The Perfect Beginning Ch. 03

Would he, could he ever be a man?  With time, could he become a man?  Was he not a man because she did not see him as such or because she simply decided as much and and that made it so? 

He thought about what Michele meant to him, how much he loved her and genuinely wanted to please her, to obey her.  He thought about how she made him feel and considered just how amazing she was. 

Yes, sometimes she frightened him and sometimes he was frightened by who and what she was turning into, but she was more than worth it.  She was everything to him.  He lived for her. 

He considered the truth: she was his superior and beyond all the anxiety this caused, he was grateful to know this.  She was superior to him.  She was better than him.  And he was her bitch.  Not just any bitch, but Her bitch.  He was not a man because Michele had the power to make it so and that was all that really mattered. 

Suddenly he felt real, deep gratitude. 

She chose me! 

And with it, the understanding she desired. 

God, it really is wrong for her to put my dicklet in her mouth. 

It was all wrong.  She was simply way too good for that.  She was above it.  She was above him.  He was her bitch and it was what he was supposed to do and, he was proud not just to do it for her, for them, but that he was privileged to do so as her personal bitch.  Suddenly he felt proud to be her bitch.

And in a moment of honest reflection, going down on Michele, pleasuring Michele was the most important and fulfilling time in his life.  Aside from the fact that it turned him on more than anything, was profoundly erotic to him, nothing in the world comforted him more emotionally. 

When he was not actually between Michele's legs, it was what he was thinking about; he was obsessed with it and needed it desperately.  Nothing made him feel better about himself, more important nor more valuable as a human being than providing this intimate pleasure to Michele.  He really felt as though he lived for her approval.  Therefore it was selfish for him to not recognize how much she gave to him in this way.

The boy saw what had until then been beyond him.  The memory of Michele's words filled his head, "Would you beg her?"  And he heard her laughter. 

Was she planning something like this all along? 

Was she really that far ahead of him?  And he knew she was.  Though it frightened him a little, it was just one more demonstration of her superiority, another thing that made her amazing. He knew how truly lucky he was.

"Ms. Michele, I'm so sorry.  I was not just being selfish, what I was asking for was just wrong.  Thank you for helping me to think about it, because the more I do, the more I see how wrong the whole thing is.  Ms. Michele, would you please, please, never, ever, ever put my little...little boy...little boy..."

"Little boy dicklet, Timmothy," she said sweetly.  "That's what you are and that's what we call it; now say it," she coaxed with loving authority.

"Please never put my little boy...dicklet in your beautiful, perfect mouth.  Please."  

Her posture and smile reflected profound superiority and self satisfaction as she knew she'd penetrated deep within her boy's psyche, and through shear force of will, genuinely changed what he wanted for himself. 

He means it. 

She was the smiling, proud teacher, who's little boy was demonstrating his lesson learned.  

"Please, please, please never, ever do that for me. 

"Actually, it would bother me if you did...it's repulsive to me now.  The more I think about it, the more like a sin it seems to me. 

"I want that to only be my job...for you.  I only want to be your bitch, Ms. Michele.  Please let me be your bitch, your good bitch.  Please."

He stopped and he looked up into her eyes and she smiled her forgiveness and he saw the love in her expression.  They took several breaths together and just sat with the moment, feeling the open love and affection.

"Good boy."  Michele leaned down kissed Tim forcefully.   Tim was grateful to passively  accept her probing tongue and aggressive affection.  Sitting back up, she snaked both hands through her hair and pulled him into her powerful crotch.  "Now be a good girl and suck me off...bitch."

As his mouth opened on her crotch, as her musk enveloped him, he'd never in his entire life been more grateful to know his place.

*

Nearly every day was a good day, but days like these were almost magical for Michele. 

With the combination of her mind and body, using the totality of her being, she had the power to not just coerce Tim's behavior, but also to mold his thinking. 

She had zero interest in putting a boy's cock in her mouth.  But that might not always be so.  She was so young still and for all she knew, the day would come when she'd think it was fun to suck a big juicy man-cock.  She just knew it was not now...and it would never be Tim's.  Never.  She was very committed to this eventuality.

Their relationship would always be hierarchical and how they shared pleasure would be reflective of the natural hierarchy and their personal natures. And she really did think it was wrong for him to even fantasize about her giving him head, let alone actually expect it of her. 

Though a part of her looked forward to this confrontation, she did not like that he even had the question of her giving him head floating around in his consciousness.  Additionally, she'd made no provision, had no idea how she'd respond, nor could she have imagined how it could have concluded so wondrously. 

There was a part of her that still marveled at all that was happening, a part of her that still felt like an observer.  This other, new side of her, a side that had been previously dormant, was so amazing and beautiful. 

Would you beg her?  She smiled at the powerful memory.  She'd made him beg her to never suck his dick!  That was astonishing and seemed almost surreal.  But she was there!  She made it happen!  He actually begged her for this!  And he was proud to have pleased her in this way! 

Briefly, she imagined Tim bragging to Tanya about how "Ms. Michele would not and should not ever suck me off.  She's too good for that!"

She was beyond gratified. Michele realized then that one of the things she most valued in her relationship with Tim was that she always had the power to put things right, to put her affairs in order.  Michele liked order. 

She thought of all these things as her orgasm built.  As her orgasm overtook her, she held dear the joyous memory of slapping her bitch as he knelt before her and feeling his tears explode as she slapped his face with girlish joy and delight.

As she recovered from her orgasm, she at last realized why it was so important that Tim came to her a virgin.

*

After masturbating, Tim lay in bed, his head aswirl. 

His afternoon had not gone as planned and he knew he should not have been so shocked, yet how could he not be?  He'd approached her gently and with a good attitude.  He always had to be humble in his requests and thought he had been.  Yet this was how things worked in his strange, little world. 

He'd been completely manipulated by Michele and it was...totally unfair!  He just wanted a blow-job.  One blow-job.  If she did it and enjoyed it...maybe more than one, but he never expected her to go down on him the way he did for Her. 

Just because he wanted his cock sucked did not mean that he expected Michele to become his submissive sex kitten or his bitch or anything like that.  That was all wrong anyway.  The way she went after him was so unfair, but god, he'd never been more turned on by her. 

He started getting horny again. 

Tim was fully aware how She could use his own needs and his nature against him...and he was all the more attracted to her for it.  He was head over heals in love with her and in spite of the manipulation and trickery on a deeper spiritual level, he knew she was right.  He now believed in his heart that she should never, ever put his cock in her mouth and that blew his mind. 

And she was wrong.  He was so confused. 

After cuming, a part of him was disgusted by his weakness.  This could not be right!  He wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. That meant nobody would ever give him this simple pleasure.

*

Dearest Diary,

Today Tim and I did some very important work on our relationship.  Not only did it put me in a great mood, but it made me feel more optimistic about the future of our relationship.  As we take steps together as a couple, it gives me real hope about where we are going.

Sometimes I even surprise myself. 

I think what tonight taught me was about how deeply I am into Tim's head.  Poor boy just wanted what he thought was fair.  And then I made him think differently.  I control his thoughts and feelings. I control his mind. Ha-Ha! 

I made him beg me to not do for him what he most wanted done for him.  Happy!  I'm taking Big-Girl Fun to new levels! 

I think it might be important to regularly repeat this.  Like maybe once a week or so, he can beg me not to give him head and explain why it's wrong. 

I made Tim believe that I was too good to suck his cock.  Like a superior person (me...like, duh) should not orally pleasure her inferior.  Servants serve.  Pop! 

I want him to stay in touch with this thinking.

Something important is becoming clear to me.  I think since the beginning, I've been ahead of Tim on all the different stuff we are doing.  I mean like, I know it is not normal, like how I control him so much and what gets us so excited. 

The thing is, I've worked to be OK with it all and think I actually am.  But not Tim.  He's ashamed that he is a pervert.  Maybe worse is that he's on the bottom, he gets controlled, he's MY servant. He's my bitch and it's right out in the open.

God, if a boy referred to me as his bitch...good thing we don't have a gun. That would NEVER happen.

Being on the bottom in a relationship, being someone else's acknowledged bitch, well that's just gonna come with shame. Lots of shame actually. That makes me feel happiness and affection for him.  He's so cute and confused sometimes.  Anyway, it's good because shame excites him so it just builds and builds.  Smiles. 

So what I've realized is that it's good that he judge himself for being a pervo and for being my bitch.  It makes him need me more if he thinks other women would reject him cause he likes to be spanked or something.  A lot of them probably would.

In class today, Ms. Cox, my English teacher used the term "psychological bondage."  My panties almost burst into flame!  I'm like, "that's it!"  What a great couple of words.  Cause that's what I've been doing to Tim. 

He's in my spider web.  God, that's hot! 

I just want him to need and need and need.  Owning him begins in his head.  I have him in psychological bondage!  He's NEVER getting out! Poor, little boy just isn't strong enough! Win!...

****

With her hand over his, "Darling sister?"

"Yeah?"

"It's time for us to start taking lunch in The Lounge."

Tim felt the ground crumble beneath him.

"Don't look like that.  Stop sulking, young lady.  Trust me, you will feel at home there.  I've spent tons of time there and it will be the only place on this whole campus that will make you feel safe.  Trust me.  You are going to love it."

****

The next day at school, Tim sat alone with Becky in The Lounge, discussing the previous day's episode with Michele.  

"You didn't think I meant Michele should... Oh my god, I am such a dumb-head sometimes.  I had no idea that you were asking me about you and Michele!  Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed!  I'm so sorry Tim, really, please..."

"What did you think I was talking about?" asked Tim who was finding it a little difficult to hide his contempt at his friend's stupidity.

"I just...I don't know!  When you started talking about giving head...I just...I guess I just started thinking about myself.  That was so selfish!  I'm so sorry!  I kind of like get a little obsessed with it.  It's something I'm super, crazy into.  Like crazy.  Like I love it almost more than anything.  Please forgive me.  Oh my god, I am such a bad friend!"

...love it more than anything...  As Tim heard his own words spoken back to him, he was struck by how transcendent his situation was. 

At least for people like us. 

"No.  It's alright, Becky."  He understood her obsession all too well.  And he really did have great appreciation for Becky's powerful sex drive.  It was one more thing they had in common.  "Things sort of worked out.  I don't know."

"Is she mad at you?"

"She was, but things are good now."

"Of course she was.  Gosh, I guess another part of me just thought you knew.  Like, I don't know...to me it's kinda obvious."

"Knew what?"

"Well, for girls like me...and definitely for a boy like you, it's like...what we are supposed to do.  It's kind of like a duty.  Like for the stronger one...like, the more in charge partner, they get this from us. 

" It's like the privilege they earned by being stronger.  They deserve it for being who they are. At least that's how I think of it. 

"I know this sounds kinda bad, but to me it's almost like a religion.  It's a form of worship.  Oh my god, it's like sacred and beautiful...really, like the prettiest thing ever!"  Solemnly, "It's our sacred duty.  Don't you feel that?  Don't you know in your heart that it is your purpose?  When I'm doing it, I honestly feel it's what God wants of me."  

Tim saw Becky was getting those far away eyes.  He knew they were both getting horny as they openly considered who they were in a relationship.  And the thought and feeling of "purpose" felt central to all of this.  Instantly he knew what she was talking about.

Worship my master. She is my master and she does deserve it. Worship.

And he knew she was his master because of how much he needed to worship her.

Master.

The realization was so profoundly shameful.

"Honey, don't you know it's the most important thing?  God, honestly, when I'm sucking cock, I feel like that's what I was made to do.  I know this sounds silly, but I mean it, like seriously, when I'm sucking my partner off, it feels like what I was put on earth to do.  It's spiritual.  It's spiritual elevation."

"I know, me too!" he quickly interjected.  He was excited to be able to share this with someone else.  It was so comforting to be with another like himself.  It was uplifting to hear his own thoughts spoken to him by his best friend. 

We really are kindred spirits.

"In my prayers, I even thank God for letting me do it.  Sometimes I say my prayers silently while I'm sucking that beautiful cock.  Sometimes I like to think that God is working his way through that boy and I'm sucking God's cock!  Mmmmmm, god, don't get me going. 

"I like to gently caress it and hold it with one hand while rubbing it gently on my cheek and then over my nose and across my face. I love that big, beautiful manhood in my face before I start kissing it.

"And then when I finally get it in my mouth...I'm in heaven. Makes me so horny. God, love it!

"Anyway, I mean it, I include that specifically in my prayers.  My gratitude. Don't you feel that way?"

What Becky said penetrated deeply.  "Yes...totally.  I totally know.  I know...and I guess I knew all along," he said with a hint of guilt and chagrin.  "I think Michele said it was sacred and she told me it was my higher purpose.  And the thing is, somewhere inside, I think I already knew it.  Nothing else makes me feel as happy and nothing else makes me feel more important.  Not even close.

"She told me she'd never do that for me."  He gaged her response, half expecting her to be shocked.

"Like seriously, never?"

"Never.  Ever."

"Oh, you poor boy, but I'm not surprised.  You have some things to learn.  And that's what this is.  Relationships are about discovery, learning and growth.  You'll see.  Anyway, she should never do that for you.  Like in that...she should not have to, or be obligated or anything.  I mean, I suppose if for some weird reason she really wanted to, but that's different.  And for a guy like you, she won't.  Not for you.  The point is, you should never expect it.  It's just not right.  People like Michele are different.  I mean, you know that don't you?"

Ironically, Tim took great solace in Becky's point of view.  He now fully understood how well Becky related to and completely got what Michele and he were all about. 

Tim realized it was about time he really opened up to Becky and tell her everything.  Whenever he told her any little thing, she always made him feel better. 

"I do.  I'm sorry Becky, I should have been more clear about what I was talking about.  I really do think you understand.  Thank you.  It actually means a lot to me...that you understand, I mean."

"We have this in common, Tim.  You know, if we talk about it, we can learn from each other.  Like how to do it better.  Would you like that?  Like, we are both really into it and all.  It could be our secret.  We can give each other tips," she said brightly.

Tim thought the idea was hot.  "Yeah, that would be good."  They both imagined they were now members of a secret blowjob club and thrilled at the notion.

"Want to tell me what happened?" she asked with warmth and barely concealed excitement.  

She really did make it all okay.  "Alright," he said with a sheepish smile.

And then Tim blew her mind.

*

Becky was so utterly shocked and exhilarated by what Tim shared, she could not stop thinking about it.  This relationship of theirs was obviously very different and to say special would be a gross understatement.  She simply needed to know about all of it. 

She was confident in her ability to make Tim feel safe and she was determined to use that to get all of it out of him, every delicious drop of it. 

It's not as though she did not know Michele was controlling and that she had Tim more or less wrapped around her finger.  Yet she had no idea!  What she did to him was simply amazing and to Becky, ideal.  Tim was like a boyfriend-slave. 

How perfect!  I want to be a girlfriend-slave.  So bad!

It bothered her how envious she was of Tim.  It went beyond that really.  She felt somewhat jealous of Tim, as though he had what she coveted so dearly, it was as though he had what was rightfully hers.  Yet she knew she was not being fair; she loved Tim. 

But she could not help the way she felt!  She'd always wanted what he had. 

It's not fair! she thought petulantly as she stomped her foot.

With this disclosure, she began to obsess over Michele.  

She would know more.  Nothing but explicit details would satisfy her and now that they had their little blow-job society, she would get it all.

*

Tim was profoundly relieved to have shared with Becky things about his relationship with Michele that he'd assumed would be kept as his shameful secret.  There was no escaping it, Tim was ashamed of his place in his relationship with such a young girl.  It was wrong.  She was a hundred and twenty something.

So what if she outgrew her blockers!

And then his dear, beautiful friend made it not quite so bad.  Confession and acceptance relieved him beyond measure.  Someone else in the world understood him and even seemed to approve of what was happening between Michele and him.

Becky helped a lot. Being with Michele helped too in a strange way. With consideration, he realized that when he was with her, he mostly just lived in the moment and generally did not fight Michele's gravitational pull.

The things she did that would later trouble him, completely captivated him when in her presence. She'd boss him around, slap him, humiliate him, spank him, make him cry and he'd give himself to it completely.