All Comments on 'The Surrogate'

Good first story!

5

Some stories are better with fewer words; especially when all you say is "surrogate". Just plain have sex with the husband, get pregnant and give them the baby. Maybe even give them more. After all that is what friends are for.

Very good, erotic first story. I'm hoping the next story about what happened next is coming soon! I gave this one 5 stars.

What is it with people who can't use the right words in the right context? It is 'dragged' not 'drug'.

What happened to Lauren?

Oh Shit! Unfair! Next chapter better be in Lit tomorrow.

This was a good star with the exception of the 4th paragraph and Maddie spending 10 seconds with her Lauren alias. This would have benefitted from being a bit longer as well.

Waiting for part 2. This story ending fell off a 300-foot cliff.

Looking forward

Too big of a leap too quickly for me, but not bad. 3.6*

so erotic!

3 stars. This is an excellent start to a story, but the author does not indicate that there is a part two. Therefore, I rated it based on the known facts. I think there needs to be some conclusion to make this one work for me.

Who’s Lauren? It was ONE page, please keep your characters names straight!

Very good. great writing style, good imagination. I hope there is a sequel. I hope you keep writing. This story was short but very enticing.

Who is lauren?

First of all…a surrogate is when a woman Carrie’s a child made by 2 other persons. A surrogate is NOT a woman having a child fathered by the male of another couple with HER.

.

In the end, this won’t work. Maddie will fall for Michael, who in turn will see Maddie as the mother of HIS child, and not Kat. Kat is an idiot to think Michael and Maddie won’t see HER as just a distraction.

.

3 ***

Who's Lauren?

Use tags!

A good start, but disappointing how it just stopped rather than actually ending. There's nothing to indicate this is a (short) chapter in a longer story, but one can hope you plan to actually finish it.

Automatic 1 star. Put a Chapter 1 in the title.

Why didn't you wait and submit the entire story?

Communication is Kat's best feature, not........ this is totality stupid storyline.......... won't read any further.

It was great that she discussed it with him first, before getting them excited.

Oh, wait....

Idiot husband, setting himself for the skank to come out of hiding later, when she wants to make it 'fair' by fucking around on him, too. This is the trick, to unravel wedding vows... fuck no.

need to continue

" what happened next" that should have been the last line.That would have told us more on the way. your last line though was "But that is another story" The not knowing dropped a star off of this story which would have been a 5/5 instead of 4/5. As a reader I want to know the whole story not just a tease. you did great setting things up now give us part two.

You cannot leave this hanging very long. You need to continue it, otherwise it is mot fair. This is excellent and well written, but most definitely not finished.

Who is Lauren?

Very good, only one slip "Lauren", you need to continue the story!

Great first chapter, im assuming this will be a polyamory relationship where Maddie will also become Michael's wife? At least this is where i feel this is heading to, and what is already the end goal in Kat's plan.

who is Lauren ?

Nice story!!! Well done 👍👍

Man ain’t fixing to turn down some free tail.

I'm dying. I just about lost it when I realized that it was a cliffhanger. You gotta finish this!

Not feeling this one. Adopt a child. Maddie's got her own life.

Besides, got off to a bad start with "Lauren".

Three stars.

Artificial insemination or the old-fashioned way? Also, watch the names as Lauren is a name in your story.

They can be all polygamous and sister wifey just like Smith wanted

Need to be continued. At least about hidden character Lauren.

Who is lauren?

I was bored BEFORE she even asked the question, far too many unnecessary words. Also if its chapter one, say so in the TITLE!!!!

So who is Lauren. Maybe proof read

loved it.

Who’s Lauren??????

2/5

Good start for a first effort. Interesting story line and well narrated. And I find myself interested in the characters. All great.

Constructive criticism: wordiness. For example, in the first para:

"They both were High School teachers, same school, both History Teachers" could be restated

"They both taught history at the same high school" without losing any information. It doesn't read badly as is, but could definitely stand to be tightened up a bit throughout.

Well written and an enjoyable read. The last line was incorrect: it’s the same story.

Interesting half a story, that ended during the primary rising action.

.

In the future, consider waiting until you have an actual complete story, or even a completed chapter.

3*

I thought it sucked. His wife manipulated him

Didn't give him enough notice to process his thoughts.Why couldn't they put his sperm in baster and squirted it on her.