The Unlikely Quarterback Ch. 11

"Mike, I just wanted to say how much I loved being with you..." she began.

"Loved?" I asked, more upset than I thought.

I had a feeling this conversation was coming but it hurt nonetheless. While she was gone, I felt lonely, rudderless, like a man recently divorced. I grew dependent on the intimacy we shared in just a short time but didn't realize it until it was gone. I thought about asking her to marry me but for what purpose? She was too old to have kids and didn't want any more even if she could have them. I came to realize that it wasn't her as much as I wanted what we pretended we had.

"I do still love you, but we always knew that this wasn't meant to last," she said, sadly and I nodded knowing that this was hard for her. "I met someone while I was visiting Beth-Ann (her daughter). Actually, I shouldn't say 'met' as in I just met him for the first time, more like re-connected."

"Oh?" I asked, with more jealously than I intended. "Sorry."

"He was an old flame from high school," she continued, "And we 'rekindled' our love..."

"Oh," I said, knowing that 'rekindled' meant sex. "Was he better than me?" I asked, and she looked upset, "Look, never mind, I don't want to know," I said, sucking in my pain.

"I'm sorry, Mike, and no, not by a longshot. But he is definitely better than my ex-husband and we are more 'compatible' in bed. I just don't have the energy to keep up with you and you deserve someone that can."

"Hannah, I can't say I'm not jealous, I am. But you're right. And I should be happy for you... And you know what? I am happy for you."

And that was that. She put her house up for sale, moved back to her hometown where her daughter lived. She got remarried in six months and even invited me to attend her wedding. I declined, it just didn't feel right and she understood.

Her leaving left me pondering my life and what I wanted out of it. I knew that what we had I desired more than anything. The more I thought about it the more I thought about Candy. Ultimately, she was the one I pictured being the person I could share my life with. I didn't see Candy as being a domestic housewife though, but just having kids with her, sharing my bed with her, talking with her nightly, sharing the holidays with our families, that's what I wanted more than anything.

The only problem was Candy's boyfriend Jack. He was a good guy for all I could tell. She seemed to love him, but I knew she loved me more and I knew we were meant to be together. I had to tell her that I wanted her so we could start our life together, that was the thought anyway, it didn't go the way I expected it to.

I met Candy at our favorite meeting place, Sizzler. It doesn't have the best food but if you go in the middle of the day it would often be pretty empty and peaceful, and that's the reason we liked it.

She hugged me and sat down excited.

"I've got some exciting news," she said, practically squealing, "I wanted to tell you first before I tell anyone else. But, tell me what you brought me here for first."

I felt a sense of dread, but for the life of me I couldn't see what was obvious. I had this feeling that I should shut up before I stuck a foot in my mouth but now that she challenged me, I was on the hook to tell her.

"I, Uh... I know that me and you have had our ups and downs, but for me it has been nothing but up," I said, cautiously. "Shut up, Mike!" I kept thinking but I was a train wreck waiting to happen. "I know you and your boyfriend Jack have been getting along great and I..."

"I love him," she said, and I turned pale.

It was then that I noticed the ring. I should have seen it, and I think I did on some level after all the alarm bells were ringing. It was then that I realized that I lost her. I lost my chance.

"You're engaged," I said, sadly.

"Aren't you happy for me?" Candy asked.

"Do you love him more than you love me?" I asked stupidly, "Never mind, it doesn't matter."

"Mike. What's wrong?"

"You know, don't you? It's why you interrupted me..." I asked, she only nodded in response. "I thought we loved each other, but I guess it was just me."

"No, you DON'T. YOU don't get to do THAT," she said angrily. "I have loved you since the day we met."

"Just not enough to be with me, right?"

"You chose Simone over me," she said. "I moved on."

"Yeah, you're right. I did. I couldn't help it though."

"Help what?" she asked.

"Falling more and more in love with you every day until what I felt for Simone was a distant and laughable memory."

"Jack is a good guy and you're just jealous!" she accused.

"I'm VERY jealous!" I admitted, "It hurts just to hear you talk about him... But I AM happy for you. I DO want you to be happy, but it's also making me miserable," I said, bitterly. "Tell me where to send the gifts," I said, getting up.

I left a hundred-dollar bill on the table even though we hadn't gotten our food yet. I know it was a dick move to make, but I had to get out of there before I said something REALLY hurtful.

"Mike? Mike?" she called after me.

There were no more tears this time. I was actually angry. Not at her, but the world, the fates, God if there was one. I was angry with myself, why couldn't I have loved her more right away?