All Comments on 'The Shooting at Our Merciful Lord'

Really? I'm not a good person, but just thinking for a minute had me realize that I do know people who would do that. Goodness, I'm even related to some.

I can't fault Mr Buck for wanting to be with these children. He has a lot invested in them, emotionally. I can't even complain about him since he hasn't forgiven their mother yet. if ever. (I do like a bit of BTB myself)

But, in the future, forgiveness could plausibly come. Please remember that forgiveness can be much easier when you've come out the winner. And you'll notice that John is the winner, in every sense.

Hopefully my 5 will offset your 1.

You are an exellent writer but this is not by your standards,it is a long story but imo a lot of elements are missing,Karen for instance ,after the divorce could have been more fleshed out,it sounds very improbable to me that he didn't hear anything about her residing in the same city,her alcoholisme for instance,imo if the school gives her a final warning about it then a lot of people must have been aware of it,not showing up or drunk is smth people talk about

Liked your usual mentioning of an author,Erich maria Remarque

Gave you 4 stars

I could not continue to talk to karen as he does. Clean break, speak through email. Why would he contaminate his life with that family?

Had I been John, people around me could have been talking about Karen every day and I probably would have tuned out every word.

I probably wouldn't have taken any of Karen's calls, called her about anything or done anything for her. Not sure if that makes John weak or just a better man than me.

Nobody in any kind of hurry or inflexible plan of the day should peruse this convoluted tale. This author is not a newcomer to Literotica, but until now I wasn't aware of Malraux. My loss ...until now, clearly.

Personally I prefer the Director's Cut of classic films which usually means they run longer. A lot of those additional scenes do have some dispensable qualities but if one is under the spell of the artistic vision , you are glad to have taken the scenic route. Could this story have been shorter and yet retained a sizeable percent of its total impact ? Probably. But count me very grateful Malraux went nigh novella.

Quibbles ? How did Karen Anne pull the wool so perfectly over his eyes as years as she did with the relative intelligence of the narrator to her. He only began to have a clue in the aftermath ( LOVED how that discord was introduced in hospital and paced building up to shocking divorce summons ). I so enjoyed how the supporting characters en masse pitched in to help him recover from her malignancy.

Meeting and courting Maria on rebound is a little iffy , but maybe Malraux chose to compress the 7 stages of grief and recovery to keep from going 20 pages , very understandable. I admire how the narrator didn't shun or demonize Karen Anne ,

mostly it would seem, to maintain a low key but meaningful bond with children that was forged by time regardless of who is actual father.

Bottom line : wonderful writing and high wordsmith quotient .

Full marks * * * * *

This is as good as it gets. This story is hall of fame quality. A major event has just taken place in this category. A giant has appeared among the pigmies. This is a story to rival the best ever in this genre. I am in awe of your skills, sir. The story gripped me from the first sentence to the last word. I wouldn't know how to improve on this. Five grateful stars from me. Thank you very much

This reads very much like a current headline. It is something that could easily happen, and the romantic part in the latter half of the story is as good as the LW part at the beginning. Just top notch writing and editing. I can't believe how few mistakes I found in a story this long. Every aspect of this story was terrific, from the storytelling to the way the author puts words together. Five stars from me and I'll be looking for more stories from this author.

A new star in LW. Terrific story.

Enjoyed every word.

Terrific story, well written, and look forward to more like this.

I will now read the remainder that has been written by this fine author.

Many Thanks.

You did a good job of developing your characters, Plus your story flowed well. Thank you I enjoyed reading it. Please keep writing *5 from me...

john was a wishy washy loser, her bluntness and the divorce gave him a wake up call.

karen ann is a gold digger, attracted by the wealth and prestige of a certain doctor, she was putty in his hands and got duped.

maria, a girl that got badly burnt in the past and after 10 years in a hole was finally reclaiming her life back. at the end they all changed, karen ann the least but i ended up not hating her as much afterwards. the supporting characters were well used to help transform the main characters.

It's a well written story with silly reliance on unrealistic archetypes, but it's only 'great' when compared to the schlock vomited out on a daily basis by other 'authors'.

The mindless neanderthals are giving this story 1*.

Imagine the absolute shite they would write.....oh wait there are plenty of examples on here.

This was a very good story, many thanks to the author for this.

...and moreover, they modeled EXACTLY how a husband and wife should prioritize their communications and decisionmaking - right up to the very end of the story.

There was some action, and some suspense in the telling, without it ever going "over the top" as many stories tend to go for easy plot answers. 5* for each aspect of this story, plot, character development, the word choice was excellent; the writing was clear and concise, and never felt like a barrier to the story as can happen with lesser writing skills. It even cast Catholic priests in a good light (a more serious challenge in these post-abuse-scandal days than in decades past). I'd love to see more writing of this same quality from this author!

Exceptional characterization. Powerful wordplay. Gravitas.

One note: your principle conflict essentially ends fairly early on. He's divorced, he's dating, and he's engaging almost exclusively with positive figures. I would have liked, if the divorce was going to wrap so early and the militant revenge was going to hang until late, to get some other form of conflict. Maybe Maria's parents aren't told what he did, and think he's a coward. Maybe Maria still has uncertainties about her ex (or another guy). Anything to keep it from feeling like 4 or 5 pages of "things are going well."

Great story though.

Whenever I see something this long I automatically cringe. This was worth it. There is BTB for the cheating wife. The adulturous doctor dies. There is redemption for all. The protagonist is a good but weak guy who finds a firecracker or two in bed. And it has religion but without being too preachy. And the guy gets to have a relationship with his non biological offspring.

But I think that with a great editor it could have been only 11 pages.

This story has kept me entertained for a couple of hours on a wet and cold Easter Fri. Thank you for writing such an ntertaining tale.

Excellent writing. A bit of everything for everyone with out being preachy. It would have been easy to make this another secret hero story but you avoided this by making it more about the reality of all the characters involved.

I've seen many a good story on Literotica savaged by the constant bickering between the BTB crowd and the RAAC crowd. But this is the first case where I saw anyone want innocent children burned as well. You are a small and despicable excuse for a human being. May God have mercy on your soul.

You hit a lot of hot buttons. Small town americana, religious and community traditions, ultimate betrayals and wrenching, unsettling events. Yet you did it evenly with good pace. Wow. The ending was timely, yet I would have happily read another half-dozen pages regarding newly married life and the mental challenges of caring for two kids that the hero once thought were his. Thank you.

Plain fact, the semi-hero was as badly done as I've ever read. But it was well written, and wasn't far fetched. Yes, we do live in a terrible time. But there's still hope in our hearts. Horror, loss, redemption.....I'm better off having read it. Thanks for your time and effort.

Great writing,

great word use,

some great characters,

so-so plot,

a bit longer than necessary.

You are a very good writer. The main character was kind of a typical fantasy protagonist in this genre (boring). The women were interesting if not extreme. The priests were good and interesting characters. The relationships were nicely real in most cases.

You did a good job, but I think you can do much better with a less fantastic, more realistic plot. Less extreme characters and a bit of editing to reduce the length. You understand suspense and pacing, you do not need the fantasy or the melodrama.

5

outstanding thanks 5*

I rarely comment on these submissions, however I must congratulate this writer on a well written story. It was wordy, but not overly so, and everything pertained to the character of the man in the story. showcasing his down-to-earth qualities that are extraordinary in this day of everyone for themselves. Kudos to the writer.

g. Steel

Thanks for such a fine story. Well paced and you were patient in developing the characters. Full marks 5

Wow. This author tortured the hell out of his protagonist. In terms of plot, moving and powerful. Really glad the good guy finally won. I really liked the two priest characters (and I am a protestant). Author wrote the narcissstic psycho first wife very well - she could be a StangStar or PapaToad or JPB wife. In terms of writing - a little long but well paced and flowed well. As one commentator noted, five stars are not enough.

Absolutely one of the best ever!

A story this well written is far too rare on this site. To me, at least this was brilliant. the characters well thought out and defined, the story better than most. A well deserved five stars. Thankyou.

Colin the dogg

Some stories are entertaining. When you are through, you enjoyed it, but you never give it another thought. The first time I read this story, I was supposed to be editing. I suddenly realized that I had read five pages and hadn't made a mark. My coffee cup was empty, and I couldn't remember taking a single sip.

I judge amateur story contests, grade assignments from the best and brightest college students, daily. I teach creative writing. I would love to have this author speak to my classes. This is literature. This is in the top 50 of all the stories I've read. I would pay to read this. For all the superlatives tossed around here every day, this one deserves every one of them. The thought and craftsmanship that went into this story is just outstanding. If I could set a score, this one would be north of 4.70, it's just that good.

But the story held me the whole way.

And the characters felt like real people, with real feelings and problems.

Thank you.

I've dipped into your body of work only a little, but have been amazed by what I've read so far. I've enjoyed reading many authors on this site, but I have to say that this little novella just takes my breath away!

Well plotted, with several genuinely good and noble characters to love, along with a repulsive, cheating skank to hate. On top of that, the quality of the writing is superb. This is not just another story, it's literature. (And yes, I even had to look up the definitions of a couple of words, so you managed to expand my vocabulary a tad.)

I wish I could give this 100 stars, but you'll just have to enjoy my accolades instead.

Thanks so much for writing this masterpiece and sharing it here!

It was a bit long, then again, I read it in one sitting. You covered a ton of human emotions in one fell swoop. Great job!

This is the most beautiful story I have ever read - there were many tears in my eyes all through it and I may have re-discovered my faith because of it !!

Hey Dude. You had me at 'hello'! It's been a long time since we've had such a good story like this on this site. Bless you for sharing. When it comes to kids, love should be the only thing on the table.

Thanks for writing and sharing.

Very sincerely,

Santacruzman

Great writing and story! 5+

And it's stories like this wish is why I believed that and I I think many others do now as well. The only thing that bothered me in the story and perhaps somebody else can point his out...????.. WHY the husband after stopping the terrorist attack decided to not tell his wife what he had done. Up to that point in the story he was operating on the assumption that the marriage was still pretty good one...

However that aside...this story was remarkably well done in every possible aspect. In these sorts of stories we often have a husband .... Who in re- telling the story should have seen the clues that something was wrong in the marriage. Or perhaps a husband drawn as a blithering idiot. This often leaves the reader Wondering how or why the husband is drawn up as a blithering idiot. Franklly its more than a ittle frustrating.

The wife character molecule is not a cardboard cutout. A revenge or Karma who's back on her he really because of her her own arrogance and actions. The subplot where she assumes that the doctor she's cheating with cannot possibly be married or has been fucking other women at the hospital... is very Well done... Matches how the wife character was develop and her character flaws and it also appears to be quite realistic.

God what a waste of time. Thirteen chapters of contrived crap.

Few authors dare to face problems that scare us all, and far fewer in a venue such as Literotica. But you have given us hope and provided light where often there is only fear and anger. Thank you for giving me some alternatives to my prejudices.

You also have a brilliant command of the language and an extensive vocabulary. I congratulate you on a very long exhibit of storytelling at its best. I wish you the most prosperous future, o gifted writer.

but very (VERY) contrived. And really does not belong in the LW category, even though there is infidelity in the story.

This is the first story I've read by Malraux; the author clearly has the competence to be an above average writer. But the plots need to be better, simpler, less implausible.

way too long for a site like this

Really good for lots of reasons. A bit like real life. Exciting with the terrorists. Bitch of a first wife, and pretty much the jackpot for the second. To the author, ignore the shallow minded guys who just want a circle jerk oracle. Will now look up some more of your stuff and see if this was one of or you can do it again.

much too long and although I often try to write a sexless story too there was no sex here. the wife had such a high moral standard that I have a hard time believing she would have two kids by someone else. Not a perfect story but I will give it a 4.

This would have been much better served by putting it in the Romance category where there are far fewer contentious commentators.

Though admittedly it does follow the LW convention where the actually loving wife is the second one though the story starts with him married to the first one.

John's, Maria's, the history of Father Phil's, and at the end even some potential for Karen.

The only part I thought felt contrived was Islamic terrorists hitting a minor hospital in a small town. Might have made better sense in a more urban setting, or maybe a VA hospital. Because in someplace like Sky Grey, a mass shooting attack by a disgruntled hospital ex-employee or someone's estranged spouse would have been much more likely.

more, please.

Please delete that thoroughly offensive comment that just spoiled the peaceful upbeat mood your story instilled.

Was it coincidence or planning that this story was published on Good Friday?

Lord Byron or Victor Hugo?

It was a good story, but I have a minor issue. When the protagonist is beating Yas about the head, it is described as somewhat ineffective because of his right hand being injured. Hitting someone is mechanically about the shoulder and arm, the hand is merely the object inflicting the damage. Hence, he should be able to hit Yas very hard, although he might re-injure his hand in the process.

Please do more. Great job

Superb story, exceptionally well written. The storyline is great, and the characters are well developed and believable. This is, simply, beautifully done.

This was one fine piece of writing. Karen Ann, what a character, whoring herself out a month or two after marriage ,having a womanizers child, how low can a person go to do this. Is it possible to happen in this life.? She did not see thru this guy. At least John held himself together to find another damaged soul and make her hole. So he rescues Karen Ann and gets those children to take care of ,even though not his own. Well you made him a better man than myself .i would never had a thing t do with that bitch ever . But a great story from you.

Contrived of course,but most tales are.The only problem with this for me is the ending, Karen Anne had been such an ass all along the ending fell flat, she continued to berate John long after she realized she had been duped by the scum Dr, she belittles what he did that day at the hospital, yet she suddenly thinks he is the person to take the kids? Even assuming she had an epiphany and realized she was the rotten apple, the time between the revenge of the brother and the last scene she never tries to apologize to John, in a sense she ends up using him for her own ends,knowing John will take the kids, not much to her, and that hurt the ending.

This deserves more than a 5

I still voted 5 but I didn't read much of the last 5 pages. It's too much much like the Hawai 5-0 or NCIS stupid plots about bad foreigners. Firearm don't kill Americans, Americans kills Americans. Unless you're black, then other black Americans and sometimes, not too often, cops kill blacks. You know the joke: how do you call an American killing another American? ... A good start!

As I'm reading some of the comments a scene from the movie Amadeus came to my mind when Mozart's employer told him that his music was too long and Mozart's reply was that it exactly as long as it was intended.

This transcends stories posted here for the quick physical gratification that some come for, especially anondiots (who also believe themselves to be clever). It entertains the mind and we are lucky to have people who write and post like this to balance the truly erotic postings which are fine too. It was longer and when I saw 14 pages I knew I'd have to pace myself today but I also knew from page 1 that it would be worth it. Fully enjoyed this story and I could not choose any words, phrases or paragraphs that I would do without.

Wow what a farcing biotch. OldBearSwitch

Gripping yarn, thanks

This is one of my favorite stories. Thank you, Malraux, for sharing it. I noticed in your bio that you wish you "were an expert at something". In my opinion you ARE an expert storyteller.

A real classic. You have talent and the whole story was written without noticeable errors in either composition or grammar. Thank you.

Thanks for the submission.

Overall I thought it was a good story. I'm going to delve into some issues that came to mind, not as criticism, just to possibly help tune your work

1. Divorce and the reactions of fathers Michael and Phillip. Obviously for the church divorce is a big issue. That they didn't even try and counsel reconciliation or address the concern of divorce is a small issue.

2. The length of a story isn't inherently an issue, but the length in this case probably contained a good bit of text that could be trimmed and edited to improve the flow and pacing.

3. While gathered together with good skill, you used some rather typical tropes for LW. Husband is simply a super person. A Marine, who in 10 seconds assesses a situation, semi-disarms one assailant, kills two of them, saves the hostages, is humble, is loyal, is nothing but perfect. The wife is conniving and backstabbing, she brags (for no reason) about how great the sex was with her dead lover, brags about using a diaphragm with her husband, actively tries to tear him down for no particular benefit to her. Even that humility is mock presented as a perceived weakness, but is made clear to be a rather christian virtue. Even doing terrible things, the wife doesn't have to be a completely terrible person in all ways when unveiled. It also makes it hard to believe nothing was noticed in intervening years.

4. In a scene with the protagonist's mother, you suddenly look to the future and how the divorce and loss of grandchild affect her years and decades later, through senility, etc. You should probably continue to tell the story in the present and save such for epilogues if you need them at all. In addition, the scenario is undercut by the ending, where his ex asks him to take an active role with the children, caring for them when she is in rehab, becoming their official guardian if she is unable to be. It is clear he and thus his mother will still have them in their lives.

5. The denouement with the ex is a bit heavy handed. She pretty much summarizes the typical issue with many BTB stories. "I want the children with someone good. I am not good. The guy I cheated with is not good. You and your rebound relationship are good." That is the core of the plot for many stories and reviewers when it involves female cheating spouses.

It is still a good story and good writing, but you could definitely benefit from having someone you trust to argue with and converse with early on to use your skills to create more rounded and believable chars, and to tighten up your prose a bit.

Again, thanks a great deal. A very solid 4*

story! Annony is just a fucking pos!

It was long but I thought that it ended too quickly and that there could have been more development of Maria's personality at the beginning of their relationship. But well worth an hour of reading and 5 stars.

I thought it was an excellent story! One of the best that I've read on Literotica. I hope that you continue writing and I look forward to reading them.

Not perfect, some items had me scratching my head such as why he didnt tell wife he shot terrorists, the wife's unabashed cruelty in telling him details of her infidelity (they usually gaslight), foreshadowing of mother's mental decay as being without access to grandkids, but in the end she will have it...and new grandchildren.

But these are quibbles. The best was the dual unveiling of the terrorist incident coinciding with the reveal of the long time cheating wife. Also, some parts of his redemptive or rehabilitive journey were quite moving. Good insights into priests, and how some of the more learned ones can help one along....the importance of others in our lives.

I know you not, but now will be checking out y our bio for sure! Good writing.

A nice pallette cleanser. Not great but good. The ending was kind of limp though.

A piece of work that you can be rightly proud of. Not perfect as there were some slightly overdone patches & it was quite long. But considering the extremely low quality cuck junk that seems to be swamping this site now this is like the full moon in the night sky. Congrats. 5 *****

I enjoyed your story & hope that you will continue to write

I didn't know what to expect, never having read this author before. I saw that the author thanked BR1958 and I got excited. Damn, Randi, how many writers do you edit for?

This was one of the top stories I've read here. It was very long, but the author wrote the perfect number of words to tell this story. I can't express how good I think this story was. This is what real stories look like. I thank the author for posting it all in one piece and not dragging it out over weeks. Top marks, and I wish I could give it more. Exceptional writer and exceptional story. More, please.

...you find a rose growing amongst the thistles! 5*****

Top-notch craftsmanship. Thanks for sharing your work with us.

Very well put together. Believable characters, showing normal human frailties. Even the "evil ex-wife", who is usually a caricature, was allowed some redemption.

Congratulations on an excellent story.

Would have liked another page to see how they come to an Agreement. Taking the kids in would be hard on him and his Parents. To see what should have been and know it never was.

A compelling plot idea, but much better executed by rpsuch in his story "Fifth Place."

My problem with this story is that while we are told innumerable trite even pointless details, the most interesting and compelling details have been left out, or obliquely insinuated. Here's what I wished you had included in this story to the same level of detail as what the priests thought about life:

1. When did his wife start to lose her respect for her husband, and why?

2. What were the dialogue and events that led up to the wife's seduction and betrayal? Did she just start fucking the young handsome doctor the same day she met him? Did he persuade her with some incredible charm, deception, drugs?

3. What made her decide not to just commit adultery, but to totally abandon her marriage and give herself as a brood mare to the doctor. Was it just the money, a decision to trade up?

4. What was the role of her parents in her deception? What interaction took place between daughter and parents that enabled and even justified her betrayal?

5. What were the details of her first fuck session with Dr. Perfect? Did he have some special cock, special technique? What made the sex so great and when did she decide to have his children?

6. Why did the wife switch so quickly and extremely from loving loyal wife to a monster of cruelty and betrayal? Did you just forget to include the Martian Slut Ray scene? How did she come to embrace such a violent change of heart?

7. How could a husband in tune with his wife's soul not detect the changes in her character, her respect, her integrity? Scorn and ridicule are about as hard to detect as a natural gas leak in a florist shop. Where the fuck was hubby's head, and attention?

The ex-wife actually said and did very little in this story, so we never learned her inner thoughts, motives, attitudes, and expectations. I find these unaddressed issues much more interesting than most of the information you felt compelled to include about Catholicism, the philosophy of reconciliation, or the information about the high school reporter's background and ambitions.

I appreciate the time and effort put into the story, but I see it as a great opportunity mostly missed. I hope you will try again.

Great read, well written and believable characters, couldn't put it down. 5*****

This is the first story I have read by you, but I will be reading the others in the near future as my schedule allows. Thank you for sharing your talent.

The rich tapestry of Grey Sky and southwest Ohio that you are constructing is wonderful. Like Russo in upstate New York or Conroy in the Low Country of the Carolinas, even Tony Hillerman in Navajo country. What a great way to travel. Very rich characters. Thank you for your submissions. What a great compilation of short stories you're building. BTW, "Confessions" is still in my Kindle Queue.

Second reading I made it to page nine where, after so much dragging and scraping bottom, I concluded reading it. And was amazed to it goes to 14 pages. This day-to-day, moment by moment diary is a snooze fest. The protagonist is, in fact, a wimp. I gave it 3 ☆ for your Herculean effort.

This is such an incredible story. I was sucked in from the story from the start and my emotions were drained through the journey. And then I did something I rarely do. I had to re-read the story immediately again to capture more nuances I missed on the first go round. Simply the best story on LW this year.

. . . incredible. To echo Oshaw in his comment, with all due respect for all the wonderfully talented authors on the site, this is one of the best stories on LW that I've read in a long time. What a beautiful love story. I'm speechless. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 1000 *. I'm not religious, but I felt that it was particularly appropriate that I read it on Easter. Sigh . . . Can't wait to read it again. For those who jump to the comments before reading the story, don't let the 14-page length dissuade you from reading this masterpiece. It is not to be missed.

You've got writers like Oshaw, BR1958 and the Unoriginalist praising your story. That means something, coming from them. Hell, even slamdawg and HarryinVirginia gave you respect. I think they were all spot on. This is right up there for story of the year in loving wives. The writing was perfect. I don't know if you're that good or your editor is that good. Both, I imagine. I can't get over that I've never run across your writing. I must need to get out more. Great story.

Five stars. Extremely well written. Well developed storyline. The one area that was lacking detail was in the development of the ex wife character prior to the first miscarriage. I assume this was intentional as it left room for her hidden side to come out after the affair was discovered. As it was, I never got the sense that her character was adequately developed. Her behavior was so extreme and delusional at times. I wanted to know why? Why she ever married this guy? Why she became so hateful? I was thinking that her miscarriage had mentally affected her, but then the timeline of events just didn't seem to allow for that. If she was always so mean and shallow, why marry this guy? And how could hubby be so clueless as to not pick up on that during their courtship? In a Loving Wives story, I would expect to find those areas addressed. For that reason, I didn't love this and I do feel it would be better suited under Novella, non erotic or Romance. Still exceptional writing.

i enjoyed it tremendously. thank you.

Very entertaining. Really enjoyed the contrast between the introspective discourses of your protagonist. And the plot with all that action.

The only dissonance in this story is the failure to explain Karen's meeting of her lover the surgeon while he was away, in the marines. Also, how did the cheating wife and the surgeon reacted when her husband got a job at the hospital❓

Thank you for the story ⭐⭐⭐⭐🎭😄❗

AMerryman

What more can I say. Keep up the good work and I look forward to future stories!

Lovely story- hard to accept the first wife would be so feckless, but I like the fact that he gave her a good piece of his mind- I never like when the abandoner just walks out without a bit of a tongue lashing. The ending is kind of sudden- is there more to this? It was all basically wrapped up, so I was confused where it ended. All that aside, the writing was a cut above what you usually read on this site.

Truly enjoyed the tale! Thought wife one was over the top with her comments while dumping him. Wife two was unbelievably good at sex and erotic for a 30 year old sheltered and traumatized virgin....but thats nitpicking and I guess it is an erotic fiction site.

One of the best stories I've ever read here.

Thank you for sharing it.

A little wandering and could be edited down by 25%, but very good.

This was one of the best stories here on LW for a long time. It could have been a bit shorter, about 25%, but well written and crafted. Karen Ann did reap a lot of what she deserved but also was "rewarded" with results that were related to some of what she did in the first part of her marriage to John. There could have, should have been a bit more of a conversation between Karen and John at part of the aftermath and the smoke cleared. It would have had an added effect of how badly her judgment was. We are looking forward to one of your next stories (and maybe even an aftermath where John regains the love of "his" children that he was raising before the destruction.

Tiny Tim

It always amuses me the take some people have. Did you even read this story? He divorced the cheater as soon as he found out. He did not get back with her, at any point. I'm sure most people would put this squarely in the BTB camp. Then there are some who can never be satisfied until some cliched mindless revenge scheme is played out.

I see comments putting authors in the "cuckold" or "RAAC" category. All the while they are constantly being attacked by the denizens of that domain for being "BTB" advocates. The truth is, most great writers can't be categorized so neatly. This story certainly can't, and those who do so simply show that they are simple minded.

Why doesn’t he want his wife to know what he did?

Her lack of respect for him is obviously part and parcel of her cheating.

“I didn't understand” – What doesn’t he understand? I know this is LW and we’ve been through this dozens of times before, but still!

“Perhaps," I said, "it would have had a different outcome if she'd known more about him." – Big whoop! So she wouldn’t have dumped you if she knew she didn’t have the big payday? The ultimate cuckolding gets forgiven? The total lack of respect?

Why did she marry him, having so little respect for him? Was it the first pregnancy?

“including grandchildren” – new grandchildren?

"I should not have said what I said, John." – Only if she didn’t mean it, but she did!

"John, you are being so unreasonable. Don't you love the kids?" – Yeah, the kids that you took away from him and threatened him if he fought you over them!

LOL, I had to laugh with John on her throwing immorality at him!

Why not call the Police? Why assume that she did?

“You could have a closer relationship with them." – Just to have it severed again?

@thwya – Great editor? This only had the best there is! Cut THREE pages? While I’m no expert, and maybe missed SOME excess verbiage, but THREE pages worth????

Very good reading time. There are some holes and the ending. The story had a part about the future his mother getting older and dementia and asking about Karen Ann's kids - it was like she was not part of there lives! Then the ending it just stops!? Is there more story coming???

Overall entertaining reading worth the time just the WTF ending! It is YOUR story I am just along for the ride..

Please keep writing and I will keep reading!

"The story had a part about the future his mother getting older and dementia and asking about Karen Ann's kids - it was like she was not part of there [their] lives!" -

It's quite possible she wasn't! She had dementia, we don't know how far back her failing memory went. We only know that they will be watching the kids while she's in rehab. If the rehab is successful and nothing happens to her the kids stay with her and that's it. His mother will presumably have a little more contact during the rehab, but with a "real" grandchild coming, she's not likely to invest much more emotionally with the kids she may never see again.

This is a 6*, except for the last few paragraphs where you rushed to end the story. Your ending was anti-climatic yet your story was all about being exploring situational emotions.

This ending puts a negative light to the other 13 pages. Plus it leaves a few significant loose ends dangling.

Understated storytelling that fit the narrator’s humble perspective – very impressive indeed. In theory, this approach should cause all kinds of problems with telling a compelling story, but it works well here. For example, John and Maria’s courtship was a bit juvenile and over-the-top sweet, but they were exactly those things (i.e., sweet and both were immature – and maturing together – in their respective ways).

Full marks (and a fav) for writing an interesting and moving story.

Thanks so much.

Very abrupt ending, but that's the writing in general, it feels a bit forced in places, I get the sense that the writer is not a native English speaker.

There's a fair number of weird sentences, as well as a problem with too much telling vs showing. Part of it is how dialogue is often described rather than shown, and sometimes a weird mishmash of the two, where I felt quotation marks should have been used along with a bit of editing.

The dialogue in general felt stilted and unnatural, they rarely felt like real people, that's a big part of why I suspected that English isn't the author's first language.

Overall there should have been more dialogue, and more work done on making it sound natural, as well as more descriptive text, and a lot less of the narrative voice summarizing things.

The author should also get an editor, he needs one there are too many subtle problems, but all things that a critical editor could help with immensely.

I really liked this one. I agree ending was a bit weak -- I wanted to hear how first wife regretted her betrayal (if she did) and way underestimated John, including his hero status and job success. Liked how Johns new relationship developed slowly and lovingly and didn't rush into sex

Sorry, I was expecting something erotic.

I strongly disagree with Ib-Says — about grammar, sentence structure, dialogue, telling versus showing, your native language, etc. I think this was a fine story, written well.

I was waiting to hear Karen acknowledge his courage that she had disparaged, either in the hospital shooting or at her house, but maybe that is implicit in her request at the end. However, in the real world not everything is tidied up as much as we might wish, and sometimes people fail to say things that they really should've said. So I assume that the way you wrote the ending reflects your understanding of Karen and what she would've said, and that is OK.

Thanks for a good story.