the card and in the lower corners are two names, Joan Bachman and Barbara Sandeman. As I'm looking down at and beyond the card I see her ankle bracelet. It is identical to the one Doctor Catherine gave me and oh those legs, that tan. I ask her, "your boat is named after you?"

Barbara says, "Yes, but it's not that simple. Have a drink with me and I'll explain."

I answer, "I would love to have a drink with you Barbara Sandeman, anytime."

She suggests the bar at the Gulf Harbor Marina. We agree to meet that very evening at 6:00. She mentions the very casual dress in the boating community there and says, "Please call me Barb."

Later that afternoon I'm home checking the list. There is a Barbara in Venice Florida listed. 49, Lesbian, in an open relationship. She is younger. I did not know it but at that very moment Barb is checking her copy of the list as well.

We had that drink, Barbara Sandeman and I and then dinner. I had hoped that I would not have to explain what happened in the supermarket, why I gave her the $20 and did not give it directly to the young woman but Barb insisted.

Ok, your turn why did you want the young lady to think I gave her the money?"

I answered, "Barb, I'll tell you but you can't say a word until I'm done. If when I'm done you want me to leave I understand."

She just smiled and said, "Robin, you are not going anywhere. Tell me!"

I took a deep breath and said, "Because you are White and she is Black."

I really want to believe Barb is not a racist but fuck, I did not like the look on her face. Fuck fuck fuck!

I continued "Barb, I can see by the look on your face that you want to say something but just shut up until I'm done." I took a breath and continued. "I'm pretty sure you have not noticed this but I'm Black and you are White. The young woman at the supermarket was Black and poor." Another breath then, "You must understand that if I helped her out it would be just one sister helping out another and quickly forgotten. If you helped her out she will repeat the story and perhaps pay it forward one day herself." I added, "Long ago a white man helped me out with gas money and a smile. That simple gesture changed my attitude forever. I have payed it forward ever since."

Barb looked at me and did not say a word. She leaned in and put her mouth near my ear and whispered, "Robin, I love you for that. Thanks for telling me you were Black though, I had not noticed. Come with me.

The entire Barbara story is in my Doctor Catherine series.

Aboard Barbara Grace...

A small lamp lit the cabin and she brought it with us into the sleeping berth. I had never felt more enthralled with a person or situation before. We stood before each other and each removed the others clothing.

Barb is a beautiful woman. Her breasts are certainly rounder and larger than mine and very firm. They actually have the gall to turn upward so her nipples almost seem to point upward as well. She has large almost tennis ball diameter very dark rose colored areola and very thick dark nipples. Her upper chest and shoulders were covered in freckles but they thinned and almost disappeared at the convergence of her breasts where her tan lightened somewhat but did not really end. Her face, neck, arms and chest were tanned very dark and her breasts were less tanned. She also obviously wore a very small Bikini bottom during the day because the only white part below her waist was a very white V that outlined her smooth hairless mound.

Barb pushed me back into the bed and climbed in on hands and knees to light a lamp at the far end of the berth. As she stretched forward over me her breasts were hanging down just forward of my face. When I looked up I was looking at the underside and lower portion of her breasts. Her position over me made the view very erotic. Just the slightest stretch marks on the lower underside of her breasts extending to her rib cage. It was then I saw a very faint very light circular scar on the edge of her areola on both breasts reflected in the lamp light.

I asked and Barbara just smiled and said, "Now sweetie, you didn't really think these girls were all natural did you?"

I reached up and pulled her down so her "girls" completely covered me and I reached up to pushed them together surrounding my face. She pulled away a bit and said simply, "Suck them Rob. Touch and suck me, pinch my nipples."

Her legs were on each side of my body and she told me, "Don't stop but take your hand and finger me." I reached between her legs and she was soaked. Two fingers easily slipped in her and she moaned just a bit as my fingers slid in and out of her. She had pulled her breasts away from me and put her face very close to mine when she said, "Put your fingers in your mouth and taste me. Tell me about my taste."

I did as she said. When I had done it I looked at her and said, "Delicious, may I lick you?"

Barbara shifted her body so laying on my side, my face was even with her vagina. She lifted her upper leg and as I rested my head on her thigh I kissed her mons. I put my hands on her butt cheeks and pulled her in. I heard her say "I love that."

To me there is no more sensual part of a woman's body than her hips and thighs. It is honestly magic for me to go down on a woman and pull her thighs in around my head as I breath in her musk and taste her. Barb used me. Using her hands to pull my face into her and squeezing my head between her thighs.