The TA and the Tease

It started innocently enough. When we all went back to college and saw our old, awkward professor for our main class, we figured we knew what seminars were going to be like. But it turned out we only had Dr. Skarja for lecture -- in seminars, we had a TA. And our TA, Ryan, was a complete hottie.

It wasn't clear if the guy even knew he was hot. Honestly, in terms of looks, the guy was around a 7/10 -- maybe an 8/10 on a good day. However, a few seminars in, it was abundantly clear the guy had what Tristan next to me would call "serious rizz." Ryan was some kind of new age hippie -- his hair wasn't long, but longer than what you'd expect from a guy, cascading down to his shoulders in brown beautiful waves. He always had at least three necklaces on. He had deep dark eyes you could get lost in, but more than that, he just carried himself around the room with this confidence. It helped that he was totally low-key, constantly making jokes not at us, but with us.

He wouldn't dress fancy or anything -- just a t-shirt with some band on it, hugging his impressive chest and biceps. He definitely used his time at the campus gym well. He also brought his energy wherever he went, his smile contagious, his laugh reassuring.

He'd blush a little when we told him it was the only seminar we were looking forward to going to. "C'mon," he would tell us. "All you're saying is your other classes suck." While a few students would agree and laugh, the bolder ones would tell him that he just made coming to seminars enjoyable. His blush would only deepen. 

Sometimes he would tell us to bring our laptops to seminar, then end a little early and tell us to write down a little outline for our upcoming essay or something. Those moments were my favorite -- inevitably, a student, one of the girls, would raise her hand and he'd walk over to where she was and peer over her shoulder.

You could smell him from there. He smelled like a mix of some quirky dollarstore cologne -- how adorable -- and pure pheromones. You could inhale his scent for the rest of your life and be content. You could die happy knowing you had everything you needed. He also was completely unaware of his effect -- he'd lean in close, reading the screen and paying attention to nothing but the work. He'd never talk about anything but that, but he was so courteous, so human about how he did it.

I saw my friend Ash raise her hand once, and he walked over next to me and started looking over her computer. He moved his lips as he read the words, nodding.

"Okay, what I love about this is how it begins," he began. "Beginning an essay on writing rhetoric by looking at it from a non-writing perspective -- like, maybe some professor would go 'um actually' and say you need an academic definition, but it actually super works here," he gushed. He was so passionate about what he did. "Then, what's the plan here, it shifts into movies then stories?"

Ash nodded diligently. "Um, yeah." She was nervous.

"Okay, so, to be honest, you don't even need the movies part, in my opinion," he replied. "Like, just go straight into it, you know? Hit them with what writing means to you as a non-writer, then bam, right into the writing. It already segues so well, you don't even need to buffer it with movies. Am I even using 'buffer' correctly...? Enh, whatever." He leaned in closer. "Yeah, this all looks really good. You just gotta, y'know, tighten it up a lil' better, but I think if you do, you're looking at a high mark right there. Make sense?"

Ash blushed, though he couldn't see from his angle. "Okay, thank you."

"Great job, Ash."

That was his staple. His trademark, his calling card. He always said your name after he was done giving you feedback, and he always said it like the name was beautiful to him. With that, he walked back to his desk at the front of our little square of desks and went back to writing something down, occasionally looking up to check if anyone else needed help.

When he did, his eyes locked with mine. I didn't even realize I was looking at him. A second passed, then, instead of looking away, he raised an eyebrow at me jokingly. The two of us broke out into smiles, then he went back to writing things down.

I normally couldn't talk to people, especially not teachers. Ryan knew that. I told myself that was why he sometimes made faces at me when he caught me looking. I normally would blush and look away, but something in his eyes made me trust him. I could smile at him. I could keep looking at him without being insecure. It was magic. But... even still, I wanted to work up the confidence to ask him about my outline. To say words out loud at him. Both because I wanted to talk to him, and because I wanted so badly to hear the word "Jessica" escape his mouth. I wonder how pretty he'd make the word sound. I bet he'd be the best at it. I bet no one could make the name sound prettier than him.

***

I wasn't the prettiest girl in the world -- a lot of my friends were kind to me and liked to hype me up, but you don't major in creative writing because you're popular and the prettiest girl on the planet. There were times I'd look at other girls, even girls in my own classes, and I couldn't help comparing myself to them. I kept telling myself I could be prettier, or thinner, or less awkward-looking, or have nicer hair or bigger boobs or something. 

Even so, thanks to being in small classes, whenever a group chat was made on Instagram or even Discord or something, the class involved me. Each time it felt like a privilege. The others wanted me involved. It was weird, because I knew they invited all the other members of a class or seminar group, but it was always... flattering. 

Still, this latest group was different. I could feel my heart rate go way up the moment I realized that I was invited into a very different group chat than the usual ones -- most of the girls in my seminar made one all about Ryan. I tried to deny it at first -- I told myself it was just about the seminar, like a support group for struggling students or something. But there was no denying what kinds of messages we were sending in that group.

Kylie

omg, did you see the shirt he wore today?

I swear to god he intentionally chooses the tightest fucking shirts

Sydney

lmao

you're so shallow

Kylie

I am NOT shallow he is just YUMMY

like, if he is not single that will literally break my heart

Sydney

ok Kylie, go ask him out then

go ask out your teacher

see how that works out

Georgia

he seems really serious about his job

Kylie

of COURSE he is, he wants to be a professor and he already has published a book before

Ashley

OMG he's a published author too?? 😍 

Etc. I blushed reading the messages -- I knew that the other girls in the class probably found him attractive in the back of my mind, but now I was seeing firsthand evidence. I had kind of mixed feelings about it -- it was nice that there was a group where I could vent those feelings if they became too much, but I was also kind of bummed that other girls, prettier girls, had the same feelings about him. Plus, they were bolder than me -- my chances were probably in the toilet. Still, it was fun to send my own message.

Jessica

I could get lost in his eyes lol

It was tame, and the stupid 'lol' made me sound insecure, but I couldn't handle saying just 'I could get lost in his eyes' and nothing else. It felt too creepy. In fact, my legs and hands moved around nervously until the next message came in.

Kylie

Right??? and hope this isn't tmi, but I loooove the way he smells

Sydney

omg Kylie haha

Georgia

That was... a thing you just said

I laughed in relief to myself. Not only had my comment gone over well and the heat was on someone else, but someone else even acknowledged the smell thing. This group chat was fun. It was nice to have an outlet. I had a feeling I was going to use this group chat a few more times before the semester was over.

***

"And I mean... I'll be honest, I am not the biggest fan of Kerouac," Ryan continued, rubbing his eye as he talked. "This is where as a TA I'm supposed to say 'oh but I can see his significance, I hate him but he was important to...' Nope. Just nope. He sucks." The class emitted a small giggle. Ryan was never afraid to be opinionated, especially when it came to the class content. He cared so much about the class, and about us. "So yeah, we have to read some bullshit, but what can ya do." He leaned back in his chair and added in a mocking voice, "I am Jake cake. Rake. Write like Blake. What a friggin' visionary."

"Okay then Ryan, who's your favorite poet?" one of the girls asked. I didn't even need to look to know -- it was Kylie. Just as she was over text, she was the boldest in the class, and wasn't afraid to directly challenge Ryan.

This suited him just fine. He leaned forward and smiled. "Okay, so- when we say- like, my personal favorite, or the most important?"

Kylie shrugged. "Either. Or both." 

Ryan blew a raspberry cutely, his brown eyes drawing up to the ceiling in thought. "If we're going most influential, I gotta be boring and go for Shakespeare or something. Except- okay, so this is kind of complicated, but what we know as 'Shakespeare' is more like a culmination of a lot of ideas that came during and before the actual guy himself -- okay, you could say that about literally any writer but his works were particularly important at galvanizing ideas and themes together in one, like, moment in time, but, like, yeah. It's like how, I dunno, you need a fire and a lamp to make the light, but he made a really good lamp." He paused and looked around the room. "Okay, that was poorly worded, I'm sleepy."

The room laughed with him. He held total control over the room. None of us, especially him, noticed how off-topic we were.

"Plus, it's like a lamp that stole a lot of fire. Like, the idea of plagiarizing work and putting that under scrutiny is a surprisingly modern invention, and it was a lot more accepted back then, but hoo boy, that guy just nicked anything he found interesting and maybe sometimes changed the names of his characters. Even so, he still put in a lot of work himself into making and presenting these things well, so like, yeah, Shakespeare, all things considered, was the most influential. Maybe I'll change my answer later, but that's what my brain thinks of first. But when it comes to my favorite, I'm kinda tied between Wordsworth and Plath."

"Ooh, Wordsworth," Kylie replied, putting her arms on the table, leaning in and smiling. "So you're a romantic."

The implication went right over Ryan's head as he shrugged. "I mean, it works! I get some poetry snobs will go, 'ew! Poetry that rhymes!' but it works!! It's the old ABABCC, it just gets me. Plus, it all flows so well. each word goes to the other so seamlessly and it's like, augh! Yes! Exactly! Y'know?"

One of the boys raised his hand. "So who's Plath? I've never heard of him."

"I can tell," Ryan replied immediately with a chuckle. "It's a her. Sylvia Plath. She was pretty recent, twentieth century, and a lot of her poems were really personal or raw. She wrote about the Nazis, war, atrocities, but also about herself, and her parents, her mental problems... it was all really autobiographical. There's a lot of repetition in her work that's like a drum, hammering in the emotion. You read her stuff and have to go stare at a wall for a few minutes. Like..." He chuckled. "You know?"

I smirked. He was such a hippie. He saw my smile and pointed my way. "See? You get it," he said warmly towards me, with that goofy lil' grin of his. Part of me felt bad for getting wet to that little grin, but a part of me... really fucking liked it.

***

Jessica

He's so passionate, I love when he goes on his little rants haha

Sent. The chat wasn't really active since last week when the girls made it, and he was all I could think about after seminar ended, so I did what I could to kickstart it. Happily, the rest of the girls took the bait.

Kylie

imagine him talking like that about you someday, omg

Sydney

haha get a grip

I cant believe you said that 'youre a romantic' thing to him today

Kylie

yea and he IGNORED IT

Sydney

maybe that's bc you're a student and he wants to keep his job lmao

Kylie

youre in this chat because YOU FIND HIM HOT TOO SYDNEY

Sydney

im allowed to be a hypocrite

I thought it was going to be the same gush as last time, but then another quiet girl, Janelle, piped up and wrote her first message.

Janelle

I actually just found out that he dated my older sisters bff a few years ago. Apparently he was a player 👀 

Ashley

wait, he cheated on her? thats not cool :/

Janelle

no no, like

he slept around a lot

I dont think he was unfaithful

he just had a lot of friends with benefits

Instantly, the chat lit up with so many profile pictures gathered around the "..." bubble. Everyone had something to say. Interestingly, none of the girls were even upset by the idea of him not settling down with one girl. None of them lamented being the one girl to get him. Instead, they just saw opportunity.

Kylie

would.

Sydney

this only makes me more interested in him haha

Kylie

I'm not trying to date my teacher but if he kept me after class and called me his good girl I would MELT

Ashley

this chat is getting way too horny, I'm going to go get food

Georgia

yea seriously Kylie, behave

Kylie

I'm a good girl 😇 

Sydney

Whatevs. we're all adults here, it's not like it's illegal to find your TA hot

Janelle

ummmm it is if you're a first year

Kylie

we're all third years so it's fine. You bitches are all just dishonest

Jessica

Okay fine. Yes I totally want him too

I turned pink. I don't know what possessed me to write that. Maybe I was just encouraged by Kylie's boldness and wanted to have my own turn. What I didn't realize was that it didn't take one break of the dam to trigger the flood -- it took two. With Kylie being horny on main, everyone could laugh at her and tell her to calm down. But with two girls doing it...

Janelle

okay FINE, ME TOO

Georgia

I mean, you're saying what we're all thinking

Kylie

THANK YOU. It's not like it's going to happen so what's the hamr in talking about it

Sydney

hamr

Georgia

hamr

Sydney changed Kylie's nickname to "hamr".

hamr

omg STOP

It was like a big game of chicken. None of the girls, except Kylie, wanted to admit how horny they clearly were for Ryan. So as soon as any of us admitted, even for a second, that they were, the chat would just devolve into being horny, but in this weird, "we're all just kidding... right?" way about it. And obviously, none of us were kidding.

***

"So, use the rest of the time this seminar to just work on your outlines," Ryan instructed. "And remember, it's a personal essay. It's fine if you don't want to cite any sources, it's fine if you want to say 'I' in the essay and give opinions, and it's fine if you want to get a little personal. In fact, insofar as you're comfortable enough, get personal! This essay is all about you and how the subject matter relates to you. If you have any questions, I'll be here." With that, he opened his laptop and started writing, answering some emails or something.

Most of us probably started working on our outlines. Some people started checking their social media or something, and of course, when that happened, inevitably...

hamr

swoon.

...Kylie would message the group. For the last few days, the chat had covertly been abuzz with different messages about Ryan. Some days they were descriptive, and some days all that was needed was a single word. Thanks to Kylie's persistence and openness, a few of the other girls came out of their shells, so I guess Ryan was right. Being personal helped.

Ashley

ngl I was thinking of emailing him and pretending to want career advice or something and seeing if we could just talk

I blushed and looked beside me, giving a glance to the once-silent Ash. She blushed and shrugged. It seemed like the group had gotten to her too. I felt myself getting wetter. He had such a hold over all of us and didn't even know it. 

Some of the girls had the conversation open on their phones or tablets or laptops, and occasionally looked around the room at the other girls in the chat, which at this point was every girl but one in the class. It was kind of hilarious how we were all proving the stereotype right by being in a writing class and being chronically single. We'd occasionally bashfully smile at one another as we locked eyes, as if we all shared this shameful secret or something.

Janelle

omg that does sound fun, connecting with him outside of the classroom

Georgia

isn't that inappropriate??

Sydney

nah. Our department is small, teachers and students are basically on the same level across the board

I mean, we literally call David 'Daivd' and not 'Dr Skarja'

Ashley

Daivd

hamr

daivd

Ashley changed Sydney's nickname to "Daivd".

Daivd

yeah ok

Janelle

btw i did some research on ryan and

guess what

Ashley

wow, we're stalking him now

hamr

I WANNA KNOW

Janelle

so

it turns out

maya has got another ta named maddie for her seminar

and she and ryan used to be a thing??

hamr

I mean, if its cool for him to do it with his coworkers 😉 

Jessica

were they dating, or was it...?

Janelle

I dunno

Suddenly, Kylie's hand shot into the air. Ryan quickly noticed and started to get up, grunting, "Yup, one sec."

"Oh no, it's not about my outline, I just have a question," Kylie replied. 

"Oh, okay," Ryan replied, sitting back down.

"So, I have another TA for a different class, her name is Maddie," Kylie lied. "Apparently, she knows you?"

"Oh, Maddie Wilkinson? Yeah, I know her, she's great," Ryan replied with a smile.

Kylie paused. "Like, stop me if this is too personal or whatever, but did you two used to... date?"

Ryan gave her a weird look, albeit coupled with a smile. "Uh, no, that's not too personal," he replied, "but no, we didn't. We were just friends."

"Really? It really seemed like there was..." Kylie smirked knowingly at Ryan. "...y'know?"

Wow, she was bold. Ryan took the situation well, knowing all eyes were on him, diffusing the hot tension with a simple shrug. "Things can seem like things all the time," he replied. "Maddie and I were never dating. We were close, but, y'know, that's it."

"Close, huh?" Kylie repeated.

Ryan chuckled. "I'm not going to elaborate on that," he informed her with a humorous tone. "That would be going too personal. This isn't a Gossip about Ryan seminar, how's that outline coming?" The entire time, he had a joking tone, letting us know he wasn't offended one bit. 

"I just... I dunno, she can be a bit overbearing sometimes, you know?" Kylie kept going. Kept lying. "I just wanted to know if that was your experience with her too."

Ryan shrugged, rolling his shoulders. Without realizing it, he was showing off how well-defined they were. "Nope. Nothing but nice things to say about her. She might just be stressed, I know this year is pretty hard on her."

Kylie nodded and replied, "Fair enough," and immediately, half of the room went to their devices.

Ashley

ok so what was the point of that kylie

Daivd

that was so bold

Janelle

they were definitely fwbs lmao

hamr

NO you dont get it!! 

did you see how I gave ryan the opportunity to talk shit on another girl hes clearly been with

and he didnt say shit??

what a green flag

Ashley

okay, that's actually a good point

Daivd

yeah all it took was lying about a girl you never met

you need to switch classes kylie lmao

Janelle