All Comments on 'The Perfect Crime Pt. 05: Atonement'

Very few stories EVER warrant more than 4 or 5 pages but some like these just literally drag on and on.

You haven't been to a Mickey D's in awhile, have you? Other than that, decent story.

I find this interesting and well written, but 7 parts, seems to be dragging a bit and the month long wait between chapters really hinders the flow the of story.. please take that into consideration with 2 more parts to go.

Kind of a nit-picky thing, but airport runways are numbered 1 - 36. There's no such thing as a runway 75R. That little detail managed to disrupt the flow of the story for me.

Really enjoyed this chapter, very good writing, fun characters and moves at a good pace. My only problem with the chapter is the Sir Robert part. I would think losing your wife in child birth would be pretty horrific, plus having to look after a new born as a single parent would be hard. Just 3 months after your wife dieing like that I'm sure you would be in no state to date anyone, even if they did have a resemblance. 3 years maybe, 3 months is surely too soon.

Good story line but Way to long!!! Also way to much time between chapters that’s why I gave 3 stars!!

I can only imagine the time it takes to write a story like this, and you are doing it well. My only complaint with multi-part stories is the time between chapters. In my advancing years, my memory isn't what it used to be, which causes me to have problems keeping up with the characters from one chapter to the next.

Keep up the great story, and don't mind the ramblings of a forgetful old man. :)

Great chapter to your epic story. It’s amazing how you went from a sex ring, cheating wife, and mass murder in the previous chapter straight into a child friendly romance in this one. I was too much into the story to notice any errors, but I would prefer that a woman make my heart palpitate rather than fillibrate. You nailed the Frozen crack thing too. We had two little nieces, 4 and 2 , spend a week with us in Arizona. I saw both Frozens so many times that I learned the words to all the songs. I think we’ll find more action in the next chapter, and I hope you explore more of dead whore Sonia’s life also. Great work LT56, I’m really enjoying this.

Blah, blah blah. Too much filler

This is very well done, particularly if it is your first foray as an author. For the most part, you come off as knowledgeable and the plot is fairly intricate.

I have a couple of very minor quibbles. First, if I were Jillian, I would be very hesitant to commit over half my pre-tax income on rent, no matter how much I might be grateful to or infatuated with my landlord and potential boss. Second, the story seems to belong more properly in either Romance or Novels (not that anyone should care.) On the other hand, if it had been put in those categories, I may never have seen it, so.....Good Choice!

Seriously, you are doing well and I echo those who complain about the time between installments. I had to go back and re-read Part 04 because I couldn't remember any of the characters mentioned in the first page.

I, too, am old. I write what I like, and it just sort of flows. I apologize for taking so long between chapters. I don't interface with computers too well. And it has been a while seen I was exposed to flight ops. I stand corrected. I hope that won't keep them from getting back to Houston. Thanks for your comments. The last two chapters will be coming sooner rather then later. The Bear appreciates.

The BEAR

This seems to be several different stories all run together. Also, there is a lot of detail that isn't needed and leads to the story being a lot longer than is necessary. For example, the plane trip could simply have been described as just that - "we flew down to".

I also agree that it is too long between the parts. I assumed it was all written as you know there are 7 parts so why not post them? However, despite these comments I am enjoying your story and the writing that is very good so 4 stars. Would have been 5 if it had been a little shorter and all parts posted. Maybe I'll revise that up when the story is complete.

Improving as you go on; after Chapter 1 I was a bit hesitant about carrying on but glad I did.

Good story in Chapter 5 but please get the English background correct - we Brits get upset with basic errors:

1) 26 year old Lawyer who also served in the Royal Marines? Do you know how long it takes to qualify as a Solicitor even without military service?

2) Awarded an OBE (Officer of the British Empire) for his actions in Yemen? OBE is a civilian honour awarded to Actors, Sportsmen & Women, ladies who look after children crossing the road outside schools etc, etc. Never for military service.

Also a few errors with grammar/spelling - but again a vast improvement.

Would have been 5***** but couldn't get past the English errors, so 4****

Only issue I have is saying you are in houston, but talking and giving landmarks in Dallas.

A great plot idea. But the execution is juvenile, inane, and obnoxious. Does all the detail and background and pointless detail really add anything to the story? Why do we need to know number of doughnuts and cups of coffee he purchased? Why do we need to know the make and model of an airplane? Why not tell us what brand and shoe size people are wearing? Or did I just reveal that I'm skipping 40% to 60% of what you're writing?

Too bad. A great drama and suspenseful romance, being drowned in a flood of useless distracting verbiage. I hope you grow up and grow out of it.

Thanks for the effort.

This story for the first couple of chapters was very mundane. I was close to moving on. But after Sonia’s death things picked and the story improved greatly. So much so that l’m looking forward to the next chapter.

5/5

Just read all the previous chapters. Enjoying it so far.

As others have said, sometimes you go into too much detail but overall a solid 4*

So, where are the other chapters? You're leaving us hanging here. Just a little FYI some of the story could have been left out. ie: describing the plane to Mississippi. etc

I came across this story and got hooked fairly quickly. My only issue so far has been the killing of the wife. For a officer of the Court to go to those lengths and then kill everyone in the establishment and treat it as if it was just a regular day is a bit much. Otherwise a very solid story. When I started this chapter you said "only three left" and then to be left hanging? We need the final chapters please

I like it but please finish it.

I can't wait for the next installment.

I love the build up. And really like the code word

A really well written romance / thriller !!

And yet he is an eleven-time murderer!

Good plot - execution is getting a little too "cutest" for me. All the women are suddenly "the most beautiful in the world," all the men are straight shooting heroes who won both the Medal of Honor and Victoria Cross and have tragic life stories that make the women cry. Then all the men "all exchange glances" and begin to cry. Then there is a group hug as James adopts a lost baby kitten. Aaaaaaw, how cute is that?

Cutesy is an effective writing style, but it's best used sparingly. If you want to see a master at it, Qhml pulls it off. He can take it right to the line and then pulls back before it becomes too maudlin. This chapter went over the line.

Finally, how can a man with so many friends who just all love him so much never have anyone clue him into his white wife's depraved lifestyle and business? To make the wife's duplicity believable, James can't be friends with so many people of all social and economic levels in Houston. One of them would have clued James into his wife's "international" porn business which includes judges, and state representatives. It stretches credulity too far that James never found out - if he was as beloved and connected as you are making him.

I'm really enjoying this tale and its inherent humour.

My only concern is regards Jimmy's dishwasher. He keeps filling it up, then adding more cups to it, but never runs it or empties it. How big is it?

all moves must be thought out to hope for the best possible result. TK U MLJ LV NV

After the dark moments evrything is proceeding nicely. Thank you for a really good story. This a good story and can stand alone without the sex scene, that's not a criticism just an opinion.

It's an okay story. The main problem, as another reviewer noted, is the increasingly cutesy teenage drama going on. Well, that and the fact that the wife was completely unbelievable. She was legitimately filthy rich already, why the fuck would she need to go through the whole charade of running away, plus the embezzled money, plus the hooker money, it just makes no sense.

Then the religious angle, the rescuing of the abused girl-woman and her child, the perfect murder, etc...it all just becomes too much.

Is that a Texas thing or just an old guy thing?

A nice cutesy pie story, MC not very believable, still enjoyable

Really like your longer submissions, gives you more room to go a little deeper into characters. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

Getting longer, so many things to do, such a great man, oh I’m nearly ready to give up

Great writing and character development. I have no issue with the doughnuts and church and would never dream of altering a well thought out and written tale

Wow! (second time) Our MC goes from killing eleven people (that probably needed killing) to being a guardian angel and all around good guy to everybody under the sun!Great story, turned into a romance or two.

The characters, especially the wife and Jillian, feel rushed. The wife was worth $50 million + and was making pornos in a crappy bar? And why were the politicians there? They were letting themselves be filmed? Why not just become a legitimate porn star if she needed sex that much? And the romance with Jillian feels like high fantasy. Everyone around him knows within 30 seconds that he is falling in love with her? Based on what? He's barely spoken to her. It is ok as a story overall, but it's riddled with plot holes. It is entertaining though. Thank you for writing for our enjoyment.