The Perfect Beginning

And neither did he.  

They both understood the rightness of this spanking.  

It's what they needed, him every bit as much as her.

With the punishment out of the way, they were now making love.  Each gentle spank, though it still burned a little, brought them closer together.  It was about power and the further establishment of authority, but it was also tender and loving and each felt absolute adoration for the other.  Each was fully focused on the spanking and everything it meant as well as their profound feelings for one another.

Ironically, the spanking almost justified or made the relationship okay.  The situation was now out of his control and his fear of the relationship no longer mattered in a practical sense.  Pitched over Michele's knee, he felt free to feel all the affection that had been welling within him, affection and adoration he had been so frightened of.  At last he was fully honest with himself.

Oh my god, I'm so in love with her...so in love!  I love her!  I love HER!  

Michele allowed herself to feel the fullness, the satisfaction and completeness that came from having Tim, possessing him.  With this sense of possession and ownership she felt the freedom and the safety to fully recognize her profound feelings for her boy.  It felt incredible to allow her affection for Tim to wash through her. 

He really is mine now.  He belongs to me and he knows it. It's done.  Doers do.  Look at me.  Look at us!  I own his ass!

His bottom smoldered under her hand spanking, though the real furry ended when she put down her brush.  Even though it still burned a little, the whole thing seemed so fitting in a way.  Being over Michele's knee helped him understand this, all of this really was his fault: he'd crossed the line with a very young girl and encouraged her romantic feelings toward him.  And he really did want to belong to her.  He knew he deserved the spanking and she deserved to be the one to give it to him.

Eventually she stopped and then positioned him kneeling on the floor before her.  She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him.  Her tongue gently explored his mouth.  He accepted her kiss passively and let out an involuntary whimper of pleasure at her sudden affection.  Breaking off the kiss, she continued to hold his face.  "Now listen carefully, sweet boy: I'm the babysitter now.  Do you understand?"  

Face turning a deep red, Tim nodded with the slightest shy smile playing on his lips.  

"Do you like that?  Do you like that I'm your babysitter now?" she asked softly.  "It's okay," she encouraged. 

"Yes", he whispered.

And in this moment, it was all over.  Tiffany no longer mattered at all and would never be important to Tim again. 

And as for the stress and anxiety Tim felt over what was happening between he and Michele, well that was out of his hands now.  Michele had seen to that.  She'd taken control and he knew he had no way of resisting her. 

Now he was free of all the self imposed stress and he could just let himself accept all his very profound feelings for young Michele.  He recognized a degree of helplessness, but that he was also in love. 

I love her!  I love her!  I love her!  I love her so much! 

He was giddy with the realization and so overcome by emotion, he was on the verge of tears.  And with each gentle spank she had just given him, he felt his affection grow.  His face was red, but he was smiling. 

I wonder if my butt looks good?

*

Dear Diary,

Tonight was another one of those nights.  Kind of like the last big night in that so much changed so quickly. 

Let me say that I am so proud of myself.  When I read over that sentence, it does not seem to totally express exactly how good I feel about myself and what I did tonight.  I was awesome!  Seriously, Yaaaaaa me! 

It was weird because Tim came over tonight to break up with me but I did not let him.  It was like I forbade it, like I was his teacher or mother or something.  I was so in charge!  mmmm  It really is that simple and was really neat. 

Isn't that just how it should be?  I decide.  I make the choices and he obeys. 

He thought he'd try to stand up to me, like challenge my authority or something, but now he know's he can't.  Well...he can try.  Good luck with that.  Silly boy.

Actually, I hope he does keep trying, at least sometimes.  I like putting him in his place! 

I'm the grown up and he's my little boy.  I'm on top and he's on the bottom.  He's my bottom.  OH MY GOD, that idea makes me so HOT and like extra, supper SPECIAL!  Calm down, girl. 

The thing that made it so neat was that I did not expect it and it could have gone badly if I did not handle it right.  It was weird because even though I did not expect it, it was like a part of me did. 

I guess, it's because I can almost imagine how scared he is to be going steady with a one hundred twenty something, under-girl when he is about to enter echelon 19..  Like, oh my god, the stress!  I really can't completely imagine it...but I can imagine enough. 

But, oh well, too bad for him, right?  Right.  Smiles...happy, happy! 

He actually tried to break up with me.  Yeah, ummm, I don't think so.

So I guess on some level, (it's called the sub-conscious level...learned that recently in school,) I was ready for it.  I was prepared. 

But that does not matter.  What matters is how I handled it.  I handled it like a woman.  I was totally calm with just the right amount of angry.  I was way, super cool when I could easily have freaked out. 

A Kimberly would have totally lost it and been crying and been like all upset.  Whaaaaa!  But not me.  Smiles.  Instead, I put Tim in his place. 

Much of the time, I felt like a Woman and he was a boy, my boy...my sexy boy.  I was the Authority.  Right and Wrong was decided by me!  And let me say, it was soooooooo, like SOOOOOOO satisfying.  Like I totally loved it! 

Tim break up with me?  Seriously? 

When it's happening, it feels like it was what I was made to do.  Like I was so strong and in control that I just broke him.  And first I was in control of myself.  The word I keep thinking of is self assured. 

But also on the inside was this happy, happy and oh so excited little girl who was so excited to play her favorite game: spanking! But it was for real. 

But I was in control of that excitement too.  It's strange in that it almost felt like a different part of me.  I've never felt more confidence in what I was doing.  Tonight I really became, Ms. Michele.  I did not back down at all but he totally did!  When I showed him that I was the Adult, he knew he was the child. 

I had readied him for this.  He knew I was his only real authority figure.  And then I did something that was so wonderful.  I slapped his face.  Finally!  Totally can't stop replaying that in my head!  God, I've wanted to do that like soooooo badly!  Smiles!  Three times and like really hard too! 

The best part was that it was even better than I imagined. Like, it just feels nice.

But then to see what it does to him! Oh, is poor, little boy all broken and scared? Are you scared of me? Pop!

And then I did something that was even more amazing.  I put him over my knee and spanked him with my hairbrush and then later with my hand.  Let me repeat that: I put him over my knee and spanked him!  Wow! 

Let me say, that and slapping his beautiful face, was maybe the most satisfying and wonderful, not to mention sexy, fun, joyous...what else :) things I've ever done in my life.  I now know that in life, there are truly perfect moments. 

And I did it hard too.  I spanked him over his boxers.  It was so fun taking his jeans down and he had the biggest erection the whole time! 

I really felt like his mother right then.  His Mommy.  Maybe a little bit of a naughty Mommy because I liked that my little boy was so scared but still so hard. It was so cool!  Little boy is hot for and in love with Mommy.  Oh my god, that is so BAD!  Laughing. 

I might be laughing, but there is truth in it. 

The thing is, this was so big and so important and the feelings for both of us were so strong that I'm going to have to do a lot of writing about it to even try to begin to understand it all.  I do know this though: he needed this, he needed this bad.  Time for bed.  Not really tired but I think I will sleep a little better tonight than I did last night.  Night night

Me, Miss Michele, Spanker of Boys.  God, I rock!  Thank you, God.

*

Michele lay in bed, vibrating and feeling profoundly self satisfied.  She had single handedly created a perfect relationship, gained knowledge of herself that was way beyond that which most adult women had and set herself firmly down the path of mastering the boy of her dreams.  She smiled as she realized just how lucky she was that she and Tim complimented one another so well.  Tim needed everything about her.

She did not know she was going to spank him. 

And then a funny thing occurred to her.  Feelings, images and ideas from a previous lifetime flooded through her.  She actually caught a glimpse of the memory and the feelings that went with it just before spanking Tim. 

When she was younger and played dolls and house with the neighbor kids, she was always the mom, the babysitter or the teacher, which is to say, she was always in the position of power...and she was always strict.   And then another realization hit her, in these games, she'd always seen sexual, domestic relationships as power based or hierarchical. 

When she assumed control of Tim, especially when it came down to his punishment, it was so strange to her, but it was like some unknown, yet somehow very recognizable, inner voice came forth at once and surprised her.  It was very much her voice, but it was the voice of adult authority; she spoke with total self assured confidence. 

It was practiced as she'd rehearsed it in play with her neighborhood friends countless times throughout childhood.  She was aroused and excited, but deadly serious.  Yet when she had a moment to reflect, like when she walked him down the hall, she felt herself as a girl, totally excited and marveling at the situation, marveling at what she was doing!  She felt herself as a girl stepping into adulthood and sexual romance. 

This is the stuff I have to keep journaling about.  I need to understand this.

Look at me, I'm becoming a woman.  I like that.

And romance and boys are definitely for me!

And she'd called him her "girl, her Kimberly."  She was not sure why she'd done that.  She supposed it was do in part to the fact that she viewed his docile compliance as being more akin to the behavior of a young, a very well behaved girl, a bit like the Kimberly persona she'd identified as a sort of antithesis to herself.   More profoundly, however, was that in saying it and in getting him to say it, she had the power to make him into whatever she wanted him to be.  It was all about power.

I have quite the influence on that boy. 

She smiled, warmly.

And it was about order and putting things in order. 

Looking back, she realized just how much tension she'd been living with since this whole thing began.  She'd been pushing, pulling and driving Tim and events to the extreme of normal and well beyond.  Though she might, she realized, be establishing a new normal for them both, a place they were both better off and belonged in, the process had been stressful. 

She felt as though she'd just emerged from a months long wrestling match in which she was the victor.  Her muscles were tired and ached wonderfully, but she'd never felt stronger. 

She was extremely proud of herself. And Tim was hers now, he belonged to her!  He was her boyfriend and she'd made that happen against all odds.  She grew excited again as she relived the spanking.  She could not get over how much spanking him aroused her.  It really was an ultimate turn on for her.  And his ass was literally hers!   She reasoned the fact that he could not break up with her, strongly contributed to her sense of ownership.

What is it about spanking?  Why is it the ultimate?

Yet was something lost in victory? 

The summer and early fall had been the most exciting and wonderful time of her entire life.  She felt like one of those young women characters in a TV show who'd moved to the big city to "find herself." At every turn, there seemed a beautiful discovery. 

Was that over now that she'd claimed her prize? 

She quickly recalled what she'd thought as Tim and she had begun their "talk" earlier that day.  In the middle of their confrontation, when she'd met his challenge, he'd grown hard and completely lost his bearing. 

At that point she'd considered how conflict and confrontation might be a very good thing for them as a couple.  Maybe this was how she could keep things fresh, alive and exciting for them both.  She was old enough to know how life could be and she did not want the wanting to be more exciting than the having.

****

Dearest Diary,

Been thinking about the whole Kimberly thing. 

At first I called Tim a girl to humiliate him. 

And I like that I'm getting more comfortable with that.  Humiliating Tim is a pretty thing, a really pretty thing!  It's a special thing that we share.  Like I really think it is beautiful.  Humiliating Tim is beautiful, healthy and pretty.  It's like a flower.

Mmmmm, writing that really makes me care about my boy.  Smiles!  It always makes him need and love me more.  His love and his need of me is something I could have as the magical, never ending dessert. 

He gets all vulnerable and cute and usually his big dick gets all hard.  Mmmmm, he's all mine!  Win! 

Also, I get turned on doing it, humiliating him.  Sometimes its just sort of like I get spiritually turned on.  It's like everything is just better.  Most of the time, it's also an obvious sexual turn on as well.  Feels sooooooo good!  Like when I say something and see the shame take over his body, all the nerves in my body get hyper active or something.

In retrospect, it seems humiliating Tim is what roused my sexuality from the dormancy, to begin with.

He gets all anxious and starts looking around like a caged animal looking for a way out.  But there is only me and I keep giving him more of the same. Within seconds, he realizes there is no way out and just gives in.  It's the never ending mind rape! Kiss it. Yes, good boy. Now, just keep it in your pretty, little mouth and keep sucking. That's my boy! So fun! Swallow, boy. Every magic drop.

There are only two things at that point: his shame and me, the pretty girl that does this to him...for him. 

I love that point when for just a few seconds, he looks at me.  In his face, I can see him breaking and in his expression, I can see him pleading, begging me to stop.  Silly boy, I'm not ever going to stop!  No, no, no, get it all the way in there. Suck. I don't care if you are tired, little one; keep sucking. That's right, good boy. And make sure to swallow every little, creamy drop. Just gonna keep doing it to you.

He's so open to me then, so vulnerable.  His shame burns so hot that it warms up the whole room.  I get sooooo special from it.  My, my!  Feeling it now. 

And when I do it, I feel so amazingly pretty.  And I do that back and forth thing.  Sometimes when I am feeding him humiliation, I feel like a grown woman, maybe even like his Mother, or at least an adult authority figure to him.  Love this feeling!  Like, I'm so calm and in control of everything.

Then I might feel like a little girl again when I humiliate him.  Seeing him break can be so fun and funny and getting to giggle in his face is the best.  He always looks up at me when I giggle and when he does, I feel my prettiest. 

I'm enjoying all this power and at the same time feeling like the prettiest most delicate girly-girl.  He looks like he's going to cry and I feel my prettiest and happiest.  Mmmmmmm!  Yes, humiliation is a very real part of our love.  

Anyway, I started basically calling him a girl and talked about how he was just like this girl "Kimberly." 

Kimberly isn't a specific, real girl, she's just what I call a certain kind of insecure, needy and kind of weak girl who's also a really sort of girly-girl. 

Pretty soon, I was just thinking of him as, and comparing him to a Kimberly.  Like, even to his face.  And he is such a sweet boy that he just let me. 

He does need my special kind of hard love.  Smiles. 

Anyway, it was super fun doing that to this big, strong guy and having him take it from lil' ol' me.  Smiles. 

But then when I was spanking Tim (God, just thinking that gets me all...mmmmmm) I called him a Kimberly and it was like it was different.  Afterward, I was laying in bed thinking about it and I realized that a lot of it was about power.  I was kind of like showing off that I could not just say it but make it true.  I was kind of flexing my muscles and the neatest thing happened.  In a weird (but totally cool way), it was like Tim didn't just like it, it was almost like he kissed my flexing muscle, like a good, bikini wearing Kimberly-girl!  Ha! 

Oh my god, huge smiles! 

Something else occurred to me.  When I use humiliation therapy on Tim, I feel like I am stealing his power.  Maybe that's part of the spiritual high I feel.  God, I feel like this sexy vampire-girl!  Like I so want to drink his power!...all of it!  It's so evil...but like, totally good-evil!  Fun, vampire-girl, evil.  

It's like the weaker he gets, the stronger I get.  And he is not just getting weak either.  I'm doing it to him.  I'm taking his power and there is not one single thing he can do to stop me.  I'm too strong for him.  Love it!  Going to school.  Gonna tell Tanya about Tim and me.  Hmm-hmm, happy-happy.

****

The very next day after consummating their relationship, they had an unusual two day break from one another.  For Tim, it was something he endured as he obsessed about Michele while allowing himself the luxury of swimming in all his warm feelings for the girl he loved.  Even Michele allowed herself to occasionally look forward to Monday afternoon.