The Renaissance Man Pt. 01

"Scott take off your shirt now!" Trish said.

"No!" I said turning to face her as she set the bag down. "I don't show my man titties to anyone especially a lady I just met."

"Fine!" she said as she slapped me then proceeded to rip off the sleeve. After checking the area out she said the wrong side and ripped the other side off.

Still not satisfied she grabbed my shirt from the front and ripped it apart and pushed was left off of my shoulders. She then pushed me down into a chair and sat on me so I couldn't getaway. I was impressed. It had taken this bitch less than two minutes to ruin my shirt.

"You got a two-inch knife wound in your shoulder." Trish said, "Does not appear to have done any permanent damage but you will have to go to the hospital to get it stitched up."

"Do you have the equipment needed to stitch it up?" I asked.

She said yes but I have nothing to ease the pain. I told her to go ahead and do it. I said there was no way in hell I was going to the hospital. It took her about ten minutes to get it all done. I pulled what was left of my shirt back onto my shoulders. By that time, she had put her medical stuff away. Standing back up I grabbed her and forcibly put her over my knee.

I slapped her tush three times with the palm of my hand while telling her never to hit me again. Then I released her. I hadn't hit her hard, but I surely had embarrassed her. Being Irish her temper flared. The four letters swear words that came out of her mouth could have made most men blush. She picked up and bag and was going to knock off my head with it.

"Knock it off you two." The police captain said. "You both have been behaving like immature children. Now both of you put your hands out in front of you."

He put a cuff on my right wrist and attached the open side to Trish's left wrist.

"These items will have to be watched over until we can bring in the trucks to load the stolen goods up. You two either volunteer and agree to stay cuffed together until we get back or its jail until we see the judge on Monday." The captain said.

"I guess were volunteering," I said.

"Yes, we are," said Trish.

The captain had a strange smile on his face as he walked away. Trish and I found two lawn chairs and sat down. Both of us were embarrassed.

"I guess I'm the one that started it all," Trish said. "after all I was the one that accused you of being a crook."

"We were both at fault," I said. "You came on like Maureen Ohara and I responded as if I was John Wayne."

Trish started to laugh. "I've seen that movie too. You called our behavior just about right."

Tina walked over and took a few pictures with her cell. "Mom and dad won't believe this without proof. Hell, I saw all it unfolded and I'm still having a hard time believing it."

"How long are we going to be stuck here?" Trish asked.

"They will stay until the crowds peter out, so I figure around 7 pm," I responded.

"Sis take my medical bag and my purse be back at seven tonight to pick me up," Trish said.

Linda walked over and looked at us before speaking. "Dam I wish I had known that all it took was a set of cuffs to get you to spend time with a woman I would have bought a set long ago."

As soon as Tina left, we started taking a closer look at some of the items the illegal vendors had been selling. There was a lot of older furniture of good quality. Some in good shape some not. I learned that Trish had a good eye to what was quality but had no clue as to age or period. Two sets caught her attention the first was a couch and a love seat. There was a dining set that caught her attention. The table needed a major repair. Most would look at it and pass on it because of it.

"It's beautiful," Trish said. "But if you stripped it to repair it, it would lose it Fatima and be worth a lot less."

"Not if a true master in the restoration of old furniture was doing it," I said.

We had our moments, but we got through them. The hardest was when Trish had to go to the bathroom, but we got through that difficulty. By six that evening, a lot of the vendors had packed up and left so Trish and I walked back to my van and brought it down. I called my next-door neighbor's son Brad. I told him to stop at my house to pick me up a t-shirt and a twelve-pack of beer. Pick up two large Pizza from Papa John's and be at the flea market at seven I told him.

Brad and Tina pulled in at the same time. I introduced them to each other. It turned out they were both going to the local university. When Brad saw the cuffs, he had to ask. Tina went into great detail explaining it all while we ate and drank beer. Brad had to say so it took a set of cuffs for Scott to spend time major time with a female.

It was almost eight when the team showed up. The captain said sarcastically it's nice to see you two did not kill each other as he undid the cuffs. He once again had a huge grin on his face. I asked him about it, and he said he would explain it in due time. I opened up the back door so they could take possession of the three carousels into evidence. We talked for a few before I took my ripped shirt off and slid the t-shirt on. It took them about forty minutes to take anything with a serial number. I got the boys to load the couch and sofa Trish liked unto my van before they left.

We asked the ladies to climb into the van so we could hand up the dining set to them. Once we were done, they climbed out of the back of the van.

"Trish where do you want this furniture delivered to. I talked to the captain since it can't be traced, we decided to give it to you. What's left will be picked up in the morning for the annual police auction."

"Let me make a phone call first and I will answer you," Trish said as she opened her cell.

--------

"Tina take my car and meet me at our parents. Don't park in the driveway. Scott will have to back his van in so we can unload it."

"How are you getting there," Tina asked?

"I will ride with Scott," Trish replied.

I wondered why Tina seemed surprised by that thought.

Her father had moved his vehicle out of the garage so we could move the furniture in. As Brad and I unloaded it he took pictures of it with his cell and sent them to somebody. We put the couch in first then used the old newspapers to provide protection for it. That allowed us to lay the love seat in reverse over it. We brought the table in and did the same with it. That allowed us to gently set some of the chairs on top. The captain chairs we set in front.

Trish introduced me to her parents John and Hellen Malley. Tina had gone in and brought us out a cold beer. Out of curiosity, her dad had to ask me what happened to my shirt.

"These are the facts. A lady I had met for the first time walked up to me and asked me to take off my shirt. I refused. The lady said fine. Then she slapped me hard on the face. While I was dealing with that, she ripped the right sleeve off. Looked for something, not seeing what she wanted she ripped the other off only to find the same result. She grabbed the front of my shirt and tore the buttons off as she opened it up. Slid what was left of my shirt over my shoulder." I said. "Then she pushed me down into a lawn chair and sat on me."

"What did the lady want?" John Malley asked.

"You have to ask Trish that," I said with a smile.

"You Asshole you just had to say that," Trish said in laugher. "Dad Scott was bleeding from a knife wound in his shoulder. Scott, you better let me look at it again to make sure it's not infected."

I sat on the step and took my torn shirt off. Then I pulled my T-shirt off.

Under the porch light, she washed the excess dried blood off. "There appears to be no infection and its healing well."

Tina saw the look of puzzlement on her parent's faces.

"Mom, Dad, Trish met Scott this morning when she tried to arrest him. She did not know he is a police officer working undercover." Tina said while still laughing. "You will not believe what these two did to each other today. They both ended up being cuffed to each other. Believe me, this is one day my sister will never live down."

"The knife wound I received while arresting members of a stolen goods ring. Mr. Malley your daughter has a strong right. That was the fourth time she had hit me." I explained. "I was so mad. Still reeling in the pain from being stitched up. That I physically turned her over my knee and spanked her tush."

Her parents both gasped

"When I let her up, she picked up her medical bag and started to swing it at me." I said, "That's when the police captain stepped in and cuffed us."

"You missed lunch because of trying to arrest Scott are you crazy?" Helen asked.

"Mom this is what Scott looked like when my sister tried to arrest him," Tina said as she handed her cellphone to her. "Scott was undercover he actually looked and acted as an old man would."

Helen had to admit that there was no way anyone would believe the old man was me.

"Mom I got a video clip that I can show you how they actually met later. Also, I caught the look on Trish's face when Scott spit the marbles out of his mouth so he could talk like he would normally." Tina said.

I decided it was time for me to go so I thanked them all for their hospitality and started towards the van. I needed to go load up what furniture was left behind before it disappeared.

"Scott," Trish said.

I turned back to look at her. Trish had just picked up a full can of beer. "What?"

"Denny's at eight?" she asked. Before I could say a word, I saw the shocked look on her parents and sister's faces.

"Sounds good, but I will be in a disguise again," I explained. "I have to go investigate another swap meet tomorrow.

"How will I recognize you?" she asked.

"Look for this shirt, without the dried blood on it," I replied.

"What should I wear?" She said seriously.

Not thinking I blurted out, "That depends on what your shopping for."

"You Asshole," Trish yelled as a result of her quick temper.

Next thing you know there was a full can of beer flying towards my head. I raised my hand up and caught it and slowly walked back towards Trish whose face displayed to perfection, her anger.

"You know Miss Maureen O'Hara. You and your quick temper have been riding my ass all day. There is only so much that a man can take," I said firmly when I arrived in front of her.

"So, what there is nothing you can do about it now," Trish said with a smirk. "This is holy ground. You would not dare trying anything here."

"Lady there is more than one way to skin a cat," I said.

Her mom went to say something, but her father said "stay out of it. Let the two of them work it out."

I was now right up against Trish. We were looking at each other eye to eye. I switched the beer can to my left hand and wrapped my right around her pulling her in tight. Lowering my head, I brought my lips to her and gave her a long tender tongue exchanging goodnight kiss. Meanwhile, I was using my left hand to shake the can even more.

Both her parents caught on to what I was doing.

After ending the kiss, I said, "Here's your beer back maybe that can cool your temper off until the morning."

I started heading back to go when I heard her snap open the beer can. It went everywhere soaking her down.

"Dammit Scott," Trish cursed. "You can be a real asshole, you set me up."

"Especially when one's temper forces me to be," I said in laughter.

As John her father walked with me to the truck he asked. "have you two been like this most of the day?"

"Pretty much," I replied.

"Yet you're holding your own." He said.

"Well I have seen this rodeo before a few times in an old movie called the 'The Taming of the Shrew'," I said as I climbed in to drive off.

I guess it hit John as funny has he started to laugh and was still laughing when I left their driveway. As soon as he went back into the back yard, he got confronted about what was so funny. He refused to explain.

"Dad, did your insurance adjuster friend give you any names that I could use to restore the furniture?" Trish asked.

"He texted me five or six good names but there was only one he would recommend if you wanted it back in mint condition," John said. "The problem is two-fold with him. He does it for favor's owed down the road and he is almost impossible to get a hold of."

"What's his name," Trish asked.

"James Scott Tait." Her dad responded.

John was puzzled. Trish was sitting there not saying a word, yet she had a huge smile on her face. Tina walked over and sat beside her. Taking her hand.

"What's the problem Sis," Tina asked.

"It's been nine years since I got stood up at the altar and swore off of love and romance," Trish said. "Then he had to kiss me after all the bickering we have done. How can I work with someone I'm attracted too when I swore off of those types of relationships?"

"Sis you're not afraid of him. You both share for different reasons the same fear. That's why you find yourself bickering with him. Like he is with you. That fear is bonding the two of you together." Tina said.

"What fear, your full of it, I'm not afraid of anything neither is Scott," Trish responded.

"Yes, you both are afraid of falling in love. Scott admitted that to Linda today. We both know that she would marry him today if he would let her. I just wish I knew her story."

"I will tell you later, I learned about it while Linda was helping Scott," Trish said quietly.

Standing up Trish said. "Before we all go into to see how Scott and I met I want to tell you, Dad, that I will get James Scott Tait to help me restore the furniture."

"How are you going to do that?" John asked.

"That's Scott's full name, Dad." She said. "I just have to figure out how to approach him about it."

They watched the video clip from the start to the finish. Trish's father felt it was a hoot. Then Tina sent an email to her mom containing all the clips she had taken. All four of them watched what Tina had shot. From the meeting of me by the truck until I had taken my disguise off. She had captured the fight from when Linda entered the brawl until right after I had spanked Trish.

"Who's that lady named Linda," Asked Helen.

"Mom she's sixteen years old. Her maturity is years beyond what is normal." Trish said. "When she was twelve, she got involved with some sixteen and older-aged boys who took advantage of the situation. They ended up having a party at her parents' house that went overboard. Scott saved the day for the family by stepping in and agreeing to be there while she was under house arrest for the summer. During that summer she had to work with him as they repaired the damage."

"It was during the second week of school that Linda's parents were called in by the school counselors. Because of the change of her personality, they thought she'd been sexually assaulted. After going through all the hoops and whistles the professional determined that Scott had been the first person to treat her as an equal." Trish continued. "He taught her to think about all things out. To use her senses as assets, and how to protect herself. Tricks about life that would take others years to learn, she learned that summer. Her maturity level was years above other students. On the last day of her house arrest, her parents arrived home to find she had cooked the complete dinner herself. Her father a master chef was blown away with how well it was done."

"Every male person Linda meets gets compared to Scott. Its result is that she has convinced herself she is in love with Scott and no one is going to prove to her anything different. She took judo classes and excelled." Trish said. "That's why she stepped in to help."

"Wow, how does that affect Scott's relationship with her parents?" Asked John.

"He tries to avoid Linda as much as possible," Trish explained. "Yet sees her parents a lot. Scott has helped him at times during special events when needed. Mom I need to borrow those old used blue jeans you wear when cleaning the house. Scott thought I was overdressed so I am going the complete opposite tomorrow."

"Scott has always walked alone," Brad said. "My parents thought for years that he was gay. The clip I took of him kissing Trish showed his reaction and will erase any doubts my parents have."

Helen and John were lying in bed trying to digest the day. For the first time in almost nine years, their daughter Trish had become involved with a man.

"What's attracting those two to each other is the question I can't figure out." She said to her husband. "Their bickering and snipes show that they are."

"I don't care what it is." He responded. "Our daughter is finally starting to let go and heal. Scott treats her as an equal not just as a woman. Give them a chance to work it out between themselves and stay out of it."

"I will believe me; I will it was my pushing that caused what happened in the first place. I'll not make that mistake again." She said

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I noticed Trish standing by the entrance to Denny's talking to a gentleman as I drove in. I was in a modified old Ford farm truck with a flat deck on it with wooden rails down the side. It had been used in parades and had a few bells and whistles to it that could not be seen. For years it had been used in a Circus for the clowns. I had bought it used. Restored it and modified it. In the back was a rocking chair permanently tied down. Using sound effects, I could make it sound like the engine was on its last breath. It would blow blue smoke out of the rear end or behind the back seat and make farting sounds on command.

The outfit I was wearing made me look like a good ole local boy from the south. It gave me a big ass, wide thighs, massive forearms, and wide thick shoulder blades. I wore a black hair wig tied with a ponytail at the back. Matching trimmed beard and mustache. A pair of John Lemon style sunglasses and a St Louis Cardinals baseball cap on backward. My now sleeveless blue jean shirt with no buttons hung off my shoulder in all its glory.

I stepped down out of the truck knowing that Trish did not see me. Walking towards her the person she was talking to seemed to be quite interested in her. I reach the step up to the entrance and stood beside that man who was talking to her before she saw my shirt. She broke into a smile.

"Excuse me," I said to the gentleman with her. "Is this young lady your girlfriend."

"No, we just work together." The man said.

I said good and moved in towards her. After removing my sunglasses, I pulled her into my arms and lowered my head giving her a deep good morning kiss. The man with her was stunned.

"Well, I can take that off my bucket list," I said.

"What's that?" he asked.

I replied, "I have always wanted to kiss an angel good morning."

"Where's your purse?" I asked Trish.

"No purse, identification, and money with a cellphone in the pocket," Trish replied.

Without a word, I bent over, picked her up throwing her over my shoulder and started walking back to the truck.

Giggling she said, "You goofball I wanted breakfast. Stephen the man I was talking to is on security at the hospital. We are going to be the talk in the halls tomorrow."

"Brad called me last night. He's having breakfast with Tina later, so we got together and did some planning. I'm taking you for breakfast now and when we are leaving Brad will arrive with your sister and clean up after."

We got into the truck and I started it.

"Trish open up the glove box and switch the second lever up."

I slowly back out of the parking spot as the truck backfired. We drove around towards the exit but had to come close to the entrance of the restaurant before leaving.

"Get ready to flick the fifth and sixth lever up when I say go."

When I said go the back of the truck was right beside Stephen. The sound of a large fart could be heard, and a puff of blue smoke appeared. To those entering it was believed that Stephen had let one.