by markydaysaid
now we just need a scene in which he is dominating Dante and it will be perfect :P
Non erotic. The unbelievable size of your psychics, coupled with extraordinary powers of recuperation makes this story boring. Lets face it, no one is a challenge to them and if you could fuck anyone, it would only be interesting for awhile because eventually, you would know that they aren't choosing you because they want to....they have to be forced to.
I hope I didn't put you off writing more - I really like your way with words. Here is a suggestion - make the incest into a teaser. Slow down the way things are going with his Mom, and only have them have sex after he's defeated Dante. When they finally have sex, Ryley shouldn't be using any of his psychic abilities. Or, do a "Star Wars" twist and let Dante and Ryley have a "Luke, I am your father" moment. :)
You totally just predicted where I was taking this story with like 100%. shit.
This is a fair bit darker than I'm normally into, but the writing's good and it's keeping my interest. I'm mildly curious if Riley's moral qualms are going to last long. Not bad at all.
The writing is top notch, but the storyline is not my cup of tea. One of the key problems is that it's not really clear where the protagonist stands morally. It's as if he is coming along for a ride, without having any opinion at all. I really hope that the next chapter has less violence, and more substance. But let me guess - in a few chapters, having fucked his mom, and having raped a few girls and boys, our protagonist will meet a guy, who is the love of his life. Then it will be the classic "apprentice challenges the master" finale, and the protagonist rides into the sunset, with his lover to his left, and his mom to his right.