All Comments on 'The Shooting at Our Merciful Lord'

It's a shame this author hasn't posted more. He has a pleasing ability to make believable characters who have been wronged, beaten down, victimised and generally hard done by sympathetic but not pathetic and his action scenes are vivid and urgent.

Well it was hard to imagine but Karen Ann was a more execrable LW than even Jill from "Then Surely We" from the same author. Hard to believe, but she takes the prize. Wow. Both had several delusions of grandeur, reflected glory, and worship of their cheating partners. Bot their partners were total scumbags who just used them and yet they both gave their complete devotion and adoration . Both sh$t on their marriages with gusto. But Karen Ann with her pervasive delusions (at least Jill was remorseful and broken down once her affair was discovered and her husband left her) and what she did with the children and threatening emotional and physical abuse was just beyond. It was pure evil. Jill acted with no honor. Thinking at the only belonged in the confines of the military and chose to honor her Colonel as her multi month lover. She had the temerity to inundate her husband with recordings video and audio, and emails and texts from beyond the grave. But someone how that paled compared Karen Ann. Karen Ann wins the Darwin award for delusional slut. At least Jill got killed oft, though off page. Karen Ann somehow survived the vendetta by Yasin. This author is quite talented bit wordy, but wow his cheating wives are just scum.

Great story by a great author but an Epilogue would have been nice. Also, I believe the love quote is by Victor Hugo, not Lord Byron

I enjoyed the story, even though it dragged in places. I have no problem with the conclusion, except I would have appreciated some sfter-action information. I mean, that was a significant event.

Five stars.

JPB NOT BOB

The writing was good and the story interesting however, it was waaaaay too long, with much unnecessary dialog. Readers don’t care about long, drawn out descriptions of the various HR policies and procedures. Hell, I was both medical and HR and I could care less about lengthy descriptions - mythical or not. K.I.S.S. is true for fiction too. Get to the point and keep the story moving. You had 5 pages of useless, meaningless crap that, imo, amounted to you bragging about your knowledge of various programs and/or promoted your own agenda for programs you’d like to develop irl. We don’t need to know that.

“I thought she looked like St. John in Da Vinci's Last Supper…” I don’t care how androgynous or effeminate he looks in that painting; you’re comparing your wife, on her wedding day, to a dude.

Great story and well written. My only comment is that it seemed to drag at times. Overall though well done and 5 stars

Read, again, John has more character in the pinky of him recovering hand than KarenAnn ever had, even as a baby... thank you.

Wow what a great story. I loved it. The previous 4 comments summed it all up for me and I don't think I need to say anything more other than another great story by this great author.

⭐⭐⭐

A very good story, and a very well written story. I thought the way Karen Ann calmly explained to her husband that “their” kids weren’t “his” biological children was as cold-blooded, spiteful and disgusting an act of betrayal as I have ever heard of. I don’t think a ‘Dear John’ letter to a soldier in a combat zone would be any more horrendous. The fact that John was even willing to go and help her look for a missing child and risk his life, one more time, to protect Karen and ‘her’ kids just shows his true strength of character. Great story, Malraux, thanks for sharing. I’m sure you are missed by many readers here.

5 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

I love your character development, especially the metamorphosis of Karen Ann, essentially from

Virtue-less, to virtuous by the end. Bad decisions, consequences, and good role models (especially when one of those role models is your aggrieved ex) will do that for you. Brilliantly done. Everyone is better served by this outcome. People are allowed to fail

And be tefeeened, a concept lost on the baying trolls that pollute this website.

Oh wow. So this guy ends the story by agreeing to raise the bastard spawn of his gutterwhore of an ex wife and the dude she was fucking from the first days of his marriage?

Absolute doormat. He willingly gave up all rights and responsibility for them. Now that the bitch is all alone and broke she begs for his help and he comes running?

One last comment...I love the ending's irony as the cheater's initial salvo on John was "Who the fuck needs weak ass you". Turns out she was the loser and a worthless human being. Sort of like Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Very good story. The only thing missing was some additional background on Karen. Male M/C was a bit "bigger than life" but most of his actions could probably happen. One final observation about Karen...I believe she would have been in the gutter and whoring around, neglecting the kids and out by the time she asked for help....Just my opinion.

Another very well written story. But half the fun is reading the stupid lame, negative comments from idiots who probably wish they could write half as well as you. Now, next story please!

The problem with your stories is that readers can't suspend disbelief that far....it'll snap.

You create these obscenely noble white knights for MC's. You make them Job-like in their suffering, to the point they're not remotely believable.

Excellent Story

And every comment to Offkilter123 were nearly as well thought out, then we came to the asshat anon who so obviously has no balls of his own. *****'s Signed: BTW

I love how none of your stories really end. There is no "happily ever after." That is not life. These stories are just a part of the lives of these characters, however fictional. Life for them goes on, in the Authors imagination, and the readers. "I have the most terrifying of wives:an equal." That is a terror all married couples should strive for. Another wonderful story. 5* as always.

It's really painful in parts. It's hard to understand Karen's callousness. Talk 9f flawed characters. It's easy to criticize John for considering taking the children while Karen is in rehab as well as if something were to happen to her. There's no evidence his love of the kids was gone sply he was denied access to them. Karen had finally acknowledged that he was a good person and neither the father nor her were good people. This is a clear reversal of her prior position. I would have John and Marie take the kids. It's not their fault that their father was a sexual predator and their mother a cheating slut. I can't imagine John or Marie being willing to cast their fate to chance. There's much made about how good John has been for Marie, but at the end it's clear how good she is for him. His anger allows him to not do the right thing even when he knows he should. Marie is able to work him past that and bring him to the good he knows to be what he should do. I wonder how much longer Karen would have played him if the snake hadn't been killed forcing her hand in establishing the parentage of the kids to cash in on his estate.

LMJ

🙄🤔🤷😉😁👍👍👍💯😅🙏

I liked how John's character was written, sure he was flawed, but he was a good enough person to come back from the betrayal still able to love. Easily five stars for this story.

Hey @anonymous stupid cuck below, relax dude — and you then insisting that “John find his gonads,” makes me think that you’re looking for your own, and not finding. These tough talking windbag trolls amuse me with all their bravado. To quote Shakespeare—“thou doth protest a bit too much.” John is profoundly decent, if not heroic throughout. He (and eventually Maria are) is the adult in the room with an assist from the priest. So, rather than implore John, whose nads are obvious to any thinking person, go “find your own gonads looser man.” You Wimpy troll.

Excellent.

Man I wish there were more good stories like this. I love all this authors stories. Wish there were more and new stories too.

I really liked this story. Maybe a little long for this format, but I have no idea what could have been cut. This is my second reading and I was initially disappointed at the end. Rereading it made the ending more understandable. I still don't like the ending, but I think it was the perfect way for you to end it.

Very good. Ended perfectly.

John was a stupid cuck....her disrespect snd that of her bastard parents were fucking shocking!!

Too bad Karen bitch and her family didn't really suffer!!

The endng was pathetic...Karen was still using the wimpy cuck John!@

John should find his gonads

Such an abrupt ending

Excellent well written story. Only thing is the mc is perfect. I almost want to date him and I'm a straight male. He could use some realism.

Excelencia en la escritura

Utter masterpiece.

Yes, odd typos, but insignificant in the big scale of things.

Fine story, good morals.

Another time through - 2nd, 3rd, 4th, - not sure. Still, great story and I think it needs more resolution, chapter 2, or an epilogue.

Great story, thanks

The only thing I have any issue with is how he described his mother's dementia. Wondering if Hanley or Dylan were coming over. By that time she had a new daughter in law and new grandkids. Plus I am sure from the ending that she got to see them at least a few times after John and Maria started watching them

My thought is he needs a good proof reader.

Another great story Malraux. Keep writing ! 5 stars

Wonderful story, its been a while since I so thoroughly enjoyed reading one. Believable characters, both in a positive and negative way. Good drama, and the dynamics breathed life to the tale. If you are still reading these comments, thank you so much for this treasure.

Wonderful story, the character development was apt & to the point. For everyone who criticize others - you all are just a shitty & worthless person. I hope you start writing again. More than 5 ⭐

Very well done, on many levels from the physical action to the philosophical underpinnings and development of characters and relationships. Bravo.

A great read

Good story, good writer. It's ashame he stopped writing. At least here. Some folks just çant seem to understand , that this is a site that doesn't cost to join, and that the writers or only amateurs. They expect perfect English, spelling, you name it. I suggest if that's what yóu expect. Why don't YOU write YOUR own stories here. THEN WE can BERATE YOU, like you like to do to the writers here, You want " perfection".Go BUY a book, or subscribe to Kendall . Nów,, y'all have a nice day .

To Moonbat74

Just think about it: why is it hard to see that a man will not help his ex in her difficult situation. First of all, she's a different person already (believe or not) and secondly, it's not so much about the ex but about the children whom he still loves. What is the children's fault? In my view, the author has done a very good job in making the MC and his actions believable. But what I regret is the author didn't disclose the content of the parents' letter. I'd love to see what they were thinking when they had been covering up for their daughter.

It's a very good story which I really enjoyed. To the author: please keep writing and don't take to heart the negative comments: you can't please everyone. In my opinion, the story is not too long but just right - it give room for the development of the characters and to create the atmosphere. Again, thanks for the good story!

ImNotanAnon, in that one epic sentence you said it all, couldn't agree more. Gave 3 stars for effort.

Too long, didn't finish. The dull, lifeless and monotonous tone put me to sleep.

Good story, but hard to see how any man would help out an ex in that situation, considering what a foul cunt of a human she was. She chose her path, then added an alcohol addiction. If there was an issue with the kids, let the dead lovers family deal.with it. Why not extract some earthly revenge before final judgement?

You are an excellent writer, storyteller and very insightful about human nature. You also seem to be excessivly interested in hospital administration and rare words !

Thank you for all your stories. Please write more. *****

@RanDog025

I think the title refers to the name of the hospital where the MC works, described in Page 1 as "the Hospital of Our Merciful Lord", thus making perfect sense.

Seems 'Shooting' should have been Shouting. I mean, you can't shoot at the LORD, He is omnipresent and a Spirit. So the Title makes no sense.

Thanks.

An excellent story of a very fortunate and virtuous man being watched over by someone we all know.

good

Would have like a more developed ending but a very well written story. Like in some other stories, the cheating wife is quite the reprehensible monster. Wow. This author doesn't believe in gray, murky affairs. Just complete pulverizing of the MC's heart. Was nice to see the growth and strength of Maria. I get the feeling that even if Karen Ann succeeds ok rehab, the MC will still have a role in the lives of her two children.

We get it, you're educated. I'm imagining a lot of readers were Googling the meanings of several words and literary references. Still, it was a good story. I found myself skimming over a lot but still managing to remain immersed. And I felt cheated by the ending, although I'd imagine you intended it that way for the close. Overall a good story.

very engrossing story, even if a few pages too long. good character development. Didn't really set up her earliest cheating and how a school teacher found a Doctor, at husband hospital to cheat with. Ending discussion with the 3 of them, when John knows his wife will take kids to the Parents he will never talk to again and John learns his wife(Marie) is strong and an equal partner. Page 11 :::: When Karen calls him about not selling the house and tells him, "He has immoral living arrangements" and she (Karen) would "not want her kids around someone who flaunts thier lifestyle living together without marriage" Simply amazing !!!! Overall, a very good story about people helping the good people

5*

Glad I overcame my reluctance to read 14 pages. Each one a pleasure to read and important to the MC’s decision at the end.

Kept thinking at least one of the kids was really his and would meet an untimely demise. Happy that I was wrong.

Thanks for sharing.

I know this is all old and probably not going to be touched and this is not a critical response here. The idea of his ex-wife laughing that he had "delusions" to her friend in the lunch room opened an opportunity to have the friend present and to see their reactions when she learns he really was the savio(u)r of everyone.

First time for me what a wonderful and warm story, a truly excellent tale.

I liked it, a lot. You are a good writer, l’ve read several of your other stories and enjoyed them too.

Scores 5/5

Well done!!

3rd or 4th time thru. Still 5X. I note a contradiction of MC mom's future health via loss of her two grand kids 2nd to divorce. With new grandchild, plus contact with old for 3 months at least, would the shock to her system still be inevitable? Also, agreement to care for kids requires pregnant Maria to be primary care giver. There's no guarantee that Karen will recover in 3 or might even have other ETOH related health issues. On the side note of religion, the Koran- like the Bible- can be quoted to justify practically anything. However: "In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful...who so saveth the life of one, it shall be as if he saved the the life of all mankind. Surah V 32 Booyah! (That's Arabic for "drop the mic")

Anon56

So far I have just read the first 4-5 paragraphs of your story here and this is the finest writing I’ve read on this site. Absolutely evocative of my Midwest suburban childhood in the '50s. Kudos!

Read this probably 3-4 times a hear, never gets old

The ending was all a bit sudden. Other than that an interesting story. 5⛤

One of the best stories on Lit.

The climax was sudden was not the ending expected. could have given a satisfactory ending for all the characters.

That was not the ending I expected. You should have gone further.

Malraux, All fiction follows a very, very few formulae. What matters is how the formula for a story is executed. You always do well. There's no need to apologize. 55555555555555555

Do try to avoid the virtue signaling spirit of the age: "I had that most terrifying of wives: an equal." People are never equal, except, perhaps before God and the law (once upon a time, anyway, it was sometimes true).

Interesting I just read this story again and there is a comment from the author! I am sure there is another comment from me on here. Obviously I find this a compelling story. I believe it is well written good characters and storyline! As I have read this story again I can’t give it any higher compliment!

As for Malraux comment it is a sign of write what you know. You have 12 stories so you are growing as a author. Please don’t let the Anonymous and haters get you down (granted I think haters and Anonymous might be the same😁). Most of all if you are enjoying writing please do keep writing. I could add posting here as well but if you are e publishing please drop me and all of us a note where. I do support many author who got started from this site with the tough criticism - perhaps even too much criticism (most anonymous) with there e published books. Wishing you all the best

If you keep writing I will keep reading!

Gave

Have this one a five years ago.

Helen!

I've noticed similarities among my women lead characters also. And my male. Hm. My stories do have a formula, don't they? Tortured male finds salving woman.

I struggled with Merciful Lord. It was taking forever and stopping up some other story ideas, so I talked an editor into advising me. She made over a THOUSAND edits, all intelligent and reasonable. I made most of those changes. I knew the story had some weaknesses, which she apprised me of, but I also thought some people would enjoy it, so I submitted. Hope it was worth your time, even as it is. I will try to do better.

Thanks for the encouraging words.

This is one of literotica's best authors. His stories are different and so well written, he develops great characters. although Maria was to similar to Mo in another of his stories. However he upsets even his greatest fans by his incomplete endings. It is his way of challenging us to work it out for ourselves, personally like lots of others who have left feedback, it isn't something that I enjoy and it makes a great story just ordinary.

⭐⭐

I enjoyed this story without overanalyzing and don't really understand the vitriolic comments. After all, a story is just a story. The idea of waiting for the police seems wrong as the main character displayed his tendency to action when needed in the first shooting at the hospital, so he needed to secure the second outcome too. I also like the ending. He obviously respects his new wife and wanted to ensure that, as a couple, they carefully considered such an important undertaking with KarenAnn's kids, though the likely outcome is fairly obvious.

Tooo longgggggg

Way too much 'slow build up'. I nodded off a few times .

☆☆☆

The Story was decent, BUT I was kinda disappointed in the ending. It felt - incomplete and unsatisfying. His long term (You basically said the Bitch Wife was cheating on him for YEARS) and she ends up not receiving any of her just deserts. I have been humiliated like John Buck and everything turns to shit. Everything tastes like ashes. Women have all the power under this fucked up system we live in.

There are some nice touches such as the hand touching his face as they kissed at their wedding and the improbable but interesting living situation at the rectory. The priests' characters are predictable but fun to read. It's nice to write about a person's maturing and emotional evolution. I like to hear about how a good guy wins.

I do not think the characters reactions are particularly realistic. The plot reads like the cobbling together of old TV drama scripts, like Perry Mason and movies like Die Hard. The ending seems tacked on with an unrealistic and improbable situation between Buck and his ex-wife building tension without resolution. Writing stories without resolution seems lazy story writing and I see this a lot in our own Hollywood, while some foreign stories, for example THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO from Norway do not make this mistake and polish their endings.

All these criticisms aside, it could be edited and polished from a C (average) into a B (above average) with the use of a 3rd party editor. I saw where you thanked <em>blackrandl1958</em>, but it is not a final draft for me, yet.

Some of these authors write about men that honestly... probably needed to be fucked over by a woman before they can get they're heads out of the clouds. Some of them are so stupid anyone would be tempted to take advantage of them

Needs a proper ending…great story though.

It is a good story, but I admit I hated the ending. First, the guy should have just called the police and waited. And definitely left his wife out of it. Second, the whole thing with the last page and the asswipe's request. Her parents fucked up, her parents should take care of the children. End of story.

I first read this story a few years ago and I admit I don’t remember it ending with such an unanswered question. But then, in that interim I have gone from merely old and moved into the ancient category. And my memory sure ain’t what it used to be. Speaking of memory, I took the advice of one Anon. commenter and compared the first few paragraphs of page five of this story to it’s ending, and there certainly seems to be a contradiction. Maybe the author could write a second chapter, both to put an ending on the cliffhanger he left us with and to explain the incongruities between those questionable paragraphs on page five, and Karen Ann’s latest request of John and Maria. Any and either way, it’s an exceptional story. And I thank Malraux for bringing it to us.

Dry good.

A story with everything, what a wonderful author he is. I don't always get his endings, but others do, so it must be me. Never the less I still love the stories that he writes.

Did Karen actually ever apologize for cucking him? I don't feel like combing back over this story, but I don't think she ever actually apologized. It's not as if an apology would actually matter, but still I don't think she was ever really sorry for anything except losing the extra paycheck and built-in babysitter.

OMG! What an evil, cruel genius! She'll let him reconnect with the children only to later yank them from him again, with the additional benefit of hurting Maria as well!

And if you don't think that's what's going to happen next, just read the first paragraphs of page 5 again. There it's spelt very clearly what happens with the children in the long run.

"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved"

Victor Hugo, from Les Miserables, Not Byron. But a good story nonetheless.

I was surprised by the other comments stating that the story was incomplete. The author's ending was not only complete, it was an unusually good one. By having the newlyweds keenly aware of their partnership, and making it clear that their decision regarding the request to be godparents was one that they would make together, privately, the author showed how they were a true team, and in that how Buck had met his real match, where Karen had completely failed him.

Even Buck's awareness that Maria was disappointed in his refusal to take the children to see their grandparents was leavened by his knowledge that his new wife wanted him to do what was right, and that she would do what was right even if he wouldn't. Buck knew Maria was right, and would do the right thing, despite him, showing her own strength of character, even where she might sacrifice a small part of their relationship to do the right thing for the children. She had a goodness that rivaled Buck's own goodness.

And there was also resolution of the ex-wife's character development. Karen knew how badly she had failed in her relationship with Buck, but also with the doctor. She understood herself enough, at the end of the story, to know she had acted grotesquely. That self knowledge caused her to seek comfort in a new self destructive path, in the form of alcoholism.

Yet Karen was shown to have grown, too, by virtue of her desire to protect her children, and in her ability to see and understand the genuine goodness in both Buck and in his new wife. Karen's expressed awareness was cathartic for the reader, because it was clear that Karen's new awareness of her own bad acts was so painful she hid it from herself with alcohol. If rehab was successful, even Karen had a shot at redemption. All in all, a very good ending for those who got it, and belaboring it for the dim bulbs would have been pandering at the cost of the deftly executed ending.

The author, Malraux, wrote a good story with characters we care about, positively or negatively, depending on the character. I see that there those who do not like the seemingly ambiguous of this story ending. They want a definite ending, because they see it as being unfinished. That is not my take on the ending. It seems to imply that John will, with Maria's blessing , agree to Karen Ann's request. And I have a problem with that. I have read a lot of stories where the husband/father ends up donating a kidney or bone marrow to save the life of a child he did not know existed, because his wife left him for someone else and did not tell him he got her pregnant. chilleywilley's story 'My Ex Wife Wants a Pound of Flesh' is a good example. I'd like to read a story where the ex-wife learns she will lose

Here is my mini alternate ending.

-

Starting where Karen Ann said, "Two months maybe, but it's case by case so... Summer." She shrugged, embarrassed but heartened. She knew I was considering." No! I can not live with 2 living constant reminders of your adulterous betrayal. It would poison my life and relationship with Maria. You threatened me with false accusations of me abusing you and the children. You belittled me, disrespected me and showed the utmost disdain of me. And you want to pawn of your brats to me? Remember why you did not want ,e to have visitation rights? Because they were too young to have bonded with me and you did not want to confuse them. Besides, do you really want to leave your brood of bastards with someone who has delusions of grandeur? I know, People will save I should be forgiving and not blame the children. Nobody is perfect, including me. But, the hurt and humiliation is still there, whenever I have to think about you. You burned your bridge with me, when you left me and then had the gall to try and get back together when you planned life went up in flames. In case I have not made it clear, Karen, the answer is a resounding NO, to your request. Was there anything else? if not, then we can go on with our lives with out anymore interaction between us. Okay? Good. Good-bye Karen Ann."

Enjoyable and well-written story, but a tad too long for the trajectory of the plot and the ending was a little too abrupt. A solid 4.

LA

Every moment of the race matters to the runner. But its the finish that matters most to the spectators. Glad the runner enjoyed it. But you fell short of the finish line.

Thanks for the effort.

Great story but give us a chapter 2 or epilogue you jackass.

I have to agree with others that the ending of this and other stories is abrupt. Your stories are very good, but the preponderance of Marines in this little town makes me wonder why they don't know each other.

It was a very good story, and would have been 5* but for its boring length. There was just too much filler in the story.

There is No ending? is there going to be a Next Part?

Another I couldn't stop reading! I hope you write more!

Of course this is just my personal opinion, but I thought that the story was excessively long. Maybe 25 to 35 percent could have been edited out and still maintain a good story, which this was. After a while, I started to skip paragraphs and still keep up with story. One thing that I don't understand at the end was why the MC refused to see the ex in laws, but still kept talking to his ex. Yes, the in laws kept their daughter's affair from him, but the ex was the one that did him extremely and evilly wrong. Why continue to speak to her? She cuckolded him almost their entire marriage while using his own bed, denied him children by using a diaphragm - but yet had another man's children and passed them off as his, and showed him total lack of faith and respect. Why keep speaking to her for any reason. Just demand your share of the house equity and walk away.. I was hoping that somehow she ended up getting killed because she was just a total evil scumbag who deserved to receive karma in spades. I'm not a woman hater, it's just that some scumbags (men and women) don't deserve to walk the earth even if they are a fictional character. LOL

This is a fairly good story. Such as it is... When do you foresee giving it an ending ? This, was not an end.

Unnecessarily long, but still worth four stars.

but there is one thing that really bothered me. I've read all the previous, but nobody else has commented on it. Maybe it's different in the US (I'm a Brit), but his desire to avoid publicity, which appears to have been successfully maintained, would not last minutes here. There were so many people at the Hospital who knew him, if not personally at least by sight. The Brit press would have traced him and doorstepped him relentlessly. His act was off the scale for heroism! No rest for the famous.

Apart from that, I'm not as big a fan as most. Someone else said it should have been 11 pages. Funnily enough, although I didn't read the comments until the end, I did start rapid scanning by the end of page 11.

I had lost faith that any author other then qhml stangstar or Iverson could write a 5 star story. Very impressive I will be reading all of your work now!