All Comments on 'The Rabbit Hole Ch. 09'

I read your story 'My Best Friend's Girlfriend'. That was a very good story overall, but then you ruined the climax by rushing up. I believe you are aware of what you did wrong, as many there commented on that story. In that regard I was expecting improvement in new story. Sadly, this one is way too bad.

The story premise was good in start. And the build up was good till chapter 5. But then you truly messed up every thing by bringing super-human powers into play in chapter 6. To me it looks like only because you failed to find the reason why Penny was unable to trance Nadia, you gave her the powers. Very bad! You should have instead try to find out the reason and come up with a solution to fulfill the goal.

This change destroys the entire flow of the story. The decision is yours, but I will suggest to delete all chapters from 6 to here and re-write the story without giving Penny any powers. Focus on Hypnotism and Trance concept, and the 'Rabit Hole', which is also the name of the story.