All Comments on 'The Return Ch. 06'

Net effect on all these chapters would, be 4plus! Great work!

Really? Inviting the mob hitman who was going to kill Sarah, Becky and his friends to their wedding?

Story got better when it moved away from the heartbreak and the sexual assault and seduction part. Little odd that he would be so polite to Carmine who was going to kill all of them including his daughter and Sarah. The Bernie Phife thing was a bit peculiar. But again story got more interesting when it moved way from the original LW theme.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Read again. Still a first rate story.

A very good story. Well done

Really liked it but didn't you say geoff was basically richer than?? why so excited about vegas??

5 star series. thank you.

liked it 4 * would have given it 5, but I have problem with good result for cheaters.

In my opinion dating others when you are engaged is cheating.

Very entertaining and easy to follow. No nitpicking from me

This series started well, and then kept on deteriorating.

Goodstory. Disappointed you had to put two chapters in Non-Errotic instead of keeping all in one category.

jopstorm(1945)

A good story well told, thank you.

Excellent story. Very well written. I can't help but think a lot of commentor's did not comprehend the whole story. 10 Stars!

Overall it is a good story but I take issue with Geoff’s abject apology and blame for leaving after the incident where he caught Sarah in the back of that car. He had warned her about Bobby and she would not listen, acting like a spoiled bitch, not a woman engaged to be married. Yes, he drugged and tried to rape her, but she never should have gone out with him in the first place. It was not Geoff’s fault that she was in that car, and Sarah should have been the one accepting all the blame, not acting the aggrieved party. Do find an editor though, the grammar and spelling problems really detract from the story.

I really liked your story. The misuse of words and punctuation, in nearly every paragraph, was jarring but the story itself was great.

Excellent tale. Well written.

@jflinders

Yes telling a 20 year old woman who they’re allowed to hang out with always goes so well.

Overall good story. Having it fleshed out would have been a positive but like I said, good story.

One of the best storys here.

The reconciliation ruined the whole series for me. In the circumstances-she'd already gone dancing with Bobby, Geoff had made her know his feelings about it and the rumours she was causing-going out drinking and dancing with him again was a sign she couldn't stay home and be faithful. Regardless of the result of the "date" I can't see having anything more to do with her.

Among the many extraordinarily and frankly unbelievable feats pulled off by Geoff, I have to say managing to get married on September 31st (a date that doesn't exist) takes the cake!

It's not at all clear why he let Carmine go.

I enjoyed the story very much but was sorry it ended without knowing if the gold was found and what was done with it.

Peter

The carmine phife bit was stupid

Deputy Bernie Phife? OMG. I can't believe that you actually went there! I'm glad that you did include the follow up immediately in the next few paragraphs after her introduction. Still, it's a crying shame that you have her falling for the murderer Carmine.

I did enjoy Robert's demise at the hands of Samantha. She deserved to be no billed for self defense. I'm glad that she ended up with Billy. Some writers would have had her face extreme legal issues and I'm glad that you didn't go there.

Revealing that Sarah was pregnant again with their second child after the wedding would have been a nice addition. That's a missed opportunity for you. Overall, 3/5.

Wrapped up in a very neat little bow. Totally enjoyable read.

Wow, worthy of a printed book with numerous readers ready to purchase it. Thanks for sharing. 5*s.

Great story. Having Bernie run off with Carmine might have been better written with Bernie involved in turning him somehow. Not exactly sure how, but as an officer it just seemed off. Otherwise this was a great series.

A law enforcement officer who is well trained and respected runs off with a sociopath. You had a great story and did that? He was going to murder a child.

Kind of hurt the story to be honest. If you going to go that route you needed to present her as having ambiguous morals. Bernie would have need to be developed as having sociopathic tendencies herself

I enjoyed the tale but it was so clichéd throughout.

This entire story was the best I have ever read anywhere. It would have been even better without the sex.

Liked the story, but one thing near the end bugged me. There is no September 31st. Only 30 days in September.

Very well done, wished it could be longer, outstanding

I very rarely comment but this was the 2nd time I read it and it was just as good. It's great to be 70, you forget and read them again lol.

Lost me almost as piece of shit as others

Thanks for a great story. You are one of the best if not. I have read all of your stories. Most of them twice. I hope you continue writing.

I don't mind stories that have an ex navy S,E,A,L, or a Ranger, or Recon , or Rambo, but this one worked very well. I think because it wasn't overdone. There was never any mention of the treasure he found, well only once. This could be a good movie. Nicely done.

Some questions,how much gold did they find? Did neville inherit from bobby? Who kept the mckensie mansion? This was agreat read nontheless.....all 5's

Not only is Geoff a stone cold killer, but he is mobbed up. The what a lovely husband and dad Sarah and Becki have.

This was a very entertaining story. A bit predictable, but with enough twists thrown in to keep me interested. Good detail, and flow to the story. Nothing too over the top, especially for a mafia connected ex navy seal. Excellent work. Plus points for mentioning Barney Fife and the Gorgon in the same story.

I am as dence as rocks sometimes (90% of the time) Yes I missed the September 31st bit? Anyway they did get Married and Lived Happy Ever After?

Anyway that's my 2nd Comment 5 ★ WOOF!

Have just finished The Best Story I've Read This Year! Question? Just how rich is Geoff? Thanks for sharing this Fantastic Story with us! ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

I enjoyed the plot and characterizations. Hard to believe, though, that anybody would be dumb enough to mess with an ex-SEAL. And, as others have pointed out, the Bay Area geography is a bit mixed; I can understand the fictitious county and town, but I-5 runs through the Central Valley and Sacramento, not across the Golden Gate Bridge. Still, any reading of fiction requires some suspension of belief. Thanks for sharing this with us.

All six chapters are great. And MOST OF ALL would make one hell of a movie.

He not gone to marry me, Sarah told herself. Hell, no such date exist. SEPTEMBER 31. Geoff laying in bed face up as Sarah start to straddle him. "This is KINKY, babe. Tying my hands to the headboard, and my feet to the under side of bed. Putting a pillow under my ass so my hard on cock can get up into your womb. Oh, Sarah, you do want me bad. Spreading my legs wide like a good nurse,so you can suck my balls and give a hell of BJ. SARAH, WHAT WITH THE STRAIGHT RAZOR. Oh, you are gone to give me a shaven cock. Oh, you do love this, get it nice and smooth."

She work like a prep nurse for woman about to give birth. Nice and close, No razor stubble. The baby oil to remove any redness and to have a smooth surface, then the baby powder for even smooth surface.

Sarah said, "Geoff, you got the minister and church all set for September 31."

"Of course." SEPTEMBER 31, LYING BASTARD.

"You made a promise to Becky to marry me"

"Of course, I promise her."

"You told her, September 31 will be our wedding day."

"Yes, yes, I told her to wait and on September 31 will be our wedding." LIED TO HER.

"Tell me did you fuck Sam (Samantha)?"

Eyes wide open, hands try to move, "I did no such thing, you are the only one."

"LIAR, LIAR, COCK ON FIRE." The razor slice thru like a warm butter knife on a long hard stick of butter to remove a big pat of butter. "Sam told me how good you fuck her."

In pain now, Geoff said, "She a lying BITCH."

"Now tell me did you get Sam pregnant?"

"NO, NO, SHE IS A LYING CUNT OF A BITCH."

"LIAR, LIAR, THE BALLS ARE NOW ON FIRE."

"Please, NO, do not do it." begged Geoff.

"And you are a SEAL MAN." Whops. Bang, Bang in a metal bowl."Correction, SEAL woman. You forget I work in OB. Sam tested positive. She TOLD YOU she was pregnant with your child. These will make a nice ball necklace and I was told I didn't have any balls." Sarah got up and put a thick feminine pad in Geoff's crotch. Sarah clean the room up like it was ready. Sarah said," You can forget about gone away overseas with Sam. She told me all about it. You just lay there and think about what you did." Sarah move to the door and with her back to him stop, "Geoff, I have schedule you for SRS surgery." She very patently waited for his response as she rolled the balls around in the bowl.

In low womanly like voice, he ask "When?"

"On September 31 of course. Time will fly and that day will comes." As she open the door she heard, "And Becky?" Sarah replied, "She will remember the daddy that you were!" Sarah step thru the door and lock it behind her. Smiling as she walk she heard the balls make little slapping happy noises.

All chapters 5 stars. Carmine at the end was a little too much, I felt like you were setting up a spin off for him and Bernie. The dude was going to help murder almost everyone Geoff loved including his daughter. Murdering an 8 year old girl is way worse than anything Richard did. Crazy unrealistic that they were civil, "it's nothing personal" wouldn't really cover it. And how fucked in the head is Bernie?? Bit of a sour note right at the end of 5 great chapters. If you needed to throw in an extra relationship, Billy should have gotten with the stab-happy secretary.

Great story.

was fun. Thanks.

Nice story, 5*, only a little something... a wedding on September 31st ?

I waited until the last chapter to comment. Other than your slightly mixed up Northern California geography (I grew up in the Napa Valley) and fictitious Sonoma County towns (like Moon Bay Key? never mind that the Sheriff's Office is in Santa Rosa), it was a great story!

Double WOW. You didn't hold back and included everything in your story. Great story idea, characters well defined, story flowed smoothly and you had something for every reader. Actually loved it and would be pleased 32to see more. Thanks for sharing. BK

Sorry, but that is a white wine and does not leave "scarlet"smudges on anyones lips.

Great story, keep writing. Thanks

Thanks for the offering.

brilliantly written filled with lots of (obviously) well researched details other than the reported error of Sept 31 and that Corvettes don't dent - they're fiberglass. Well deserving of a 5 and higher if possible.

Had all the dramatic tension of a Dirk Pitt book or a Steven Segal movie. The moray eel gave me pause though

31st of September? Good way of never marrying her.

loved how you were able to make all the twists and turns in this story and kept it all interesting right to the end. keep on writing

Great story spoilt only by the needless Bernie conclusion.

I can't see why Bernie took a leap to the other side of the law. Love at first sight is one thing, but it seems weird that the two conflicting approaches to "justice" would ever mesh.

I thought this was the best story written on this site. That said. I wish the author would have explained how the coast Guard missed the bullet hole in jennys shoulder when they boarded the the boat.?

Wow! What a story. The only real problem with this story was that it wasn't long enough and it had to end. I think that there were several things mentioned but never explored. I know, you are the author, but I sometimes get greedy and want more. I see no problem with him running away. Sarah was going out with Bobby (dates?) to nightclubs and meals, he was visiting her at her house, and this was the guy that Geoff warned her about. I don't blame him for jumping to conclusions when he saw them in the backseat of the car. The only thing that I think he did wrong was not contact his family and his sister for seven years. He should have at least called and talked to them - they did nothing wrong for him to not contact them for seven years.

Thank you for a very entertaining story.

Nice story.

. . . a bit of doggerel that I learned as a child. Thirty days has September, April, June and November . . .. Other than that slip, but what better day to get married than a day that doesn't exist, this was a good read of a mystery story. The ending turned a bit schmaltzy but that's okay. I enjoyed the story and the bad guys went down for the most part but another long ago learned phrase proved true. There is a certain bit of honor among thieves.

Good job!

My favorite day to be married.

I think you tied everything up nicely. And the whole story had a great pacing and character set.

I do have a couple problems with unresolved items.

Someone else commented thet it should have been a double wedding. Maybe. But after having put her own wedding on hold for what seems to have been several months, I don't see sis letting them marry first. But that is minor.

The one thing I just don't see explained was why sis was so anxious to unload everything. I had figured taht there ws some sort of blackmail or threat that she was trying to avod but that doesn't seem to have been the case.

Still a very fun story. Thanks

I would love to see this as a full length book, I think it would be an instant best seller!

As an ending... if a brother and sister are "so" close and if there is such tight ties, one would expect there to be a double ceremony. As close as the women were, it is totally plausible.

Sorry, but this story had too many faults for me to really enjoy.

Did the author use "nonplused" bassackwards?

Is the correct caliber of the weapon. 40mm would be fuckin' HUGE! Considering the .40 S&W caliber is equivalent to a 10mm... Ok, enough gun facts.

Otherwise, great tale! A thriller that kept me riveted from beginning to end.

5 HUGE Stars!

A truly wonderful story. Five stars.

Good story - I enjoyed it all. Sometimes you might like to do a half-hour's research on what happens to bodies during prolonged salt-water immersion. That Moray eel was not their for its health. At most they would only have found the largest bones scattered.

excellent work. really would like more. maybe a backstory about how geoff has connections to organized crime and the story of the nazi gold. maybe a sequel with a trip to vegas and julie's wedding with the added bonus of an ex-navy seal brother in need of geoff's special kind of skills.

Nice style, great plot, well written.

Movie and sequel would be much appreciated ;-D.

Thx!

Well thought out, story keeps moving and entertaining all through.

More of this quality of work please Author.

Would make a great film. Sorry! Movie.

The story had been well developed and described packed with emotion. The story flowed with precision and wasn't rushed. The writer is fantastic a tragic dramatic and in the a genuine feel hero story. Bravo author you know your stuff and put a lot of it together in this one for all to see. This is a must read. Thank you for your evident genius and great toil in putting this masterpiece together.

this is by far one of the finest stories on this site. that said, the assholes that are so concerned about the wine and road numbers, stop sitting in your own shit. if you can do better, have at it.

I enjoyed it.

I personally love this story especially since I been in the military and feel I can relate to the main character. Being in the military you often do things other would not even think possible so the length he when to protect what was his I agree with. I even agree with him for accepting the present from the Chicago mob. He may have connection but it better to make a friend than an enemy. Also, the Chicago mob did not kill his parents those who was responsible was dealt with. I also enjoy the message of love that almost everyone find love in the end of the story and to see the different of young love versus old love like the main character and sarah versus his his parent, or Terry and Jack. It give this veteran a sense of hope that I too can find a place I can call home.

Pinot Grigio is a white wine.

2 weeks in Vegas and 25 grand. Those people killed his parents, that toke would not clean any slates. The Miami connection should be brought into this and a larger price should have been paid by the Chicago mob. I know he wanted to clean everything up, but a great story should be consistent. Liked it alot and gave it a four.

I Thoroughly enjoyed this thriller! I couldn't wait to see what happens next.. I teared reading about his parents bodies being found... I loved this story... Your a fantastic writer please don't stop...

This was the first story, I've ever read of yours. You can be sure it will not be the last .

Maybe I am one of those unusual readers that read to be entertained not to find fault in the spelling, grammar, or technical aspects of the story. I considered myself well intertained by the author good job keep it up. . . . Please.

That's a big fuckin' Glock! Either way, great story.

I guess Geoff will never marry Sarah. Want to know why...because there's no September 31st!! LOL. But seriously, this is an excellent story, I'm glad I read it!

This was a great read. Thank you for sharing this very entertaining story.

Good Tale! 2nd story of yours I read today. MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!!!

Rob Conner

It's a story! Written to entertain and delight. No different to any others out there.

DWmoroncuck, you suck.

Very good story - a bit long in the making, would need some trimming.

A tip: next time you enjoy a Pinot Grigio (grigio means GREY in Italian) look at the colour. It's a lovely pale straw yellow.

What a great story.....and it would make a good movie as well. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all of the chapters. Thank you. Ummmmm........Just one small thing and it is certainly not a criticism...September 31?????

Thanks again.

Not the one I wanted but the right one - I was secretly hoping Mom and Dad had survived and felt it necessary to lie low or some such nonsense - but that would have been a bit too contrived -

Some wonderfully emotional parts high and low some exciting parts and some smooth transition s - pretty damn good -

RonR is right on here about Dwornick -

This story would have made for a great action movie. It is your best.

DWornack's opinion is worthless and thus has no value. If it is about a woman older than 30 than he rates it a 1. It is an insult to writers that he votes at all. He likes the free entertainment but he does not value the writer's efforts at all, unless the story personally pleases him which is seldom. There is no story worth less than a 3 in my mind. Constructive criticism or a higher score is the ultimate praise for the writer's efforts. Don 't vote at all if the story is not to your liking! The writer does not write to please you personally...DWornack! You did nothing to contribute to it. Another commenter suggested you should be removed from commenting. I agree...

following the death of several SEALS yesterday in afghanistan, this was a good story! i mourn the loss of the men of team 6 of the u.s.navy seals, the same team that got bin laden! god bless them, and i know there is a special place for them, guarded by former seals!!!!!

Yep. It is fiction. Like you I enjoyed it. No different than picking up a good book at the bookstore.

While it stretched credibility it was still a very entertaining story.

I hope muirmadra comes back and continues to write stories for this site.

I still think it is an exaggerated but great story. Write some more!

DWornock is a bit ... yeh, a bit ... critical, and FD45 has some good points, but again it is just fiction, and pretty interesting.

I just disliked that somehow Geoff and his father blamed his anger for leaving and "hurting" Sarah. Gimme a break, haha. His sister also is critical about him leaving and at the same time she didn't tell him about his own daughter. And his mother! She knew where he was before she died and she knew Becky was her grand-daughter. Good grief..

Wow... this is one of the best stories I've read in some time. Not just on Literotica... PERIOD. I absolutely loved it. Thank to Murimadra for great read!

Totally impossible so I gave it a 1

Loved the story...I was eagerly awaiting the punchline about the wedding date but it never came.

I do enjoy having the good guys kick some ass and sometimes justice doesnt need to go through governmental BS.

But your character is the equivilent of Dirk Pitt, wretched excess of Clive Cussler.

I don't have a problem with him being very competent etc. But he seems too good to be true.

1) He's a SEAL

2) He's rich (and of course, by his own hand)

3) He kicks ass and takes names.

4) Not for him any investigation of criminal doing, despite suggestive elements? I mean, Jenny had a BULLET WOUND! Was it part of the Seagull Liberation Front?

It was hard to relate to him

The writing here was first class, a very gripping story, very believable plot, great characters and plot line.

You are a first rate writer and we benefit from your excellence.Thank

you for your time and efforts and keep up the good work...

BH