All Comments on 'The Slums of Heaven'

Great outline. Former military, so I can comprehend the circumstances. From her implausible excuses to catching her in the lie it made sense including the legal issues and the USFSPA. However, the government can file fraud for paying for the child's birth. Then, details became sketchy as characters lost credibility. She wanted to marry Shelton knowing he would lose everything in his divorce. Why? Was this about abandonment, loneliness, or money? Then, she resumes her affair after the baby is born where they are served by both spouses. No love shown for either spouse by the cheaters. Yet, Courtney takes Shelyon back and Mariah wants to stay married to Kendall? Seriously?

Courtney gets control and a marriage without trust.

Shelton keeps his business and marriage but is neutered in both.

Mariah loses her child, everything she and Kendall worked toward, for some sex and a promise of a marriage where she no longer shops on base/post. Seriously?

Kendall loses everything he worked and sacrificed for just to hit the lottery in the end.

No satisfaction or pride in having earned anything. (Great outline but the worst developed characters in any story I have from beginning to end.)

Said no soldier in the Army in this situation ever.

Maybe in the Air Force.

Notifications of death are not done by letter. They are done in person. Still a good story.

Not one of your best, and I don't think he has anything to worry about.

Go find a different forum. Somehow a site about sex doesn't seem like a place for this nonsense.

1 star

But hey, I'm also surprised Skippy doesn't score much higher than he does on most of his stories. I haven't read one I haven't liked yet. This gets a 5 from me.

The heart of this story was the conflict between the protagonist's moral compass and the raw emotion of dealing betrayal. Kendall wasn't a perfect character, but he tried to live up to his vision of ideal behavior. The story was also humorous in parts. What person who every served hasn't had the fantasy of punching a superior? Kendall got to inflict damage twice!

I like a story where all character's have flaws. Mariah was a bit too evil for my tastes, but it seems to me that should mean the story gets higher marks given the current tastes in LW.

Keep writing them Skip.

A lot came out of left field in this story. Dad who happened to not be his Dad and he finds out from a cheating, lying future ex-wife. Grand Father he had not seen in 20 years, who sets him up for life. Okay with all that, so 4 stars.

Yet, with all the WWJD in this story, he should have met a nice future wife in church. The notion of hooking up with Courtney's just divorced sister would fall somewhere under the heading of excessively punishing himself, as Shelton would be his new wife's brother in law..which is nuts.

"he carried some responsibility for the harshness of her punishment"

Nope, he didn't owe the cheating whore shit.

She had a long-term affair with a married man, deliberately letting the asshole get her pregnant (she was fucking him bareback while unprotected!). Then she planned to leave her husband and rape him in the divorce. She was a deceitful, slutty bitch that deserved to have her life ruined.

That Mariah couldn't handle the nightmare her life had become was all her own fault. Kendell wrecked his career in the military so he didn't have to support her, but he did nothing to get any revenge. That Mariah tried to kill herself, fucked up and became a nutjob was all on her as well. Kendell should have told her family what a deceitful slut they'd raised, because he certainly didn't deserve any grief from her relatives!

Another good.story from you. The story has all the classic LW characters. You have the faithful husband , the duplicitous cheating wife, slimey backstabbing lover, and even an innocent bastard child. The wife's evil plot is uncovered and appropriate revenge is obtained in favor of the good guys. My only concern is the two assaults on his superior officer. Under UCMJ, no way you walk from that, better that he had been fragged in Ohfuckistan. I totally enjoyed the story. Now get ready for incoming. You are going to hear from Vets, from JAG officers, and from civilian experts on everything. But most of all, you are going to hear from those who object to putting religion in a LW story. Religion and no graphic sex, you are terrible. Keep your head down and keep writing.

Well, everyone in the story had more than their share of stupid moments, making it difficult to empathize with any one of them. It just shows how people can mess up their lives by following impulses.

I appreciated how the story was wrapped up with people finally doing the decent thing. Forgiveness conquers.

R.

1. Kendall says that he has tried very hard to stay faithful so he hopes that Mariah is doing the same as well. Umm, he is in Afghanistan, so it's not like there is a lot of pussy available. So it's not exactly the same thing.

2. Kendall demoted himself and then he got himself kicked out of the army so he doesn't have to pay alimony and lose half his pension to Mariah. First, likely there would have been no alimony. The formula the courts typical use is that no alimony kicks in until the higher earner earns more than 25% more than the lower earner. I doubt with his rank in the military he earned that much more than a secretary. Even if he did the difference would have been miniscule and it would have been for a short period of time. I doubt military pension would have been earned by Mariah after such a short marriage as well.

3. It said Courtney forced Shelton to "go public" with his business. What I think the author meant to say was to incorporate the business so that she holds 51% of the equity. Most businesses, even small ones, are already incorporated and he could have given her 51% of the value. And yes, you can share any of your percentage of you are merely incorporated. Going public is to raise funds for a business, it's expensive, and no reason to do for what Courtney was trying to get done.

4. I actually knew a born again Christian who thought no matter what he did he would go to heaven because he was saved. The fucker actually even lusted after young girls. A lot of them are sick fucks who think they being "saved" is somehow their E-ticket to heaven.

5. The immaculate conception must be the longest running joke in history. Too bad there was no DNA testing back then. Wonder who the father would have ended up being.

6. What happened to Mariah makes me sad. I'm not crazy about cheaters prospering, but her losing her men, some little time of pain and then she should be able to move on and prosper. Her wanting a different life is totally valid. A lot of these young girls marry military guys and think love will conquer all and then they realize they're married to someone that is gone a lot more than he's at home. She should have done it differently, but the consequences were too harsh.

7. Kendall's father was obviously a much better man than Kendall or Kendall's grandfather. He saw Kendall's mom as a human being that had made a mistake (getting pregnant with a guy while not married or in a committed relationship) and that was very lucky for Kendall. But with all his bullshit Jesus talk Kendall didn't have that forgiveness in him. That doesn't mean he had to stay married to her, but didn't need to hurt her financially as much as he did, which also forced her to give up her first born child. It was a fucked up situation, and she didn't deserve that.

But, again, the SBC has always been theologically shallow and is now going the way of the "mainline" Protestant denominations. The pity is that the people in the pews generally have no idea what's going on. To return to the story, why weaken it by dragging SBC theology into it. You've made it read like some of the crap you'd find at LifeWay stores.

This needs to be re-written. The way you are presenting the story, in third person telling without much motivation of the characters, is also contributing to emotionless declamation. This is not a complaint by itself but rather my intention to qualify this story as strange.

The last part of the story (grandpa riches) is artificial in its need for happy ending for the main character. Why do we need happy end at all here?

Could have been a good story without the endless god crap.

Below, is right, here come the military mistake comments. Wife does not get access to pension until marraige hits the 10 year mark. Alimony yes, chld support yes. Reason, no pension till 20 and she has to be married over half for wife to qualify. The new blended retirement may change the rules, but not sure when or if they go into effect. He would not walk away from hitting CO, period.

CO could not put himself in for a medal, especially a Bronze w/v device(for valor). That is what you are describing. Surely one of GO Dad's buddies would see the write-up was done and done well, but he could not do it himself, there is an approval process for awards.

Also, company CO's normally Captains or 1st LTs. Since he would have to be boarded to promote to Major and the pinning process can take up to a year, once the results are announced once a year; for active duty, GO Dad or not, he would have to wait until his number came up. Also, would not still be the CO in the time mentioned. I know supension of disbelieve and all, but still!

"Kendall's father was obviously a much better man than Kendall."

The circumstances are totally different!

Kendell's father wasn't married to his mother when she was pregnant. It's not even stated that the two of them were in a relationship when she got knocked up, so he might have met her after she was abandoned by her lover. The grandfather's comments about her being a whore and refusing to support a bastard could have reflected his generation's attitude to unwed mothers (especially if her lover was married). Even if she was dating multiple guys including Kendell's father, they still weren't married at the time and he could have easily walked away from her if he wanted to.

Mariah was an entirely different story. She had a long-term affair while she was married to Kendell, so he was legally chained to the whore when she got knocked up. She was planning to leave Kendell, rape him in the divorce, and set up a new family with her lover and their bastard. Mariah was an unrepentant piece of shit and deserved no sympathy whatsoever. She only tried to reconcile with her husband when Shelton's plans to divorce his wife were wrecked and he was forced to stay or be financially ruined.

I was thinking the same thing. If he DID stay in and not get demoted, why should she get HALF of his 20-year pension if they got divorced after roughly four years of service. She should maybe get half of whatever pension he had earned at that point, which should be miniscule.

Certainly not the best lw story.

Lots of confusing sections as explanations were long winded, jumped around and included unnecessary information.

Still if someone needs another thing to do his thinking for him, you could only have a confusing life.

It's Mt. CLEMENS, a simple google search will give you the correct info. As for bloviating constantly from your bible pulpit.........readers will start to tune that shit out.

Felt like I was reading a soap summary script that someone just kept adding "just one more part". Ruined the flow and the readability.

As for those bitching about WWJD? That sounded like guilt on their part.

An easy alternative for Mariah would have been NOT to take the overdose. Her baby was cared for, even though she lost Kendall she didn't love him anymore (Shelton was the star in her eyes), though she had little money she was still young and intelligent enough to find another job and ultimately another man.

The main reason to stay with Kendall, once the cat was out of the bag, was to have the financial and parental support for her child until she and Shelton could marry. However, the way things worked out, she was left on her own. Yes, the situation was bad for her but it was the same for Kendall. She should have looked for work since her work skills were all she had. Correction: she also had her young body to entice other men in the mainly military town. So her mental demise was too easy.

Considering Kendall's father's situation (who brought up another man's child), a nicer end to the story could have seen Mariah struggling to make ends meet, eventually trying out other men to satisfy her natural lust but still struggling as she realizes the value of her relationship with Kendall - from the age of 15. And Kendall too, feeling bitter about the whole thing meanders around with his grandfather initiated good fortune, trying out other women but still haunted by his loss - they were together since the age of 15. Since both feel the same loss, it would have been nice for them to get back together to pick up their lives with no bastard kid, no long deployments and no financial struggling (Yes, I know - a fairy tale!!). Would that reflect a bit better on "love the sinner"??

I came away with the feeling that the slums of Heaven will be overflowing.

but still carries remorse about the punishment he handed out, TK U MLJ LV NV

This story was screwy as hell.

T.T.

I asked myself the same question years ago. Make wine! I haven't been sober since.

Heaven has a wall and restricted entry, while Hell has open borders.

She makes up a story, then decides to continue cheaing, but when she has the baby and resumes cheating, it turns out she didnt meet Sheldon before the birth after her husband returned. Ahh, just doesnt compute.

Gut-achingly terrible. Story all over the place. Protagonist contemptible. All other characters made of cardboard (two dimensional and no depth as well as bland).

I notice that all your stories are very terse and clipped, overly so. It conveys a rushed sense of writing as well as cutting down description. It's akin to being told a story by someone with a mouth full of teeth, or someone who is too lazy to write things out in full.

Sorry. 1*. You critically need to sort style out.

Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy the story and it had a few elements not to be found elsewhere. However I believe you really need to work on keeping your characters’ names straight. I think Courtney became Connie a time or two, and I have noticed this in other stories.

from the AJC. He was asked if he was a member of an organized religion.

He stated, "I thought I was, then I realized I was Southern Baptist."

Admittedly life, for many of us, tends to meander about. Still, for a story... well, it doesn’t tend to be good in a story.

Grading on a curve, as some of Skippy’s get a 5-star from me, most 4-stars, so in comparison with that this gets 3-stars.

Too many inconsistencies. The plan had been for Shelton and his wife to adopt the baby but at the same time they were plotting on divorces and getting together?? Then Mariah states she could add Kendall/s name to the birth certificate in spite of the planned adoption scheme.

.

A classic Skippy story. Just exactly what I like in his stories.

Great story

Enough fiction as necessary and as much reality as possible! This story is one of the i blow sugar my own ass stories ... couldn't even finishvthe first page because I guess I know what follows ... war hero/super husband/model/gods gift to all woman/inventer of the cute against aids and bringer of world peace ... the arkward moment whrn you start a story and realise thus could have written a 12 year old after he watched superman ... FAIl!!!!

His father told he loved him,which was proven by his desire for his daughter to take over his business.

is stupid, corrupt, arrogant, and heretical. Nobody should listen to them. BTW the WWJD nonsense is also poor teaching. More is revealed in the Bible about right behavior than just the record of the actions of Jesus.

A pretty good story. Kendall's father was written as an idiot. There was no moral equivalence between the situation the father faced and the one Kendall faced. The father choose to marry a pregnant woman, which is similar to marrying a widow, single mother, or divorcee with children. There was no betrayal. Kendall was being pressure to accept the bastard child of his wife's betrayal.

I like your stories, but the ending is this was not good. All you say about a possible future woman for him is a single sentence. That should have been expanded. Why should he feel guilty about his ex-wife? She lied about her affair, and she was planning on divorcing him. She wanted a better life and just wanted to marry it. He should have sent the audio files of her confession to her family to clear his name; let them know exactly who and what she is. He also should have shared the audio files with Amy's husband. As far paying for Mariah's care - hell no. She did it to herself. Whatever length of time she spends here before going to whatever awaits her, she's on her own. What she did was selfish, and evil. He doesn't owe her anything.

im sure jesus wouldn't join a military that goes around killing ppl

9 levels of heaven?

@enderlocje27

Absolutely wrong .

Luke 22:36

Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.

She put herself in the hospital and this imbecile is still paying for it. Not every man in the world has to be a simp Skippy

Like the story a lot. AAAA+++

Lotta good stuff, but at the end, the story just dies in its sleep. The 4 was... a lil generous.

Um, the first words out of a wife's mouth upon seeing her "dead" husband would be "you're alive!!" not, "it isn't what it looks like!". Not your best effort.

mc is/was kind of an idiot to believe the whole army reporting him dead thing. First of all, that's something likely verifiable through records, secondly.. her story doesn't even let his supposed body get cold yet before she sleeps with her boss.. that just doesn't happen unless there was something already there.

There were some plot holes ... but this is an excellent short story.

Love it.

One question: Who is Carrie?