The Perfect Beginning

Holding his hand, she breezed through thresholds with an inner-smile that he did not even know were there.  She could see him squirm and she had to repress a smile and press on with authoritarian seriousness.  A shiver ran down her spine when she suddenly viewed not only Tim as a boy, but she as the adult.

His Mother? His Mommy? 

She looked deep into his eyes, thoughtfully getting into the spirit, and with a calm but very serious and vaguely threatening voice said, "I won't ask again, young man, tell me this instant.  Do as you are told.  This is the last time I'll ask."

It was so hard to admit in light of what Michele told him, but Tim simply had no choice.

God, she's gonna make me. 

"Tiffany and I are..or were, both virgins.  She made me... I mean, we agreed we would save ourselves for marriage.  She was the one who wanted to."  

Michele could not believe her ears or her luck.  She was not totally clear on all the reasons, but all she could think was that this was the best news she could imagine Tim ever sharing with her.  This was perfect and way beyond her fondest wish. 

Often with over-kids who dated for as long as Tim and Tiff had been together, it was assumed by their peers that they slept together. Beyond that, she knew that though they were not suppose to, quite a number of over-kids were secretly experimenting while off their blockers.

Tim looked like she'd just slapped him across the face and all she wanted to do was share her happiness with him.  

Once more, intuition was her guide.  She partially spread her steepled fingers in front of her huge smile, only pretending to hide it.  Her whole face was radiant.  Immediately dropping them, "Oh, you poor baby," she said while laughing, laughing in a way that said she was at once sympathetic and totally amused. 

It was the way someone tried to express sympathy to a small boy who'd peed himself and was both pathetic and funny.  The boy knew you were "trying" to spare his feelings, but you could not help yourself as his humiliation was just too funny.  Tim was a boy to her.  

Smiling sunshine, "After years of dating you stayed true, while she was doing it with a younger guy.  That's so unfair. Poor you.  Poor, poor you," she laughed through her joyous smile. 

"Oh my god!  She kept you as a boy while she was becoming a woman...and they're both so much younger than you!  She kept you as a boy all the while she was treating another guy, also much younger than you, like a man.  They became man and woman together.  Goodness gracious, I can't even imagine!  He became a man at your expense.  She gave him what you thought belonged to you.  She gave your manhood to another boy. 

"I guess he's not a boy anymore. You poor thing," she beamed as she saw her words were ripping his ego to pieces. 

"Oh my goodness, the shame!  My, my!  And you should be ashamed.  Deeply ashamed.  How could you not?" she stated as though to be understanding. 

The joy radiated from her whole being. 

"You stayed a virgin for her, you stayed a little boy, while she was putting out to Brad.  My stars, I can't get over it: she kept you a boy while they became man and woman right behind your back!"  More giggles. 

"Goodness gracious, I wonder how many other guys she was doing it with!  Wouldn't it be amazing if she were doing guys all along?  That would be the best thing ever and I so hope she did!  Oh my god, that would be wonderful!  And considering everything, I bet she did." 

Giggles filled the air like the fire from a beautiful sparkler, yet when they landed on Tim's already tender ego, how they stung. 

"You must feel so silly.  I feel really bad for you, even if it is kind of funny," she said with a pouty smile and in the most belittling baby talk.  Instantly her pout morphed into her a brilliant smile and the radiation burned deeply.

And there it was.  For Michele, the realization could not be more clear and obvious: she was completely overwhelming Tim.  He had no chance against her and was now hers for the taking.  Each comment a bit of silken webbing which bound him to her.  He looked absolutely devastated and she relished it. 

Devastation is what we are aiming for.  Maybe that's what I'll call my fashion line, she mused.  

"Come here."  She opened her arms and Tim fell into them.  They sat next to one another with her arms around him.  "All this will help you move on."  She rocked and comforted him physically as she radiated her happy, happy, joy, joy.

Tim wanted to die.  He was so deeply humiliated but was glad only Michele knew.  He felt like a hurt, little boy being comforted by a knowing older woman...a sort of mommy figure (though he didn't dare think of it in those terms).  Michele understood and even more importantly, offered him support and comfort. 

Thank god for Michele. 

Being in her arms felt like heaven and it was all that kept him from total despair.  He felt her hands lightly rubbing his back, arms and shoulders and it was so calming, so soothing.  Her smell was natural and alluring.  She rocked him gently as he rested his head on her shoulder.  He fought back tears of shame as he relaxed into her.  

Michele's mind raced with all of it.  In this, there was deeply meaningful purpose and the entire process was its own pleasure. 

Internally, the wicked imagery danced before her.  She was raping his mind.  Her huge, psychic cock filled his mouth and with one hand on the back of his head, she slow fucked his sucking mouth.  The process was artful and felt like nothing else.  Yet she knew her orgasm was coming.  There would be no coming back from this.  Once he took her seed, resistance from the boy would be at worst, utterly meaningless to her and at best, something fun to play with. 

Mind raping was the best fun a girl could have.

Soon she was once more speaking to him in that belittling tone about his betrayal and shame all the while petting his body and sprinkling in plenty of giggles at his expense. 

Somehow her gentle touching and shaming words provoked the most intense erection and attraction Tim had ever experienced. 

And it was so much more than sex, it was deeply emotional.  Tim was exposed and vulnerable to Michele in a way he'd never been with anyone else. 

He needed Michele, needed her strength and understanding, her help; for he knew she was helping him. 

She was smart, wise, so incredibly strong and knowledgable.  And with her laughter and cruel giggles (giggles he refused to think of as cruel), and the hard lessons she helped him understand, he knew Her to be so incredibly caring and giving beyond generosity, to him. 

His gratitude was acute and though his body slumped, his cock stood at ridged, wet attention, like a dog begging for more and more of Michele's oh so special care.  The more her words and giggles shamed him, the more needy he became, the more aroused he became.

He was exhausted and slumped down, laying his head in her lap, her pretty little lap.  In fact, laying with his head in her lap felt so amazing. 

There she sat while he curled up on the couch, she rubbing her hands all over his upper body while whispering of his shame and calling him sweet little names.  She even called him "my little boy," he loved that. 

She guided him over on his back so she could look down on him.  His bulge was center stage and he did not even care, he was letting down all his defenses.  He was putting himself physically and emotionally in Michele's loving hands. 

Tracing his face with a fingertip, they looked deep into one another's eyes and experienced real intimacy.  "Think about all those Friday nights", she smiled a warm, intimate smile.  

God it hurts, but she's so pretty, Tim thought.  

"While you walked her stupid dog, she was on her knees licking the quarterback's lollipop." 

Giggling, she cherished the look of despair that overwhelmed his face. She gave him a very pouty, "Poor baby.  Oh, but no, no, don't close your eyes now, be with me now, look into my eyes.  Be present for this. That's right, good, be with me here and now. Be present with me now so we can share this.  Let's be in this together. 

"Think about it, while you were doing all her homework, being the best, little, loyal, dedicated, little-boy virgin you could be, she was on her back with some strong football player pushing his big, powerful manhood inside of her.  That's why she made you stay in her room on game night while she was out.  Oh, it was game night alright!

"She made you be her good, little-boy virgin who did her homework while she was becoming a woman.  That's the funny part.  Really think about that.  She was so much younger than you but she was a grown woman while you were her kept.....little.....boy."

As she said "boy" she flicked the tip of his nose ever so gently with the tip of her finger and gave him an extra cutesy smile as though he were her favorite little boy. 

"All those younger boys were becoming men, real men and she was making that happen...all the while, you were her well kept, little boy.  You were her kept virgin boy."

She paused letting that sink in tattooing it on his soul and searing his mind with the brilliance of her smile.  "Oh my god, they all must have laughed at you!  She wanted them to become men but made you stay an innocent, little boy.

"But the sad part is that she never loved you.  I don't know, maybe had she loved you, it would have been okay?" 

Looking deeply into Tim's eyes, she laughed at his shame and then once more with the pouty baby talk, "Ah...you poor, poor, silly, little boy.  Everyone knew but you.  You know how it is at school.  They all talked behind your back.  You were the joke. 

"Don't you see this is good for you?  You need this.  That's why I'm so glad this happened to you." 

In spite of all this pain and shame, Tim wondered if Michele intended a double meaning in this, which intensified his shame as he considered he'd never had such a painfully aching erection as the one he felt now. 

"This is soooooo good for you.  Now you can forget about her. 

"Oh!", she said, eyes going wide as though she just remembered, "Cindy told me something else.  There's a rumor going around with some of the more popular girls, that Brad, Tiff's hot, new guy, has the biggest, juiciest cock in over-school." 

Michele's face was only inches from Tim's as she giggled happily in his face.  Her laughter burned his face and her hot breath stoked even greater need within the boy. 

"You need to know it is over between the two of you.  She made a total fool out of you.  You look totally...ridiculous.

"And I'm only saying this because I care.  And a delicate, sissy-boy like you needs to be cared for. 

"You need someone else, someone who will keep you.  You need someone you can look up to, someone who will always tell you what to do.  You need a girl who, even when she hurts you, does it because she cares.  You need a girl who loves bossing you around and when she smacks you about, she does it with love, and you know it's for your own good.  You need a girl, who even if she does go out, she always comes back to you, because you are the one that matters, you are the one she chooses.  You need a girl who will teach you how to do things her way, even if she needs to put you over her knee to teach you. 

"You need to be kept in your place, little, virgin boy."  And she could see it, the way he looked at her.  As she spoke to him in this endearing, belittling and loving way, Tim began to consciously fall in love with Michele.  She could see it, he was losing himself to her. "You need someone like me." 

"I know," he whispered.  "Please."

She tipped his head up by the chin and leaned down and kissed him.  He was such an emotional mess.  And he thought it was so wrong but so nice.  It was the sweetest kiss he'd ever experience in his life.  She kissed him again longer this time.  There was no mistaking her intention and Tim responded naturally accepting her kiss with intense need and profound affection.  

Eventually she drew herself up off the couch and straddled his outstretched body.  They kissed and petted for the rest of the evening and Michele could not have been more pleased with herself. 

She'd totally mastered the boy emotionally.  And although she was just learning to kiss a boy, she was still totally in charge of Tim and in control of the situation.  Her big strong boy was physically beneath her all night.  As she straddled him, the equestrian metaphor kept coming to mind.  She had a big strong animal under her control, beneath her body and between her legs.  It felt good riding her pony. 

He might be physically stronger, but she was far more willful and superior to her little hobby horsey.

Inches away, she looked him in the eyes, "You belong to me now."

He answered with four or five quick, furtive nods in the affirmative.  At once, he felt tremendous relief, fundamental pleasure, assurance as well as trepidation.  He'd been prepared for this; Michele had groomed him like a master.

Behind the discomfort, Michele saw and felt his submissive pleasure.  His acknowledgement was beautiful to her.  Though they'd been close and moving together in some sort of intimate dance, her plans were her own.  She kept them within or on the pages of her diary. 

Speaking it aloud, made it more real.  It reminded her of when she saw his erection through his jeans for the very first time.  His recognition and acknowledgment reaffirmed everything she was doing, made it more real and in her mind, just sort of completed it all.

Now it's us and he understands. 

In those furtive, quick, little nods, she felt and enjoyed his fear.  She knew he should be scared of what he was getting himself into and that acknowledgment alone revealed the truth of all that they were doing. 

His eyes sought her own before darting away and she felt his very real surrender to her.  She felt the beauty of it in her whole body. 

She went back to exploring his mouth as she luxuriated in the feelings that came with his surrender and her conquest.

He surrendered to me!  Before long, I will be his Master!

****

Dearest Me,

I'm very, very, VERY proud of myself. 

It's weird because I'm not surprised by it but I totally am.  I guess what I mean is that if you asked me before Tim became my babysitter if this was possible, I'd have just laughed at you. 

Last year I was laying next to Tanya's pool and we were talking about who our "perfect, impossible boyfriend" was.  Tanya said  Brad Vitt.  She was the only one I ever told about how much I liked Tim. 

I could not have him then and I never could!  He was the perfect and impossible BF.  He had a perfect girlfriend and I was way too young for him...like way!  LIKE WAY!  So "WAY" it was impossible.  I was just a girl. 

But things have changed.  Not only am I becoming a young woman, but he and Tiff broke up. 

But it was not until I got to really know Tim that I could imagine us being together.  Now that I know him, I'm not at all surprised we are together for reals. 

I'm happier than ever before in my whole life, but not surprised. 

And yeah, it's weird because he is so much older than me but...but he's not!  I've come to realize, I'm more mature, more secure and way stronger than he is.  I raped him and now he needs it.  I think that's dark but it's still amazingly pretty to me.

Today when he was hugging me and I could feel him just give in, I got that rape image in my head again. I don't know what other people and other girls my age think about sex, or if girls my age think about it at all, but I'm kinda sure that's not a normal thought to have.

I'm a little different.

A big part of what made it so exciting was how he didn't want/did want it all. Like, he was gently pulling away, as though to pull his mouth off of it, but I was there to gently push him back down on it. That was the "try to get away" part that showed resistance. But even though he was trying to pull away, he was too scared of me to try to force his way off of it.

And even though he was confused and thought like a good Kimberly that the should not allow himself to be sexually used, he still sucked. Oh my, did he ever suck. He sucked gently but he sucked the whole time! He needed it and part of him was very, very much wanting it inside of him.

The more I do it to him, the more he needs it. 

And he swallowed every delicious, gooey drop!

We really are perfect for each other.  Tim needs me.  And I like that I don't need him. 

He's perfect for me because of all the obvious boyfriend reasons: he's nice and and super cute.  But he has other qualities that I love in a boy.  He is obedient and dependent and I feel I can do whatever I want with him.  I love that! 

Looking back, I kind of knew right away that I was the perfect girl for him. 

And to be clear, I did this.  Me.  I made this happen and I did it because I set my mind to it and made it my goal.  Doers get things done and I'm a doer.  Smiles. 

I like the feeling in my body, and in my whole person when I sit with that thought.  This is my achievement.  God, I love being a Bitch!  I LOVE it, love it, love it, LOVE it!  Being a Bitch is the real me.  It's so neat because he loves it and wants it but can't handle it. 

He is so very much MINE! 

So like, awhile ago I was reading about something called psychodrama...don't ask me how it's pronounced cause I have no idea. This lady in Vague was writing about her experience with her therapist and they did it, and she thought it was pretty effective in her dealing with some thing that was bothering her. 

I've done it a couple times with Tim now.  So a few nights ago I did it with him and it was like the best thing ever!  I think it was the last thing I needed to do to really get him ready. 

I'm now officially Tim's therapist and I must say, I'm pretty good at it! 

We totally got into this thing where I was his girlfriend and he had to keep me.  And it was really important because I got to teach him about how he needs to be as my boyfriend and what he needs to expect from me as his girlfriend. 

It was SO crazy fun!  I made him beg me to not leave him.  Oh my god, the feelings were so strong and pure.  I swear it was all real and not just for me.  The look on his face was amazing.  He was panicking.  Like, it was totally real for him!   A couple times he looked like he might cry!  Smiles! 

This was good for Tim because he's going to have to beg me sometimes. 

So why is that important.  Hmmmm, I think it is important because...well...for one thing, I liked it and if I like it, it's good for him.  Happy!  But also, he needs to know how things are going to be and he needs to know his place.  That's a big part of it.  I really want him to know his place.  I want to keep him on his knees, beneath me.  Under me. 

I like the way that sounds!  I want him beneath me. 

Begging is what you have to do when you're on the bottom. It shows he knows his place. Oh my, that's sounds so hot and bad!  Pretty, little pictures.  Happy! 

It's not like now, just because we are girlfriend and boyfriend, things are going to be different or like normal relationships where things are like fair and square.  Because they aren't! 

Begging shows Tim who he is in the relationship and who he is on the inside.  I'm above him, I'm on top and he needs to totally know that...like all the time!  Get under there.  Smiles.  You're on the bottom.  You're my bottom.  Oh my God, feeling way special with that one!    Tim's my bottom.  Wow! 

And here I am writing away on and on and I've not even mentioned that tonight I got my very first kiss.  Correction, I took and enjoyed my first kiss. 

I guess it was not like that, I mean it was not exactly the raping I imagined.  But I was the one who made it happen and was totally in charge of it.