All Comments on 'The Telltale Wife'

Started rambling in the court scene and zero remorse for Olivia.

Yes, she died but in a story I find it preferable for some sort of soul searching / understanding of their actions and consequences rather than 'oh, she's dead'. Feels like an easy writing solution.

A very similar story has been written before; a play with nudity being used to fuck the wife.

The general story was OK. The husband comes off like a wimp, especially when his wife attacks him. The wimpy feeling follows through the rest of the story. He is conned by the police, the DA, and unsupported by his lawyer. He is magically "rescued" by a surprise witness that confesses. He beats up Pierre with a surprise attack, anonymously. Big deal.

Even the conviction of Isabella is absurd. The insane wife attacked. Isabella pushed her away with no other intent than to get the crazy person away from her. It was self defense. There was no way Isabella should have been convicted.

The characters of Bruno and "Pierre" are cartoonish. The wife is an flighty, emotionally driven artiste. That's OK but somewhat one dimensional.

The story left me with "Meh".

Enjoyed it!! I believe most of the people who criticize have never tried writing!!! Only quibble: in on paragraph Nick recognizes the wife because he saw the play, later he says even though he hadn’t seen the play he knew it was risqué!!!

Very well done! Good character development and all of the main characters had a role to play and contributed to the story line. This is often not the case with less sophisticated authors. It's always more satisfying when all the players get in the game and no one is left on the bench. Kudos.

Another direction the plot could have gone would have been for the unsatisfied actress/wife to fake her own death. Maybe in a future story???

Already looking forward to new stories from one of my favorite authors.

Read this before.....

4.5 stars for no happily ever after for main character. But he's rid of the cheating violent assbag without any downsides of divorce, and he got revenge on pierre. 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

A long drawn out story. It could have been done effectively in 3 or 4 pages to get an excellent result.

Enjoyed it! Suspenseful, but it did take a long time for the MC to get clued in, even with her obvious behavior.

It feels like he could have visited Isabella occasionally. She didn’t have to come forward, she could have let him languish in jail for 40 months. Now he’s going to let her languish in jail? Doesn’t seem right.

Well that was like an episode of Murder She Wrote without the charm of dearly departed Angela.

Interesting read and thank you.

In the past I read almost the exact tale of a bored wife being seduced during a play about a suburban wife. The ending was slightly different but same tale.

As soon as Olivia died the tale lost its momentum and purpose. The author’s decision to get in to her mind as part of the narrative spoiled the betrayal. We knew who she was and what she was doing before her husband did, so he was the sucker catching up, instead of being the one we, the readers, cared about and identified with. The premise was good, similar to another story on the site, but that one played out without a murder, and the question about whether the husband’s concern that his wife was having sex on stage was far more emotionally rendered. There was another LW tale, as I recall, where the woman’s actions in the play caused the town to ostracize her. Each of those tales managed to keep the tension high until the end. Here, Olivia’s death, combined with her viewpoint being a part of the narrative voice, sucked the marrow out of the good bones of the premise.

On the other hand, this was a writer who writes well.

I liked the second half of the story. What I find hard to believe is the wife of a professional man doing a nude scene in an amateur play.

A great story well developed and told. Enough turns and twist to keep us interested and entertained. I read a few of the comments and it is obvious that some were not paying close attention and getting characters mixed up, "Jayden409" Gil Flaherty was the one that said he recognized Olivia from seeing her in the play, not Detective Calabria, he testified to the scratches on Adam Green's face, and he had never seen the play. The trip to the prison helped explain the reason, very simple, very compelling as to why Isabella DeKonig character seemed to change towards Adam. The justice that Adam dealt out to Pierre Dumond much latter was classic. Sleazy ass like him deserves a good bet down every couple week along with his buddy Bruno DeKonig. I can see Adam wishing he would have continued after Olivia, the "what ifs" will haunt him for the rest of his life just like they haunt Isabella. I gave it 5-stars.

You sure like your words, but there were too many of them in this lengthy tale. Olivia's death felt too much like a plot contrivance and the confession too convenient.

As with many LW stories, there's at least one other with a similar plot. That doesn't matter much. What does matter is the good character development, the avoidance of many LW cliches, the unusual an interesting plot details, and the fluent prose.

5

So the beginning plot was taken from another author, with no credit. 1 star

5* for the complexity and the excellent writing. Some say it was too long. Okay, maybe. For me, though, hats off for staying within the character-rich story arc and not drowning us in two more pages of background. THIS: "Olivia on the other hand, had been raised by a single mom who ran a pretty loose ship, it sounded like." For newer and aspiring authors, that right there is the key to good writing. One sentence, just one, told us all we needed to know about Olivia's background. It certainly played out in the rest of the story.

The fight over the sweater with roommate Trish hit me pretty hard. I had literally, the exact same sequence of events happen when I was dating my first wife, except I had to help her move out the next day. I was just as stupid as Adam and married the crazy bitch anyway.

Anyway, unlike many commenters, I appreciated the hard work. This particular trope, 'wife gets seduced while acting in a risque theater production,' is tough to do. I did one, which was a completion to "It's Only Acting," and it seems was referenced a few times in these comments, and it took more time and energy than I usually give a free story. The twist of Olivia dying, wasn't off-putting, just unexpected. Well done!

Killing Olivia changed the story's direction too much for me. It was kind of easy to figure out who did it too. Think it would have better if it kept to the original path or she was killed off earlier in the story.

Awesome story. Thanks for a movel-like read.

Well done. I enjoyed it and gavee it 5 stars. Hard to believe the negative comments. Don't let them get you down, keep writing.

Good story. Enjoyed it.

After the second mention of Isabella giving the evil eye to the wife, without have any apparent part in the story, I put her down as a key to something at the end. And so it came to pass. So, I am learning from Literotica!

Still enjoyed the story.

10 Big Blazing Stars for this writer. It was a very interesting reading, Sad tale but personally, the high point for me was the little assault on the lover. LOL, I am not a violent guy anymore, but I used to live for moments like that. The asshole gets the shit knocked out of him. Overall a pretty good story. Good plot. This story Just goes to show you to 'stay away' from psycho women. I have met many. They love to get attention and unbutton an extra button on their top that they shouldn't. It never ends well. The crazy wife killed herself basically and her husband almost went away because of her insanity. Thanks, Buster2U

A very well told story. There are others about wives in community theatre, onstage nudity, and cheating. None of those involved the wife’s death or a criminal case. It’s a little wordy, but on the whole, very good..

I enjoyed the story, it had a lot going for it. Good, decent plot, well told.

Yes l the plot idea has been used elsewhere, no surprises there, this is Loving Wives after all.

Scores 5/5, well done

Hahahaha! Why is it comments like below come mostly from Anan's? probably the same person. By the comments you can tell some reader couldn't distinguish a fiction from a DMV drivers manual. I thought it to be well thought out and written and with my background I have the clout to make such a statement. Thanks for a excellent story! 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS!

Outstanding. Great writing, right pace and strong character and plot development. Please keep writing!

What a complete waste of a skin the main character is.....crying all the time and brain dead when it comes to the situation he finds himself in. Then at the end he attacks Pierre in a well planned way with tactical stick??? What drivel!

Just had to add the gratuitous violence to the bum seducer for the macho crowd, of which you appear to be a member. Quickly went from a 5 star to a 3.

Well at least the cheap, cheating whore got what she deserved. You have to hope time slowed down for her after she went over the edge and had time to consider what a piece of shit she really was.

We were all kinda hoping 'ole Pierre killed her. Or that she'd get dumped and live like Isabella, full of regret. But the second is somewhat of a trope here, so this was actually very nicely done.

A good story and yes there's been others like this. It was long, but was worth it. The ending was fast, I would have liked a lot more around the confrontation.

It would have been better if there had been more interaction between husband and wife following his disclosure about Pierre. Her death was too convenient and an easy conclusion for the author.

Well written but thoroughly depressing. A read I didn’t enjoy, but I have to compliment you on the writing. 4 stars, which means I like it in Lit parlance - I didn’t, but any less would be unfair on the author who wrote a good story.

I don’t know if this was the original story or someone doing a re-write….give credit when credit is due!

Such a sad story but loke all of your work it is great. Thanks.

And the would be seducer and blackmailer Bruno? No retribution for him and his continued crimes against others? Operating right there in walking distance of the MC house. If he gets another wife what's to stop Bruno from trying to victimize him again?

Really good story very well written.

Please keep writing!

Excellent!!!!!

Okay, but a couple of things:

1. Canada does not allow convicted felons to enter their country. And they actually do a pretty good job of keeping undesirables out.

2. Why didn't the MC testify at Isabella's trial that his wife had a history of violence, and that she had attacked him in the same manner the same day she attacked Isabella, and that he had no doubt that Isabella just acted in self defense? Isabella shouldn't have gone to prison, after giving herself up. At most, perhaps a few years of parole, or just community service.

But thanks for posting.

So I'm not sure why these ppl are married in the middle of the story it feels like she just married him for a meal ticket. A bit too much conflict with the wife. Another dump ass couple that didn't figure things out during the courting process

Her irrational anger issue made him a fool to get involved with her she was not right in the head

A really good story.

Please write another and thank you.

@northstanderrhino

RE: "It would have been better if...." Maybe you should write a story and have everything just as you like it!

@dunmovyniv

RE: So the beginning plot was taken from another author, with no credit. 1 star

I see many stories that are similar to many other stories. Does that mean you give 1 star to every story that doesn't give credit to half or more of the stories on this site?

A nice well laid out story.

Splendid story!

5

Isabella committed no crime. Think when you write.

Great story that wouldn’t have been complete with Pierre getting his ass kicked.

Pretty much hated it. The city girl/country girl trope is just bs. Especially when the city is within commuting distance so there's no real sense of isolation, just crime free peacefulness.

The character of Olivia was just a red flag from the begining, so much so that the MC has to take all the blame for wanting to be with her. As for marrying it, in my eyes that absolves her of everything, he had more than enough warnings. The person that puts their hand in the fire deserves to get burn.

His level of cluelessness was epic, probably about as much as the wife's desperate desire to downgrade. Honestly, I see no reason why someone wouldn't shag a lowlife itinerent actor, but for a grown woman to get all gooey eyed over an actor in a 'community theatre' when she's married to someone making a well above average wage... yeah, don't think so. Might have been more credible if she'd had some solid prior history of acting, like youth and university theatre. Then at least it wouldn't have felt like a performance of the village amateur dramatics doing soft porn.

As for the ending, far more likely to have been Peter the faker than someone butting their nose into something that doesn't concern them.

Also, who even builds a public house that close to the top of a cliff.

Death isn't a punishment and nothing positive can ever be learnt from it.

Living a life on the road as a borderline starving actor for the next 10 years before fading looks and lack of talent ends her 'career', would have been a far more devastating punishment.

Great story, maybe a little too tightly crafted for credibility. Personally I was only interested in the cheating part.

Whys it in loving wives ????

Commas and punctuation.

The head-hopping with frequently shifting points of view was distracting and took me out of the story numerous times; I realize that -- -- -- -- -- separated the points of view, but aside from the third person omniscient frequent changes, the fact that the story itself was told from a first person point of view makes the third person inclusion problematic. If the story has a narrator, told in the first person, as this one does, who is narrating the third person omniscient for all the other POV changes?

The story itself was fine. It does need editing and proofing. I like the writing, but one is distracted from what is otherwise very good writing, by the choice of point of view, and the punctuation.