All Comments on 'The Rise of Atlantis Pt. 02'

So good. Such insanity at the finish. Can hardly wait for more. Plus hoping for more Creations Guardian. Keep up the great work.

We don't need no stinkin sex scene. This story is already an orgasm for the mind! Thank you Mr Bob. Please Sir may I have More?!

Don't need sex with such a great story just please don't keep us waiting to long for the next chapter, I had to read the first chapter again to remind myself of what it was about (I did enjoy reading it again though).

Your alive!

I'll try to keep it constructive.

TMI. I feel like I'm reading a blow-by-blow of what is occurring in the characters' heads. I'm sure of two things, as a hobbyist writer. Somewhere, someone talks like your characters; and given a similar situation, I pray that this group of somewhere someones doesn't talk that way, for the sake of my sense of aesthetics and common sense.

So for my constructive criticism, I'd like to pose a question: how can you break up the narrative or compress the core information so it does not seem to drag on and yet communicates the appropriate level of detail?

Now, ask yourself: how can you do it better than you have?

if my story is "long winded and boring shit," then don't read it. However, it IS my own work from my own fertile imagination! To accuse me of plagiarism is highly insulting! If you're gonna make accusations like that, then have the courage to identify yourself. while you're at it; either put up or shut up! Show me who's work I've allegedly stolen!

Could use some work, more constant twists aren't exactly the best. Can't wait for them to get GOING to their new home.

It sounds like there going to meet up the CG story.

I enjoy the detail and your writing style. Keep up the good work. Can't wait to find out who it is.

Uhm... really?

Cannot wait for the follow up chapters!

While it reads more like pretty weak fan fiction by the style, I find it entertaining in its own right, and will keep reading on. The mix of pathos and profanity in dialogue is atrocious to the point it's funny. Those chicks talk like they're all seventeen (and I will keep seeing them as such, just because), while at least Lyssa should be at least twice that and closer to forty when you do the math. Well, they're aliens several generations in an extinction war, so in a way, that even might not be that unrealistic as it may feel.

But before writing any battle-fleet action, you surely should have known that point defence systems like Phalanx CIWS are fully autonomous and automatic, and are around since 1980'ties. Because, when shit goes into firing machine guns at rockets, human reflexes just doesn't stand a chance. And an epic stretched out battle at warp speeds would be more likely around 23 seconds than minutes, and even that just because those damn slow guided torpedoes... but well, that's common assumptions of fiction to keep things entertaining, still it has to be done knowingly. (It's fun how Battlestar Galactica manoeuvr around those issues having an AI enemy, for example.)