All Comments on 'The Pass - Reveal'

Don't submit another word unless you personally have read it. By that I mean after it's been written.

Don't read it just for spelling either. There were several places where the writing simply didn't make any sense at all, and many incorrectly used words.

You summarized the second most interesting party of this story in the intro, before the story started. Is that because you just didn't feel like doing that much work, or you didn't know how to write it?

In spite of the plot being a cookie cutter, decide of creative content, the story could have been so much better had it been written conscientiously instead of haphazardly with little regards for whether or not it makes sense.

Work on it. Hopefully you'll improve.

I actually rather liked it. Short, sharp and punchy, it's a nice break from some of the 10 page+ novels :D, which aren't bad by any means, but not my usual poison >: ]

It prolly makes sense to me though because I'm originally from England and I can see why it mightn't made much sense to outsiders >: ] Foreigners be such noobs. haha, you yanks got niah chance! >: ]

.i fail to see how the adult daughter of his girl friend is incest. Taboo? Maybe. As the other wrote poorly written. Rushed as if you had a deadline to meet. Get with an Editor to help smooth it out.

2 stars

DragonRider55