All Comments on 'The Rivalry Pt. 02'

Another great Carl Bradford HEA where the heroine has a sexual awakening as a sex slave and is transformed into a happy over sexed pleasure slut in love with her man. I would suggest that Jimmy loan out Janey to the University computer science club or DEV club for regular innovative "experimentation" that the nerds in these clubs would cum up with on a regular basis.

Sadly, the CS club was _nothing_ like that in boarding school :-(

I always enjoy Carl's story. This one is like a Hallmark movie, it ends with a happy ending.

The end is a big dick in someone's ending.

A fitting role reversal. Nice job.

(On a different: Did you receive a private note I sent you? The verification code didn't seem to work and the page kept resetting.)

Not bad... But it could have been stretched out and turned into a much longer story. The first part was so good, I expected more like a five-parter.

I think you could have let it matinate more. However, I do the same thing. Once I cum, my inspiration subsides.

Well done and well played. Fun sexual entertainment. 5 stars. Cheers

Short story, I expected more instalments, but still excellent.

I always like your stories - the fantasy of being helpless and under somebody else's power. However, I agree that this could have been fleshed out more. It read more like an outline than a real story and the characters didn't have the time to develop proper chemistry. For instance, Janey hated Leslie throughout the story but then at the end she suddenly agrees to enter a polycule with her? I would have liked to see their relationship develop gradually. Also the sex scenes could have benefited from more sensual detail. Finally, the plot was a bit predictable: it was clear that the tables would be turned, who would be the prince charming etc. I wonder if there could be a more unusual path to reach the happy ending. (Oh, and I think I found a plothole: if Leslie belonged to Janie's father, why did she have to be auctioned when Janie was enslaved?)

I like the pace of this story. Sure, it could be longer but in this way it feels more authentic: Both slave tell the highlights of their tale.

The ending is also nice. Not overstretched in any way.

Again you did a good job. :-)

Nice story but you left so much story on the table. The parents and a longer transition to the ending.

That said you are one inspired to tell the story and I enjoyed it.

Thanks

TOP DOG BECAME THE SUB

The master who as a POW ended up guarded by his former slave asked, "how is this possible?" The response from his former slave was top rail is on the bottom.

That's what happened to Janey, but it wasn't as bad for Janey as it could have been.

Caught cheating in school, Janey faces a term of two years as a slave. Her slave, her former rival Leslie is forfeit. Both shipped to market where Janey faces the humiliation her rival had endured two years earlier. Both are purchased at auction Jimmy by a millionaire nerd from college. Manumitted Leslie marries her new owner and becomes Janey's owner.

While Janey is required to fulfill the incidents of indenture, Leslie does not lord it over her former mistress. At the end of the indenture, Leslie and Jane still driven by the hormones fed them as pony girls eagerly please Jimmy. All live happily ever after.

Carl Bradford has put a Lit-erotic twist on the book of Job and adds comparative doublet of Leslie's and Janey's adventures as slaves.

The ending was abrupt, and I like that the victim in the story got a happy ending, but I wish our villainess got a more complete character arc. She treated a good person like garbage, abused her, hurt her, ruined her in the eyes of everyone she knew, threatened her with really horrible things, and while she did get her comeuppance in a way, we don't see that she ever learned a lesson, or ever grew at all.

I'd have loved a scene where her former slave helps her adapt to her new life, or where she helps take care of her after a rough use leaves her in pain and sore, where she starts to realize how absolutely vile she was for the most ridiculous of reasons and undergoes some kind of redemption arc. For example, using her family connections to find the cause of the fire, or selling herself for an extra year to help her former slave get back on her feet or buy her family back or... something to show that she grew up and wasn't the mean girl high school bitch that sneered down at the sobbing girl she hated for just being herself.

What follows a role reversal

Both Shakespeare and Dr Davies note that fate has given Leslie mastery over her former mistress, but that Leslie is not unreasonably harsh as Janey might have been in the same circumstances. Shakespeare may have wanted more brutal treatment of the displaced mistress.

In fairness to Shakespeare, there are many who would have lorded over Janey, making Janey regret every slight and insult. However, remembering that Leslie is the good girl, Leslie's mastery is benign for the most part.

Which approach is correct? One can never tell. Those who take Leslie's approach would say they don't allow Janey to preserve her mastery by becoming the teacher.

Nice, quick, with an HEA. All I need. Thanks for the good work.

Hurray, a convincing closing. Though it reads a bit rushed, less playful fun & games scenes, a bit less deep interactions, more a summary outline.

Anyway, thanks and please keep publishing