All Comments on 'The Reckoning'

Neatly wrapped up and nice finish overall. Only one or two complaints from my side, the part between Nicky and Tom felt rushed and the romance angle was missing completly. There was no build-up or anything. It was known that Tom was in love with Nicky for a long time but what about her? Did she ever have strong feelings for him before? She mentioned that she never noticed so one would assume that she didnt see him as a potential partner before. They just were after Tom professed his love for her in the hospital. Normally I wouldnt highlight something like that but this chapter focused too much on them to disregard the lacking build-up. Then there was a minor thing, the event after Tom and Michael woke Natasha and Nicky in the bedroom. The fact that Micheal almost forced Natashas body on display left a bad aftertaste if seen in the context of the story of forced sex or just plain rape. Even though it was used as a slightly erotic build-up for what happend after, it just didnt fit in my opinion and I dont remember a exhibionistic streak in Natasha. Thats me being done overanalyzing your fiction :) Thanks for sharing a great story and hopefully we get to see more from you in the future!

Hi Thorlol.

I’ll try to shed some light on this...

Before Peter blackmailed her Nicky was faithfully in love with Michael, so of course she didn’t look at Tom as a potential partner before.

Then she spend close to a year at “rock bottom”; her life became a nightmare and she didn’t even truly value it anymore, as the scene with Šakal proves (she places both Michael’s and Mischka’s life before her own.)

Now her nightmare is finally over, but it leaves her heartbroken, and convinced that no decent man will want her anymore.

But then the “second nicest guy in the world” she has always loved (as a friend) for many years declares her his love, offering her an escape out of her misery.

And then he spends the next three weeks visiting her in hospital almost daily (a 360 kilometer round trip from where he works/lives), and burying her beneath red roses.

As heartbroken and starved for love and affection as she is I think it would be rather difficult for Nicky not to fall in love with the second nicest guy in the world…

But hey, I happen to be an incurable romantic, so maybe I’m wrong… ;)

The main reason I didn’t spend more text on it than I did is simply because they aren’t the lead characters.

I didn’t want for Tom and Nicky’s story to dominate what is supposed to be Michael and Natasha’s story.

But everything needed to explain their romance is there, it is just spread over the whole story in little bits.

In fact “Nicky’s story” could easily consume 50K words on its own.

But it wouldn’t fit well in “Romance” I think LOL

Alright, the “bed scene” with the four of them…

Yes, you could see all kinds of evil things in it (you could also in their previous sexual escapades), but in the end it simply isn’t there.

Michael and Natasha have a monogamous but rather “adventurous” sexual relation.

So, from my point of view, Michael was either just teasing her a bit and would never have really exposed her OR he was simply trying to find out if she had exhibitionistic tendency’s (in a relatively safe environment.)

And in the latter case the moment Natasha really rises the red flag he stops, as he should.

The interesting fact, of course, is that it did excite her…

Hope this helps…

I did notice some issues myself btw.

Except for Lit having screwed up the character list somehow, and having failed to put everything above the story in Italics, as in the original I submitted, I also noticed some mistakes I myself made.

Most are simple spelling and grammar issues I missed.

But there’s also a counting mistake; I wrote two days where I should have written three days…

That’s all food for an edit I will submit once I’m convinced I have caught everything that went wrong...

Greetings,

Banbeck

"Thanks for sharing a great story and hopefully we get to see more from you in the future!"

Forgot about this...

My next story is currently being edited.

It'll be in Sci-Fi & Fantasy though, because it's romance in space, with a little bit of fantasy mixed in...

Edit.

Words thats ends withs "S"

That should have "ended" without.

Make a story to annoying to read.

Beautiful story, thank you.

Thoroughly enjoyed the web you weaved...and the ending!!!!

Thanks for the compliments.

@ arrowglass

Comments like yours make writing worthwhile...

Thank you Sir Arrowglass ;)

For those interested, I submitted a new story last night.

It's also "romance", but in space this time, which is why I posted it in Sci-Fi & Fantasy.

And yes, there's going to be another damsel in distress ;)

The title is Battlestar; expect for it to be published a couple of days from now.

Thank you for sharing. Lovely story. Kept me enthralled throughout the tale.

OutFuckingStanding! 5*

Honestly, phenomenal job. Great story crafting. Just wonderful emotional segments. Great sex scenes. All around a 5 star performance. I hope you continue to write and share your talent with the world.

Wonderful story well written well constructed and well edited,all round well done

@ onestiffy / Jacktacular / Anonymous / Lawrie1941

Thanks for the flowers :)

Banbeck

This was a fun adventure. Well written and I would say improved over time. Loved the characters. Great work!

All read, an excellent story, Well Done.

The Dutch are fucked up in the head

This is the best story!!! I just found it yesterday, but I read all the sections in a row. LOVED it!!!!

Thanks for the flowers Ellienora 35, it's comments like yours, and those five star ratings, that make writing on Lit rewarding.

And the same goes for Ramjet57 and e5jersey of course.

Regarding "Anonymous"; thanks for the well substantiated critique, I really appreciate it, LOL.

Excellent story. Everything about it was top of the line and your English, second to none! I will now be focusing my attention to the rest of your submissions. 5 BIG FAT FLAMING STARS! Thank you for an Excellent story!

Thanks RanDog025, and that also goes for your comment on The Samaritan ;)

I think you're going to like Battlestar too, unless you hate SciFi of course...

It's rare that I want a story to be longer, but I truly do for this wonderful tale. Not all of it was loved, but in total it was wonderfully told and very creative. For me, there was too much detailed sex. You did well.

@Anonymous

Tastes differ, but while you can speed-read through "too much", that what isn't there simply isn't there... ;)

Anyway, thank you for the compliments, and for the fact you made the effort to comment, I wish more readers did.

(10/14/2022) Beautiful ending. Chapter one can stand on its own as a beautiful and poignant short story. Your sentence structure was flawless. Thank you for submitting this series and making me smile and also cry. I gave each chapter five stars.

Hi mrdata,

Chapter one started of as a short story, it only became a long story because readers asked for a sequel in the comments.

If you can live with some Sci-Fi you'll probably like "Battlestar" also, because there's some serious romance in that one too... ;)

Anyway, glad to see you enjoyed my efforts, and thank you for the compliments, and all the stars of course... :)

Hahahahaha cuckold fantasy swapping cream pies it's all there for every little gimp wannabe🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hi xhristianj,

You didn't like part one, so you decided to read part two.

You didn't like part two so you decided to read part three.

You didn't like part three so you decided to read part four.

That's 60,000 words worth of story you didn't like...

That's a little strange, don't you think?

In Dutch we have this proverb: "a donkey doesn't bump against the same stone twice".

You know, I wanted to read this story before your more recent one.

There were parts of it that I enjoyed... But *boy*, you enjoy writing women to be completely helpless, don't you?

I also found your responses to comments to be immature and insecure. It isn't a good look. Even the best authors have critics, and when there are legitimate points to criticize...

Wonderful series, 20 stars! So glad you made the girls get together, not unlike sisters. Unlike some, I enjoy your writing. Just a thought, would another chapter telling about Natasha's parents and how they take Michael and the other children, as well as Tom& Nicky and their kids, add to this wonderful series? I am so glad that Peter and those assholes got their just due and Natasha and Nicky are like sisters...

Excellent series. Please write more like this.

Thanks for the compliment Baldy74, and there will be more like this.

I'm pretty busy with the "Casus Belli" series at the moment, which is in Sci-Fi & Fantasy, but I'm trying to squeeze in some other stories in my publishing schedule too...

Great ending to a great story. Look forward to reading the rest of your literature.

Thanks for the comment and the praise Wofgang1955, it's appreciated :)

5 stars all the way through. I'll admit part of me likes the first story as its own standalone thing, douchbag rival stealing Micheal's girl and him finding new love. However the entire series is great too. A lot of frankly tough moments but likable characters, even the "bitch ex" from the first story and some nice justice with a good well earned happy ending. I especially like the ending with some closure for Dusek's parents, that Natasha's first husband was not forgotten. Thats a touch I quite appreciate, most authors might have just ignored him.

Hi FlynnTaggart, thanks for the comment.

The first part was originally meant as a standalone story, and can still be read as such, but popular demand convinced me to expand on it.

I didn't want to follow the beaten path though, and write some standard revenge tale, so I came up with something a bit different.

Good to hear you liked it, not all readers do, as the ratings for part two show.

And regarding the ending, well, the story just wouldn't have been complete without it ;)

Once again, having completed the series, I take keyboard in hand to pick a few nits at your request, but first, five big 🔥flaming 🔥 stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟 🌟 only because Lit doesn’t allow more. Kept me enthralled through all four submissions.

Once again, my grateful thanks for the several pages of well crafted writing at a time. A page or two just isn’t worth the time to down load.

Also, the intro info was quite helpful, alerting me to the existence of previous chapters and the correct order in which they may be enjoyed. Kudos to you for changing to one title for all of your next series, MUCH easier to follow.

Excellent use of subtitles as well as the taglines to pique reader interest. Useful when trying to identify last chapter read or find a favorite passage to savor again.

A tiny nit here, staffs/poles are used on land whereas masts are used when over water. Now I will grant it is a very minor detail and most writers wouldn’t give it a thought, yet you strike me as an author striving to polish his skills and details matter. Another example is referring to females manning a position versus staffing it. Petty, maybe but subconsciously there’s a difference. Precision in speech reflects precise thoughts just as careless speech patterns are usually a result of sloppy thinking.

Sorry if this is more commentary than you desired, but I appreciate all the hours of creativity you’ve invested in our reading pleasure. 🌷🌺💐🌸🌹

Hi nthusiastic. The reason this isn't a series is that it originally wasn't meant to be, which is why I made sure the intro-info explained this story was the last part of a series.

Regarding the 'nits', I get the "staffing" versus "manning" point, but I don't get the "masts" one (I did write this story some time ago...) Anyway, I'm rather prone to using the wrong words now and then, which is mainly due to English not being my first language.

This series was the first time I published something, and I already decided months ago that it's in need of a rewrite, in which case all four parts will get bundled into a single story. The reason it hasn't happened yet is that I'm too busy with other stories, like Casus Belli.

And don't worry, you're still far away from 'more commentary than I desired' ;)

Thanks for commenting nthusiastic, it's appreciated :)

Great story with some plausible acrion, although the abuse of Nicky is a bit thick and the relationship between her and Tom appears to be forced. It is a pity you write in the present, as this somehow does not work for a story tha obviously in the past. Consider changing the tense when you rewrite the stories.

Hi Anonymous; Thanks for the comment, it's appreciated.

You aren't the first one who thinks the relationship between Tom and Nicky is too forced.

It really isn't, it's just not 'painted out' much in the story, but to many readers that's not clear enough apparently, which is why I'm planning to give that aspect of the story a little more attention should I rewrite it (I intend to, but I don't know when I'll have the time for it).

The abuse thing is a matter of personal taste, or tolerance, I think, it just is what it is.

Regarding the present tense used; I became aware readers don't like this after publishing the Samaritan (which was the first story I ever published).

It made me decide to change my writing style for future stories, but I didn't want to change style mid-story, which is why the other chapters in this series are written in present tense too.

This is also something I'll change in a rewrite though.

I have one other published story that's written in present tense; Battlestar, a story I wrote before I published "The Samaritan".

All my more recently published work isn't written in present tense anymore.

Wonderful story series, thanks so much.

I very much enjoyed this series. I’ve always liked the “found family” type stories where broken pieces come together to make a whole family. I thought bringing Dusek’s parents in at the end was a nice touch. Well done.