The Playboy Inheritance

It's simple in Iran -- we'd lose our heads. And here in New Zealand, sex between us is also illegal. Ursula and I floundered, dealing with the sorts of questions that must confront gay couples constantly.

"Is there anyone we can talk too?" I asked Ursula.

"Alexis, of course. That girl has more emotional intelligence than anyone I've met. And she's practical."

I haven't told Ursula about Alexis and I won't because Alexis too owns our secret. We phoned her in Sydney and were met with stunned laughter.

"Not you two as well? I've just had Pearl and Bernard on the phone. They want to hook up which is fine for them in Bangkok, but not so fine if they move to the UK. But they'll be okay because nobody could guess they are related. She's a pretty Asian, and Bernard is so ginger he belongs in a kilt."

"That's okay for them," I said. "But you say we look like twins. Sometime, somewhere, someone will make trouble for us."

"Well for God's sake, do something about it! Get a bit of disguise. Ursula can dye her hair. She'll turn out a smashing blonde," said Alexis. "Half of my cast in Heartache High got themselves nose jobs. If Ursula goes blonde, then maybe James' part of the camouflage deal, is getting his nose tweaked. Just don't do anything dumb like applying for a wedding certificate.

"But really, are you two in deep enough to do all this?" We babbled back down the phone to Alexis. Words like: "Of course." "Sure are." "You're kidding?"

"Then just get on with it. Love you both," said Alexis, and hung up on us.

Ursula snuggled up against me. "Looks like it could be all right. We evil twins should just dye our hair, pucker up and..."

"Go for it," I said finishing her sentence.

"Yes, Alexis makes sense. Changing ourselves a touch shouldn't be that big a big deal... Hey, did you ever watch that old Hollywood movie? Gentlemen Prefer Blondes? Do you think that's true??"

"It certainly can be, Ms Weisz. But only if the blonde is you."

"Mmmn, but it's a lovely morning," said Ursula, stretching herself like a kitten about to purr. "I've got a great thought. Now we've got the idea of my hair and your nose sorted -- let's take Starsky and Jinx for a spin down the beach."

"Sounds great," I said.

"But no need to hang back on Starsky perving at my ass. I've got the picture. You like it."

"Of course. But still, I'd prefer to check."

Underneath her outward reserve, Ursula is a tease. You'll have to love her.

xxxx

Ms Weisz and Mr Andrews would be pleased if you voted.