The Throw Away & the Catcher

As I said earlier, it was me who maintained that what we agreed between ourselves was what mattered, whatever we agreed, but she was the one who held the promises to be sacrosanct.

Now it appeared as if she intended to hold to my beliefs, rather than her own.

Maybe I had made that bed and I'd need to lie in for this to get better. What bothered me was not so much that I thought I couldn't in certain circumstances share sex with others and for her to do the same, no it was more that I appeared to have been removed from the decision-making process just because my weight had turned her off sex with me. This wasn't going to be easy.

Chapter 4 -- The Showdown

I got home that evening and Sally was there, she had prepared a simple dinner that could be finished off quickly and I saw a bottle of wine, ready to go. So clearly in her mind, things could be convivial, just like a normal evening, my walk out set aside, just talk things out and get on with life.

I was OK with that, despite my irritation last night, I wanted nothing more than to iron out our issues, but I was still wary that she expected to get her way and that I'd be a nodding dog, accepting what I was offered.

We had dinner and a glass of wine, then it was time for the showdown, she knew exactly what she wanted to say and started.

"Paul, you know I love you; you know that I want to get back to where we were before you became lazy, I want my real man back, the man I married and who turns me on like nobody else ever has, not the tubby guy who has been inhabiting your body recently. I think in your heart that you want that too."

"The way I see it baby is that you have betrayed what our marriage was and should be, you gave up, you thought it didn't matter. Paul, it matters so much. I don't want to settle for less than the man I married, I have to push you Paul, in fact, you may not realise it, you may not like it, but I am determined that we fix things and do it quickly. I need to know how much you want it, I need to know if you are all in or not?"

There it was, she was not budging at all, I had to commit or get lost is how it looked. "Sally, you seem immoveable" she nodded yes, "Let me tell you how

his looks from my standpoint."

"Sally when I talked to Katie, she told me that a good target for the amount you want me to lose is 6 months, she explained that losing weight is part of it but building muscle is another so the loss I need to achieve is closer to 60 pounds to make that net 40 pound loss. She told me that 6 months was a sensible time to achieve it."

"Paul, I know that I spoke to her first last week, I know exactly what you need to do, but I need you to do it within 4 months, I need you to show you buy into it and will do what's needed. That you want this, not just me, that's why I am and will continue to push you."

"Listen baby, a few years back you wanted to think about letting other people into our relationship and I didn't. At the time I thought, am I not enough for him? I break my ass to look as good as I can for you, and what do you do? As soon as things get a little old between us you just gave up, no need for you to look good for me, right? I'm fucking tired of it, so now, I'm looking at things more the way you used to, other people could have a purpose, but for me that purpose is only as a deterrent, I want only you, but you need to show up, you need to do what's needed. If you don't, then fuck it, I'm getting fucked and I will enjoy it. Paul, the ball is in your court, it's all up to you. Are you going to man up or fuck off and let both you and me down."

I looked at her long and hard, thought about her words, I fucking hated them but, in a way, I saw clearly where she was coming from.

Yes, this was a stone-cold ultimatum, we were both prepared to put our marriage on the line. Her choice was to be a hard ass, mine was to make a choice, fight to stay married or walk away.

Fuck. This was no negotiation, this was a hardening of our understanding, no room for ambiguity, I could never say "I didn't understand what you meant", she was crystal clear.

"Sally, I really don't like what you are doing, if I come up short and you do what you are saying I can't see us surviving as married, I really don't, the way you put it, I think it would kill me and our love. I have talked about other people but never in this way, not to use them as a punishment.

Think long and hard about this. I'm going to spend another night in the motel, I really need to think what this all means for our marriage, I can't think clearly here. Do you want to talk again tomorrow night? Will you think if you really want to be this much of a hard ass?"

And that is how we parted, agreeing to talk again the next night.

Chapter 5 -- The Showdown Revisited

The following night I arrived, no smell of dinner, no wine opened, no warm welcome, the signs weren't looking good, she seemed to be hardening her attitude. It was the polar opposite of what I wanted and had hoped for, I wanted to see her coming around to a more reasonable attitude. Looks like I was to be disappointed.

She looked serious and unmoved, "Well? What thoughts had you, are you in or are you out?" She fixed me with a glare, almost challenging me to say something she didn't agree with.

"Sally, I love you, I'm not walking away without fighting for our marriage, but my big problem is that I seem to be the only one with a dog in the fight. When I thought about things last night it seems that you have set me up to fail and it's a win/win for you. If I lose the weight, you get what you want, if I fail you get a new cock and as you said, you will decide how long and how often until I make the weight. Is that how you are thinking?"

"Fuck you Paul, how dare you, I told you I want you to get your act together, if you don't, there are consequences, it's that simple."

"Sally, you have been crystal clear on what you say you want, are you prepared that one of the consequences might be divorce?" I was getting equally rigid, "Because it looks to me that I haven't cheated on you, I've just put on a few pounds and my penalty could be being cheated on, does that seem fair?"

"It's not cheating, it is agreeing what we are each prepared to do, if you won't fight to do your bit for your marriage, why should I respect you? And remember, I told you what I expect of you every night until you lose your first five pounds, then the next week we will reset the target for the next five pounds and so on." She almost smirked, I was rapidly losing patience with her bullshit.

"Sally, getting you off every night is going to be a problem." I stopped and waited.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not living here under these circumstances, I looked today at lunchtime, I think I've got an apartment I can lease from a friend at work for 4 months, he lost his tenant and will be glad to offer a short-term lease or a longer one if it comes to it. You should also know I spoke to a lawyer today; I have an appointment to find out where we stand if it comes to divorce."

A look of rage came over her face, "You spineless fucking wimp, I don't know why I love you. Does our 20 years marriage mean so little to you that you are ready to throw it away instead of getting rid of your ugly little gut?"

"OK then Paul, now I know where I stand in your affections, just great you are ready to throw me away without even trying. Well listen and listen good, you know where you stand too, if you are going, then go, it's up to you, try or don't try, if you don't care why should I? The clock is ticking, you have 4 months from today or if you want a divorce before that I guess you can have me served, your call."

"I can't believe you are this callous about our marriage Sally, you seem ready to throw it out with the trash and that's how you are making me feel, like a useless piece of trash."

Once again, I walked away through the door of what had been our home, yes, she owned it, it had always remained in her name, but I'd thought it was my home too.

She made no attempt to call me back.

Late that night, I got a text from Sally: "This is not what I want, are you really walking out on our marriage?"

I sent a quick reply, "No, I'm not, I'm going to try to fight for it, I just cannot live with you the way you are acting. If I stayed as things are and gave you what you want every night, it would be agreeing with what you are doing, and I just don't. I think this is very dangerous for our marriage, I don't know if we can find our way back from this but I'm going to try hard to become most of what you are asking of me."

She didn't reply, I never knew someone could communicate anger without words, it just seemed to reach me through the ether.

Chapter 6 -- The Gym

I did start going "religiously" to the gym, shit I had to fill my time, I started to work hard with Katie who initially spent quite a lot of time one on one with me, to make sure I followed the programme she's worked out for me.

At my first real session I told her that I needed to loss the weight in four months.

She looked at me and said, "Yeah, Sally told me what she wanted, I told her what I'll tell you now. To lose 40 pounds in 4 months at your age and at your level of fitness, really isn't a healthy plan. Sure, it's possible but is it good for you and your health? I'm not saying it will kill you, I'm saying it's a level of stress that I doubt is appropriate in your current circumstances, health and fitness considered. If you were 10 or 20 years younger and had always been active, yes it would be a piece of piss, very doable. I don't like it but it's not so far out of whack that I'll refuse to be involved, if it's what you want, I'll help you as much as I can, but I don't like it."

"I don't either Katie, I may as well tell you, I've moved out, it's the only way I can try and make Sally know how selfish I think she is being. This will make or break us, and I doubt we'll ever be the same again as a couple, I feel she has lost all respect for me. Did she tell you what she has threatened if I don't hit the target weight bang on time?"

"No, she didn't give me any details like that."

"Katie is I'm not 150 pounds by 24th June, she will fuck another man until I do hit the weight."

Katie looked stunned; this was not the Sally she had begun to know in her 5 years at the gym.

"Katie, I don't want to compromise you or put you in an awkward position, but do you know if she's close to any guys at the gym? I've started to wonder if she is doing this to get rid of me, if she is setting an impossible task with a replacement already lined up?"

Katie thought hard before replying. "Paul, that really is putting me in an awkward spot, I am not supposed to give member s info about other members, even spouses or family, but I'll tell you this strictly between us and never mention it again. There are two guys she seems close to, one is a guy called Stewart, I think he is from your neighbourhood."

"The other, in fact don't look round now, but there is a very big guy in a navy one-piece gym suit, he is ripped and massive, in fact it's hard to miss how big he is in certain places given the tight fitting gear he wears. Brian always has female interest and that includes you wife. I'm not suggesting anything happens between them, but they are friendly most times they are both here they spend some time talking, but it seems just talking. You didn't hear any of this from me, OK?"

After casually looking around it was easy to pick out Brian, a hulk of a man but really well made, huge but seemingly everything in proportion and with shoulder length blond hair and a real strut to his movement, I was pretty sure that confidence would not be one of his problems, assuming he had any.

If Sally was trying to find a new cock, this looked like the sort that she would respect and maybe just maybe this would be my nemesis. I thanked Katie and assured her of my complete respect for her position and my promise to keep things to myself.

Back at my workout, we worked hard for me to get into sync with the programme and I spent the next 90 minutes working then resting, then repeat. I'd come in straight after work and at 7:30 I was more or less finishing up when Sally walked out from the ladies changing room. She hadn't seen me, and I decided to avoid her for now and left, but not before seeing her walk over to Stewart and damn but she have him a hug, nothing major but fuck I was pissed.

I was going every day, but my timings and hers didn't seem to coincide which was fine by me. I kept working hard and as usually happens the first weight loss was quite rapid and within 12 days, I'd lost my first 5 pounds. Did I run home to Sally to tell her? Get fucked, no way, however the next day I got the first text in well over a week.

"Katie told me you've dropped 5 pounds, feel free to come over for your congratulations fuck." She had added some emojis trying to make it appear light, but I ignored it, no reply.

A couple of days later, she messaged again, "Well I tried, if our marriage dies at least, I'll know I made the effort. The offer still stands, I do miss you and I do love you; this doesn't have to be as hard as you are making this. If it matters to you, I haven't done anything I shouldn't ...yet."

That "yet" really pissed me off, so I texted back, "So still just hugging Stewart then? Nothing that would fail the loosest husband test...yet?"

I don't know where she found it, but I got a gif back with a raise middle finger and "OK, fuck you too then."

It was during my fourth week of hell that I finally met Sally, avoiding her was not an option, so I said hello. She came in for a hug and I was tempted to reject her but didn't, we gently hugged but it lacked warmth, we really were getting into trouble.

She repeated, "It doesn't have to be as hard as you are making this."

"Maybe not Sally, but you are the one who has set me up to fail, I just don't think you give a shit anymore."

She turned her head and walked away, almost walking into Brian, who grabbed her to stop a collision and said, "Hi Sally, wow, I knew you'd fall for me some day." He too was very comfortable, hugging her, again, it was friendly rather than suggestive of something more, but damn I needed to get well away, I was quietly seething.

We continued to meet every few days but there was no pretence that we were anything close, we were more like strangers than at any time in the last 20 years and more. Cold but not aggressive would best describe things.

Chapter 7 -- 2 Months in

I met Katie on a Monday night to review progress, she put me on the scales, and I had lost almost 19 pounds, I felt reasonably happy, but Katie tempered that pretty quickly and without any hesitation.

"Paul, you aren't going to make it, I'm not going to string you along. You are doing really well by any standards, but I told you, the schedule you agreed with Sally was not reasonable. You are nearly halfway to your target weight, but the first half is easier to lose than the second and you aren't quite on schedule, at a guess you'll come up somewhere between 3 to 5 pounds short of your target."

"I'm just not happy to push you any harder, I know you are feeling good but to make the weight you are going to have to give maybe 20% more, that worries the hell out of me. I don't give a shit what Sally wants; I don't want to make you ill. You need to tell her this isn't happening and to get over her crap. Paul I'm sorry but it's my job to be realistic and to keep you safe."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. This was not what I needed to hear, even if we never recovered our relationship, I didn't want to fail in front of her, I wouldn't.

I made a serious mistake, I started to cut back on my food intake whilst still training just as hard in the gym. and 2 weeks later, I was amazed that far from losing weight I'd actually put on two pounds. I couldn't believe it, time to chat to Katie again.

"Katie, I've been eating less and working just as hard, but I've put weight on, how the hell does that happen?"

She looked at me as if she was wondering which stone I'd crawled out from under.

"Jesus, Paul you are supposed to talk to me about any changes, you've really fucked this up. This is something that serious triathletes and marathon runners know all about. When you don't feed the body enough for the amount of work you are asking it to do, the body fears starvation. It's all about different hormones and the bodies defence system when it is not getting what it needs, some things slow down, such as metabolism, others speed up. I'm certain your body is trying to tell you that you are hungry, but you are ignoring the signals. Am I right?"

I confirmed she was.

"Paul, you have screwed up badly, now I see no way for you to meet this stupid arbitrary deadline. I'm going to suggest something Paul and I am doing so for the sake of your physical health and maybe even your mental health in the long run."

"Contact Sally, tell her what you have done, that you did it in desperation to succeed but I've told you that you have done 100% the wrong thing for what you thought were the right reasons. Paul, please stop this madness, don't hurt yourself, tell her that it's over, that you will continue to lose weight but under my guidance and that you cannot meet her target without hurting your health."

"Tell her that what happens now is up to her, that you've given it a good shot, you'll keep at it, but her deadline is toast. I suggest that you tell her that if she betrays you that your marriage is toast too. But Paul, that is up to you, but I am recommending you both as a professional trainer and I hope as your friend. Make this madness stop."

I thought carefully and decided that she was right, that if there was no prospect now of hitting the target that I had to be realistic and health conscious. I texted Sally, "We need to talk, I'll be round tomorrow night."

She messaged back a few minutes later, "OK."

So the next evening I called around 6:45, relations were cool but not aggressive, she looked like a spider perched on her web, all those legs primed to detect movement, the weakness of the trapped sending signals to her brain, somehow anticipating what was to come and that she would enjoy it, devouring what was showing panic in her web.

That's how I felt, like her prey. She was in no hurry to talk; indeed, she was waiting for me to start. Eventually she said, "Go ahead, it's your dime." Before I could speak, she added, "By the way, you look much better, well done, good to see you are trying."

I smiled but without much warmth.

"Sally, I fucked up, I was nearly halfway to my goal, but Katie told me I wouldn't make it, probably end up 3 -5 pounds short on target day. So, I tried something drastic, I cut back on food and..."

"And you put on weight, right?" she looked pleased, "Oh Paul, I hoped you could do it, but you've fucked it up. Now I'm going to get fucked too."

She was more or less confirming that she had set me up to fail, the bitch looked delighted.

"Sally, you are just confirming what I believed at the start, this has always been win/win for you, and it seems that this was your preferred option too."

"I tell you what Paul, I'll make you a new deal, I'm going to get fucked, I know who I want, but I will only do it once and then I'll extend your deadline to 6 months. I want you fit, but I don't want you dead. Do we have a deal, only once I swear."

"Fuck you Sally, forget it, I'm leaving, I doubt I'll be back so you can fuck whoever you want."

I got up to leave and she said, "I knew you had turned into a fat wimp, I hoped to get you to change but no, you just give up, fuck off Paul, just get out, I'm going to arrange to have my cunt pounded tonight by a real man, fuck I have only seen it through his gym gear but his cock looks massive, I'm looking forward to being stretched out."