All Comments on 'The Selkie Ch. 02'

oh what a great read. please could you keep writing. thank you.

Total shit

So glad you're back,I love your stories.

When I first read your first chapter, I was immediately enthralled. So after randomly visiting this site again and seeing another chapter, you could say I was pretty excited. I'd forgotten about this story what with the time between the two. I loved this just as much as the first chapter. Although I guess if I had to critique, I wasn't really interested in all the descriptions of the selkie's past lovers. It kind of droned on in that aspect. I wanted to know more about the vampire and their game of cat and mouse, but yet again, we were left on a cliffhanger. I'm sure you're just building background since you've said you had multiple chapters in this series in the works, but that's just where my disappointment lied with this chapter. Overall, an incredible story and I'll be waiting for the rest!

I loved the first one but had long given up on the prospect of a sequel. I couldn’t believe my luck when there it was at the top of the submissions list. Great story!

Thanks for the sequel. I hope that you write more about Aud.

This story had it all. Thinking about who would play the leads in a movie!

Okay trying to help educate you on writing. Pretend I'm your teacher. Fans won't teach you jack.

Doppelgänger is a Mary Sue character, performing feats that are really unbelievable.

I work in IT. Only in the movies do they make it look like tracking down video footage is a lark. In reality, the video will be blurry, aimed incorrectly, not being recorded, recorded over, or the camera is dead. How do I know--because that's what our cameras do. They're really unreliable. As for the all seeing eye of surveillence and a magical database--nonsense. Might be a goal, but databases blow up after getting too large, get corrupted, etc.

Thus the vampire should be locating its quarry using actual smarts, not some magic doppleganger. And...that's much more difficult to write, but more satisfying. Nature bloggers seeing a ringed seal is pretty much the author planting a gift for the vampire...it's weak, sorta believeable but then, wouldn't the Selkie leave the water at night?

Also wasn't the vampire wounded? Don't make your characters too powerful, as the chase won't be interesting. A fair fight is interesting. Pro boxer vs office worker is boring.

*A more likely solution would be for the vampire to have contacts in cities that would alert her to someone resembling her prey. This could take weeks or months, but you'd fast foward to it. Imagine tracking someone down yourself. They lose you, they're gone. You guess where they go and you search.

Alas, the magic Doppelganger located her like there was a tracker device embedded into the Selkie's body (the only acceptable reason to so easily find someone). Access to Satelites isn't easy and like a camera, you have to have the correct timing to actually catch someone.

Your backstory is derailing the story. I find myself fast forwarding to the part relevant to your premise (vampire chasing selkie). Point is I skipped through almost a page from the lovers sleeping, to a nightmare, to past noon.

**Also you are forwarding the plot via mistakes made by the heroine. This is very common today and is not great writing. Sorry, I'm trying to help you here. You have to write like you are this character who is many thousands of years old. She doesn't think like you or I, hence she wouldn't sluff off, sleep with a hooker because she felt the itch. Nope, she was terrified of a vampire and would do whatever it would take--to leave. Period. You should have wrote that and...have the vampire track her down the old fashioned way using contacts on the ground. This hi-tech of video surveillence is overblown.

WTF? Selkie shot the vampire 3 times, had it down on its knees and ran for it? BS. She's killed 100s of vampires. She would have blown its head off (hence kept shooting). 50 calibre gun would have destroyed the vamp. More plots forwarded by mistakes. You are making this story very unbelievable. Adjustments could be made to make this a best seller.

And very yummy too! Thank you!