All Comments on 'The Storm'

felt forced. grammar issues.

I liked your story. As long as the grammar issues aren't totally hacked-up, that really doesn't bother me, as you'll clean that up as you keep writing. I'll look forward to your follow-up when the parents are away. I know it'll give me another hardon reading it.

Okay, grammer issues aside, nice writting. Not exactly hot enough to jerk off to but lots of fun to get hard over. Keep writing, maybe seek editorial help...all of need help. Looking foward to your next story.

Thank you for your honest and constructive critisim. I am searching for the right editor to assist me in perfecting my stories prior to making submissions. Any help in this regard will be appreciated. Jim

The story was hot enough that a normal reader would not notice grammatical errors! I wish the grammar / spelling police would piss off to another forum !

I think it was a really good read grammar wasnt crash hot but still a really good story hopefully more to come.

I liked your story and the pretense seems to have potential but it seemed a little bit forced. IMHO incest fiction just does not seem real without some acknowledgment that they are brother and sister and that what they are doing is not something that happens every day.

The "I'll just jump in bed with my naked brother and while were here of course we will start to fuck" seemed less than realistic. Next time perhaps have the tension build a bit more. They know that it's wrong but they just can't help themselves is more erotic than we are naked so let's do it, at least to me.

and yes everyone could use the help of an editor. Just keep writing and it will get better. All in all great story idea and I enjoyed reading it.

you used a lot of extra unneeded words a good editor would help weed them out but you need to do a better job proofreading also.

So are you going to write a stoy about the kids. While mom and dad are on vacation?

If you know so much why don't you write a story.

why do writers wait to find an editor after they post six or seven stories and get constant complaints about piss poor writing? if you had any brains you would find an editor before you post the first story, now delete and rewrite all stories and use a damn editor before reposting.

She's talking to her brother, wouldn't she be calling him by his name, not baby. The story was going reasonably OK until the baby talk started then I started fast forwarding because the dialogue was shitting me.

It was a really good story. BUT...you need to proofread before you post your stories. Too many misspelled

words.

Hawt, Hawt, Hawt!

11/10 Lightning Strikes!!!!!