All Comments on 'The Temptation'

This story has potential, but you need to spend more time with an editor just working on the spelling (thigh/thy caught my eye) and grammar. Deal with that, re-submit and this might be really good. Until you do though, I'm afraid people are going to struggle to get to the end of this, or even halfway.

I really liked the story idea, but the others are right - you need to work with an editor. Even the "grammar check" in a word processor would help.

Can you imagine how sweet that pussy would taste before he fouls it up by shooting a load in it. I'd rather see him fuck her up the ass than to mess up her pussy up with his nasty old semen. Let him shoot his loan on the floor beside her bed instead of in her sweet pussy. Thanks for the story.........Rich