All Comments on 'The Reluctant Journey Ch. 04'

Love where this is going. keep it up.5 stars.

Thanks for not stopping with the lake scene and I appreciate that this is a longer chapter than the previous submissions. The opening scene didn't advance the story, it only added questions to the plot. You keep moving your chess pieces, making the reader believe that a real substantial plot is going to be revealed, but it's just ... More..... Moving ...... Around.....

I get that writing is a past time and you have a life and all. But the drawn out way in which you are telling this story is excruciatingly frustrating. On the other hand, having a completed novel to read and enjoy the slow developments at my own pace, this would be excellent! Unfortunately, it's not complete. There is far too much time between submissions. Each submission only brings about more questions. I have a low tolerance for frustration and will eventually ignore the impulse to click on the subsequent chapters.

At some point, you have to start answering the questions. You need to move the story along, substantially!

Okay, wow that was harsh sounding. What I hope you take from this is how very much I want to read your story, which means also, how very much I like what I'm reading.

I love this story!!! I just wish it moved faster. And I really hope she ends up with Cain and not Tristan. Tristan is nice but it's Cain who really wants her. I want Tristan to be happy too tho. Hopefully he gets someone. You can just feel her sexual tension with Cain 😊 very hot!! Great characters!!

Love this soooooo much. I can't wait for chapter 5, though I said the same thing about chapter 4 and I survived. I hope Olivia ends up with Tristan and Malia ends up with Cain. Please bring her family from the unit. I think that Cain could learn a lot from Malia's parents.

Regards,

R

I have never left a comment before but I Loved it , more please this last part with Cain was very hot!!!can't wait for chapter 5.

Please please don't give up on this story like so many here do .Loving it so far :-)

Please continue, I am hooked and checking daily for the next chapter...

I posted chapter 5 early Wednesday morning, so it should be up...any time? Honestly I am checking on it everyday as well. Thanks for all the comments, I love to read and reread them. Fair warning, Chapter 5 isn't very long (6 full word pages), but I hope it moves the story along a little quicker. Sorry for frustrating you so, LadyParts :) I do appreciate the critique though, it tells me what I need to work on.

Enjoying this very much . Cain is kindda hot

I want Malia and Cain together!!

A woman with yellow hair wearing a red, gauzy thing, calling him "stud" ??????? For most of the chap I thought she was a smitten prostitute! But maybe she's not..? Oh, I get it, he has issues paying for sex, as he feels like he's above it, so he uses a woman who's essentially the same thing.

LOVED the spanking scene! Was she having difficulty spotting his hard-on ??? He's big, so he must be pretty big. I'm guessing she's innocent enough to not know what to look for when a man looks at her like he wants to eat her up :). That's nice, yumminess in store.

Male characters are difficult for female writers to write, and these boys seem very feminine in their thoughts, as if they have no control over their environment most of the time etc., but it doesn't really distract from the story, which I'm enjoying a lot.

This story gets SOO much better in chapters more towards the end so do not be discouraged readers!

is cain missing his entire frontal lobe or does the author think this makes him ~edgy~ and interesting?

I don't think the explanation of the country being splintered was explored enough. Character development is lacking. If she's so fiercely loyal to her family, why isn't she angry finding out about luxuries they lack. She's excited to get a dress, bath, etc but never gave a thought to how her family much less her "unit" suffers. She is s3lfish, short sighted and lacking in the rebellious thoughtfulness the writer is trying to force her to be. Nice try, but it falls flat. There's also so much time spent on dialogue, there's a writer's adage: show , don't tell. Mixing inner dialogue with character's talking is a skill a good writer achieves. Last but not least, there are no emotions or depth of feeling to the hard, and at first horrifying, experience Malia is going through,so she comes across flat. It's nice to have ideas come out of other stories, but make it your own, not a fan low level knock-off.