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All Comments on 'The Tale of a Harem Maid: Ch. 01'

by Dom_Roper

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  • 2 Comments
SirKevinSirKevinover 2 years ago

Good setup. Looking forward to reading more. :: Followed ::

Also, PM me if you want beta readers.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Good start, I’m not keen on the wife threatening to hurt the other sub with her shoe because that kind of bullshit can cause serious damage. Otherwise pretty good. I agree with the other comment, you would benefit from a proof reader/ editor.

For example it wasn’t until part way through the 3rd chapter that it’s determined the narrative is from a woman; waiter = male, waitress = female, and feint= to dodge whereas faint = slight/faded/ unclear.

Thanks for sharing

Tess (uk)

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userDom_Roper@Dom_Roper
4 Stories
24 Followers
An amateur writer looking to explore different Dom/sub dynamics in the form of short, explicit, stories. I aim to submit a new chapter every Sunday (UK based). Currently working on 'The Tale of a Harem Maid'. Open to all feedback, so comment or pm.