All Comments on 'The Trial'

I gave it the college try, but there was so much blah, blah, blah, I wound up not liking it. The granddaughter flipping the bird at the grandfather after receiving a nice inheritance pretty much stuck a fork in a dying story.

Try not to be so cutesy with the storyline. It may work better.

Stay away from legal heavy stories. This was silly beyond belief.

Good story. Cecil should have been convicted on the first charge also, but juries do act strangely. You forgot to mention what happened to this "nice kid". Hopefully he got 10+ years and his life is ruined. I can understand her sharing the money with her cousin. The idea of a polygraph exam to inherit is nice. I'd make the condition a lot tougher than just just defining adultery as vaginal penetration - lets go with the 12 year old rule - you did nothing with a person of either sex that you wouldn't be ashamed or arrested for doing with a 12 year old preteen of either sex in public. In other words if what you are doing would get you arrested for sexually assaulting a child then you shouldn't do it if either of you are in committed relationships. Maybe wills should require something like this. Of course in my opinion ALL CHILD BIRTHS should also have mandatory DNA paternity testing. As the say, don't do the crime unless you're willing to do the time...

Thank you for writing. Interesting premise. I think it's missing something. The victim needs better representation. How did he react to everyone thinking he accepted the affair/affairs? Was there a confrontation with the children after the trial? Was cecil out of jail? Where was Ronald?

When does it take place? Bluetooth isn't that old so it takes place in the future, etc.

Good Story but a little too much wobbling in the court case(as there tends to be) I somewhat agree with the sharing of some of the money but Grandpa would have been MUCH MORE STRICT ON HIS CONDITIONS.. The old line from the cheaters handbook " They were both nothing more than flings."

In saying that the relationships that Bruce was penalized for did not cause the involved marriages to fail" that wasn't the condition imposed by "Grandpa" it was the commission of adultery and that was freely admitted, no money for nookey monsters!

I liked this - a very original story. Well written and kept my attention throughout. 5 stars

Dumb

5-stars

Maybe I’ll change my mind after I digest this a little, but on first read... wow.

Never seen a LW story like this one.

Original, well plotted, and with excellent dialog. Very little character development was needed for this courtroom case/cheating spouse drama.

Gave you 5*s....Creative talent at work.

Thanks for this very original story.

AMerryman

Masterly well written and the legal arguments are compelling, whether or not they may be realistic. I liked it a lot. My greedy nature raises its ugly head at my displeasure with the magnanimity of her giving away half of the huge inheritance to a cousin she barely knew. Giving him 1 mil would have been plenty enough to assure her a seat amongst the Angels.

Very enjoyable. The story required a delicate hand to maintain the sequence of events. Good writing. Many thanks. Cheers.

Heck, I have guilty, not guilty, and guilty in my verdicts. And I would have upgraded the final charge to Felony murder, a capital offense (death penalty) because it captures every single required element. He committed the murder to hide evidence that he had just committed a felony, the second degree attempted murder, and as mentioned, did it in cold blood. Nope, I give the man an injection. Especially since the first victim died directly from the medical issues caused by the attempted murder, even years later. And the defense lawyers statement would have actually pushed me to adding felony murder to the list, as he blamed the victims, in a "They got what was coming to them" way.

. . . a poor way to tell the story. A series of diary entries or the reminiscences of a family friend might have worked better.

I get the idea behind the story, and it’s a decent one. But left out was the defense’s can you believe question: how could a professional poker player have been so clueless about an affair going on in his own home for four years?

One wonders: what would have happened to the estate had both grandkids committed adultery?

I can see how a man so badly injured by his wife’s adultery might put such a provision in his will, but he’d spent years working in the adultery capital of the United States; isn’t there a bit of hypocrisy there?

... horrible ending. Anti-climatic would be an understatement.

If the decendant is performing an illegal act in the first place. And another person engaging in the same act is a coconspirator and would also be a principal in the crime not an accessory before or after the act... the felony murder rule would be applicable to both defendants.

I'm a little confused about why he's mad at the kids. Is it because they testified for the defense? At least with the daughter, is it because she tried to shift some blame to him?

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Her "belief" that her father knew about what his wife was doing is bullshit, and her description of the events (that she wasn't there for!), is simply self-serving baloney by the assholes.

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I don't believe that David and Donna never discussed their different views about what their father knew.

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I'm sorry, even if the kids don't believe that it was attempted murder, to testify in defense of the assholes defies comprehension.

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"I hope he will think about what Mom would want for us." - Who gives a fuck about what she would want? It was her "wants" that put them into this situation. Frankly, as much blame as she bears, I don't think that she would want mercy for the guys who helped her destroy her family, tried to kill her husband (and I DO believe that they intended that), and killed her. BTW, a couple of pretty accurate "accidental" shots!

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"I just wanted to prevent her from getting the police involved."- How could the police not be involved?

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He watches for "tells" when he plays poker. He trusts his wife, he's not looking for any tells.

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I don't see how the jury found not guilty on the attempted murder, despite the CSI evidence that he WASN'T crawling up the bed. Also there was a mention of a change in Cecil's story between his interrogation and his testimony (which would be influenced by his attorney). The difference isn't specified, but I'm guessing that his "crawling up the bed" was added!

Bruce didn't cause any divorces. Since the narrator believes that infidelity is only bad when you get caught, he deserves to be a millionaire right?

(Sarcasm ahead)

After all, their grandfather never really had a right to believe that he should be able to determine what sort of people he wanted to leave his money to. After all, he was the one that the jury found to be at fault in his own shooting. When you think about it, his actions caused the death of his wife too. The fact that his children sided with the guy who killed his wife and put him in a coma is not a valid excuse for him to make requirements in his will.

I agree that a 4 year affair not being noticed is reaching toward impossible for a husband so aware of other’s ‘tells’.

The story telling is great.

A very inventive and original tale, Mr. One. I look forward to you writing other such stories. Well done, Randi. Oh, a post script: Guilty as charged, on all counts.

Derp derp....

If ever there was a story that begged for a Part 2, this is it. So many unresolved issues although the confrontation with the mother is removed due to her diminished mental capacity.

This was an interesting way to develop the LW scenario through the use of a trial transcript. I don't think I have ever seen it used before. Kudos for your originality.

Doc

I thought this story had a lot of promise and I thought it was a unique situation. However, the testimony of the daughter bordered on the ridiculous it was so unbelievable. Additionally, not going into more detail of Ronald’s statement to the Police and all its inconsistencies and the Prosecution hammering that home was baffling. Also, the Prosecution calling it cold blooded murder, but planning to ask for leniency? Again, baffling. Also, just way to many unanswered questions. I really wanted to enjoy it, but just too unbelievable.

Only one honorable person in this whole thing. He should have gave everything to charity.

1 Guilty

2 Not

3 Guilty

Why did you leave David out at the end? he deserved more than a bit of scorn.

Certainly not a cookie cutter story, thank you for a very good tale. I'm not one to dissect a story, I have read for sixty years just for the enjoyment. If it doesn't appeal to me, I just move on to the next book or story. Five stars! I look forward to more!

somewhere east of Omaha

Some of the story was over loaded with detailed speech, Particularly grandma's psychobabble. Then you missed out on some places.

There was no followup on what happened to Cecil other than a conviction. Nor his brother. Would a man angry enough at his own kids to disown them for concealing his wife's affair and for them to say enough punishment, don't convict? (Not to mention punishment is for after the conviction not drop charges. but it is your story) But would a man that angry not get revenge later? Also neglected.

The narrator had to be an adult- she was out of college. But how old? Victor died 9 years prior and had followed his grand kids. They got scholarships for college and cars at graduation. Was he alive at that point or those actions part of somebody acting in his behalf? My point is he lived for a good long time after the trial. What did he do? He was rich. What did he do to the other participants? And Uncle Dave's explanation,,,,, leads to a cleanup story.

Still one of those stories that could be rewritten or a few times like some others here.

Gonna give it 5 stars for the idea that it promotes some thought.

This is a gripping story.

I love a good story and this was one of those

You tried to use the trial testimony to bring out the characters’ perceptions of the events, but the daughter’s testimony especially would never have been allowed. She “reconstructs” the incident, even though she was not a witness; moreover, she speculated on what was going through the minds of various participants, especially her friend. The prosecutor would have had her shut down immediately. At most, her testimony would have been limited to how she introduced her friend and her mother, and any conversations she might have had with the two about the affair. It defies suspension of disbelief to imagine the defense would ever call her and her brother to the stand.

Cecil Guilty both charges, His Brother Guilty with a lesser sentence. Good story

But....it really imploded at the end. The deficiencies:

#1: Lack of a conversation/confrontation between Karen and Uncle Dave. How could Karen not have this immediately after finding the box and learning it’s contents? It would have been salient to learn why Dave joined his sister Donna as defense witnesses given what the reader was told. THAT did not make sense. Nor did it make sense that neither of them...and especially Dave....never visited their father at any time.

#2: Lack of bringing Cousin Bruce into the dynamic.

#3: The gun. Even if Ellen moved it so that her husband couldn’t quickly get it if he came home and found her “exercising”....it is unbelievably stupid that she would not only inform her studs about it...but would have it lying open and accessible in the guest room? What? Just not credible. She would have hidden it elsewhere.

#4: Given all the rich detail about the event, you really ended this thing way too quick. Had you ended it at the point where you asked readers their verdict...and based solely on the evidence you provided....a guilty verdict was deserved on all 3 counts.

A 5**** idea that devolved into a 3*** conclusion, unfortunately.

All three charges.

Loved the story.

Good story! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Why would Victor disown his children? Maybe because they knew his wife was having an affair for 4 years and never tried to inform him. That shows how loyal they were to him.

A new twist on an age old story. Well done.

Leaving the way out there levels of courtroom antics aside, the moment the story had the kids not visit their critical ill father in hospital all to protect the men who killed their mother and almost killed their father, this story jumped the shark into a total farce. No family would ever believably act this way.

Guilty - evidence showed that Cecil was lying that his life was in danger

Guilty - much precedence for this.

Guilty - no question whatsoever, and would have held up if charged with Murder 1

If this trial had taken place when the mob was running Vegas I highly doubt that the grandpa would have had a 2 lb cell phone in his pocket lol. Decent story though.

Interesting twist in how to present the story.

However, I was confused by the timeline. My initial impression is that what happened to the grandparents must have occurred many years ago. The grandfather had died nine years before the discovery of the papers in the attic. If the events reported in the trial took place 15-20 years before, cell phones would not have been so common, they would not have included video cameras, and tiny surveillance devices to use in catching a cheating spouse would have been less tiny, less common, and quite expensive. I spent a lot of the time I was reading the story trying unsuccessfully to make sense of the timeline.

Guilt on all charges, fuck his daughter for not telling him, fuck the granddaughter for sharing the inheritance with a cheating SOB.

All in all, 2 stars.

While this story was fairly well written, it falls to the trap of many TV court dramas where a witness or lawyer goes off on a long winded statement, something that just wouldn't fly. The daughter's opinion about what happened in the last minutes of her mother's life were not relevant and wouldn't be allowed as testimony.

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The murdered mother and her daughter in this story were beyond batshit crazy and if we haven't had Jerry Springer type shows, we wouldn't think it was possible for people to be that stupid in real life. Another problem would be Cecil being acquitted of attempted murder; does anybody really think a black man shooting an unarmed white man in the head, in his own home, would not be convicted? Even white on white would result in a conviction more than 90% of the time, unless they plea bargained the attempted murder away for a guilty plea on the murder charge.

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I think this writer has potential, but the plot as a whole has more holes in it than Grandpa Champion's head after he was shot.

Guilty on all counts.

In addition the daughter is guilty of aiding and abetting before the fact, she should not have set it up or covered it up. This would probably have to be a civil case though as the standard of proof is lower. The wifes movement of the gun speaks to perception of how the husband would react. The possibility of this going violently wrong existed from the start and the daughter would have known as did the wife.

Dad sues daughter for facilitating and disguising wifes affair, now that would be a whole new tale...

But legally hogwash. The kids testimony was meaningless and the prosecution would have had it thrown out. Unless they knew for a fact their father knew of the affair ,he told them,saw a written thing from him,would be inadmissable. The defense lawyer could question the idea the neighbor seeing something and calling hubby was a ride, but if the defense didn't bring it up when coss ex of the witness, it would be meaningless. Likewise how the affair started was meaningless, it had nothing to do with the murder, and Donnas testimony would have been stricken, he attitude towards the mom or the boys was meaningless, they don't get to decide who was guilty,the law does. The prosecution acknowledged that the shooting was not premeditated, so her saying the guy didn't mean it was meaningless.

Okay,so what about self defense? Csi from the angle of the shots fired, the lack of residue on victor and no sign he was on the bed totally blew self defense out if the water, plus Victors testimony, unless they could show he has memory loss, would stand. Any good prosecutor would have put ronny on the stand and ask him if his brother cursed at victor, after telling him that if he went on the stand and said his brother acted in self defense and never cursed when shooting, he would face the max sentence and also perjury charges ( if doctors testify victors memory is good and csi showed it wasn't self defense, if ronnie claimed his bro was attacked,could be proven).

Maybe is the jury was the type who believes reasonable doubt means conspiracy theories are facts, maybe he would get off, but at the least they would get a hung jury on the attempted murderm the 2nd charge to me was weak, but if the brothers testimony changed , then he should be found guilty as an an accomplice after the fact bc he tried to cover it up. If the brother just said I am not sure if it was self defense or not, it happened so fast,he likely wouldn't be charged.

The third is laughable, it would be murder, killing someone to cover up a crime is not self defense.

Be interesting to see what the jds on here say.

Bluetooth came to cell phone's circa 2000. Awfully young grandparents

About the killing of the wife being done to cover up the shooting of Victor,that does upgrade it to murder 1.

Another prob w this story is timelines, the kids are out if school at the time if this writing ( 20s), and this happened when the parents were like 18,19. This means this likely happened 25 or more years ago, things like online casinos or even video poker were not common, and Victor talking on bluetooth to the phone through the car impossible, that came way later.

Hopefully richard gerald can comment on this one.

You know us readers well. If you had stopped without revealing the test I would have deducted 1*. Also, you did not so I give it a 5*!

There are only so many ways s to write a cheating wife story. Kudos to you for finding a new and creative approach.

A few previous commenters have noted the unrealistic aspects of the trial. I noted several. They distracted a little from the story, but not enough to keep me from reading to the end.

I reject the idea that a cheating wife can't fool a gambler. A good friend married right out of college. A few years into the marriage, he got a feeling something was off. Eventually he discovered she was having an affair and they divorced. He spent time with a counselor after the divorce because he wanted to do better, both as a partner in the marriage as well as detecting infidelity if he got married again. So this guy prepared for the future. He did indeed get married again. Twenty years later he had one kid in college, two in high school, and an oops kid about three or four years old. He ran a small home repair company from his home office, was home every weekend and night, except for a once a week poker game with friends. He had an erratic work schedule, and tended to drop by his house without warning for a snack, use the bathroom, etc., if it was on his way between jobs. His wife was a stay at home mom who took care of the baby. This guy had no idea his marriage had problems until he came home from work one day to find his wife, the little one gone (all their clothes and such) as well as a few pieces of furniture missing. The process server dropped off the divorce paperwork that evening. Somehow, despite seemingly have no opportunity to cheat, the wife had an affair, fell in love with another man, moved in with the guy and filed for divorce with nobody, the husband or three older kids, having a clue. So I have no problem with the idea that the husband in this story was blindsided. Things like that happen in real life

The unrealistic legal details and the husband's ignorance of the affair were not issues for me. I did have a problem with the lack of resolution between the grand-daughter and her uncle. Her Uncle David knew his mother was cheating on his dad for four years. He did nothing. He compounded his error by failing to visit his father in the hospital - and don't give me any of that "defense attorney won't let me" bullshit. Then he served as a witness for the defendents who murdered his mother. The story begs for the granddaughter to sit down and ask her uncle, "So now, given all the time that has passed, given that you are now a husband and father yourself, how do you see your decisions back then? Your dad never realized his wife was cheating, but you, his son, did. And you hid it from him. How do you justify yourself? Did you ever talk with your sister about this? If you did, what was my mom's justification to screw over her faithful "daddy" in favor of her slut mother and her "good kid" lovers who turned out to be your mother's murderers?" That confrontation needed to be in this story. Not putting it in makes the story incomplete.

Finally, given the facts you put it n this story, the only character I cared about was the grandfather. The rest can burn in hell. And that includes the granddaughter who had to "convince" the polygraph that her cheating wasn't really cheating.

I voted based on it being a different kind of story. I felt the court portion was long and semi boring. The results were shaky and tilted toward the brothers.

but infuriating. The black boy under stress reverted to his base nature and tried to kill to get out of consequences for his betrayal. Who brings a gun to a threesome? Why would the children side with their black murderous, cheating friends, instead of their dad? I think you wrote this just to piss people off.

Fairly well written too, Cecil guilty on both his charges and brother not imo. It would have been nice to hear what Uncle David had to say by way of further explanation of the long term family split but it's your story and it was a good one. Thank you.

I don't usually like to leave followup comments. ( I was first to comment, which surprised me to no end.). I am reacting here to comments NOT the story.

One of the biggest comments:

Several people said 'why would a man so skilled in reading tells not be able to see what his wife is doing?" The obvious answer is a tell is something you read when a person reacts or tries to hide something (their hand in the case of poker. The grandmother obviously believed that what she did was just recreation, a form of exercise to make her content. Did she have organic brain damage? Her daughter obviously did, although dementia and psychosis are two different things. Her reality was not real but to her it was so she would have acted totally normal hence no OVERT 'tell'. Had the husband suspected she was cheating he might have looked closer, like you do at a poker game.

Yes, the author dropped several lines of thought and went deep into some (my complaint) but there is only so much you can put into a one entry submission. One of the reasons, I tend to multi part stories and I STILL drop some lines of thought.

I think the author did a great job. I think this story might be rewritten like George Anderson's "February Sucks". Now Anderson's story produced a visceral response. This one just begs for better closure.

This case never would have come to trial. By the defendants testimony he was guilty of manslaughter. You ask us to believe the children would not visit their one remaining parent even when he was in a coma? They testify for the guy who shot their parents, killing one? If they are so concerned about their Mothers killer, it never talk to their r Father? Where’s the motivation? And lawyers can’t introduce supposition in the summation without having brought it up in trial. Were the judge and prosecution asleep. I was interested in the story until collapsed under its own weight at the end.

@Anonymous Re: "Well" - I didn't see the granddaughter flipping the bird at the grandfather. She never even knew him!

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I agree that the prosecutor didn't hammer home the change in Cecil's testimony, how it was awfully convenient that it much more exculpatory after talking to his lawyer.

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Why didn't his kids even visit him in the hospital, and talk to him before the trial? I can understand his estrangement AFTER the trial. I guess that's part of the problem with using the transcripts. There should have been a conversation with her uncle, where many of these points could have been brought out.

First, I want to encourage you to keep writing. I enjoyed your story. It was different. I accept the testimony you offered as the narrator’s interpretation of the testimony. Young college aged men of high expectations get away with rape and murder too often. Even the prosecutor might be pulling for them, especially if their daddy had money and social standing.

I found that the convictions could have gone exactly as you laid it out. Ronald only needed to claim that the events unfolded too quickly for his juvenile brain to respond. He is guilty of failing to render aid. Cecil played the “I’m a good boy and I’m going to college, too,” card. But it didn’t get out of cold blooded murder. Still, I find it plausible that the jury wanted to cut him some slack on the attempted murder charge.

The daughter though, not only betrayed her father and stabbed him in the back, but also twisted the knife. On some level, it seems that Donna and David hated their dad. They enabled his wife’s infidelity. They didn’t even visit him the hospital when he was in a coma. They tried to spring the people that put him there and murdered their mother. It could have made sense if they were devout members of some weird pacifist religion, but they weren’t. They were just lousy progeny.

Victor was disrespected by his wife, her lovers, and his own children and all he did was cut the kids out of his will and out of his life. I would have liked this story a lot more if there had been a more serious retribution, even if farfetched. Beat the shit out Ronald on a dark night. Hire Bubba to assault Cecil in the pen. Wait till years later and hire an actor to seduce Ronald’s wife. Something.

And one for the author.

Neither of the kids testified in the trial. Those were statements. No questions were asked and no responses were challenged. That's not right.

The prosecution never called the husband to testify. He was both a witness and a victim. That makes no sense.

The defense attorney was less than useless. If I had a closing argument like that, I'd find his client guilty.

Bottom line, the asswipe shot an unarmed man in his own home and then killed the wife. I don't care if he didn't aim. There is no defense.

Fuck mom and uncle Dave. They should have just stayed out of it.

The story line dates the happenings at around the teen years of the mother who is now dead so maybe that's 45+ years earlier? It may amaze the author but using his car's bluetooth was impossible over 20 years ago - it didn't exist for vehicles until the early 2000's! Similarly, in the early 1990's the then mobile phones were the size of bricks with truly pocket / purse sized phones only emerging around then. The abilities to send text and take pictures was only added in the last twenty years or so with the widespread ability for documenting which towers relayed which calls (as in the defence summation) coming even later.

The author should pay more attention to research before he has the war of independence being won by George Washington and his personal M60.

If a person honestly thinks they are owed more pay for overtime, and proceed to remove that money from the cash register without permission and in secret, does that mean their action is not stealing? The wife behaved like a wanton slut. Her children enabled her betrayal and shielded her from being caught. Motives and intentions and emotions are just justifications and excuses for adultery, betrayal, and gross disrespect. Period.

And how does a person shoot an unarmed homeowner in his own house and claim self defense? What kind of author thinks that monologue makes any sense?

I can tell you worked very hard on this story. This was a train wreck. It was monotonous, illogical to the point of being unintelligible, and insulting to the readers. Go back and start over, but run your story by a few people with common sense. This story is brainless.

Still, thanks for the effort.

With all the evidence they had it should have been a guilty verdict on all three charges.

Why the children betrayed their father. I did not see any strong reason. Other than that, this was a stupid story...but I will not be mean. I will give you ***

So after a woman is dead, family finds a box with documents related to her infidelity and her kids knew and never told the father until after she was dead. Hmm... where just where did I read this before? Oh, I remember...I WROTE IT. Only "Jane's Diaries" were not badly written like this piece of drek was.

Someone else used my concept for a story. But he unlike you, asked permission to use the concept and then wrote a decent story. Yours is full of holes.

I hope this author doesn’t have aspirations of being a defense attorney. Not one of his arguments or the postulations of his characters would withstand the glare of simple logic. His success rate would be abysmal - just like this story!

there was no way I would not read to the very end.

To me this is more important than having stated 'facts' stand up to detailed scrutiny.

As I write this his score stands at 3.68. I think it deserves more than 4, so have given an (undeserved) 5, just to ease it up a bit.

The views of Donna and David are too delusional to be credible. Their actions in covering up the affair and betrayal of their father during the trial result in them being outrageously dislikeable characters.

The granddaughter seemed like more of a good person. Although it was disappointing to hear her describe her cousin’s affairs as mere flings. It’s as if she’d learnt nothing from her grandparents story.

Cecil was absolutely guilty on both counts. I could see Ronald being found innocent though.

An interesting design to the story, but I didn’t agree with your conclusions at all.

was imposable to read.

You lost me on page one. When the mob was in Las Vegas the concept of a mobile phone didn't exist, video games didn't exist, the casino's didn't give lessons on anything except paying up on a gambling bill. The story was told by so many people that I could not figure if you were talking as your grandpa, grandma, father or mother, sister or brother. This story needs a total re-write after you first do some research and write out a story line and timeline. Sorry, after just a couple lines after the beginning of page two I came here to write my comment. If the story is to confusing then you will turn off your readers.

Inconsistent. Inexplicable. Bizarre.

And that’s just to start.

the grandpa was betrayed by wife, children and his grandchild Karen. All because his wife the cheater thinks that there's nothing wrong with having sex with men not her husband.

The writing is good. 4 star for that. Thanks author. But I was hurt of the betrayal of wife and children then to a lesser extent Karen.

@Jounar, I agree, and how could visiting their critically injured father in the hospital hurt their friends?

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@Gamblnluck - I said something similar, that he trusted his wife, he wasn't looking for any tells.

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Re: Timeline - When I read a story where technology exists x number of years ago that didn't exist, I suspend disbelief in two ways: Less common, this is an alternate reality, where there WERE that technology back then; more common, the story is being told from some future date, where the past is today. There are no dates given. If we read this story 10-20 years from now, the anachronism goes away.

How could husband know of the affair? She only did it when he was out of town. Commenters underestimate trust from a trustworthy person. “I’d never cheat. She loves me. How could she?” Now I’d figure it out cause I don’t really trust anybody that much but he likely didn’t. Intelligence doesn’t help you imagine the unimaginable - that your loving wife would cheat. Those kids ruined his face. He should sue them for any reconstructive surgery. FYI, I’d have voted guilty on all 3 charges. And I wouldn’t blame him for paying to have the acquitted brother killed. I’d surely look into it if he killed my wife and ruined my life.

Any prosecutor would have asked why Cecil didn’t just hold the gun out of Dad’s reach. Both brothers are guilty. In the USA all participants in a crime are held equally responsible for any events that occur subsequent to the original crime. The original crime could be adultery (unlikely)

The first shooting was at the least an assault. Even though Ron may not have known his brothers intent he is still considered a participant, and therefore equally guilty in the subsequent crime of murder.

I gave the story a 4 because it was well written and held my interest

If I was planning a confrontation, I'd make sure I had my gun BEFORE going into the room. ID 10 T

And what idiot, who is afraid of being caught, brings a gun to an orgy?

Guess all the idiots in this tale got what they deserved.

Horribly inconsistent. Not believable. The writing is decent but the story isn't. 3 stars.

The writing style is pretty good, I don’t think I’ve read this type of story before but it definitely has problems. I opted for suspension of disbelief regarding the anachronistic errors but the bizarre behaviour of his children just didn’t add up. Unfortunately the story came across as non erotic as well as depressing and dry.

IMHO the charges should have concluded with guilty on all counts. I found it bizarre that the children didn’t visit their dad in hospital, he was comatose and from the layman’s POV there’s a strong possibility that he may not even recover. Advised not to make contact is not the same as prohibited. So unless they strongly believed that their dad had killed their mum then not visiting him in hospital is beyond illogical.

The gun : Nobody in their right mind would have kept a primed gun (ready to shoot) so close to the bed? So Cecil must have removed the safety at some point?! That one point is the deciding factor. Her alleged reason for having the gun in the room was to prevent her husband from getting it and bringing it in with an intent to intimidate or to use it? Forensics determined that hubby wasn’t attempting to get the gun.

The “nice guy” Cecil had her pinned down with her hair in one hand and the gun in the other whilst his brother raped her. If Cecil’s only reason for grabbing and holding the gun was as a reaction to the husband kicking the door in then he wouldn’t need to restrain the wife and his brother wouldn’t have actively continued to rape/ fuck her. Instead he’d be in the process of jumping off and grabbing clothes.

As for the polygraph bullshit? Well gramps devolved into a bitter old man what right did he have to dictate how his grandchildren lived their lives? All because his wife decided to cheat on her husband and not discuss things with her husband. His kids let him down in the worst way, because gramps lost out and wasn’t allowed to be in his grandchildren’s lives. So yeah overall pretty damned depressing.

Best of luck with your writing

Your time line is sooooo out of wack. The legal stuff is even worse.

The mob period of Vegas was pretty much over long before car phones let alone cell phones (the Mormons had taken over by then) let alone BlueTooth!

The legal part is a complete mess.

First, they were breaking and entering according to a witness who saw them. A fire arm was involved, regardless of where it came from that is an aggravated felony right there. Then, there was a discharge of the firearm not once but twice, on two different people one which resulted in death.

That is capital murder 1 for both PERIOD. It does not mater if little brother was sitting outside in the car, he was a party to the act initially by the witness. If he helped break into the house then went back to the car and fell asleep until the cops came, does not matter he was a conspirator in a murder. How is it murder one? The attempted murder might be and I mean MIGHT be argued as an accident but he took up a firearm. If he had hid it in the mattress or under the bed, then fine, but he had it and used it on the husband - assault with intent to kill, attempted murder, breaking and entering, use of a lethal weapon, use of a firearm in the commission of a felony, remember he fired at the husband twice (once is an accident, twice is intent) then he puts the icing on the cake by shooting the woman resulting in her death, he knew he was in trouble, he knew the gun was loaded and he fired on a second person who was in no way attacking him, that is murder one no question.

Both brothers would likely plead out to life in prison without the possibility of parlor, otherwise one certainly and possibly both would be on death row. Their defense attorneys would be thanking GOD for the deal and would threaten to quit if they didn't take it. A defense attorney is not required to assist his client commit suicide by refusing a reasonable deal.

Fun plotline but is full of legal irregularities and the timeline along with the period in history is blended, grandpa would have a dialup rotary phone, no bluetooth eh. Lat i checked witnesses answer questions, they don't babble on with unsupported speculative comments, for example the daughters belief that granpa nee grandma was a slut... not very admissible, the prosecutor would never allow that.

I think I just visited the Twilight Zone...

Enjoyable tale full of fascinating behaviour. I love fantasy tales so the decision of the jury is an incidental weird fact......

I really enjoyed that one. I'm not an attorney, so I didn't pay a lot attention to whether the legal part made since. Grandma Champion was a cheating bitch who got her husband shot by her lover. She died as a direct result of her own actions, and was no loss to anyone. I can't believe that the idiot children testified for the sentence. How did they expect their father to react to that betrayal? The two bastards were guilty on all counts, how can it be self defense if he was unarmed? I don't mind Bruce getting some money, just so Donna and David were aware of what their father thought of them. Again, great story about another cheating wife destroying her family.

Commentariat is very good at pointing out all the errors, and anachronism in this story.

Yet, after reading it again..... this is still a very enjoyable and entertaining story.

Thanks again littleOneWon 🙂👏👏.

Looking forward to your next story.

By the way, the size of the ego inside Kalimaxos' head is impressive and does not leave much room for talent, 😃😄.

AMerryman

I do not let the little stuff prevent me from enjoying a good story. We watch and rave about Tom Cruise doing the impossible rather than pick apart every detail. Same applies for me in our Lit stories. The plot here was unique, at least for me and I scored it 5*s, wishing I could go a a bit higher to offset undeserved lower scores given for trivial BS. Lit stories are the best value per $$ spent on the net!

The premise , structuring , and delivery are very interesting and unique ,(as far as I’m aware), however the legal process is completely wrong in the aspect of trial testimony and context thereof , ie... neither sides attorney would allow witnesses to surmise reasons or actions nor suggest proper verdicts or sentences ! Etc etc etc ! However this wasn’t written as a biography or historical text and as such artistic liberties should be considered ! As a result I have to say this was an excellent story and is well deserving of 5 stars in my humble opinion !

Lesson here is do not get involved with or have sex with married people. If you are married, get a divorce before having sex with someone other than your spouse. It’s that simple folks.

The father should have used every penny of his money to make his children's and Cecil's and Ronald's lives as miserable as possible. With every step they take, he should have put tons of stones in their path. They should have felt all their life how much they cheated on him!

What a load of nothing.

This is a story, where I would like a sequel where ghost of the murdered wife witnesses all what happened after her death. How she damaged the lifes of her husband, her lovers and her descendants - yes even the grandchildren.

Instead of talking to her husband she took a lover for years. Just selfish.

First Account Guilty as charged. Second Account. Guilty as charged. Third Account. Guilty as charged.

Highly original, beautifully crafted tale. The court transcript format frames the story perfectly.

A wonderful antidote to the same old tired trudging linear storytelling that clutters this LW space.

guilty, guilty, guilty crappy story sorry.

I could not give this story more than a 1. The kids are garbage and the District Attorney in this story is a Moron by not jumping all over the daughters testimony. usually on the stand a witness is not allowed to say "I suppose" or "I believe" or "I think" because that's conjecture, not statement of fact. The only saving grace about this story was it was well written and not very many mistakes in grammar.

I just read this story again several months after a first read. It was initially a bit unclear and poorly explained however, I got it in the end without even remembering my first read. The verdicts should have been GUILTY on all charges, the self-defence claim was absurd and typical of that oxymoron "American Justice" Grandma deserved the bullet unlike her husband who didn't bring a gun 'to the party' The two little punks deserved felony murder convictions and commensurate punishment. This is a great story, Thank You! 5***** stuff! Well Done

The written story was worth a 4 or 5 score while the logic and manipulation of the characters was just above a 1. Sounded like the author was trying to justify a cheating bitch of a wife. Grandpa should have been armed when he went into the room and put kill shots into both the lovers and maybe an "accidental" shot into Grandma.

Great plot and follow through. But note to author. Trying to build suspense through dragging out the story annoys the reader and just makes it longer than necessary. Build suspense through secret information or a plot twists and illusionary activities.

The basic plot was fine! But from then on in, it went to Hell-in-a-Handcart!

The story wasn't just s t r e t c h e d out, but was as painfully e x t r u d e d as a double route-canal done by an unsupervised trainee dentist on his first day! WTF did the author not conscript an editor beggars belief!

This story IS rescuable, but a hatchet might not suffice, it may need a chainsaw!

Story is unfinished - so zero points

Started off well, then got unlikely and weird.

Identifying your psychobabble and psychobabble does not make it less ridiculous. The whore wife was a whore, plain and simple. It what she was doing with her studs was OK in front of her children then why not in front of her husband. Again, the woman was mentally dysfunctional, and mentally dysfunctional characters are boring. They can do whatever they want and the author doesn't have to make it make sense, right? They're crazy; what do you expect? What a waste. But thanks for the effort.

Sorry, just can't score this higher than a 3 because it's just too unbelievable. The 2 kids watch and know that their 'friends' are screwing their mom, possible ruining their whole family, then the 'friends' SHOOT both their parents and KILL their mom- and they still testify for them???? Absolutely not possible to believe that.

Interesting, very interesting. I enjoyed reading the tale. I hope this author continues writing. LP

Very unbelievable. Imagine children that testify against their father and for the man who ruined their father’s life and killed their mother. If they were my kids, they’d be out of my life out of my house and out of my wallet. They’d never see another penny from me. And not guilty on charge one? Insanity. On charge 2, I would find Ronnie guilty but since he didn’t actually pull the trigger, that verdict, while egregious, is not as wrong as charge 1. For the grandchildren, it would be hard not to hate your parents for having done that well at least the two parents that were so guilty.

The skeletons in the closet of a family revealed. What a great read. 5 stars.