All Comments on 'The Trailhead: Discovery'

So hot! So well written, i look forward to more stories from you! Thanks cor sharing :-)

First, a little criticism... please do try to watch changing from second person to first person in the same paragraph or series of paragraphs. I also realize that proofing and editing your own writing can be difficult, maybe try to find someone to proof and edit your work before publishing it to make for a better reading experience.

With that said, this is certainly a good first effort. I like the story line and and character development so far. Adding to that the aspect that so many are fearful of revealing their innermost thoughts and kinks to others address a measure of realism. As does the pitfalls, reactions and misunderstandings they experiences as they try to communicate their wants, needs and desires. I look forward to reading the subsequent chapters as this story continues.

4 🌟

Loved the outdoor setting and action. Hey, I think I'm even familiar with that rock formation off the AT! Great first story.

I love to see a new writer enter the field, especially one so talented as you are. I gave it a 4 star, normally my highest praises as I have given maybe 4 or 5, 5 star ratings over the last year. But, commentaries are not the best measure of the quality of the writing. I look at the number of Followers per story ratio. 10 to 1 is a good measure of a GOOD writer, and you have already half of that at this early hour.

Uniquelyme60 said it best You made an abrupt shift for a couple of paragraphs from her being the narrator to some ubiquitous 3rd person narration. Didn't spoil the story for me, but obviously something you would prefer to avoid. And any good Beta reader would have caught that for you.

2 of 3 comments refer to follow-on episodes, but I am less sure that is necessary since the future sex is likely to be anti-climactic. Still, you have quite a bit invested in creating these characters so it would be something I would want to read, especially if you can get old stick in the mud hubby onto a more adventurous track. And NOT a bi-sexual track.

Beta Readers and Volunteer Editors abound on the listings here, and we are not overbooked by any means. I loved your nearly perfect word crafting and rather creative storyline and I would be honored to play that role if asked. You have a quality product that I would be proud to make a contribution to future efforts.

Odiouser

Thank you everyone for your kind words, and a special thanks to Odiouser and Uniquelyme60 for the constructive criticism.

This story came together very quickly (about a week from conception to publication) and frankly I have little patience for self-editing. I constantly found myself slipping into a second/third person tense and I have no idea why. I cleaned it up wherever I could find it, but evidently some got through. My apologizes to the readers.

Due to the very positive feedback, I shared this story with my partner, whom some of the characters are inspired by. They also enjoyed the story and have agreed to proofread any future chapters to hopefully weed out the worst of my grammatical errors. Their red pen is scribbling furiously as we speak. Odiouser, I may very well take you up on your offer and let you point out what we missed before publishing again.

Thank you all again.

-OSB

Very nice. Please keep writing. I read the comment section before posting; I had the same advice about perspective shifting. For me, the piece would have been more effective if it was broken into two chapters.That said I did enjoy the pace and the character interactions. Nice descriptions, and some of my favorite kinks. Have fun!

Loved it. Very hot story, very good writing. There are two parts to every tale: the writing and the story itself. Your writing is fine. Yes, there's a little room for improvement, but I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about it; you write well already.

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Your story is hot, lots of things to play with, lots of paths to take moving forward. You don't need any advice on what to do next, we trust your imagination to keep us inflamed. Very hot stuff, very sexy. Just keep writing and, if I may be so bold, you can do better than one little story a year, right?

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BTW, check out Odiouser's scores before taking too much advice from him. TTFN