The Proverb

The Proverb

This is my first attempt to author a semi-humorous story so please score and provide feedback. As usual, any editing errors are mine and mine alone.

My girlfriend's name is Georgia Woolf. Her middle name is Virginia, and it was given to her by her mother, who aspired that her daughter would be a great author like her namesake the great English modernist author Virginia Woolf.

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, Georgia does not write well. But..... she loves words, palindromes, anagrams, and proverbs. Every day she completes the Times crossword. In her words, "I am a lexophile. It's all my mother's fault. She tried so hard to teach me English so that I could write, yet all I can do is read and play word games."

We sometimes play a game. She will say a proverb to illustrate a point, then I will find another that contradicts it.

"Look before you leap."

"He who hesitates is lost."

***

If we sound like a pair of boring nerds you would be wrong. We do all the things that young working people in their mid-twenties would be expected to do. We travel during our annual summer holidays and over bank holidays whenever possible, we go to the cinema and the theatre, and like to eat out. I have season tickets for Liverpool FC and stand on the Kop whenever they are playing at home.

And we fuck. A lot. And in a lot of different places. Not just in bed, on the stairs, in the shower, or over the kitchen table. When we were in Spain we fucked on the beach, and in Turkey, we did it in the sea, neck high in the warm water.

I guess it's the small risk of being caught that makes it so much fun. What follows next is the story of how we were once caught and the unexpected consequences.

***

It was a hot Sunday in July, and we were planning to go for a pub lunch in the countryside. I had arrived home late the previous evening after spending a week in Dundee in Scotland on a training course. The course had finished late on Saturday afternoon, and It had taken me six hours to drive the three hundred miles back to Chester arriving, tired and hungry, just after midnight.

We were driving through the Welsh countryside to the pub when Georgia spoke.

"Did you miss me, or was there some beautiful siren that kept you warm at night during your week away?"

She was Joking of course, but I knew what I was expected to say.

"Of course, I missed you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"More like, Out of sight, out of mind," she replied.

I felt her hand in my lap, and then she unzipped my fly, reached inside, and pulled my penis free.

"Let's see how much you missed me shall we," she murmured, as she held me in her grip and slowly started to move my foreskin up and down.

In virtually no time at all, I was bone hard.

"I'm so horny," whispered Georgia. "Stop the car the next chance you get."

When she said this we were driving down a narrow country road with open fields on one side and copses of woods on the other. A minute or so after Georgia had spoken we came to a narrow earth track leading off towards the woods, and I pulled over and parked.

Georgia let go of my dick and got out of the car and opened the rear passenger door. At first, I thought she planned to make out in the back of the car, something I hadn't done since my adolescence, but then she grabbed the blanket from off the back seat."

"Are you up for a fuck in the fresh air?"

I didn't have to be asked twice.

"Lead on," I replied.

She threw her handbag into the boot (trunk) and I locked the car. Then, hand in hand, we walked around the edge of a field planted with something I didn't recognise, and towards the trees. The sun shone down out of a blue cloudless sky whilst a cooling breeze blew, and we were completely alone. We had walked about a hundred yards and were only a few yards from the trees when we found the perfect spot, a bowl-like depression in the ground hidden from view on all sides and out of the wind. The ground was hard and dry. It hadn't rained for over two weeks. It was unlikely to be the most comfortable place to lie, but we had the thick woollen blanket, and by then we weren't thinking about anything other than what we were going to do to one another.

Georgia quickly removed her shoes, stockings, skirt, and blouse and stood for a moment on the brow of the depression. Her legs were apart, and her arms outstretched, her long black hair blowing in the breeze. Then she unclipped her bra and stepped out of her panties and stood naked. Georgia was tall, five-ten in her stockinged feet, with narrow hips, thick thighs, a huge arse, and big pendulous tits. She was built for comfort.

She walked into the hollow, spread the blanket, and lay looking up at me.

"Are you going to stay up there all afternoon or are you going to take your clothes off, come down here, and fuck me?"

As she watched, I stripped quickly and placed my clothes in a heap with hers. I was attractive to women, particularly five years ago, when these events happened. I am tall, and I had a swimmer's physique with broad shoulders, a narrow waist, and well-muscled arms and legs. My belly was flat, and my balls and pubis were smooth and shaved. One of my girlfriends had once appreciatively remarked that I was a member of the BBC; the Bare Balls Club.

***

I lay beside her on the blanket, and we kissed before I took each of her nipples, in turn, between my lips. Then I knelt and found her clitoris, erect between her already sodden cunt lips, and licked her to her first orgasm. She bucked and clawed at the blanket as she came before kneeling on all fours and offering her sex to me.

"Now fuck me. Hard. I want your dick inside me. I want you to come in me."

I knelt behind her and slid slowly and very easily inside. I don't know which one of us enjoys doggy-style sex more; Georgia, with her cunt filled, my penis deep inside of her and nudging her cervix as I move in and out, or me, rewarded by the view of her big round arse, and her cunt lips puckering as I drive myself into her.

That afternoon the sex was fantastic. Fucking in the open air made the experience so much better for both of us and soon Georgia was moaning with pleasure and begging me to make her come again.

"Fuck me. Oh, Fuck me. Fuck me hard. Fuck me hard! Fuck me like a whore! Fuck me like a fucking whore!"

"Give it to me! Give it to me! Give it to me like you'd give it to a whore!"

"Fuck my cunt! Fuck my cunt! Fuck me! Fuck meeeeeee!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

And I both felt and watched as her vagina spasmed rhythmically around me.

She still wasn't sated. I knew she wouldn't be. She knelt astride and facing me and took my penis in her hand and slowly fed me inside of herself. Then she started to ride, grinding herself against me as she worked, and giving me a view of her glorious tits, nipples erect, and clapping and swaying as she moved.

She kept up a regular rhythm. I reached up and held her breasts, and she smiled down at me.

"Is this good? Is this good?" she asked.

"Oh, yes. Ohhh, yes."

She spoke urgently, Her voice was thick with desire.

"Come in my cunt. Come in my cunt, Come in my wet cunt!"

Her words were too much. They took me over the edge and my penis pulsed rhythmically as I emptied my seed inside of her whilst she simultaneously, groaned in ecstasy and collapsed over me.

For ten minutes we lay together in a state of mutual satisfaction and relief but eventually, we got up to dress and return to the car. I think we still planned to drive to the pub for a late lunch.

***

I had a friend at university who used to say, "Post coitus homo tristis est," After intercourse a man is sad. I sometimes felt that way, after I had screwed a girl that I didn't like or fancy very much after I had picked her up at a disco or party, and maybe they felt that way after screwing me.

That afternoon, for the first time, I was sad after fucking Georgia whom I both loved and fancied desperately. That was because whilst we were busy, somebody had taken our clothes.

We had climbed up to the rim of the depression to find our clothes gone. They were no longer where we had left them. Only our shoes, my wallet, mobile phone, and house and car keys remained, placed neatly in a row. Beside them was a note with a stone, to stop it from blowing away, sitting on top. I picked up the scrap of paper and read it aloud to Georgia.

"This is private land. You ignored the sign saying trespassers will be prosecuted. Instead, fornicators will be inconvenienced. I am not a thief, and your clothes will be taken to Chester police station tomorrow as lost property labelled with the name David Shaw. I have taken the liberty of finding your name in your wallet. Please do not return to this spot again."

"You mean some bastard was watching us whilst we fucked," said Georgia indignantly.

"Might have been a bitch. Whoever it was, got quite an eyeful."

"Now what?" asked Georgia.

"We walk back to the car and drive home. Lunch at the pub is a non-starter unless we want to get arrested. You can wrap yourself in the blanket. Nobody will know I'm naked once I'm sitting in the car. Thank fuck I've got an automatic garage door. We can drive straight in."

We wrapped ourselves in the blanket and walked back to the car, Close to the entrance of the field, and no further than ten yards from where the car was parked, we passed a sign lying on the ground. It had snapped at the base and the writing was barely legible.

"Trespassers will be prosecuted," read Georgia." We'd probably have ignored it anyway," she added.

I unlocked the car and sat. I was naked and Georgia sat with the blanket around her as I started the engine and the car started to move. The car was boiling hot inside after sitting in the hot summer sun and I switched on the aircon.

"It's too bloody hot," said Georgia as she threw off the blanket. "I'll have to find some other way to hide myself.."

She lay across the two front seats with her head in my lap and started to giggle.

"What a turn-on," she said. "I never thought I'd get off by being watched."

And then the inevitable happened. First, she kissed my tummy just below my belly button and then she started to lick the dried semen from my rapidly growing prick. When it was good and hard she took the swollen tip into her mouth and swirled her tongue around it before slowly moving her lips up and down the shaft.

***

We were a few miles from home when things got more complicated. Georgia was lying across my lap with my dick in her mouth. She had kicked off the blanket onto the floor by her feet and was naked as she worked. In my pleasure, I was driving slowly and carefully. Despite this, at one point the car moved offline towards the crown of the road before I brought it back again. Unfortunately, as it happened, we had just passed a parked police car.

The first I knew of this was when a police car appeared in my rearview mirror. Its blue lights were flashing when the driver switched on his siren for a few seconds.

"Oh fuck," I exclaimed. "It's the police. I'm going to have to pull over. Cover yourself with the blanket."

As Georgia scrambled to retrieve the blanket and pull it over herself, I was searching for somewhere to safely stop, and then I saw a layby just a few hundred yards ahead. There was only one car parked there and I was able to park a good distance ahead of it followed by the police car, which sat for a few moments with its blue lights flashing before the driver switched them off.

"Georgia, for fuck's sake sit up," I whispered.

I could see two police officers in the car, and they conversed for a few moments before the passenger door opened and one of them stepped out.

To my horror, it was a woman.

She walked around the car and tapped on my window, which I slowly opened. I looked up to see an attractive Indian lady. She was petite and her dark hair was tied up in a bun. She was wearing a high-visibility yellow jacket over her uniform and had a walkie-talkie mounted on her chest. She cautiously stood a yard from the window.

"Good afternoon, officer," I said.

"Good afternoon, sir," she replied. "May I see your license, please?"

As I reached down to retrieve my wallet containing the license, the officer appeared to notice Georgia for the first time. Georgia had been lying across my lap until shortly after we pulled to a halt. The policewoman stopped, pushed a button on her walkie-talkie, and spoke.

"There are two occupants in the car Sarge, not one."

I did not hear the reply, which was covered by a lot of static, but she seemed reassured and stepped closer to the window to take the license which I offered.

"Do you know why we stopped you?" she asked.

When I did not reply she continued to speak.

"You have a right tail light out and appeared to have a momentary loss of control of your vehicle as you passed us on the road. Have you been drinking?........

The moment had arrived, and she gazed through the window and then down at my lap and my now flaccid penis. Her eyes widened, and she continued to look down at me for several seconds before she looked away.

"Is there any reason you are naked?" she asked.

"Yes, officer," I replied. "My girlfriend and I are naturists and entered a field to sunbathe naked. Whilst we were sunbathing someone stole our clothes but left our shoes. All we had left was the blanket we were lying on."

I was not sure she believed us, but all credit to her, she kept a straight face. She examined the license closely and handed it back to me.

"Please wait here for a moment," she said. "I'll be right back."

She returned to the police vehicle and spoke to the driver who had been watching proceedings attentively. I thought I saw him laugh. All this time Georgia had been sitting bolt upright in her seat but now she spoke.

"Do you think she believes us?"

"I doubt it. Would you?"

"Not when she couldn't see me until after we stopped. And I've left red lipstick on your belly where I kissed you. I saw her looking straight at it."

"She's coming back," I said.

The officer walked back to our car. She appeared more relaxed. In her hand, she carried in a breathalyser.

"Two more things," she said. "Could you please blow into the tube and do you mind popping the boot so I can take a peek?"

"No problem," I replied, with my biggest, best smile.

I was not surprised I passed the breathalyser test. I hadn't had a drink since Friday evening. Then I pushed the button to open the boot and the policewoman walked around to look inside, checking out the rear seat as she passed by. I heard her talk on the walkie-talkie again.

"Their story checks out Sarge, a complete absence of any clothes."

Again the reply was covered up by static.

She walked around to the window and looked me directly in the eye, her eyes were twinkling, and I thought I could see a hint of a smile. Suddenly my predicament, her beauty, her uniform, and her amusement became very arousing. I started to wonder what she was like in bed, and my penis grew rapidly erect.

As this happened she spoke.

"OK, you seem to have been the victims of a practical joke. As long as you don't expose yourself that's not a crime, but driving without due care and attention is. I suggest you drive home promptly, and that you ma'am, don't do anything to distract your boyfriend. Something that might make him lose control.... of the car.... for a moment or two. Or at least don't do it in the car. Wait until you get home. And don't forget to fix the tail light. Good afternoon."

"Good afternoon officer," we said in unison.

I put the car in gear and pulled back onto the road heading for home.

Georgia looked down at my boner.

"Pretty woman," said Georgia." In a uniform too."

"Do you think so?" I said dismissively.

"Why else did you get a hard-on?" She asked." But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

She smiled, as she looked across at me and spoke again.

"It was absence makes the prick grow longer."

I didn't know what to say. I had no clever answer. Then I had a thought.

"Thank fuck she wasn't wearing a bodycam," I replied.

End note

The saying post coitus homo tristis est was originally written as post coitus omne animal triste, meaning after intercourse all animals are sad. It has been attributed to Galen, a physician who lived in the second century.