All Comments on 'The Third Daughter Ch. 06'

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Right when I think I'm starting to wrap my mind around this story you do something that makes me question everything. I equate it to falling in outer space with no sense of what is up or down. I'm completely disoriented......

And I love it !!!!

Cinco Estrellas

That...escalated quickly. Couldn’t she just have left Eleanor?

Monica, I've enjoyed this story up to this chapter but this was far too dark for my tastes. I prefer you when you add a touch of humor to your tales. If this is a sample of where you mind is at the moment then I think you need to get out and get laid. I think you are a marvelous writer but this is a tad too dire for me.

Wow! That went in a direction I wasn't expecting. Very well done!

Whether it is or not, this is a very grim and effective chapter. And I think you leave the reader wondering---were there supernatural forces at work or was Maggie mentally ill all along? Ambiguity in a story like this is no bad thing. Alice Gee comments that for her, it is far too dark and she prefers your lighter work. I see her point but to me it demonstrates your developing talent and ability to write equally well in different genres. Five stars worth of well done!

This tale captured me - mysteriously erotic, deep, richly developed characters, and a storyline that took off in a macabre direction - you could see it coming, but never predicted ending. Beautifully written; still resonating. Nice.

Dark as the ace of spades, but very powerful. I couldn’t see a happy ending, but perhaps this is not the end?

No stars.

I do not hate it or dislike it. It certainly is NOT average. I neither like it nor love it. Strangely intriguing and unsettling. If this was your intention, and I don't doubt it is, then it is certainly well done!

I wish I'd stopped reading it long before I did

I am sorry to say that I did not find the story compelling. It dwelt just a bit too far outside objective reality, almost enough to have been an entirely self-induced delusion reminiscent of the delusions caused by a brain tumor. Not that that makes it a bad story. It’s just in a genre that might be better tagged as erotic horror as the primary tag. I think readers would then have been more in tune with the purpose and not so jarred by the last two chapters. They might have even anticipated it. But tagging it with the primary tag of lesbian sex made me feel that you, the writer, were intentionally paying with your readers, actually hoping to throw them off and jar them. Not that that *either* makes is a bad story, but a writer needs to remember (my) first rule of a good story: it can be read multiple times with the same love and awe as the first time. Stories with intentional tricks can never be read that way a second time and, in my opinion, lessens that memorability of the story. That was always why I hated Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card) because knowing the “trick” invalidates everything in the story before the trick appears and makes it unreadable more than once. <wlf@fithen.org>

Occasionally on Literotica there is actual writing. Bravo!

An interesting tour through delusions, insanity, and ultimately unreliability.

Despite the high quality writing, in the end, it wasn't a story at all, because its loss of reliable narration couldn't tell us anything meaningful. It was just what it seemed. Insane ramblings.

Trying to present that ending as though experienced by a rational mind failed completely, we were left not knowing what it was we were supposed to have read. By that, I don't mean the *content* of the piece was irrational, since it was clearly meant to be. I mean the contradiction of trying to present a reliable ending, when in fact, the entire "story" ended the minute you said, Eleanor will take it from here, indicating the main character was now absent from the story and the rest was just her gibberish because there was no longer a reliable narrator. Because of her unreliability after that point, nothing mattered. And there was no other character to step in a be reliable. We don't even know if the first sentence of the story was reliable.

Unreliable narrator stories are legendary in their difficulty to present. It's always worth a try, something this hard, but like most all such stories, it failed. It's just like trying to "explain" an LSD trip.

This is actually really good. I went through all your stories and read this series last. Different from the rest, certainly.

Unreliable narrator (also challenging supposedly witnessed incidents), hereditary psychosis, New Age supernatural, complete with a psychotic break murder--all mixed and knitted in a mysterious red silk tapestry. Well done.