All Comments on 'The Sketch'

Good tale, nice build up but needs editing.. A page appears twice looping the story round.

The loop happens around page 8 and 9. Don't kick yourself, we've all fucked up like this.

You've always written some awesome porn—in fact, you've actually influenced a lot of my own writing, so I was thrilled to see a new story from you—and you didn't disappoint here. The sex scenes here were some of the hottest you've ever done. I've got a personal thing against blackmail and wasn't super thrilled to see Bill stoop to it, but I get it from a character perspective, and I appreciate how you got Sheri to roll with it.

That said, I think this would've landed better if we saw more of Sherri's perspective. I know you were trying to preserve a mystery here, but Bill, affable as he is, isn't interesting enough to carry the story. He gives you a nice male gaze to objectify Sheri from, sure (not a putdown), but character-wise, he's basically just a mark and there's no sense that he's learned anything from this. Sheri, on the other hand, is a college-bound girl pressured into risking her future for a dirtbag she can't help but love while ignoring the fact that the best friend she has a much healthier relationship with is also into her. (As it stands, Debbie's introduced so suddenly she can't overcome the impression that she's only there to be a second woman for Bill to fuck.) And throughout this scheme, she gets in touch with her latent kink for exhibitionism and consummates the sexual tension she has with her best friend. (Though I'm also not a fan of Sheri saying "I know you're not really gay..." Bitch, you just ate her out and she went wild for it. She's bisexual, so are you; validate her.) Honestly, erotica or not, that's a hell of an arc and internal conflict to play down in favor of "Overworked man goes to cabin, sketches hot woman, fucks her, feels better."

Again, it wasn't unpleasant to read and I'm sure I'll be returning to this. But if you need to do edits anyway, consider giving this one or two more drafts as opposed to a proofread. It could be the difference between "great" and "classic."

Even though your story dragged a little bit at times and had that repetition towards the end, it caught and kept my attention throughout. Nice job. Five stars. JB

I don't like blackmail, the same result could have come about voluntarily - and that would have left open the possibility of something happening again in the future, or not. There is an odd repetition of the story around page 8/9. There are two occasions when the character is identified as Debbie, but it should be Sheri.

Excellent story that captivated my attention from beginning to end.

There's so much that is great about this tale that, well, it makes the few flaws almost painfully obvious.

As pointed out above, the blackmail doesn't work -- and on several levels.

For a guy who feels morally compelled to alert Sheri to the presence of the security cameras, and then has to be virtually seduced into even jerking off for her, it just doesn't make sense that Bill suddenly turns around and blackmails Sheri for sexual favors. Not only is it out of character, but the blackmail proposal undermines Bill as a sympathetic protagonist.

If blackmail is his game, then this needs to be a reluctance story with Bill portrayed as a scheming sleaze ball from start to finish.

I can envision several scenarios where the photo session and sex all happen willingly and without resorting to criminal coercion. And it would make for a far more emotionally appealing story.

A couple minor nits.

Debbie's sudden appearance is just a little too abrupt and unlikely. She needs to be introduced earlier, perhaps having a little flirtation with Bill in the diner.

Finally, the sexual scenes, while fundamentally hot, are undermined by the repetitive use of stilted terms such as "meat," "pole," and "melons."

"Penis," "cock," "tits," or even "breasts" would make the writing feel far more authentic.

Again, this is such an excellent and captivating story that these few flaws jump out at the reader like coffee stains on a white linen skirt.

It's awesome you posted another story. As mentioned a scene repeats itself but I didn't notice until 2 or 3 paragraphs in. That's how good the story was.

I think the blackmail works, even though the Bill obviously wasn't going to snitch on Sheri. I liked it!

Please keep writing!

You are an outstanding author.

Thank you.

The Sketch is an example of great story telling by this author, but with a bittersweet and (to this reader) a somewhat disappointing albeit surprising ending. Great plot and good character development from the first to last, this story is a great read. It could have been enhanced with more attention to the character Sherri, especially in the final paragraphs.

Hot, sexy and so much fun! Excellent sexual storytelling and awesome scenario!

I tried, but the scoring is not working 😕

Finally able to score a 5 😘

Great story, well told. One scene is repeated and some confusion between the girls names.

No emotional bond between unsympathetic MCs. Too much sucking, tit fucking and coitus interruptus for the purpose of coming outside of the partners body in order to "paint" and "mark" them. Nothing against variety, but intercourse to fulfillment, colourfully described, is still the best for this old guy. A stroke story that sidelines the main dish is somewhat moot and boring, especially if it's THAT long. This story is for people thoroughly conditioned by the usual fare of porn industry, up to the big, almost solid and unmoving tits on thin bodies with thin limbs.