All Comments on 'The Pawn'

What a shit ending. The bride groom wants castrating and feed to the vultures. As for the bride she is as bad.

Hi Diecast1

You missed the last line: To be continued ;)

Agree with you on the groom, not on the bride.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??

Michael? Thomas? WHO? Has the potential to be a good story, but at least get the characters names right!

Good follow up. I am enjoying the twist here. I never imagined this situation to be the reason for her 'cheating'. What I didnt enjoy was the blackmail angle, in this and most other stories they dont work for one sole reason. Not giving into the blackmail would have a better outcome than giving in. Nicky could have backed out at any escalating point. Pete's threats are mostly empty. If, at any point she shares what is happening to her with the people around her, he wouldnt be able to do anything to her. There even might be prison time for him if authorities investigate him and find something. Like I said, its a weak point in the story but atleast Nicky acknowledges her stupidity. Hopefully she gets out of this situation. Even though she deserves grieve for what she did, atleast in part willingly, its a fate no one deserves.

Other than that, the name Thomas popped up twice in place of Michael. First on page 1, part two, right at the beginning and again on page two, right at the beginning.

Thank for sharing your fiction! :)

Hi allansbullet,

What’s wrong with the characters names?

Hi Thorlol

Now that I can work with… ;)

Looking at an edit already.., dang!

Regarding the blackmail; Peter could easily cut the recordings to make it all look like purely consensual activity of course.

Assuming he would play it smart it would be as good as impossible for a prosecutor to make anything stick against him.

The point about giving in to blackmail being stupid is valid of course; in the end it’ll always cost you more.

But people don’t always act their smartest when their relation, their honor, and their reputation, are at stake…

And hey, it’s erotica!

I’m not trying to outdo Arthur Conan Doyle here… :)

Banbeck, Allansbullet was refering to the paragraph where you had Thomas together with Natasha. You got it right in the next paragraph. Please be careful. Otherwise, I really like this. It is very good for a first time writer in LW. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

Hi ScorpioJJ,

Yes, I got it already.

Must have read over it ten times at least without noticing…

That’s the trouble with mistakes like this; the spelling control doesn’t catch it, and when you don’t catch it yourself the first time you just read over it later on.

Anyway, I already submitted an edit four days ago, so it should be fixed soon :)

The edit just got published (06/16/2021 around 14:00 GMT)

Part 3 is still pending, I submitted it five days after I submitted the edit....

Update:

For those interested; I created an imgur album for my “muses” and other inspirational imagery, you can find the link in my Lit Biography ;)

From one beginning writer to another I must say well done

@ Jacktacular

Thank you, but I have been writing for many years already, I just never published anything.

And now I have published something I'm finally finding out about all those English mistakes I made in the past, and never noticed....

So now I'm looking at this huge mountain of correction work.

Ah well, it does keep me of the street... LOL

Best wishes for your own writing.

Banbeck

You warned us but I didn't expect that much detailed sex, I'm not here for that at all. I do understand that others can be. Good writing and the story moves well.

Thanks Anonymous.

And yes, things get more explicit, and dark, in this sequel.

I decided not to follow the well-worn path, and do something different, to keep things interesting.

If you only want sweet romance you better stick with part one, and pass on the other three.

The Samaritan has the sort of ending that provides for that; just replace "to be continued" with "and they lived happily ever after" and dream on ;)

Wow Cuckboy pulled his big boy pants and confronted his ex and didn't say shit to the Nemesis? Yep absolute beta male piece of shit what did he do in the military... catering?

Peter should be slowly beaten to death