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Click hereBen smiled, looked directly into Tom's eyes with a fiery passion, tweaked Tom's left nipple so hard the older man gasped loudly and said, "Since I'm staying, round two." It wasn't a question. And the rather submissive younger man showed a slight undercurrent of dominance.
Tom looked back at Ben in wonder. Ben might be submissive—but he was no pushover. This could get interesting...
And the two headed off to bed.
- COMMENTS
Gybbsover 3 years agoMy BF and I (almost 5 years now) are mildly dom (he) and mildly sub (me) ... but Ben & Tom are much more subtle than some writers would allow for. Thanks for your acumen :-)
Markbikeover 3 years agoGood pace and great detail. I love it that Ben has so little experience and feels overwhelmed at times. Let him make a few, little mistakes because of this and due to his youth and enthusiasm. I imagine Tom having to slow him down and times but also that they'll share plenty of laughter along the way. Ben reminds me of a puppy.
Thank you for taking it slowly; I'm pretty sure that Ben won't be a virgin for much longer, but am enjoying the wait. I'm neither as beefy nor as wealthy as Tom, but can definitely imagine myself in his place.
63lsmithalmost 4 years agoA really great chapter, Will be waiting for the next one, Please don't keep us waiting to long. This is so hot with the older teaching the younger.
bienclaralmost 4 years agoA lot of the exposition of your story is delivered in narration or through dialogue. My suggestion is to make your audience do a bit more of the work. Let us figure out how the characters are feeling from their behaviour and context rather than just describing their emotions. Here's an example of where you've already started doing this is at the end of the chapter:
Ben smiled, looked directly into Tom's eyes with a fiery passion, tweaked Tom's left nipple so hard the older man gasped loudly and said, "Since I'm staying, round two." It wasn't a question.
That's solid characterisation and if I was your editor, I'd tell you to stop the chapter there. That exchange shows us that maybe Ben isn't as submissive as he seems, that he and Tom might actually find a balance where they challenge each other. It also sets up a potential organic conflict as maybe Ben isn't as submissive as Tom wants him to be. But instead of trusting the reader to figure that out, you add another few lines to make it absolutely clear what you're describing:
And the rather submissive younger man showed a slight undercurrent of dominance. Tom looked back at Ben in wonder. Ben might be submissive—but he was no pushover. This could get interesting...
You've given us the same information twice, once by showing and then again by telling. Which of those methods do you think is more exciting and engaging for your reader?
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoThese two are HOT!
Can't wait to see what happens in chapter 3.
Keep it going!
