The Recovery Plan

"Alright," she said. "What should we talk about?"

"Anything you like," Melanie said, easing slowly out of her shyness.

Lani pondered that very open door, and for reasons she couldn't quite explain, stepped through it.

"Where did the money come from?" she asked.

Melanie stiffened.

"I won a lawsuit," she replied quietly.

"Well I know that, but what was it about?" Lani asked.

"It was..." Melanie began, trying to organize the words in her brain into a satisfactory speaking order. "It was a suit against a Young Offender Detention centre in Ontario. It involved guards putting someone in harm's way because of personal bigotries, and someone being hurt very badly because of it."

"I don't quite follow," Lani said curiously. "If YOU won the lawsuit and it was you who got the money, wouldn't that intone that you were the victim?"

"I was," Melanie said, visible pain of a memory dancing angrily behind her eyes. "If you don't mind, can you ask about something else?"

"Alright," Melanie said. "Just tell me about yourself in general then."

"Well," she began, "I'm 22 years old. I'm single. I live in Yaletown with my chihuahua and my 3 cats. I like Sci-Fi and vampire movies and watching CSI."

The waitress came by to top up their coffees and take their orders, and after she left, they both reached for the sugar at once.

When their fingers touched, both of them shivered visibly, and the touch lingered for a moment before Lani abruptly yanked her hand back.

"I'm sorry," she stammered. "You go first, please."

Melanie tried to hide the hurt look on her face and added the sugar to her coffee, then placed the dispenser in front of Lani and stirred her coffee while staring out the window.

"You're the reason I signed on with your firm you know."

Lani nearly choked on her coffee.

"Excuse me?" She said in near shock.

"Well," Melanie began, "I'm not sure why but I feel.... something. From the first moment our eyes met, I just felt this overwhelming need to stay near you. I took a month to decide because I wanted to be sure it wasn't just my lonely imagination. Then you had your heart attack, and shame on you for ordering chili fries, but seeing you lying there something inside me.... I don't know... it constricted."

Melanie paused to take a breath. Lani just listened, dumbfounded.

"I couldn't breathe," Melanie continued. "The thought of losing you made my head swim. So when Mister Briggs offered me this chance to help your recovery I jumped at it. I can't stand the idea of losing the first real friend I thought I could have. But you've been so distant with me, I feared you just didn't like me."

"Friend?" Lani thought to herself, but said nothing. Melanie continued.

"But I've gotten pretty close to G in the last 6 weeks, and she calls me her friend. So I confided in her how I feel about you and how afraid of you disliking me I am. That's when she told me."

Lani gulped.

"T-Told you w-what?" she stuttered.

"That you want to be friends too," Melanie replied, "but you don't want to be unprofessional. You're afraid of violating professional boundaries if you get close to a client."

Lani breathed a very visible sigh of relief. At least G knew how to keep certain things to herself.

"Well," she said with relief, "a good investment accountant doesn't mix personal with professional. I thought it best to stay detached."

"Well cut it out," Melanie countered. "Your boss says it's perfectly fine. And I need a few friends. I've been so lonely these last 3 years. My family abandoned me before the lawsuit cleared, I never really had friends, and most people now are only interested in my money. Please Lani, just pull back the guard dogs a little bit and let's see if we get along?"

Lani looked at Melanie, really looked at her, for the first time not trying to keep her gaze away. She looked into those beautiful pools of hazel and her heart melted. She'd known instantly she was in love the first time they met, but love only brings pain, and she wanted no part of it. Now Melanie's innocent declaration of friendship gave her an out, a chance to be close without crossing that line. Maybe with them her silly crush would fade into feelings of sisterhood. She decided to take the escape she was offered. She could think of far worse things than a sweet girl's friendship.

"Okay," Lani said smiling, playing along with Gina's little white lie. "If Mister Briggs says it's okay I'll agree to being such a brick. You seem like a pretty cool chickie. I think friends is a doable thing."

They chatted more openly and freely now, over their lunch. Melanie insisted Lani call her Mel, and again scolded her about the chili fries. They told each other a few jokes and were laughing like old friends pretty quickly. Lani felt much more at ease knowing she could just ignore her romantic inclinations. For all she knew Mel was straight anyway, so why ruin things opening her mouth when she didn't need to.

Mel's thoughts weren't a fair shake different than Lani's. While joking and laughing on the outide, inside she was sadly grateful Lani had believed her.

Gina hadn't told her what she told Lani Gina had said.

She told her very bluntly about Lani's crush.

Mel couldn't have that. She was happy just to be close to Lani. Lani didn't ever need to know Mel was madly in love with her. There was no way it could work. Not with her secret. Mel knew if Lani really knew everything about her, she'd want nothing more to do with her ever. The very thought twinged Mel's heart painfully.

This was for the best. At least now she could be close to Lani, and maybe with time her silly crush could evolve into feelings of sisterhood.

They both let one wall down that day, but as they both had the same misguided idea about hoping friendship would dilute their longings, they'd merely succeeded in replacing old walls with new ones.

Sadly it was what they were both best at.

*** Five Months Ago ***

Mel was elated. She'd never really known what it was like to have a good family, to do family things. It made her heart feel afloat when she was invited to the wedding. Mister Briggs and Betty had just kissed following the vows, and Mel felt so happy as the guests began cheering. She applauded loudly, a broad smile on her petite face, and watched as the happy couple ran the gauntlet of birdseed to get to their car.

She rode with Gina to the reception. Mel nervously felt her elation drop a little noticing how uncharacteristically quiet Gina was. Gina never ever stopped talking, so the silence was crushing her. The tension was like a London fog; thick and smothering.

Mel showed uncharacteristic behavior of her own, finding the nerve to ask about it.

"G?" she asked. "Is something bothering you?" Gina didn't answer, focusing on her driving. Mel felt like she'd need an icepick to chip the cold off of her shoulder.

"It was a beautiful wedding," Mel said sighing.

"Yeah it was," Gina finally replied.

"So why aren't you happy for the new couple?" Mel asked.

Gina made a sound almost like a growl, and pulled into a McDonald's parking lot. She sat in silence for a moment, composing her thoughts, then turned to Mel angrily.

"Oh I'm happy for THEM," the demure Hispanic beauty said sternly, her racial heritage never more clear than when she was angry and had to consciously fight to avoid cursing in Spanish.

"I'm VERY happy for THEM," she continued. "It's YOU I'm furious with! ¡Mi mujer de dios!"

"G I don't speak Spanish," Mel whimpered meekly.

"I said 'My God woman!' to you," Gina explained. "Why are you and Lani still at lunches and window-shopping like best galpals? I was expecting motel visits by now!"

Melanie's jaw dropped.

"What are you talking ab-"

Gina interrupted her angrily.

"Ay mami, don't play stupid with me girl," Gina sniped, in full Angry Spanish Bitch mode now. "You KNOW why I told you about Lani's feelings for you. Why haven't you done anything about it? What is this "Just friends" bullshit she's telling me about?"

"Um, Gina I'm straight," Mel stammered, lying through her teeth wanting this conversation to end. Gina wasn't buying it.

"Try again."

Mel began to turn beet red.

"Okay I just don't feel that way about her," she said weakly. Gina stared a hole right through her.

"Still no sale Mami."

Mel looked at Gina's eyes, full of fire and anger and..... concern? Affection? She wasn't sure, but the angry part scared her, and she WAS sure of that. She tried to get out of the car.

"I'll catch a bus to the Elk's Hall," she said, and pulled the door latch, only to find Gina had locked her in.

"I'm not stupid Melanie," Gina said. "I see that wistful puppy look you both give each other. I know why SHE's being a stupid puta about this but I don't understand what's stopping you."

"And you don't need to," Mel snapped back angrily. "What gives you the bloody right to third degree me like this?"

"Because you're both my friends," Gina snapped back, "and because you're both miserable acting super happy and nobody is buying it but you two. We all see how much you two want each other, you're the only ones who think you've fooled anyone. I'm tired of watching my two best friends walk around like open wounds, I want to know what's stopping you from kissing her until her stupid resolve breaks and she's forced to let High School go already."

Mel was crying now, looking at the dashboard.

"It's none of your business," Mel said weakly.

"I'm making it my business because I love you Mami," Gina said, trying to reel in her temper and speak softly. "You've become a very good friend and I don't want to see two wonderful women go on being so unhappy when the key to happiness is right in their faces."

"Just let it go," Mel said, a little more defiantly. Gina pressed.

"Not a chance," she said. "You can trust me, just tell me so I can help you fix whatever it is!"

Tears were flooding now as Melanie turned and screamed at Gina.

"IT CAN"T BE FUCKING FIXED!!!" she shouted, loud enough to get looks from cars in the drivethru. Gina winced, something very rare for the proud woman, legitimately surprised at such fury from such a meek mousy girl.

"Nothing is unfixable Melanie," Gina said, putting a hand on Mel's shoulder. Mel flinched but didn't move.

"Really?" she said sarcastically. "So you can make my blood disorder go away so I can have surgery without bleeding to death? You can make it so I can get my birth defect fixed safely? You can make me a normal person Lani could love instead of the fucking freak I am?"

"What are you talking about?" Gina asked in confusion. "Lani's not shallow, she's not going to reject you because of a birth defect."

"Yes she would," she said sadly. "Everyone does when they find out. If I'm LUCKY. If I'm not lucky they beat the shit out of me, THEN they leave."

Gina was determined, refusing to back off.

"What are you talking about?" she asked insistantly.

Mel couldn't find the words. She took Gina's hand. "This..." was all she said before she put it inside her skirt. Wanting to understand, Gina allowed it, but when she felt it her eyes grew wide and she yanked her hand away reflexively.

"Oh my god," Gina gasped, in shock. "You're a..."

"The clinical term is intersexed," Mel said coldly, cheeks puffy from crying. "Now you know. And now I'm leaving. Give Mister & Mrs. Briggs my apologies. I'm going home."

Mel reached over Gina and unlocked the doors. Gina wanted to stop her and say something reassuring but she was too stunned to move. She could only watch as Mel got out of the car and walked to the Skytrain station behind the McDonald's.

Gina composed herself after a few minutes, and drove to the Elk's Hall for the reception. Her heart broke at Lani's great disappointment that Mel had ditched the party. It was all she could do to appear calm and collected as she quietly asked Gerald and Betty to follow her to a private room.

"Things have hit a snag," she told them.

Gerald looked at her puzzled. Betty just sighed.

"Lani's being stubborn?" she asked Gina.

"Always," Gina said with a forced chuckle, "but that's not the problem. I told Melanie how we all know Lani feels, and waited for the fireworks. My three brothers are gay, I know rainbow when I see it. So when they were still just friends, coming separately to your wedding, I pried. I stopped at a parking lot on Broadway and I asked her. I wouldn't buy her excuses and I pushed, and I found out."

"Found out what?" Gerald asked with concern in his voice.

"Betty," Gina asked, "How open-minded is Lani? I mean really? How much can she overlook?"

"I'd like to think I raised her to accept everyone regardless of differences? Why?"

Gina took a deep breath.

"Do you think she can overlook the woman she loves having a dick?" Gina asked in her ever-so-blunt style.

Betty and Gerald's jaws dropped simultaneously.

"My best account is a man in drag?" Gerald said, which immediately resulted in Betty punching his arm. "Sorry dear," he said with a slight smile.

"No," Gina said. "She said intersexed. I googled it on my cel on the way here. It means hermaphrodite. It means she's both."

"Oh my..." Betty said, sitting down to think. "That explains so much actually. The crippling shyness, the dislike of the attention her money brings her, why she refuses to discuss the details of the lawsuit."

"So what are we going to do about it?" Gina asked. "She was pretty upset when she left my car."

"Well," Gerald said, "You're not exactly known for your light touch Chica."

Gina and Betty both frowned at him, then couldn't help but laugh. The laughter faded quickly though, and they were stymied.

"Should we even tell Lani?" Gerald pondered. "I mean, it would be an awfully huge invasion of privacy I think."

"I know deep in my heart Lani loves her," Betty said. "I have no doubts. But if this got sprung on her BY Melanie she might react out of surprise and give Melanie the wrong impression. Maybe it'd be best to warn her in advance?"

"No dice," Gina said. "Lani still tries to act like we're all wrong, she might use this as a further excuse to just stay friends with Mel and avoid EVER having to come out of her shell."

"Nice to know you all think so little of me," a cold voice said from the doorway.

The three all gasped and turned to see Lani standing at the door, arms crossed. She was fuming.

"How long you been standing there Mami?" Gina asked nervously.

"Long enough," Lani replied icily. "What the fuck is wrong with you people? Manipulating two people because of what YOU think is best for us? What's your bloody rush? Maybe I was beginning to soften, you don't know! Maybe as Mel and I got to know each other I was privately beginning to let go of the past and open up to her. MAYBE I was even considering asking her on an actual date. And maybe, just maybe, I feel so strongly about her she could've had a third eye and I wouldn't have balked."

The three conspirators lowered their heads, ashamed.

"Never once occured to any of you," Lani continued, "to just trust me to know what I want? No, you have to have your stupid timetable, trying to save me from myself by dangling pussy in front of my face. I'm horrified at all three of you. Was it so hard to accept that maybe Mel and I taking our time getting to know each other was a good thing? I don't understand why you're all so damned eagar to have us in bed like rabbits in record time. Is it so awful to want things to blossom at their own pace?"

"Lani, we, I mean, you see I," Betty stammered. Lani cut her off.

"Shut up Mom," she said brusquely. "You know why I never cried on your shoulder in high school over Monica? Because of this. Because you're a meddler. You always have been. If I'd talked to you about how everything with Monica hurt me, you'd suddenly have found excuses to start inviting classmates over hoping one of them might be a lesbian too. And in college you did. Always trying to get me involved with fundraisers for queer organizations, hoping I'd meet someone. You were never content to just wait until I was ready, however long it took. I'm only 26 mom, is there some life or death reason I have to be muffdiving at the earliest possible convenience? I'm not dying, my heart is recovering very nicely. I've slowed down, I've tried to learn to relax. I go to my therapy every week. I'm doing okay. So please, one of you tell me, what's your goddamn rush?"

The three just stood there, dumbfounded, amazed that Lani was standing up to them, having always seen her as compliant and unassuming. Gerald worked up the nerve to speak first, forgetting he was her boss, acting and feeling more the cuckolded father, dressed down by his daughter for meddling in her love life.

"Sweetie," he said quietly, "we just wanted you to be happy. We were afraid if you hadn't hooked up with her before your year off was up, you'd just shut out all future possibilities and bury yourself in your work again."

"I WAS happy," Lani said coldly. "Now I have to go do damage control. You three couldn't leave well enough alone, and now instead of earning HER trust as I slowly deconstructed my own walls and her and I becoming a couple in our own time, you may have just destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me because none of you could trust me to know what I was doing on my own. Thank you ever so much."

They all stared in silence. Gina especially wanted to protest but she knew she had pushed most of all. Betty just slumped in her seat, knowing she couldn't say a word, because Lani was spot on about everything. Gerald just stood there, remembering something painful, but saying nothing. Lani left without another word. After a few minutes the newlyweds put on their game faces and returned to their guests. Gina just sat alone quietly, crying and beating herself up for making such a mess of things.

*** Four Months Ago ***

Lani and Gina sat at a quiet table in darkness at DV8. It was Lani's favorite restaurant. Today would've been six months since the first day she and Mel had met, and she had planned to officially ask Mel on a real date over lunch here. With that plan in ruins thanks to the well-meaning but still infuriating interference of her little patchwork family, Lani had spent much of the last month just trying to get ahold of Mel to talk.

Mel had withdrawn completely. She stayed with the firm, but sent instructions to have another department manage her account as Lani had arranged it without changes. She changed her phone number. She stopped leaving her apartment, having anything she needed delivered to her. She had ignored literally hours of pleading knocks on her door from all four of them. Gerald and Betty had tried once to talk to her. Gina tried several times a week, shouting apologies through the door until a police officer politely escorted her off the premises, telling her not to return. Lani had tried a few times a week to get her to answer the door.

None of it worked.

As a last ditched effort, Lani had yesterday slipped a letter under Mel's door. It read that she was quitting the firm because of her boss interfering in her personal life, a little white lie to give her an in, and asking if Mel would at least be courteous enough to meet with her and another staff member to make certain her money would continue to be handled as she wished. She left a phone number for confirmation and the address and time to meet at. Mel had called that evening, only long enough to confirm she would attend.

Gina hadn't said much beyond hello to Lani since they sat down. Lani hadn't contacted her since the wedding, and Gina was actually very surprised to receive an invitation to lunch. Yet it had been very awkward thus far. They hadn't even managed small talk. Lani seemed very cold and clinical to Gina right then, and Gina, still ashamed of what her meddling had done, just drank her Coke and said nothing.