The thoughts of March

She sat and thought. It was not really about him, it was not about a man, the current man, the past man, the future man, or even the next man. She did not need a man to live or to love, she was intelligent enough to grow and live and progress and love clearly without one. Although she was very beautiful and her femininity had flaws, it was her flaws that needed a man.

She was just like any other woman, she had a very clear clean confidence. When the texture of her soul was truly exposed though, she was more like the variance and craters on the moon, sometimes the dark side of the moon than the spots and flares that were existent and alive on the sun. She had her moments, her elegance, her nights of too much wine, nights of not enough wine, experiences of the guy she trusted but never should have, the friend that betrayed her, the friend that lifted her, the times in life where she strode out confidently in her favorite heels that powered her, only to inadvertently find instability and fall flat on her ass in what felt like at the moment the center of everyone's attention.

It not that she did not know what love was, she was a very beautiful intelligent woman. Growing up as a child she was steered in life and in school just like every other female, we all were exposed to the same great literature, what "love" was supposed to be, what it was like to be pretty in pink, what the world thought of love, how it shaped femininity and its definition, how her own physical connection with the earth and the daily ebb and flow of life went through her physically. Her connection with other women in the world, be it spiritual, physical, or just with the common female definition of what beauty was and how fabric and lace and tea and bath salts could create and define and enhance what being beautiful actually was and meant to her, was important, girl power was for her as for all her friends, an important river of life that needed to flow through her freely and that she needed to bathe in often to refresh her mind.

It was not about finding love or even defining what love was or is or is to be, love was everywhere and had been defined everywhere, in billions of way, hundreds of different languages, stories, poems, music, it was not about definition. It was about where she was in love in the world. It was about the person, the device, the place, the book, the song, the memory, the experience that made her find what love was in herself, what it was and meant to her. The person that could bring all of herself back to her, but within the context of the world was what she truly sought, she knew this was common, it was what every woman wanted, to been seen in the world and honored and respected for her own personal twist on what this floating live definition of love that the world held out truly was. She knew and felt it probably was a "him", the experience had taught her that. It had started with her first kiss, then progressed to her first love, then when she lost him, she experienced her first real growth in life as a woman. It was not about him, it was her personal journey in the discovery about what love was.

It was when she discovered the power of herself, the power of being feminine, the raw power of being a woman and what she could achieve in life just by defining herself in the world. It was the power that she could dress or act in a certain way that could not only define her, help her find her strengths but that the right cloth or lace or heels or boots or makeup or even flowers or scent could actually help her redefine the world around her by using her own strengths as a woman. The world gave her this power as freely and as powerfully as it crushed her soul and confidence with its gifts. Being a beautiful woman was difficult and challenging finding and keeping herself in the rough seas of the world was often difficult. Every so often she would find a "him" that would lift her above and out of the turbulent sea.

Red lips and rosy cheeks only did so much for her though, they, the dress, the hair, the nails would lead them to her fire, she could rope in and lasso the best and in the best ways, but ask hard as she tried and worked to make what they see, they, the "him" would often completely miss "her" and who she truly was. Being a true woman there were days when she preferred that the "him" missed it, but always deep in her she wanted to be found for who she was. Finding the "him" that could see and find her was the true goal. She liked to "date", to experiment, to find the "him" that made the hours of preparation, the dress, the makeup, the hair, and the perfect lipstick shade actually meaningful and scent of her on his collar that later would actually help both of them find and make a clearer definition of her. She didn't need a "him" for this, but it was a "him" that helped her find and feel herself and who she truly was best. Girls chase boys and boys chase girls, and broken hearts rain all over the world. As hearts beat fast over the globe its raw femininity that creates the path in the sea to find true love. It's femininity and it's raw power and personal definition that allows for love and for the "him" to find the true and deep her.

Maybe what he was looking for was not clear, he didn't mean to confuse the women he met, but looking back this is what he saw. He remembered walking the streets of Rome alone. At the time he was lost and it was just fine being alone. In this place, history had defined life and love and philosophy in a very certain context, it's humanity was so rich that it automatically gave the knowledge he craved. Now as time has passed he was so very far from the ancient streets of Rome, he came to loneliness again though. This time he was not surrounded by the same rich humanity and history. But now, this time in his mind, he was surrounded by her. Which was so very much better. You see in this special loneliness for just her, he found and defined special needs that he did not have before. He had not shared them yet with her because their contact, although very rich, has been limited in comparison to what we have actually discovered about each other.

He was just a man, so most of his needs were very simple and apparent and very common for a woman to figure out easily and deliver. In ways, she had done this, but she had not explored what he sought in her and why he understood deeply that in his hands she would be the only thing that exists for them. Acceptance and love in life, is in ways, like the deliverance of the greatest gifts. It is at times difficult to obtain, but certain individuals are magical and make such things easy. She was one for him. He had seen it, but he not held her in his hands yet, her aura is so very powerful and so very obvious that he had only a few questions about her. He could see that she was true to who she was in so many ways, especially the true way that astrologically she was born most powerfully and with such an unquenchable fire that all she did left deep tracks of her existence in people's lives.

Power is defined in so very many ways for individuals, and she had such power in many ways. He thought to pick one of her most obvious traits. An image came to his mind, her back as a child, a summer day, hot sun out, and at a friend's, they set out a sprinkler in the yard. As all the kids ran and played she was the very prettiest of the girls with the most glowing beautiful grey-blue eyes quenching yourself in the cold sprinkling water under the very hot sun. Innocent and so very lovely, no matter what happened in her life, what this is the true you every day, the very beautiful confident true girl quenching herself. He thought about how she was the sweetest and most beautiful flower he had ever encountered in life.

This is what he needed to live dear, he needed the true very beautiful girl that was created to bring joy and unending satisfaction to him always and forever. I need your fire, he needed her energy, he needed the very beautiful pure essence that she had clearly shown only she possessed. Right now she was still mostly hidden, he had tried to draw her out, show her that her heart and very beautiful mind and soul will only be protected best by him, that he was the only one that can feed her the very special manna and love that comes from heaven that she needed every day to exist and grow fully and completely.

This is only the start, he needs so much from her, but he knew she could give him all he needed and forever, he would just have to draw her out. The first time she will come out and play with him, she will know then all else does and has not ever mattered for her. They will find what is so very important for just them together in each other's arms and hands and hearts. They just had to start. There is so much more, but he wanted first to let all of this message settle and grow in her as words never have before. It was a message that will tell and confirm to her heart and soul that he is the only one that can talk with her and give her what she needed, at least he hoped it would do that. "Love, you will have to tell me. And then I will tell you more... of us. I love you."

"You are going to dance for me dear, as you have never danced before. After all, your heart and soul will burn full of happiness that you have never felt but always dreamed of for us because you will be fully loved for all that you are, have been, and all you and I will ever create together for each other and all that you will ever be in the future.", he said. Men never, actually no one talks to her like he does.

I hope your acceptance of these special words and thoughts for just you leads you to the deliverance and change in your life that you have been searching for. This is just the start, you think your heart dropped for me tonight, this is nothing. If we step foot in Paris together someday the world is actually going to stop moving because you will be so radiantly happy the ground beneath you will actually glow red. Make my happy dear, keep me, love me, warm me, kiss me and I promise to make your life ever changing beautiful like the grandest kaleidoscope you have ever seen.

Tonight was another mission, but it was on his own. The last date with her was more than fantastic, very memorable, but it was not enough. It never was, it was as there was in life always more, another angle, another corner to turn, another challenge. But this was not work, this was not family, this was not money, this was now beginning to be love. It was not just "her", sure she had the body he loved, the eyes that struck him like a truck at 100 M.P.H., and the grace and form in the steps she took to make him not remember how to do the heal to toe himself. It was a nice evening, about 40 degrees, perfect for his ride on the lake, a 25 mile or so trail down Lake Shore Drive. He loved to get on the bike, cycling was an effortlessly controlled exploration of the emotion in his life.

As he started, putting the earbuds in and mounting the bike, the cold air off Lake Michigan hit him. The initial chill was very invigorating, as the start for him, each ride was on cold nights. The first thoughts came to him and of course with all of the "new" in his life they were all about her. With the first mile, the chill started to dissipate and the memory of her warmth eased the initial fatigue of the workout start.

He wondered what it was about her, he obviously did not know enough, it had not been enough time, there had not been enough meetings. Obviously, it was her eyes, he first thought, but as he road and got to his workout speed, he found what it was, or so he thought. Most of the women in his life were very intelligent, all women naturally were, he believed in his heart, but her mind was special. As he reviewed the "tapes" in the depths of his mind of all their interactions, he tried to explore what it was about her. Women like her were very special, the depth and perception and sharpness of her mind was so attractive to him.

The strange although seemingly random conversation always led to places of depth for him. Her mind was almost like a great labyrinth, yet bright and inviting and friendly and warm, to him. The places they would go to in their conversations were so interesting to him. As he road, he laughed a little, because he knew she did this to him purposefully. He smiled as he thought deeper of her, if she understood what she was doing to him. Of course, she did, she was a very beautiful woman and life and other women had taught her skills with men. How to hold the right "carrots" before him, not manipulate him, but make him fall in love with her so it would be him that would buy the carrots or incentives for her to make a beautiful life together.

It was not a game, but a dance, and she did it so very well. The "bling" was just part of the path, not the objective, but part of the "give and take" of building a life and a love together. He road faster, pumped his legs harder, against the growing burn, and again thought deeper of her. He started to make plans, just as he knew she did for him. He knew, that she would start the preparation for anytime that they had together hours, and on one occasion, days, preparing for him. It was small very simple things, from nails to her hair, to the right accents she would make skillfully and purposely in her makeup and clothes and general appearance.

It was never to change herself but to show herself, to flaunt her assets and quirks for him to discover if there was magic there or not. To show him that she was not just a very beautiful woman, one of so many, but that she was truly something else, that she was an individual with depth and substance and that could make a contribution to his life and that together she could help him make something very meaningful. She was showing what every woman strives for, to show her value, that she could be so very meaningful to him and to them, to their joint happiness. The next date he was thinking and planning already, to show her that he knew and noticed the efforts that she was making for him, that he was starting to see the value that was shining within her. He put up the bike and headed to the shower, to plan for her more.