All Comments on 'The Two Wimps'

Enough said.

Oatzab = boring

make love not war and stay friends, TK U MLJ LV NV

Should be in Non Erotic to spare us the waste of time reading it.

Even they got cheated they are also cheaters!!

correcting the story and even mentioned a guy from Tennessee, for whatever reason. I didn't find this story very readable. Translating the strange wording, grammar, and punctuation was simply more trouble than it seemed to be worth. We had a guy named Duna or Duma or something like that in Lit that floundered with the English language much like this writer. The Dutch language has a unique way of translating into English. "Throw your grandfather down the stairs his shoes" or "Toss the horse over the fence some hay". Better editing is a must if you want to gain credibility here.

I think the author might have DS...shitty story, no plot, unrelateable characters, you jump around like a kangaroo on a pogo stick. Start over and try again.

No cohesiveness. Too many storylines. Not good.

He has great style. It was a fun read for me.

Others have theorized that oatzab is, in fact, Duna.

In the name of creativity I can see where you were going with the story. However, I believe it was this desire to be creative that took the story down a somewhat confusing path. You needed a note pad next to you as you read the story to keep track of all the characters and who went where. The story line was good but how you got there is where the confusion kicks in. That said, I liked the effort.

My head hurts after that couldn't finish .I need coffee lots of coffee maybe a blueberry donut would help.

Duna ABSOLUTELY IS in fact Oatzab!!!

Same person, anyone paying attention and possessing a memory would know this is true.

I think it is ok, though. Duna is as much of a fixture here as is Tazz, LSD, JPB, or even HDK.

What would LW be without instantly recognizable participants?

Duna, you try SO HARD to be understood, and so many just don't get it. Yet you never give up. Really, that kind of spirit has to be admired in its own way.

But still, I wager that NOBODY, BUT NOBODY(!!!!!) in the history of this site, has ever had a more encyclopedic knowledge of the stories contained here over all the years, than you sir!

Good try with this story. Thanks for playing...

This was a confusing mess, made worse because it was obvious that English is not the author's native language. The entire story was one declarative sentence after another. No questions, no suspense, just factual after factual statement. I struggled through 2 1/2 and gave up due to boredom. There were too many family members with too many children and too many divorces. The artless interweaving of this many people left me totally bored and uninterested.

That was dumb...

This is a good story.

I'm not as fond of it as

the writers older stories.

Maybe because I don't like

wimps. Male or female.

But a good story anyways.

As to the comment from

Anon "HORSESHIT".

What a strange comment that!

Must not have read many of

these kind of LW stories,

because those who have done

so know that most stories end

up with children making peace

with a cheating mother.

However this story is unusual

as the bitch is cheating with

a possible son in law!

Are you surpriced the sisters

didn't want contact with that

kind of a mother?!

Obviously the author's first language is not English, but I'll give credit for trying. I won't give any credit for the incredible level of confusion with all these people circling around the plot. Too many people, too many interactions and not much clarity. The basic concept of people hanging in there with cheating spouses until their children can handle the world on their own is a good one, albeit distasteful. An editor to clean up the English and the flow would have had a major job on his/her hands, but it might have promoted what I thought was a 2* to perhaps a 4*. Keep at it, but get help!

I could barely follow the storyline. I liked the idea of the story -- two (I suppose) “betas” biding their time, and eventually beating the dominant cheaters. But... confusing. Had to read parts of it again and again, having to go back to reference who was who.

Very oddly constructed story. Another commentator used the word stilted, I agree. I think English may be a second language for this author.

I applaud the effort, but I encourage you to reflect on the best way(s) for you to continue to develop your writing skills.

The story was a great challenge to read and understand... making it nearly impossible to enjoy. Having lived and worked in several countries, I have compassion for the challenge of communicating in a foreign language - hoping this assumption is accurate.

After that introduction, I'm embarrassed for oatzab.😝 All the different person's work to produce this story. 😲

Enough said.😲

AMerryman

With all the help you listed in your introduction, it is hard to understand how so many grammatical errors are in this story. Even what appear to be edit marks (spelling of fiancee, for instance) were left in the published version. Sentence structure and spelling do make it hard to read.

I gave up after one chapter, because it was so painful.

It was way too convoluted to follow, I couldn't get past the 1st page.

anonjerry

Often, less is more. Plot is way too convoluted

David

I liked the essence of the story but eventually got lost in who was who, due to it being very convoluted.

I'm guessing you aren't a native speaker of the English language due to the syntax so I won't beat you up on that since I'm not competent in a second language. It had too many characters for a short story then switching back and forth on perspectives made it hard to follow and the dialogue was kinda weird as well.

That said, keep writing because that's the only way you will get better.

This was an excellent story but it is unreadable. I suggest that the author get help with this. I am a reader and not an author.

It would be an OK story if it didn't ramble so much AND IF they hadn't aborted the Downs fetus. I know several kids and adults with Downs Syndrome. They are very nice, loving people. The only reason I can see for aborting a Downs Syndrome fetus is that you are TOO DAMN IGNORANT to accept a child that you consider flawed.

No stars and a very negative opinion of you and your grodd ignorance.

STOP WRITING if you're going to treat special needs fetuses and children as subhuman!

This rambling piece of muck should have avoided editing and simply been tossed into the trash. It was virtually impossible to follow and the long suffering premise was completely unbelievable.

I skimmed it and it was still a waste of 7 good minutes that I'll never get back or feel they were worth the read.

hard to grasp.

Thank you for writing, it takes courage to put a creation on a public site for everyone to read.

The core format was a creative way to write a LW story. Written from the points of view of two people married to serial cheaters. Who share their reactions upon learning about the infidelities of their spouses. Calling themselves wimps because they chose to stay in their broken marriages - for the sake of the children.

Unfortunately ESL made it very difficult to read. The sentence structure, syntax, and words chosen all contributed to interfering with the flow.

It reminded me of reading a technical manual translated to English from the document sent from the manufacturer.

.

You need to be better informed ref your beliefs about Down Syndrome. See comments from 04/2017. ESL challenges noted; however, so many mechanical errors the story is almost unreadable.

Too wordy Could hane been told with better editing. Otherwise a reasonable story

The story has a good plot and a reasonable time line but there are to many grammatical errors. The errors can make it hard to read and to follow the protagonists thoughts. Overall I like the story.

There’s a good story in there somewhere, I just couldn’t find it.

Rather convoluted. I tried to check the author's bio, but it came up that the author is 'Banned'. Even though this story is still around. Strange. I wanted to check to see if this author was from a non-english speaking country, some of the grammar and wording was a little strange. Still, if the author does have English as a second language they did a good job, a heck of a lot better than I could in any other language.

It seems like the 2nd half of this story was written by a different person than who wrote the 1st half. The 2nd half writing is terrible. I couldn't even finish the story. It was like English was not the 1st language of the 2nd author.

This was hard to read. Rambling sentence that droned on, paragraphs that began sounding alike and names, events, circumstances that just appeared without any context. It was like listening to several people telling some related sounding stories simultaneously. I still don't really know what happened. A rough draft... maybe. Two stars.

Banned? who would steal this convoluted shit show?

>>"He's the CEO at the company of your wife."<< Who speaks like this? Besides Yoda.

.

This entire story is full of this type of sentence construction. When I read the dialogue, my brian adds an accent to it.

Too many people for a story of this length. Wimpy emotional characters have no strong points to make the reader feel an attachment, Overall, not a bad story.

Obviously English is a second language for you. Next time have an English speaker edit your drafts. This story’s grammar is so disjointed that it quickly becomes a chaotic mess. I personally abandoned reading it after three pages.

2 stars

Great story! 5 stars!

Well, I am NOT to pretentious to say that I enjoyed your story. 5 Big Blazing Stars to you. thks. Buster2U

I don't think English is your primary language either, as some other people noted... and I got totally confused with the litany of divorced people early on ! Trying to figure out who was who with the very stilted language was almost painful. I gave up somewhere on the 2nd page, but didn't hate-bomb the story... 3 stars because with an editor to clear up the language and tighten up the story, this could be much better.