The Red Planet

"Nah, I'm good. But what's up with this place, there's no dust anywhere."

I shrugged.

"When I can't sleep I clean. Something about dusting makes me drowsy."

I opened a cupboard near the front door revealing a stash of static brushes and cloths. Rose's eyes flicked from me to the cupboard a few times before settling on me.

"Dude. Being a compulsive cleaner is the kind of thing you should have mentioned when you were trying to rent out your spare room. I'd live next to a crack den if it meant having someone who loved cleaning in the apartment."

"Really? I guess I'll remember that for next time."

"Next time? I'm never leaving. That's one of my main criteria in a guy. Total turn on. Hell, if you could cook I'd freakin' marry you."

Rose blushed as she realised what she'd said. Her skin was still red a few awkwardly silent seconds later when she adjusted her tank top, putting even more cleavage on display.

"OK, I'm just going to leave my breasts here. You go right ahead and enjoy yourself until it stops being awkward that I just proposed to you after less than a week as your roommate."

A few seconds later things became much more awkward. I shuffled my way to my room with my work pants tenting out and stayed there for most of the rest of the night. Rose seemed to do the same thing.

I was just getting ready to go to sleep when I heard the buzzing. At first I thought it was the fridge giving out. Then I realised it was coming from Rose's room. Occasionally I heard a small gasp or a whimper above the high pitched sound of the vibrator. It was still going when I fell asleep, a pile of wadded up tissues next to my bed.

The first real shock came on Friday night. Rose was long gone, but there was a note on the fridge.

"Going on a date straight after work tomorrow morning. Don't wait up. And don't worry, I won't bring him home. Rose :-)"

I took a moment to mentally curse Greg for getting my hopes up. After my initial disappointment faded I decided I was happy for Rose and got on with my day, convincing myself I wasn't jealous of the guy taking her out.

*****

I woke up to someone shaking me by the shoulder. Rose. Sitting next to me. On the side of my bed. She was only a silhouette in the dark. For a moment I thought I was having another sex dream, then I realised she looked upset - slumped through the shoulders where she normally held them straight and squared up to the world.

"Sorry to wake you," she said. "But my date didn't go so well. I was about to eat a whole tub of ice cream, then I figured maybe what I really needed was to talk to somebody. Thought I'd see if you would be up for being my agony aunt ... errm, uncle, as well as roommate?"

"Suuuure," I answered, the word drawing out into a yawn.

The room was almost entirely black, but more of the scene was starting to come into focus in other ways. Like how I was only wearing boxer shorts under my blanket. And for the first time in my adult life there was a woman actually on my bed.

"Right, so here's the background. When I'm feeling frisky, I sometimes stop at a bar on my way to work. I usually just get a cola or something and see if any guys try to buy me a drink. About six weeks ago, this guy starts chatting me up. He spent most of his time talking to my breasts, but the way he was staring was just getting me going. It didn't hurt that this guy was a solid nine out of 10. It was like Ronaldo lining up to play in a Sunday football match at the park. And, before I come off sounding like some nympho, it's been a while. So please don't judge me."

I realised something as Rose continued on about exactly how long it had been since she'd had some action. Women probably don't talk about their plans for other men to a guy they're considering sleeping with. This quickly led to the deduction that I had landed in the friend zone. And honestly, it was kind of nice. I'd never had a sister growing up, or a gal pal. You know, Mars' Special Rule of Gravity and all that. I settled back and let her words drift over me. Her voice sounded nice. But the things she was talking about, like how she defined 'action' as a minimum of three orgasms in a single night, were giving me a hard on.

I tuned back in properly as I felt Rose shift her weight on the bed and the cadence of her words changed.

"Sorry, got a little sidetracked there. I've been a bit ... frustrated. Anyway, I wound up telling the guy if he wanted to see me at breakfast sometime he could take me out on a Saturday morning, and then I might let him have me for lunch. I know, corny, but guys love it. Especially when they sober up and realise breakfast is the cheapest meal of the day for a date. There's no booze involved."

Friend zone was a funny term. Such a negative reputation. But as a guy with about four really good friends and one bitchy hot chick who once inadvertently made me cum in my pants, I just couldn't see the problem with another person who wanted to just hang out with me. Especially if that new friend was a woman and might tell one of her other friends how decent a guy I was. How well I listened and ... shit, what did Rose just say? Pay attention, Mars!

"He finally called me on Thursday," Rose continued. "And we set up a coffee for this morning. I spent half of last night imagining him just bending me over the coffee counter when he arrived, because apparently two months without any action turns me into an exhibitionist. I get off work, and I'm at the cafe early, practically grinding myself on the edge of a chair and wearing sunglasses inside so nobody can see that my eyes are just dripping lust. He finally arrives, and for a moment I'm thinking the referee is actually going to let Ronaldo play in my park. And then he looks at me. More specifically at the bit of me between my breasts and my hips, and he just leaves! I'd basically told him he was going to get laid if he took me for a coffee, and he walked away because I was too fat!"

Another data point for Mars' Special Law of Gravity. It also applies to women. Fascinating.

"Maybe he got a call and had to be somewhere?" I offered.

Rose huffed and flopped back onto the bed, landing perpendicular to me, across my stomach. She settled in against me. I watched as her phone lit up and her contacts screen appeared. The name Hot Steve quickly changed to Douchebag, Do Not Answer.

"Not buying it. That arse-hat can buy himself a coffee and fuck the cup," Rose spat.

I swallowed a laugh.

Her head lifted for a second, then dropped back against me with another frustrated huff. There was a thunk as her phone dropped onto the floor. For a moment I heard her hands sifting through her hair, then it happened. Rose's hand fell back down to the blanket. Onto the blanket where it covered my lap. Her fingertips were nudging my erect penis. I heard her breath catch in her throat and the room settled into silence. Finally her fingers moved gingerly up and down for a second or two.

"Mars, am I touching your dick?" she asked.

"Sorry."

"Geez, that's hard. Did I interrupt you when I came in?"

"No."

"So, miserable chicks float your boat?"

"No! It's just, you were talking about sex and sitting on my bed and ... I couldn't help it."

"Your dick thinks I'm sexy?"

Rose burst into laughter. There might have been a sob or two in amongst the giggles. I actually felt the tension dropping out of her as she slumped into me. More relaxed.

"Mars, you're even better than a tub of ice cream," she said. "That's the first time I've ever been stood up and still wound up feeling sexy as a porn star in a guy's bed an hour later."

Something about having a woman's finger tips touching my cock, even if it was through my boxers and a blanket, gave me a surge in confidence. No vodka or energy drink needed this time.

"Well, I guess if you're comparing me to ice cream you could spoon me - but I'm a pretty big spoon," I said.

The laughter barked out of Rose in a fit. She actually slid off me and the bed. For a full minute she giggled into the carpet of my bedroom floor. She was gasping when she finally struggled upright. When she spoke, there was a different tone to her voice. I couldn't see her face, but she sounded vulnerable. In a different way to the Rose who had been upset about being stood up.

"Mars, the other night you said a pair of constellation earrings might help when I was meeting new people. What did you mean?" She asked.

I hadn't been expecting the question and had to abandon a sexy cutlery joke I'd just concocted.

"Well, I miss a lot of social occasions working overnight, so I'm not very good at meeting new people," I answered. "I just kind of assumed that was the case for everyone who works nights. So, maybe, you would be like me and need something as a conversation starter."

"And who would these scorpion star earrings be starting conversations with?" Rose pressed.

" Scorpius," I corrected. "Um, I don't know. I didn't really think about that. Your hairdresser, I guess? Or friends?"

"Or guys I wanted to date?"

When I answered I couldn't keep the disappointment out of my voice.

"I guess so."

Rose remained silent for a while. Without any words between us our breathing quickly synched together. I'd never felt so close to a woman before, except maybe my mother when I was a kid. I was definitely not prepared for it when Rose began fishing under the blanket for my hand.

"OK. You've got me 90 per cent on track to turning a terrible morning into a wonderful day, but there's still one more thing you can do for me. Take me outside and show me the stars."

"Right now?" I asked.

Rose didn't answer, she just pulled at my arm until I started sliding out from under my blankets. She had her back to me as we marched across the living room towards the front door. The blinds weren't as good in here, just cheap venetians, so the room was brighter. I could see Rose was still wearing the clothes she'd put on for her date. Her full figure was on display, the fabric of a long skirt stretched taut against her backside. Her top was open at the back, tied behind her neck to stop it slipping down. It left her shoulder blades and a small roll of skin exposed. My dick had started to soften during the march, but the sight of so much Rose - and no sign of a bra - had me back to full hardness in a few heartbeats.

"Rose?" I began, but she shushed me and slapped a hand against the front door.

Warm sunlight streamed into the living room as she yanked open the door. She actually made it another step onto the landing before it registered. There was only one star out at this time of day. She turned around and I could tell she had been crying, either in my room or before she'd come in. There was a streak of dark makeup running down one of her cheeks. And her eyes were still puffy, though she didn't look sad right now. I was trying to work out how I could apologise for it being 11am in the morning when I realised Rose's eyes were running up and down the length of me. I was standing there, in full sunlight, with just a pair of boxers for modesty. And my hard-on straining against the glossy fabric.

"Sorry." She mumbled, pushing past me and back into the apartment.

I was still at the door, blinking in the unexpected brightness when I heard her bedroom door slam. There was a creek as it immediately began swinging open again. Rose hadn't lifted it so that it would catch. By the time I got back inside it was wide open. With my eyes still blinded by the bright day outside it might as well have been the dark side of Saturn inside her room. It was just a black hole in the living room wall. For a moment I considered trying to cheer her up again, but when I heard what sounded like a sob I decided against it. I doubted me getting an inappropriate erection was going to work a second time. And I really didn't have anything else to offer. Except maybe a tub of ice cream.

A tidal wave of sleepiness hit me as I stood staring at her open bedroom door. I stumbled to the kitchen, wrote a short note and stuck it to the lid of the ice cream in the freezer. A few seconds later I face planted into my bed and a dream-free sleep.

****

Greg was once again kicking my digital arse when Rose emerged from her room. I was distracted, but it was increasingly common for the two of us to be the last men standing in a death match with as many as 20 players. I was beginning to suspect Greg was getting more practice at this game than he was letting on. He was definitely carrying me at the moment.

It was 9pm. Rose had spent about 10 hours in her room, the door open the whole time. I had headphones on, and with only the light from the TV screen in the room, I didn't notice her straight away. But when I did, I really noticed her. She was only wearing a towel.

I could see more of her than I had in the past week. Bare skin stretched from her toes to about halfway up her thighs where the towel appeared. The fluffy white fabric stretched just high enough to cover the bottom half of her breasts, but I was almost certain I could see a ruddy patch of pink skin peeking out on one of the huge globes. I forced myself to look at her face just as her eyes turned to me. Rose didn't say anything. I had no idea if she'd seen where my eyes were looking a few seconds before or not.

"I'm going to have a shower," she announced, before the bathroom door slammed behind her.

I looked back to the screen just in time to see my perfectly still avatar's head pop in a spray of red. Greg won the match. But it felt like I'd hit the jackpot. I was so hard at that moment a slight breeze would have made me pop like the game character's head.

"Wow, Mars, did your hot roommate just walk through your living room naked?" Greg asked.

"You heard that?" I asked.

A cacophony of male voices demanding pics of her tits erupted through my headphones. On screen messages began to demand the same. I dropped out of the server, but noticed the unread number of emails on my gaming account begin ticking up. Fucking teenage boys. Or at least I hoped they were teenagers. There were plenty of guys my age who would have joined in that chorus. A conversation prompt popped up from Greg's account.

"Sorry dude, I should have known that would happen," he said.

"S'OK, I'll just create a new username and change the email address. You might have to too, though. If they see your account start playing with another gamer immediately, some of them will probably work it out. And they'll just start up again. There's always one or two smart little pricks among them."

"Yeah, no worries. Might be nice to stop hearing them complain when we join a game. We've been smashing them for hours now. Chumps. We could really use some more competitive players on this server."

"Thanks Greg."

"So, did she seem like she was still upset? I know you didn't want to get into details earlier, but I got that much from what you weren't saying."

"Remind me to never try and keep a secret from you," I answered.

"So still upset then. Sounds like that means you've got a few more hours for me to keep kicking your arse. Get yourself that new account and I'll see you soon. From the other end of a very high-powered sniper rifle."

I smiled. For a guy I barely saw in the real world, Greg was fast becoming a surprisingly good friend.

We'd been playing again for about five minutes when Rose walked back across the living room, beads of water on her bare shoulders, towel damp and clinging to her curves. Once she'd walked past me I stared at her arse, covered but only just, until she reached her room. This time she closed the door properly. Her bedroom light flashing on a second before it shut, providing just enough illumination to reveal a towel in a pile on the floor. My mind reeled. Rose was naked in there. Naked and wet. And earlier today she'd touched my dick. This was definitely not an appropriate time to be objectifying her, but my hard-on was back. Maybe I wasn't so different from the teenage boys we were playing against earlier.

A text message buzzed from my phone. Greg.

"She just walked out of the bathroom, didn't she?"

"Huh?" I managed to mutter as I looked back up to the screen. My character clutched his stomach and doubled over as a single rifle crack echoed through my headphones.

"Cheater." I texted back.

I heard the sound of Greg laughing via the headphones, the volume swelling as his character appeared next to mine's body. A new round began.

Rose wandered past in a hoody and track pants shortly after disappearing into her bedroom, she still hadn't said a word since getting up. Greg and I kept on for close to half an hour before Rose sat down next to me, waiting for me to finish the round. With her next to me Greg quickly ended it. I told him that was it for me for the night. He seemed to understand the subtext and the last thing I heard over my headphones was a whispered "good luck".

"You're not very good at that game," Rose said. This was the first time, aside from Greg, anyone had ever concluded I lacked skill at video games.

"How do you figure?" I asked.

"Every time I watch you play the same guy blows your head off," she answered. "Did you back into his car or something?"

I laughed. Rose shrugged and let the conversation drop as I flicked the screen back over to TV. Alien was on. We watched for about five minutes before Rose looked at her watch and sat up straight.

"It has just ticked past 9.48pm on Saturday," she announced. "You know what that means?"

I had no idea.

"You have just made it a week without breaking my rules," she continued. "So now, as promised, I am going to make it worth your while."

My eyes drifted to the exposed skin of her hip as she leant over the arm of the couch to retrieve a plate she'd stashed out of sight. A pair of huge, gooey s'mores drooled chocolate and molten marshmallow onto the ceramic. Rose handed me a fork.

"You're a decent guy, Mars," she said. "And it's not just the not ogling me. A lot of guys probably would have tried to take advantage of me this morning. Christ, I kinda wanted you to. I had half a mind to tell you to bend me over the railing of your front landing so you could show me heaven and the stars at the same time. Until I realised it was 11am."

My mouth was hanging open at this point, my slacks tented obscenely. Only the plate held between us stopped her seeing my arousal. Maybe I wasn't in the friend zone after all.

"And that would have been a terrible idea. Because you're only a few cooking lessons and a bit more will power around half-dressed women away from being a great guy. And you deserve better than your roommate humping you just to feel better about herself."

The red planet flared in response. I didn't know what to say as I felt myself slip back into the friend zone. It still didn't seem that bad, though my erection disagreed. Still, I must have looked disappointed because Rose soon rushed to fill the silence.

"Trust me, Mars, this is one time you didn't want to get laid. If we had done it I'd be struggling to look you in the eye right now. In a week I'd be moving out again."

In a conversation where I didn't know what the next thing to come out of my mouth should be, I opted to put something in it instead. The s'more broke apart easily enough under my fork and I shoveled a huge piece into my mouth. Peanut butter and honey mingled with the chocolate and marshmallow. Salty and sweet. I was still chewing as my fork descended on autopilot towards the plate again.

"Wow," I said around a half-chewed mouthful. "This is fantastic."

"Yep," Rose said, beaming. She seemed just as happy as I was to change the subject. "Told you I like to do things a bit differently in the kitchen. But I'm obliged to inform you that this is wickedly unhealthy stuff. One portion contains enough sugar to shave a year off your life. And it's five portions per s'more. Because if packaging gets to be a tricky motherfucker, then so do I."