The Privacy Flights

Jessie takes a deep breath and looks Kevin in the eye. "I'm not just saying that I'm 'willing to do anything'. I'm saying I 'want to do anything'. With you. That's what I want. That's what I need. If there's something that would remind me of someone else right now, I want it to remind me of you instead. So I want to do it enough with you to erase the memories of anyone else."

"Well... so... Isn't that nice. Who could have guessed this effect it would have on you to get fucked in the butt by a stranger?"

"Well maybe that was a fitting end to a crazy experience. One that I'll never need to have again. I mean it's a riff on a standard female fantasy... the anonymous blameless fuck in the night with some hunk. Helpless to what might happen, no responsibility for what does happen, and no messy future either. Just the romance of being swept away. But I understand that's not really what happens. And that's not who it happens with. So don't think you're going to wake up with Prince Valiant. A real Prince Valiant doesn't surprise a woman with his cock up her butt as if it's nothing."

After a silence, Kevin shakes his head and says, "God. I just can't believe it. And you've got his little souvenirs deposited just about everywhere, haven't you? Pussy, belly, and butt, all at once. Isn't that a new record for you? At least since I've been with you. So how's that feeling for you? Or maybe it's old news... a commonplace before I knew you..."

"Kevin! No! Please... I don't think I've ever been in that condition before in my life. If you say it wasn't with you, there isn't anyone else that could've... And when I thought about it afterwards, it made me sick. So I've had a thorough cleaning. That's what else I did yesterday. Cleaned up."

"Oh yeah? So how does a woman clean all that up?"

"You don't want to know. Just take my word for it! Very thoroughly."

"Well... okay, I guess. I know you can be very thorough. But you're right about one thing. If we were keeping score, at this point it would not be one to one."

"I know that! I've said that! And you having to watch me fly off with him. And with me telling you how we'd been talking about relationships, and you knew where it was going to end up before I did. You knew and you had to just sit there. That's awful. For that part... I'm really... really... sorry."

"Yeah.. That was a feeling I won't forget. "

"You had put so much effort into arranging this party for us... and then I go to the party with another guy. I can see how that was... especially cruel."

"Please.... 'Going to the party' is a pretty insipid image for what you were doing. You were fucking his brains out."

"I know... I know... "

Kevin sits back with a deep sigh and looks away, shaking his head, then he starts talking in a quiet but intense narrator voice. "Suddenly Kevin is jerked off the flight. Tragedy! He and Jessie are so disappointed! They won't have the Privacy Flight they've been dreaming of. But wait! It looks like Jessie is going to get her Privacy Flight after all! She can just unplug Kevin and plug in this new guy, right? If you just need to make a long flight shorter with some hot sex, one dick is pretty much as good as another. And that's why Kevin felt the same way on his Privacy Flight. One pussy's as good as another, so he just nailed the shit out of that hot body lying naked next to him. Oh, but... I guess he didn't, did he? I guess he didn't feel like his wife's pussy was just an interchangeable part."

Kevin looks into her eyes, holding her gaze. "You see how that feels to me? I can't have Kevin? Well I'll just fly off with this other guy. He looks like he'll give me a pretty good ride. Maybe even a better one."

Jessie shakes her head and looks down at the table. "I guess I ran up a big score on this one."

"Yeah. You did."

"But I was never replacing you. Never in a million years. But yes, I was having my selfish fun. And your description of it is very effective. It makes me want to throw up. Again."

"Well, that wasn't my goal. I just need you to understand how this has been for me. And why it is that I'm going to be like this for a while."

"Okay. Sure. I understand that. And all I can do now is make your life as good as I possibly can. And wait. And I will. That's all I can do."

They sit for a while in silence, and then Kevin speaks again. "I guess there's a fundamental reality that I need to face here too. You're a very sexy woman, although you don't act like you know it; you certainly don't trade on it. And additionally, you're a pretty horny woman too. And I'm a very lucky man to be married to you. And I know you love me, and you want to be true to me. But I also know you're not a woman that anyone should just leave lying around next to some cute guy all night, and expect to come pick her up in the morning and be confident that nothing's changed. I would never want to let that happen to you anyway, but I especially did not want to leave you on that plane all night with that asshole. He was just too smooth, and you're just too hot. And too horny. I've always sort of known that, but now it's been made very clear to me. Very clear... and for the next six months, I'm going to need to be traveling a lot for work. God... That won't be good."

"Kevin! No! Look at me! Look me in the eyes. So now I'm looking you in the eyes and I'm promising you that while you are off traveling for work, I will never go screw some other guy. We can't have you driving yourself crazy every time you have to travel. Driving both of us crazy. If I were ever to do something that bad again, I'd have to find some other way. Slip out while you're out with the guys, or sneak out after you've gone to bed, but I will never go screw someone else while you're on a business trip. I mean, I'm not going to do any of those things, but I promise you that I will never take advantage of you having to travel for business. We just can't have that constantly on your mind... after what I've done... and you needing to call and check on me every thirty minutes."

After a silence, enough time for both of them to think about all that, Jessie decides that she has one more thing to say. "And I don't know if you want to hear this or not... but it seemed like it mattered to you that I wasn't to be taken cheaply. Like you said, 'Just taken advantage of by some jerk.' So I'll say that this guy was very... like you kept saying... he was good. Very good at getting who he wanted. And he was enough of a hunk that he could be choosy about who he wanted. But by the time we were done, he had realized that he had actually fallen into... well... what you said... something special. And this guy was not someone who... like you would be ashamed if you learned that he was one of the guys in my past who had... touched me. You kept saying he was good... well... You were right. He was."

"Well that's a wonderfully bright image. I'm so happy his sexual talents and skills could give you that special "mystical experience" you were hoping for."

"I'm not talking about having sex! I'm talking about "good" the way you were talking about it. Smart. Smooth. Manipulative. Accustomed to nailing the hottest woman in the room. But I got his attention. I got into his head. He'd never tried to sell all that shit to a woman like me before. He won't forget me. He'll be screwing some other woman and thinking about me just like I was thinking about you. But he'll never get to touch me again. That I can promise you. So... I just thought maybe... in some small way... that might make you feel like... like you're the winner. I hope..."

===================

One Month after the Flights.

After a chance meeting, Marta, Becca, and Jessie, are sitting in a Starbucks in Los Angeles, preparing to say their goodbyes.

"Marta, it's been really fun to run into you." Jessie is enthusiastic but still nervous at this unexpected meeting. "You should have told us you were coming through LA. Kevin will be disappointed that he missed you. Really. He will. You've got to come up and see us."

Then she looks uncomfortably at Becca. "And Becca, it's been really good that I've met you too. It's an experience I hadn't expected. I mean... well... it's hard to describe. I really tried, after I calmed down from that crazy adventure... I mean... that thing I did... and came to my senses... I really tried to understand how this all had been for Kevin. To feel as bad as I should for how bad I had made it for him. And I thought maybe I had a grip on that."

"But when Marta introduced us this afternoon, all I could think was 'Oh My God!' I mean... Kevin told me how nice you were to him. And how good it felt to talk to you. And that you were very attractive. But he didn't tell me you looked like a Greek goddess... but with bigger boobs than the statues."

"And this is the woman who took all her clothes off and lay down next to my husband for seven hours, and all he did was talk to you? And you say it was mostly about me... about Kevin and me. And that's after he already knew what had happened to me... or I guess I should say... 'what I had just done.' I guess he really loves me. And I guess I must have put him in some real pain."

Becca registers a small wistful smile and says "Yes, he does... and yes, you did."

"Well, I love him back. He still might not understand how much. Even though he has been getting a lot of attention from me lately. But meeting you has been kind of... scary, I guess. This goddess is Becca? Kevin's Becca!? Oh my god... I'd like to say that you and Marta should both come back and visit us, but... well... I mean... Becca, I'm truly grateful to you for being so nice to my husband when he really needed someone to be nice to him. But I don't want to push my luck on this."

Marta laughs and says "I guess I can understand your reaction. Just tell Kevin that we're sorry we didn't get a chance to see him. We both are."

"Marta, I'll tell him you were really sorry you missed him. For sure." She turns to Becca. "But Becca...? I should tell him you really want see him again? I don't know... Can I just say 'Hi' for you?"

"I'm sure you understand. I know I'm still running a big debt to him, but I don't want to be suggesting fun ways he could get it paid off. No offense. I'm not suggesting you would even want to do something about it now with my husband. I've already learned you're a good woman. But still...I don't want to be stupid... I think you would be just too much to walk by twice. Not that you would give him that chance now."

"I'm babbling, aren't I? It's just I know I was really bad, and I owe him, and I'm just afraid... But that's stupid. I'm being silly. If the wheels of justice are going to grind me down eventually, I should be happy if it's with a woman like you. Honest, and clean, and spectacular. That might even pay off my debt completely. Well, I guess not. I don't really know what could. But there are so many worse things he could get into... No, I mean... I'm still babbling aren't I?"

Jessie's fretful monologue has made Becca smile, but finally she feels she should speak. "Jessie! Take a break! Let me take a turn. First, as you know, that was a very strange situation. It could never happen again. And that man loves you completely! You know that! He proved it to me anyway! Just go love him back like he deserves and you've got nothing to worry about from me or any other woman. Besides, you can't 'pay off' a debt from something like what you did. All you can do is make it slowly disappear, by loving him and making his life wonderful. Don't think about how he might even up the score. It couldn't be done. Think about burning up the scorecard."

"You are married to the only man who has ever turned me down for sex. This was a one-time event in my life too. And I was disappointed that we couldn't make that long flight more exciting together. But as I told him then, after that strange time we had spent together, we will always be friends. Even if we never see each other again."

"So please, just as a favor to me... tell him that I enjoyed seeing him on the plane, even though he wasn't at his best, and I'm sorry I didn't get to see him again when he was feeling stronger. Just as friends. I think that's a wording we can both live with. Okay? And I think it will make him smile, and then maybe he will carry you off to bed."

"Yeah, okay. And I can tell him that's what you said he should do?"

"Sure, tell him that's what I said he should do. Make good use of himself. And so maybe see you again sometime?"

"Sure. That should be fine. That would be fun. So... bye for now... And thank you. For your understanding. For your kindness. To both of us."

===================

Six Months after the Flights.

Jessie is tossing restlessly in her bed, thinking that her alarm will be going off soon, and maybe she should just get up now. But then her phone rings.

"Hi, Jessie? This is Becca. I just thought I'd call and say hi, see how you were doing."

"Becca? Like Marta's friend Becca? Or should I say Kevin's friend Becca? No, I should say OUR friend Becca, right? Is this you?"

"Yes, yes. It's me. That Becca. So how are things?"

"Things are fine, I guess. It's just sort of a surprise to have you call. It's six in the morning here."

"Oh, right... I'm sorry about that. I fly through a lot of time zones and I sometimes forget... But I just realized it's been a while since all that happened. I just wanted to see how things had gone for you. Not that it's any of my business, really. But I did come to care about Kevin. As a friend. And you. The two of you together."

"Well, I guess Kevin and I are doing pretty well. I think we are. I've been really good to that man... since that time that... I wasn't. But it hasn't been hard. I love him. I love being good to him. So I hope it's been enough. But when he's out of town, like he is now, I have a little more time to think... Like how we are coming up on the six-month anniversary of my... well... adventure. My shameless, self-indulgent... but still... really incredible... No! I didn't say that. Becca, please don't repeat that."

"Never. Not to worry."

"Well, I have been worrying a little more, I guess. But when I think back on it, it seems almost like it was fated to happen. Or maybe doomed to happen. Just such an incredible string of unlikely events puts me next to that man instead of my husband on a Privacy Flight. When I go back over it, I can't find the spot where I should say to myself 'There! That one! That's where you were a terrible person! How could you have made such an evil decision at that point!?' Each decision still seems kind of understandable to me, given where we were... where we had already gotten to... It was all just downhill. Obviously, I should never have done what I did. But at the time, each step seemed... God, Becca, why is it that whenever I talk to you, I start babbling? I shouldn't have said all that. I haven't even talked that way to Kevin. Please don't repeat it. It's just a morbid fascination, like re-watching a train wreck. But I don't share that with anyone. Please..."

"It's alright. I promise. I really think I understand what you're feeling. I've done some things I'm embarrassed to think about too. I should never have done them. But when I think back through the whole thing carefully... if I had another chance at those moments... would I do the same thing again? Well... maybe I would. That's who I am. Or at least, that's who I was then."

Hearing this, Jessie makes a sound somewhere between a sigh and a quiet wail. "Becca, I can't tell you how good it feels to hear you say that. I still have to keep all these guilty uncertainties bottled up inside me, plus the guilt of even having any reservations about my total horrible guilt! But after hearing you say you could feel something like that too, well... That really helps me..."

"But whether Kevin still has some anger or resentment out there eating at him... that won't let go of him... That's something I can't really be sure of. We flew to a conference in England together, and just being on the flight with me seemed to make him kind of morose, and then he stayed that way for a couple of days. I mean, we can't have it that anytime we fly somewhere together, he just keeps thinking about how much I hurt him, and how little I must have cared. That will be awful. So I do what I can. "

"But I don't want to sound like I'm just a doormat. We are a strong couple together. And we have fun together. And he knows I've got his back. And his front too, if he's in the mood."

Becca breaks in, appreciating Jessie's description of her feelings, but then hoping to guide the discussion again. "Well that sounds really good. I'm glad to hear that. Really. But it's kind of a funny symmetry. I remember hearing that during your... 'adventure', you made a plane-to-ground phone call too."

"What?! Are you in the air now? This is a plane-to-ground call?"

"Yes. I'm working a flight from London to Berlin. Then back to London late tomorrow."

"What!? But then... Are you on Kevin's flight? Right now!?"

"Yeah. I am. But he hasn't seen me yet. He's back in business class, and I'm working first class. I thought I'd go back and say hello to him later. But I wanted to talk to you first. Just to see how things were going."

Becca pauses, but then pushes ahead. "I remember the story I heard, but maybe a biased one, was that you had called to get Kevin's permission. Make it clear that the rules hadn't suddenly changed for that flight, and you could still get away with whatever you might want to get away with. But I suppose that's not what you thought the call was about."

"Oh God... Well... I've thought about all of that since then, obviously, and I can see why he thought that. And maybe there was some truth to that version. I don't think I understood that at the time really. I thought I was just calling to see if Kevin was okay. But I can see that my feelings might have been drifting in other directions too. Hoping that he was okay... and then would he still be okay if I were to... but no, really..." Jessie's voice trails off as if there was some question that had almost occurred to her, some wisp of an idea she couldn't quite bring into focus. Then she gasps and her eyes widen.

"Oh my God! Oh, no! Oh Becca!... Is this...? Are you calling me to get permission!?"

"Well... I would''t put it quite like that. But six months ago, you thought it would have been better for everyone if Kevin and I had... gone at it too. It might have helped him deal with the size of your adventure. But then later I assured you that the moment was past and it would never come around again. And I believed that. But now... thinking about it all again..."

Becca pauses...takes a breath... and then continues.

"I guess that whole thing got into my head more than I'd realized. I know it's silly... but we're being honest with each other, right? I mean, who does he think he is!?? No, that's just a joke. He was just being a man in love with his wife. A good man. But no man refuses what he was offered! Oh, god... don't listen to me! See, I can babble too, given the chance."

Becca pauses again. "So I guess I just called to say that... well... here we all are again. If you still have doubts about whether he's over it... I mean if it might help you to finally... if you think you might get some closure after all this time... well... I think there might be some closure in it for me too. And if you told him he should do it, that you were alright with it, well... I think he might be alright with it too... just on a superficial level, of course. You're the woman he loves. We both know that. He would be returned to you. In good condition. I promise."

"Oh, Becca... I don't know if I can do that. That would be pretty painful to just sit here and try not to think about what you two are doing. I mean... God, Becca... You are so hot. But I guess that's part of why it could work. And there's more symmetry there too, I suppose. After he saw Danny, and the vision of him in the seat next to me on a ten-hour Privacy Flight... he was pretty sure what would happen. Even if it was still a surprise to me. And he just had to sit there and wait... and take it. So I guess..."