The Red Planet

Disclaimer. The following story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality. Any resemblance of characters to real people or plot lines to real events is purely coincidental. Also, I know you're horny - but please practice safe sex.

Comments, tips and constructive criticism are most welcome. Complaints and nonconstructive criticisms are most definitely not.

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THE RED PLANET

Most people know how the laws of gravity work. Objects with a large mass attract other, less weighty objects. That's why apples fall out of trees towards the earth. And occasionally hit scientists in the head on the way down.

But there's a little known inversion of these laws when it comes to people. The higher a person's mass, the more likely they are to repel other, smaller people. Especially if that plus-sized individual is a nerd, geek or occasional dabbler in board games. Think about it. Have you ever seen a tubby guy in a lab coat cradling a bucket of fried chicken under one arm and a baby in the other? Didn't think so. And it's not just babies. Adults who teach their kids equality for different ethnicities and sexual preferences won't sit next to you on the bus if they suspect you're capable of eating them. They're also pretty nervous getting into an elevator with a fella they're worried exceeds the maximum occupancy weight.

The trend is even more pronounced with skinny people. For those lucky few with a Hollywood BMI it's like they're physically incapable of sitting next to the fatty with the garbage bag of popcorn at the cinemas. I've lost track of the number of times I've sat down next to the girl of my dreams (or, at least, the girl I've spent the next few nights dreaming about) only for her to move on before the end of the previews. One time I went to see a film on opening night and they had allocated seating. The bombshell given the spot next to me actually made her gym junkie date leave the movie. Not that the whole cinema seating thing worries me. It just means my popcorn bag gets its own seat.

The point is that unlike planets, fat people repel skinny people. And babies, I guess. I call it Mars' Special Law of Gravity. And it is, largely, why I'm still a virgin at 25. A virgin universally known as Mars, the red planet.

To be fair, plus-sized pants aren't my only impediment to my sex life. I also work nights in an observatory and see less sunshine than your average vampire. I'm not obscenely overweight. I don't ride around on a mobility scooter. And I don't have to lift a roll of fat out of the way to use a urinal. But I am big enough that they don't make belts with holes for a guy my size. Which is about when you stop being able to convince yourself you can hide your weight with baggy clothes. But, as a silver lining, I do all my clothes shopping online. Which means no judgmental sales clerks orbiting me while I skim the XXXL sales rack trying to convince me that 'salmon is my colour'. So that's a point in favor of obesity.

This isn't a pity drive, by the way. Lack of sex aside, I'm pretty happy with my lot in life. I even love my nickname. Probably should have seen it coming with me working towards a doctorate and thesis on the gravitational effects of large, non-stellar objects on light. It was only going to be so long before someone decided my super-sized waist was big enough to make a joke about me being one of the planets I studied. But once it was out there I embraced it. I might be a fatty, but I've got a heavenly body. And I'm not unattractive. As the four girls who've actually gone on a date with me have put it, I'd be cute if I was a few sizes smaller. But as it stands, I'm the kind of big that inspires the fairer sex with a fear of being crushed. And to refer to me as a planet.

At various points friends, coworkers and a handful of colossal arseholes who are unfortunately part of my life have gotten through the whole solar system. Jupiter, the gas giant, usually crops up if I'm going for Mexican. Uranus is the planet of choice for the arseholes. One idiot even tried to call me Pluto before I tore him a new one over being so ill-informed he hadn't heard that particular chunky object lost its planet status years ago. Seriously, don't fuck with astrophysicists on their home turf. Which is basically everywhere in the universe outside the Earth's atmosphere. And especially don't fuck with them when they're big enough to fill the only exit to the room you're in and can force you listen as they explain in excessive detail how your brain and dick size can only be measured at the quantum level, because they're both so small they might as well be theoretical. Doubly so if you're sharing that room with the kind of people who are going to nickname you Quantum Dick once they've stopped laughing at you.

But mostly it's Mars. And mostly, I like it. A few people flatter me they use the name because I'm a bit of a war history buff and Mars was the Roman god of war. But I'm not one to shy away from facts, I'm a chunky guy with red hair and whenever I climb a set of stairs or walk too fast my face turns red as well. I am the red planet.

Anyway, a few weeks back I discovered my special law on gravity also applies to roommates. Doug, a friend from my school days - before I reached planet status, decided to move out of the place we'd been sharing for the past six months. He was my exact opposite. Down to earth, but so ripped he could tear a phone book in half. I watched him do it once.

Officially, his reason was the rent was too expensive. And I'd have taken him at his word, if it weren't for his girlfriend. Jen is skinny as a broom handle, but with the kind of curves up top that make other women struggle to look her in the eye. She was easily the most attractive woman I was on a first name basis with. Which made it sting just that little bit more when she pulled me aside to inform me Doug was really moving out because I ran the AC all day and the take out and grocery bill was too high.

Basically, Jen was the 22-year-old version of a high school mean girl. But she was hot enough that most people still put up with her shit. Not Doug, though. When she bragged to him about what she had said to me, Jen became his ex-girlfriend. I honestly don't think I'd have done the same thing. Doug is a great guy and one of my best friends, but Jen is a knockout. And she is very, very sexual.

In fact, Doug and Jen didn't know it, but she was the only girl who'd ever made me cum.

It was one of those rare moments when working nights paid off. I'd come home at about 6am on a Saturday morning. Doug had gone out with Jen the night before, and they were supposed to be sleeping off an unlimited bar tab at a friend's place. That's why I figured it'd be fine to eat a burrito in my track pants and doze off on the couch instead of in my room.

Maybe an hour later I heard keys in the door. Doug was completely plastered, and Jen was guiding him through the door. She was barely walking herself.

A few steps in Jen shoved Doug onto the couch next to mine and straddled him.

"Mars is right there, Jen," he slurred.

"Like I care," she whispered back. "Uranus is asleep. Fatty's probably dreaming about me anyway. And if I let you lay down on your bed you're going to pass out before I'm done with you. So shut up and get your dick out."

I'd cracked my eyes open at this point. The timing was perfect. In the dim light leaking through the Roman blinds I could see Jen had shimmied out of her top and turned at the waist to throw it at me. It glanced off my leg and fell to the floor. I faked a snuffle and hoped the sound would draw her attention to my face and away from my crotch where I suddenly had a full blown erection straining against my track pants. Jen was not wearing a bra. Even in the dim light her breasts were magnificent. Perfect pale orbs topped with small, dark nipples. They were so perky I was second guessing my understanding of gravity.

Then her attention was back on Doug. He was still protesting, silently now, trying to get Jen to stop without waking me up. But she was having none of it. He tried to lift her up by the waist, his well-defined arms straining with the effort as she latched onto his belt and deftly unbuckled it. I heard the sound of a zip, then Doug groaning. He slumped back to the couch.

Jen was all over him. Grinding her body against his, gyrating as she pressed herself against him in a drunken kiss. I could see her arm pumping between them and guessed by Doug's irregular breathing where her hand was. He was starting to buck against her when she stopped and slipped her second hand between them. From behind I watched her miniskirt ride up revealing a G-string and her small, amazing arse. Suddenly the fabric of her underwear pulled right and for a moment I thought I saw the dark shadow of Doug's arousal between her legs, then her body sank down and he moaned again.

I was on the verge of ruining my pants. A moment of pocket pool away from eruption. And I would have done it, only I didn't want to miss a second of Jen in action - even if it was to have an orgasm.

After a few lubricating thrusts Jen began to piston down on Doug, her hips rolling left or right occasionally. All Doug did was gasp. As Jen really got going she became a blur of frantic motion, until she stopped mid thrust and hunched forward. I watched her whole body twitch with a muted moan that squeezed around where her face was buried into Doug's shoulder. Her hips slowly sank the rest of the way down to his lap as she came. I was astounded my roommate hadn't cum already.

About five seconds after her orgasm Jen rose up again. Maybe twenty thrusts later she was on her way back up when Doug's arms bulged and he slammed her bodily down into his lap. This time it was Doug who cried a muffled orgasm into her body. From the way Jen wrapped her arms around his head, I assumed he was moaning into one of her breasts. Even in the half-light I could see his body bucking up into hers.

"Yes, fill me!" Jen whispered belatedly. Doug was already breathing heavily, his hands rubbing her arse as he came down from his moment of elation.

I'd just slipped a hand into my pocket, intending to release my own tension, when Doug's voice crept around the lithe body on top of him.

"No Jen, I can't," he groaned.

Jen ignored him. Her body began sliding up and down again. Even faster than before. A minute later she hunched forward again, her left leg twitching.

"I'm cumming," she hissed at him. A wet streak was sliding around the back of her thighs, glistening in the tiny amount of light that was sneaking into the room. I couldn't tell if it was Jen or Doug's cum. Probably both. But watching that shining drip slide down her thigh as she kept fucking my roommate had me twitching in my pants. I wasn't even going to need to touch myself if this kept up.

The only thing holding me back was the occasional pained whimper from Doug. It was just distracting enough to pull me out of the moment. But it did nothing to Jen. She humped even harder, her body twitching into what looked like a third orgasm without slowing down.

"Jen, it hurts, stop - please," Doug moaned.

"Shut up," she answered, a loud whisper now. "Not another word out of you until you fill my pussy again."

Doug tried to lift her off again. No luck. Jen dug her heels behind his knees and used the extra leverage to keep pounding herself against him despite his efforts to shift her. This continued for another two minutes before Doug's efforts changed. He was slamming her body down against his crotch now. Hands on her hips, pressing their bodies tight as she bottomed out on him. If they'd been half sober they'd have known no one could sleep through the wet slapping sounds of their tryst. I made a mental note to shout them an extra round or seven the next time we went out.

Doug only lasted another minute. His groan of release slurring into a pant as Jen gyrated her hips to draw out his orgasm.

"Unh," Jen moaned in satisfaction. "So full, I'm dripping."

She wasn't lying. I heard wet spatters against the couch. Which didn't bother me, it was hot and it was Doug's couch. They were still for a while. I thought maybe one or both of them had fallen asleep. Until Jen started moving her hips again.

"Jen, please," Doug moaned. He sounded exhausted, even more drunk than when they'd arrived. She didn't care. With one hand hooked around his shoulders and the other snaked in between them, Jen quickly convulsed with another orgasm. The more Doug squirmed, the more she seemed to enjoy herself. He was gasping in what increasingly sounded like pain. To distract myself from my own imminent orgasm I tried to think of way to will away an erection with a girl like Jen riding you. Nothing seemed feasible. Despite having cum twice, it sure didn't seem like Doug had any ideas either.

With a grunt loud enough to wake me, if I hadn't already been awake, he stood up. Jen kept on, hanging from his shoulder with one arm, frigging herself with the other. She had her legs hooked behind his back, using her thighs to continue a steady rhythm humping against him. The pair walk-fucked right past me towards Doug's bedroom.

And that's when it happened. Jen came again. Hard. Spasming against Doug until she lost her grip and sagged away from him. He caught her, but not before a hand covered in her wetness snapped out to grab onto something for support. That something wound up being my cock. Just for a second. I don't think she even realised what she'd grabbed before Doug lifted her up, her amazing gravity defying tits aimed perfectly at the slits of my eyes. I started to cum just as her hand let go of my penis. I faked a snore to cover any obvious sounds of my orgasm, but I don't think they would have noticed if I'd announced I was jizzing in my underwear. Doug was too caught up in his agony, Jen too busy frantically rubbing out another orgasm. I was still cumming as they stumbled through his doorway. The best orgasm of my life and every drop of it in my pants.

So yes, I would definitely have put up with a lot of shit from Jen just to continue being her boyfriend's roommate. Let alone her boyfriend. Besides, Doug dumping her didn't change me no longer having a roommate. He'd gotten a better paying job across town and couldn't move back in without adding an hour's commute to his day. Still, the gesture was nice.

Interviewing potential roommates was an exercise in futility. It felt like I was a soldier bogged down in the trenches of World War I. I'd make a sortie, putting out fliers and ads. Prospective sub-tenants would call me, tell me they loved the location, the rent and the size of the room in the ad. They'd charge in for an inspection, but usually retreated pretty quickly after they met me. Then I never heard from them again. All quiet on the Western Front.

I had high hopes when one guy, Greg, phoned back to ask if he would pay less for groceries and electricity given I was a 'big dude'. I was actually considering it a day later when he sent me a text message saying this girl he was seeing, a woman named Jen, had offered to fulfill certain sexual fantasies if he did it. He took me out for a beer a week later to apologise and inform me he, also, had dumped Jen. But not before the sex stuff. He didn't go into graphic detail, but enough was said that I knew I would have done exactly what he had if the same offers were made to me. By the end of the night Greg and I decided to catch up every so often for a bit of gaming online, but he never did come back to the apartment.

I got another seven inquiries, mostly from guys. But there were a few highlights. The first, a two second interval when I thought a cute female applicant was looking at my crotch - only to find a piece of chocolate had gotten caught in a fold of my jeans before melting into a gross looking blotch. The second was a beautiful, 20 something woman named Karen. She'd clearly decided to put her best foot forward at the inspection, arriving in a low cut top and figure hugging short shorts. I could see the disappointment on her face the moment I opened the door. But she stuck around, going through the motions just long enough for me to entertain the thought she might actually consider living with me. I was still fantasizing about Karen sitting at my kitchen table, me having dinner with a beautiful woman, when she told me the apartment wasn't for her.

About two weeks passed and my expectations were low when I got a call about the room from Rose. Her voice actually sounded attractive, confident. Like she had no business living with a planet-sized nerd like me. A day later she called from the street out the front to confirm the address.

My flat is up a flight of stairs and around the back of the building from the street with a massive row of trees along the back fence. The only person who ever came back there was me, and a few pizza delivery guys. Great for privacy and quiet when you're trying to sleep during the day, but those stairs were the reason I always came home with a red face.

I was thinking about which pizza joint to call that night about five minutes after Rose's call when I realised she hadn't knocked on the door yet. This one hadn't even made it inside. Mars' Special Law of Gravity was forcing people away before they even had a look at the place.

I grunted and forced myself off the couch to stick my head out the door, mostly to make sure I wasn't being pranked by some other 'friend' of Jen's. I was not being pranked.

There was a woman on the landing at the top of the stairs. Bent over at the waist, she was stretching to touch her toes. Her hands barely brushed the top of her ankle-high boots, the denim of her jeans stretched tight across her ample butt. It was right there. I could even make out a panty line through the fabric and see a hint of pink and white where her underwear rode above the waist of her jeans.

One half of me really was trying not to be a perv. The other half was a 25-year-old virgin and the unexpected slightly erotic sight was enough to make my privates respond.

I had just enough time to adjust my arousal before she straightened up. Her jeans still hugged her butt, only now I could see the weave of them angling upwards on the inside of her thighs to form a wide arrow pointing to her crotch. A light-weight white blouse with small black polka dots hung far enough away from her jeans to hint she was hiding some love handles beneath it. When she turned around her face was red beneath a mop of brown hair, and the combination made her green eyes pop. She had the kind of pretty features I used to fall hopelessly in love with at high school. Or on cinema screens. Or walking past at the bank. Blotches of colour also flared at the base of her pale neck and flushed the tops of her bosom. I assumed she was embarrassed I'd caught her bent over at my front door.

"Hi I'm Rose, and I'm definitely not used to stairs," she said. "Just needed to stretch my hamstrings a little after hiking up here. You must be Mars?"

I did my best to smile without looking too much like I was on the verge of becoming completely smitten with her. Or that I'd enjoyed her stretching.

"That's me. And this is the apartment."

I held the door open and waved her in, consciously avoiding looking at the open V of her only partially buttoned blouse. Like Karen before her, Rose was clearly putting her best foot forward. Only her best foot was decidedly bustier than Karen's had been. I was very glad I'd had a chance to adjust my growing erection before it became obvious.

The inspection was fairly comprehensive. It took her about 10 minutes just to check her bedroom.

"This door doesn't catch," Rose announced as she emerged.

She'd shut it behind her, but it was already swinging open on its own.