All Comments on 'The Packages Ch. 01'

It's too distracting. "You," "you then," you sit down," "you walk over," etc. It really takes the reader out of the immersion.

Maybe there's a reason why more people don't submit stories written in this way. You know, because it sucks?

I cannot even READ a story like this. Good premise needs a re wright

Has anyone read a story on here entitled the bet??

Man, what a fucking stupid way to rite a story.

"First person" is "I". Second person is "you."

I have seen other stories written with this authority, it's not uncommon.

What a stupid tucking way to spell "write".

Keep sending the money.

Daddy and daughter is so exciting.

Can't wait for the next EPISODE.

Didn't bother reading because "you" is a second-person pronoun. "I" is the first-person pronoun. Perhaps you should try writing in your native language, whatever that may be. 1/5

OK. Seems the family is stupid enough to go for this thinly disguised incest nudge. What happens next? . . . .