All Comments on 'The Trap'

This is a good one. Treachery everywhere.

fucked up.

What ever.

she takes everything and expects him to back off because she utters some threats?

what a stupid, stupid, stupid person.

a man with nothing left to lose is the most dangerous animal in the universe.

she's a dead bitch walking, and is too dense to realise it.

As I was reading the story, I thought that there were more to the story than just the simple cheating wife.

What I didn't expect, was that it was the husband that was doing the cheating.

A great surprise ending,thanks,

being a smart ass with money just makes you a con man

First, get an editor or else learn to use words correctly. Incorrect use of words and misspelling is atrocious. Further, this is a rather sick theme. Read some PAPATOAD or StangStar to get an idea how to put a story together.

she could have taken half of everything and she would have the moral high ground. instead she had to go for it all. it has already been said, but shes already dead. men have killed for far less. the fact that he is now penniless will only further motivate him. talking about how she knows how to fire a gun is absolutely pointless. anyone can be killed, its just a matter of how much youre willing to pay to get it done. and a broke man is more than willing to give his life to kill those who wronged him.

and i have to ask, how is this story erotic? a lot of readers love a good revenge story, but financial fraud is just so boring and empty. i also have a big problem believing either cheating spouse is too dumb not to get proper representation in everything they sign, especially in the modern age of divorce theft.

and read all the fine print and review yourself. TK U MLJ LV NV

Thank those of you that have commented. I underderstand "I" don't have the talent to write a story that will appeal to all but I find there are some that enjoy my posts.

So far I haven't seem a comment on my spelling or grammar. Hopefully my editing skills are improving.

Vickie took all the liquid out of their marriage as well as her equity in the house. She made no attempt to take his shares in the company. Being called a partner means the person has a vested interest in the company. The house was still there, along with his car. He still have his job, although he would have a new boss. He and Phyllis could not live togther if they wished. She had $25,000 to move in with Fred if she wished.

You say a man with nothing to lose is dangerous. But he did have a lot to lose. He oould sell his shares and set out on revenge. But to me revenge is never as sweet as one thinks it will be. But that is what I think.

But one must remember a scorned woman can also be dangerous. Vickie pointed that out.

Again thank you for your input, and if you dislike my story please read the next for it might be to your liking. If no you will have a commment that might help me in the furture.

I try and use a different twist with each story. I am glad I was able to mask the true cheater till the end.

Sorry for being long winded. Jut wanted to fill in a few blanks I might have missed in the story.

Thanks again

WantABWriter

Friends

First the correction. It was Neil that was Vickie's husband not Fred as I stated in the previous comment. Sorry it was a 'Senior Moment'.

My Question

The first comments seem to be the most critical. I saw that 32 read or checked my post prior to approval. If they are 'forced' to read all work before approval, perhaps that is why the first comments seem to be the most critical.

Does any one know if the approval readers leave comments?

If that is true I can better undersand some of their feelings. I don't read stories that don't catch my interest. I don't think they're bad, they just don't appeal to me.

Wonder what I would say if I had to read every submittal in a section prior to approval. Bet I would have some unique things to say. But I hope all were intended to be helpful not hateful. But I am human, subject to the mood of a bad day.

Just a thought. Anyone know the answer?

Jack (WantABWriter)

YOU STATED THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE THE TALENT TO PLEASE OR APPEASE ALL THE READERS. WELL GUESS WHAT THAT LIST IS EXTREMELY VAST AND NO-ONE (SO FAR) HAS EVER DISPLAYED THOSE TALENTS AND PROBABLY NO-ONE EVER WILL. YOU DO HAVE TALENT AND THE ABILITY TO RECOGNIZE AND ADMIT YOUR SHORT COMINGS, THOUGH I DOUBT YOU HAVE A LOT OF THOSE. respectfully TK U MLJ LV NV

Not bad. Definatley not your best work. But still enjoyed it. Once gain thank you for sharing

I loved this twist on the male revenge fantasies that are more frequently posted here. I also had a good laugh reading the comments of the resident crowd of women-haters (most of whom don't seem to understand the concept 'fiction'). Robbed of their fix of merciless revenge on dumb women, they now swear that no woman is safe from the rage of a REAL man - getting their revenge on a woman who dares to cross them. In a backhanded way, your twist really exposed the psychological roots of male revenge fantasies.

Again, great story.

I do believe that the courts would have something to say about all the money handling. But in the end the shark lawyers would be the ones with the money not him. Neil was "dumb and arrogant" a very bad combination.

He is now beyond broke he is homeless, indebted beyond recovery, and unemployed. If he wished to sue her he could not afford the sharks. Just what the BTB like to see.

I love it when someone calls everybody woman haters because in most cases they are the ones who hate. The old saying it takes a thief to catch a thief and it takes a person who hates to know when a person hates, anyway i enjoy the story.

Your story had a twist to it but it made no sense at all. Shitty.

I see you are still trying to write, keep it up, maybe one day you will be able to

Fun read...thank you.

... I am all for burn the bitch, but George went about it the wrong way. Honestly, now all she has to do is bring up a lawsuit claiming fraud, which he performed, and he would go to prison. Not the best ending; a cuckold and then a convict.

Whether the cheater is a guy or a woman, they still deserve what's coming to them. Great job, I liked it SS06

First this is a simple dumbass cheating wife story. Its not James fucking Bond. Suddenly this mysterious guy shows up with NO proof of who he is... demands all this money and tell hin to only use a pre paid phone?

for a cheating wife?

SECOND... in the very over rated Agatha Christie murder mystery TEN LITTLE INDIANS... it turns out that the murderer is one of the victims whom we are told in the story was dead.

On other words its not a mystery at all. The story as told is not solveable. When an author tells you black is white and white is black you have no place to go with the story.

same thiog here. There is NO hint at all that Neil is the guy cheating. The author simply makes up facts to fool the reader... and doesnt even come close to working.

How do we know Neil already had a room at the hotel when the sting was suppose to go down?

maybe neil is a space alien?

maybe he can travel through time?

ABwriter... JACK.. dude this isnt working. Not even close.

need to get a life or at least build a story a real 0 on the

WTF meter. take this one back to the skunk works for a rework

... with all these supposedly foolproof legal shenanigans.

As an old lawyer, I'd predict that both couples' property, "quick claim" (sic) deeds or not, will each end up divided one quarter to the husband, one quarter to the wife, and the rest to the lawyers. The fraud, the overreaching, the theft, the tax problems (foreign bank accounts not reported and good stuff like that) will create great opportunities for the legal profession, doubtless involving trips to Switzerland on the client's dime.

As for Vickie and her shoot to kill promise - better pick the state very carefully. Texas might go for that bullshit; California would not.

Cheating husband got what he deserved. 'nuff said.

thanx 4 wasting my time douche canoe.

The California lawyer has no idea. Who gives a fuck what they think there.

Sucked moose cock.

just crap

utter shite

Waste of the 5 mins of my life it took to read it

Amazingly non-erotic! Also, at least one major player comes out of the woodwork at the end! You might as well have gotten the revenge by a 747 losing control and crashing into his head! Next time, put it into the 'Non-sexual, Weirdly Convoluted' division.

How sneaky of you!!!

Silly story, so full of holes that I could drain my spaghetti with it. Why did I continue to read it once I recognized it as a complete farce? Train wreck!

going to court would be Mr. Styles for entrapment. What he did is very illegal. All of the evedence that he collected would be through out of court. A PI can not do as he pleases, he has rules and laws that he has to follow just like the cops do.

First: you seriously need a good editor.

Beyond that: it's an interesting storyline, but rather convoluted. The convoluted part isn't bad, but the lack of editing makes parts of it confusing.

Keep writing. Just get an editor.

Very nice, he was the cheater, she was the victim. She nailed him, nice to see the shoe on the other foot. Well hidden until the end. Thought it was another TTB. It was! A Torch The Bastard! Thank you.

I found this story to be very disjointed and hard to follow. I understand the attempt to create a surprise ending and to insert a twist into the story. But the compass spinning around and pointing back at at Neil, when the initial focus was on his wife's suspected cheating, came out of the blue with no foreshadowing. The "detective" clearly committed fraud. There was also a credibility issue -- anyone in business knows to review what he or she is signing. Hiding communal property with offshore accounts seems fraudulent as well, and any judge would set it right. I agree with others that there was no eroticism in this story. It would have been helpful to so-state at the beginning for those readers seeking a story with actual sex in it. Maybe "Non-erotic" would have been a better category.

The story got a little sideways here and there as you tried to misdirect us and build in a twist. It was difficult to follow and keep track of who was doing what. But I liked the story, so better editing might have made it more enjoyable to read. Thanks for posting it.

Kind of fucked up, but some folks I respect liked it, so it must be better than I think it is. How's that for convoluted reasoning?

the turn in the plot which i liked but, the revenge is too onesided, almost fantasylike in comparison to the first two pahes which read as plausable. Gaining signatures under false pretenses is probably fraudulent, your solicitor is now in shit for you, the PI took money from him, he entered into a contract to represent him, he duped the guy, he is now very exposed to litigation and will likely lose his licence. ... But up to that point it was good. Keep on writing.

TOTAL CRAP

I tend to prefer cheating wives' stories where the husband is not at fault, but your use of foreshadowing made me read to the end to see how it all played out. I disagree with all who said that the story zagged with the husband being to blame at the last minute. You set this up from the very first page with the reference to "unfaithful spouses" instead of cheating wives. It was reinforced with the phonecall from Phyllis--why the hell would she tell an upcoming employee of her husband's health concerns, and promise to "put in a good word". The ultimate ending was driven home when he "stayed in a friend's home" and "had a shoulder to cry on" while waiting for proof. Overall, there were plenty of hints of the outcome, and the "twist" was anything but.

I won't complain about predictability. The author put enough in the story to point where it was heading, with enough left out where I wanted to read what the real protagonists were up to. I only have one plot hole to complain about: the investigator said that he was hired by the other spouse, but spent a lot of time and money finding out who the other party was. I guess I can believe that Neil was that stupid, but it still stretches the bounds of belief.

WantABWriter has improved a great deal, and I hope s/he keeps writing.

Wulf

Could have been a very good story ... But !!!

I think you should do some research before writing a story like this to make sure that it is credible. Wishing for an outcome does not a good story make. The business and legal aspects are totally unrealistic. If Neil was indeed a partner in the company, George could not have sold his part without the potential buyer talking with Neil (imagine Neil selling his shares to a competitor!). The PI goes to jail and loses his license for a long list of illegal acts. George would have a few people after him, including the IRS. Etc. etc. All this to say that when the realism is lost in a story of that type, the reader is left frustrated and desperate for some (litterary) justice ;)

You have some really great story ideas, they just need to be better researched and a bit more polished. Don't stop writing, practice makes perfect :)

Yes, the legal documents and circumstances open the betrayed spouses to a myriad of lawsuits, but this is fiction for-Rhenquist's-sakes. Do we really want every author to perform exshautive legal research before posting?

Friends

After reading all the comments on the legal entanglements of the story I am reminded of a phrase I heard once.

An old and successfull contractor was caught by his wife in bed with another woman. Now that did cause a strain on their marriage. Several weeks later I was in a saleman's office when this contractor came in. The sales man asked about his problem.

The old contractor( in his 60 and I am now in my 60 so I guess I am old too) replied. "Yes my wife caught me.....but she didn't do it fair and square" Now I never asked if there was a set of rules to adultry... perhaps I should have.

Most that commented were more concerned that Neil had be the victim of fraud....not that he was the one cheating....

Sounds like the OJ defense..."the glove don't fit, you got to aquit"

It was a story of fiction...

I have learned a lot for this story. I had a second major in college of Marketing...I find that this market wants to see the woman burned more than anything. I am not saying that is bad, it is just the market here. And to sell any good or service one must know their market.

I am so sorry so many seemed to be emotional about how Neil was caught. I do believe I constructed the story where there is not true fraud. And I have learned through experience you had best know what you are signing. It is too late after the face to say I just didn't understand, or the man misrepresented his product. You have signed the paper. And it will cost more to fight it than to pay the bill.

Again from my experience in business.

Take care one and all. Remember even if Neil can prove fraud he is still guilty of Adultry. And had had an on going affair with is bosses wife for 18 months.

Enough said

Jack (WantABWriter)

Missed with this one

i dont have a problem with a man being the cheater but that was a strange story. i could tell something was messed up from the beginning with all the frequent accidental information that kept being dropped in his lap. in my opinion it should have been a little more straight forward from the wife's point of view.

We read about wives doing all the deceitful stuff all the time - but now it's turned around and HE is the lying piece of excrement !!!

I think Vicky gave him back exactly what he would have done to her,GO GIRL!!

The biter,bit - nuff said...

Nice twist Jack - keep 'em coming,and keep on writing.

Thanks for an interesting story.

You've taken a twist of the tail ending & turned it into a totally unbeliveable crock!

Your a fair writer, you can do better.

To be a writer you have to be sane. This is not the case here. Stupid? You bet!

Nothing logical in that story. It´s ending is disappointing

and greed prevails. TK U MLJ LV NV

This could have been a very good story if it had had the proper words and construction it it. As it was it got more difficult to understand and even after multiple readings the final part remains a mystery.

scaming husband gets trapped

Flawed plot, all he would have to do is report her actions to the Police, she would be easy to trace as she kept her car.

I'll never believe that a business man would sign the Power of attorney. By habit, he would have checked and read anything he signed so she never would have had gotten that past him. And when he saw it he would have been onto her game and she was toast. Also a good business man would have checked on Styles and that would have exposed her game (good businessmen don't believe in things that "fall into their laps"). And lastly, she kept the car so would be easily traced by even a mediocre PI. The Police would have gotten involved and in Court she would have lost everything and probably gone to jail unless her attorney was excellent. Judges take a dim view of fraud and that was the least of her infractions. And one last point, once he found her, what makes her think he would allow her to "see" him to take a shot? She would have never seen it coming. There's a good story in here, just not the one you wrote.

Not to pile on, but way too many plot holes, it's hard to get into for that reason, and makes for a bad read. Sorry.

Congrats, WBAW, you have all the BTB lynchmob whining over how unfair you were to the husband character. He's 'The Man" so therefore he cannot be in the wrong. No matter his sordid history of infidelity and backstabbing betrayal of his boss. The perpetual twelve year old trolls are flummoxed in their hypocrisy at the wife being superior to the husband.

So where now your spewing fetishes about cucks and creampies and horns? As you vomit licking steers have applauded so often: "If a spouse would betray their better half, who else would they not betray? Including their employer or those subordinate in authority?"

Man, I love mocking you teeny weenies. You just make the jokes so easy!

THAT WAS SUSPENCEFUL! I HAVE TO ADMIT I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING. VERY WELL DONE!

It was pretty clear he was cruising to his funeral - but the way you made it work out was really nice -

Keep it up and maybe he'll drop over!! I gave you a 5 for your effort

trap the trappers. TK U MLJ LV NV

One thing I really hate are tales with a cheating spouse trying to catch the other. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Cheating prick and the bosses cunt wife got what they deserved. Cheaters suck.

Neil got an attorney. A very good one. He went through and documented all of Vickie's actions. They arrested Styles and his men. They were only too happy to roll over on Vickie to the State's attorney and the FBI. You see, Vickie leaving the State made the crimes something the FBI was interested in. By the time the trial was done, Neil got his divorce and ALL of Vickie's money and his money. You see, Vickie got convicted of several felonies. She lost the right to the money and spent the next 12 years in prison. Did you think about ANY of these things when you wrote this garbage? Terrible story.

Betrayedbylove I have to agree with you 100%. Now for the story comment. It appears to be that you might have done a little research concerning what a spouse can do and get away with concerning their assets. clearly the wife would be sought after by the FBI and other legal organizations for her embezzlement of her husbands money, for she legally had no right too. As far as your story goes, even though it missed the mark a bit it wasn't really too bad of a story. It did have a good twist ending which I thought was pretty decent though.

No one is that stupid. Especially not a business man. Sign things blindly? I think not. More like read every page. Pay Wellington without really checking things out? Really???? I think he and Phylis planned things out and George and Vickie both found themselves dead in accidents. Their spouses inherited everything and they had the perfect alibis. Wellington and his men had been watching them all the time. They had to testify that the lovers could have had nothing to do with their spouses deaths. Moral of the story? Never think you're the smartest person in the room. Failing that I don't think Vickie lived 2 months. Neil found her (remember the stupid bitch wanted to keep the Toyota because it was in her name? Well in a new state she had to license it. SO easy to find her) and killed her. He never gave her a chance to pull her gun. Since they weren't yet divorced Neil got all her/their assets and he lived happily ever after with Phylis. They were planning a European vacation soon. Going hunting as they say. Poorly thought out.

A guy he never met meets him in a parking garage,hands him a pic,and he's not the least bit suspicious?!Especially since it turned out he himself was cheating for 18 months! The man's in line to become a CEO of a big company,for Christ's sake,he's not stupid! If anything he would smell a rat right away!

It seemed that this story was dragging out far too long,and I ,if not he,smelled a rat right away.

Sorry. It doesn't work for me.

I worked this out in less than half the first page then skipped to the end.Save us from poor writers who think they are clever.Worst story in a long time complete waste of 15 mins.Agatha Christie you are not.My 10 year old can do better than this.

until the twist at the end. it was a great cheating wife story and should have been left that way.

He found the movers records and found her new location. No one cares about concealed weapons when you get hit from behind with a taser. Neil tied her up to a chair in her house and waited for her to wake up. It only took breaking two of her fingers before she gave him the passwords for her bank accounts. Fifteen minutes later he was headed down the road, all her/his money transferred into his off shore accounts. Of course he made a stop in the desert to bury her body on the way home. The end to a lot of stupidity. You assume a man like that was THAT stupid he wouldn't read what he was signing? That he wouldn't find her immediately? Badly thought out drivel.

Good wife cheating story, but the twist at the end...just too much. Should have stayed with original story, no twist needed. Sorry, two stars as it was a waste of my time. At least it wasn't a cuckolding story...they get one star from me no matter what.

the mirrors and doors swing both ways, TK U MLJ LV NV

Far too wordy!

Just because you carry, doesn't mean you're fast enough to draw it, pull a bead on the front sight, and squeeze the trigger to launch the bullet into the "bad guy".

Especially if you're the aggressor; the odd's are in your favor if you strike fast, and strike hard. Nothing quite like tazering someone in the neck for a few seconds to stun them, then kick the purse out of reach.

For the Credit your other stories, no voting on this one.

something stinks. I'm hiring a detective to check the detective who walked up to me.

story

Not a fun read.

I spent time reading this SHIT that I’ll never get back .... this story sucked so bad !!!

what a stupid waste of time. yeeeecccchhhhh!

What a shit story ...

You leave all that out? What a waste of my time. BOO!!!

Good

And then they never find her body. Unbelievable.

You did not hide the twist comming well. I kept waiting for it the entire story. The PI bit just sounded like a phoney set up.

That’s the first Ho that I remember carrying a handgun chambered in Sig .357. That is a rare handgun load.

Now that was a twist, the wife gets him to believe that she is cheating when in reality he was the cheat and she sets him up. Well done 5 stara

To stupid to be enjoyable, no one is that big of an idiot⭐️

Yes, Ocker, there are people that are stupid as the 'idiot' husband, but you were played. The author gave hints already on page 1 and some of us were more than ready for the 'surprise' ending.

The story is very clever and very enjoyable. Definitely a five!

what a frustrating story - what was there to like about it???? a dumb ass and a cheater

Sorry rated 1, false pretenses led me to believe it was about cheating wife. As a guy, I'm not really into cheating dudes. P.S. I didn't think to look for that type of cheating hints. lol

Cheating husband's isn't really my thing. Nonetheless, I sucked it up and finished reading, even though it was obvious the direction it was going once Wellington continued being secretive and not providing any evidence of Neil's wife's infidelity. And Wellington is dumb. Neil could easily sue him. His wife purchased the room using her Husband's credit card, so it would be his room. Even if he was "escorted," to a different room, it wouldn't be hard to convince anyone that he was forced to a different room with the hotel cameras that could be said to show Wellington had his two thugs take him there under duress. What did ol Fred say? Let the lawyers sort it out. Also, given that the room they were in was being recorded, he could use the conversation to say his wife and Wellington were stealing from him. Once the divorce was final, he'd get his half, plus whatever they "stole." Don't get it twisted, he's a piece of shit for cheating, but still there were so many loose ends, I just tightened it up a little.