All Comments on 'The Pregnant Ex'

Hi. BillyName99 here.

I liked your story's premise.I share a fetish for preggo girls, and this looked like it was right up my alley.

But- I'd like to give you some constructive criticism.

First off, When writing dialogue, Do NOT write dialogue like this

Bob: "Hi how are you?"

Jane: I'm fine and you?"

It breaks the immersion and pulls the reader out of the story.

It is not needed for a story. like this.

You only write dialogue like that If you are writing a play for actors to memorize their lines.

Another thing is the Tense. Present tense should be used sparingly, if at all.

If the events of the story happened in the past, you are telling us what *happened*.

'I walk over and she smiles at me.'

*Should be*

'I walked over and she smiled at me.'

Present tense is for narrating events *as they happen*.

Otherwise the story was not bad.

Read stories by other authors and look at how they do their dialogue, and their use of past tense vs. Present tense.

Keep writing.

Thanks for the feedback, BillyName99. For me, these are stylistic choices, not rights and wrongs.

Liked it. My wife’s was so sexy preggo. Sadly doctor said no sex there was potential for complications. I did like the lactation

Very hot and delicious. I have a fetish for pregnant women as well, but still haven't fulfilled that fetish, so I read the stories to enjoy it always.

Really enjoyed it! I think preggos are sexy as fuck. My wife had 3 and each time she was sexier than before.

Good premise.

Bad delivery.

It's just a list of a series of items/actions that happened. It seems to be in a hurry to be over and done with. Nothing really erotic.

Two stars.

Nice story, licked it!

Jon Crier. Two and a half Men. Second best preggo detish

Love your stories. I've never cum so hard! Thanks