The Passenger

"You know, Richard, that there's no guarantee that she'll accept my apology no matter how hard I grovel. She's been pissed for a long time and it's going to take more than an 'I'm sorry' to bring her around. I'm willing to try, because you're right. In spite of everything, I do still love her. I want to be Ricky's father, not just his friend Mattie's dad. And I want your daughter in my life on a full-time basis. I'll give it my best shot. That's all I can promise."

"Thank you, Matt. That's all I can ask." With that, Richard stood up, shook my hand, and left for home.

I awoke at the usual time the next morning, awakened Ricky and Mattie, cautioned them to be as quiet as possible as Ricky's mom was still sleeping in the guest room, got the two of them off to school and then made coffee and waited for Alex to awaken. It was almost 10:00 A.M. before she appeared, garbed in my robe. She had slept almost sixteen hours.

Her first request was for coffee. After I handed her a cup, she asked, "What happened last night? Why did I wake up almost naked in your guest room?

"You showed up here carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. You told me about your mom, then melted down and cried yourself to sleep in my lap. I carried you into the guest room and put you to bed. Your dad brought over a change of clothes last night. They're hanging in the front closet and your toilet kit is in the guest bathroom. Ricky slept here last night and I sent him off to school with Mattie this morning."

"I don't know what to say. Thank you."

Then I said those fateful words. "We have to talk. I have something to say and I need you to listen to me without interrupting me. You can respond when I'm done, but I need you to promise that you'll listen before you start to argue. Can you do that for me, please?"

"OK."

"Now, let me get your breakfast out of the oven." I pulled out the egg casserole I'd made earlier that morning, which I knew she loved, and set it in front of her. She dug into it like a starving person.

When Alex finished, she looked at me and said, "Well??? What is it you need to say to me?"

"Several things. Let's start with your situation. I can't do anything about your work situation. I can help care for your mom, although given how she still feels about me, I'm not sure she'd be too keen on my help. I can also help with your dad. But most of all, what I can do is take care of Ricky."

Alex started to protest. I raised my hand to silence her. "Let me finish. What I'm proposing is this. Ricky comes to my house after school every day until your mom is able to take care of him again. You pick him up after work. If you're going to be late, I'll feed him and make sure he does his homework. If you're going to be really late, he can sleep here. If you're willing, I'll feed you, too. We can all eat together, or I'll have leftovers to reheat if you're late. I can take care of your dad's dinner as well, as long as your mom is in the hospital."

"Now, the second thing. As you know, I got a bunch of money when SunFiSys was sold. My investment advisor is very savvy and he's turned that into a bunch more money. Once I discovered Ricky existed, I had Mike Sullivan revise my will to set up a trust for Ricky and Mattie. They share in my estate evenly. My bank and you are the trustees. In addition, I've funded college tuition trusts for both kids. They'll be able to afford to go anywhere they want to go and should be able to go to graduate school as well. I've also named you as power of attorney in the case I'm incapacitated and given you authority to act on a healthcare treatment directive. Further, I've directed that you be named guardian of Mattie if something happens to me before she's an adult and instructed that you be allowed to adopt and raise her as your own, even if you are still single." I didn't mention that I'd also directed a substantial portion of my estate go to Alex. I thought that might be a nice surprise, should something happen to me.

"Now the last thing. I can't do this dance with you anymore. I'm still in love with you. I think behind that wall you've erected, you love me too. I want to be Ricky's father. I want you to be Mattie's mother. I want us to be a couple and all four of us to be a family. If you can't see fit to accept that, then I want to get a formal custody arrangement in place, with reasonable visitation and my making child support payments for Ricky. Look, I know I shouldn't have taken the call from Harry that night. And once I did and I realized how long it was going to take to deal with the problem, I should have come back in and told you what was going on. You were right that I was so involved with the company that I put you second. I'm sorry. I'm even sorrier that I didn't ignore your note and come chasing after you. That was a huge mistake. It cost me five years when I could have been part of Ricky's life and it's still costing me because we're not together. I don't know how to fix that. I've done all I can to show you that I'm not the man you walked out on almost seven years ago. I've given a lot of thought to moving on and I can't because I still love you. I want to marry you. The only way I'll be able to move on with my life is if you tell me that there's no hope for us, ever. Can you ever see it in your heart to forgive me and have us start over?"

Alex looked at me for a long, long time. It must have only been minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. "Matt, that's a lot to think about. I need some time to digest this. Can you wait for an answer?"

"I've been waiting over a year. A bit longer won't kill me. Now, how about you go up and get showered and dressed and we go see your mother?"

When Alex came down, I suggested we drive over to the hospital together. Since Ricky would be coming to my house after school, it seemed silly to take two cars when we'd both need to come back to the same place. We drove over to the hospital, parked the car and I got out and walked around the car to open Alex's door. She stepped out and did something totally unexpected as we started toward the hospital. She grabbed my hand and held onto it as we walked. For the first time in a long time, I began to have hope that we might finally become a couple again.

I wish I'd had a camera focused on Richard's face when he saw us walk into Meredith's room hand in hand. I think I'd just made the man I hoped to be my future father in law happier than he'd been since his wife's cancer diagnosis.

There is a bit of irony in what kept Alex and me from progressing our new relationship as quickly as we both would have liked - Alex's job and responsibilities caring for her mother took up so much of her time that we could only grab occasional hours together. Meredith underwent six months of chemo and radiation after her surgery before being pronounced cancer free. Since she'd had less than a fifty-fifty chance, we were ecstatic.

Eight months after that morning conversation, I asked Richard for his blessing and Ricky for his permission to ask Alex to marry me. Both said yes and that weekend I took Alex to the same restaurant that we'd been to the night we broke up and asked her to marry me. Her "Yes!" turned every head in the room.

We were married two months later. It was a small wedding, with just Alex's parents, Mattie and Ricky present. Richard and Meredith kept the two kids for a week while we honeymooned in Bermuda. We saw very little of the island, but a lot of our hotel room. Even though it had been quite a while for both of us, we found our groove pretty quickly.

They say lightning doesn't strike twice, but six weeks after we said "I do", Alex missed her second period. I'd done it again. I was extremely concerned about her pregnancy because she was now forty-three and I was forty-eight, but she handled it like a champion. Nine months after our wedding, Allison and Matthew junior were born. I had a vasectomy after that. No sense taking chances. Besides, I discovered that even with a wife this time, having twins at forty-eight is far more work than having a single infant at forty, especially when there are two other children to care for at the same time.

Alex adopted Mattie and we had Ricky's last name changed from Morgan to Harper. There will come a time when we have to explain our history to our children, but that's some years in the future. In the meantime, I have a loving wife, four beautiful children, a father in law who likes me and a mother in law who has finally warmed up to me. Life is good.

My only sorrow in all of this is that Kelly never got to see her daughter grow. I've taken all the photos from Kelly's and my trip and put them into an album, along with a narrative describing the seven months I spent with Mattie's mom. Someday I'll give it to her and sit down and tell her about that time and about the almost daughter who was a passenger on my trip of a lifetime and who gave me the gift of a family.