The User Guide - a Geek Pride Story

If your penis does not harden within ten minutes, Jan will say in a frustrated tone "Whatever!", then turn to her side to use one of her toys from her nightstand. NOTE: This is considered a failure on your part. After four such failures on four consecutive nights, consult 'Section 4.4 Assistance and Outsourcing.'

Late Night/Early Morning (aka "Woodies") -- During those times at night when the husband wakes with an erection, you may wonder "Would she mind if I ..." Jan's standard answer is "Go ahead!" Feel free to lube up and insert it to relieve yourself in her. Jan's reflexes will often take over, even if she does not fully wake for you to enjoy her squeezing orgasm on your erection. (Refer to Section 4.5 SCORE!)

Section 4.2 Cleaning/Shaving

While other males cannot be required to shower immediately before sex with Jan and she cannot determine when they last showered, the ratio of her arousal (scale 1 to 10) to the number of hours since their last shower will determine their 'repeat potential' score. For example: her arousal rated a 10 with a new desired male showered within the last hour is a perfect 10 for future sessions. Her arousal rated as a 5 with his last shower 5 hours prior is a ratio score of 1, and only a marginal potential for future sex. Advise all males she might encounter to shower within an hour prior to engaging Jan for any potential activity.

For Jan's husband, showering within an hour of sex is NOT optional!

Jan's husband must shave his balls and all hair on and surrounding his genital area at least two inches away from his genitals for any expectation of Jan's oral talents. Failure to shave will result in her mouth being off limits.

Section 4.3 Male Ejaculation (aka Cum Shots)

All male ejaculations as a result of Jan's activities are expected to go into or onto Jan. This means those males Jan is working cannot suddenly shift to another female to ejaculate. The ejaculate can go into any orifice of Jan's or onto her chest or ass but must NOT be shot onto her face.

Jan expects her husband to maintain a good hydration level throughout the day prior to sex, to reduce the viscosity of his ejaculate. Smoking is prohibited at all times for the husband, and the husband is expected to regularly drink citrus juice to improve the flavor of the ejaculate for those unscheduled times when she decides to wear red lipstick.

NOTE 1: Jan will not provide her oral skills with any guy who smokes due to the acrid flavor.

NOTE 2: DO NOT straddle Jan in any way blocking her quick access to a kitchen or bathroom sink when ejaculating into her mouth. Spitting is her option, based on her subjective judgement of the viscosity and taste of the ejaculate, or merely due to her mood.

NOTE 3: All porn videos with male actors should end with the male ejaculating. You might expect to hear her say "Wow, that was a big load" or "I wish I was down there sucking that out of her." Incomplete porn videos which do not show the males ejaculating (or at least showing the results dripping out) should be avoided, as Jan has little interest in them.

WARNING: While Jan objects to male bodily fluid expulsions as "messy", she does not consider her participation in the sex act complete until the male ejaculates in or on her. Once a male engages one of Jan's orifices, he is obligated to ejaculate in or on Jan, and NOT in or on any other female! NOTE: Jan's attitude is: "I'm the star of this show, not a fluffer!"

Section 4.4 Assistance and Outsourcing

Meeting Jan's almost daily servicing needs depends upon your body's physical condition. This implies you must remain in good shape to maintain muscle tone with some exercise, eat a healthy or at least a reasonably good diet, and for your body to produce an average to high testosterone level. However, life intervenes, and sometimes your physical condition might change. If Jan's servicing requirements do not correspondingly change, you are still tasked with providing sex for her. NOTE: As she described in our younger days when I was away at college before marriage; "I'm not going to masturbate every day by myself!" This section describes various time-tested options.

Assistance:

Toys -- While artificial or mechanical aids (vibrators, massagers, or others aka "toys") come in handy and should be always readily available nearby, these are NOT a substitute for the real thing. These merely bring her to an ultimate orgasm after a real penis or vagina (other than her own) edges her to a higher level of excitement. Toys may be used as a solo substitute for no more than three to five days before she will need "the real thing".

Hormone Treatments -- A testosterone level between 300 to 900 ng in a male is considered within the normal hormone range to maintain normal energy levels and sexual interest. However, if your testosterone level drops below 600 ng (that of the average 30 to 35-year-old male), you will likely need assistance.

Doctors can provide various means for increasing your testosterone levels, thus increasing your energy to maintain muscle tone and assist in erections. These treatments might entail bi-weekly testosterone injections, or a Med Spa doctor can insert subcutaneous slow-release pellets as a very effective six-month long alternative.

CAUTION: If your testosterone level is already at the average of 600ng, a Med Spa doctor might still insert those pellets upon request. But excessively high testosterone may cause mood changes in you which are incompatible with Jan's personality.

NOTE: Prior to requesting your own testosterone pellet treatment, it is recommended you first remove all guns from the house and secure all ropes and knives from quick access to remove the temptation shoot, strangle, or stab the bitch! Although this might seem a desirable action at the time, she can sense when you're getting too angry and will likely beat you to the punch. (Lesson learned: She didn't inflict a life-threatening wound, and I didn't require a hospital visit. But it set me back two-weeks before I could lift weights again. And it took MONTHS of anger management sessions before those pellets wore off.)

Pills: Drugs are available to assist in achieving and maintaining an erection to provide the time needed for servicing Jan. The choice of which drug to select depends upon both the price of the drug and the on-going need. For single use or intermittent use (ie. No more than once per week) Sildenafil is the probable best choice.

Sildenafil (aka Viagra) -- Sildenafil is the generic name of a 100 mg pill which provides a temporary boost in the PDE5 inhibitor level of your body. This pill requires planning ahead to ingest fifteen to sixty minutes prior to the time you want to achieve an erection. As Jan requires almost daily servicing, Sildenafil might not be cost-effective, as two of these pills will cost more than seven of the next best alternative.

Tadalafil (aka Cialis) -- Tadalafil is a smaller dose pill (5 mg) for daily use, to provide the same effect as Sildenafil. This daily dose raises the level of PDE5 inhibitor in the body to a generally higher steady-state level. This gives the user a better chance at an erection for on-call performance in spontaneous sexual situations.

Outsourcing: Jan is quite content to remain monogamous with her husband as her only sex partner. She does not necessarily require or even expect other males to enjoy sex with her. And you can rest assured she will inform you if her desires in that regard ever change (she tells you EVERYTHING she is thinking at all times 'ad nauseum.') You will eventually find a time comes when her servicing needs far exceed your ability to enjoy sex with her. So, you might find it both relaxing and enjoyable to outsource for help.

Website Hook-ups:

Adult Sex Finder -- This website allows you to set up an account to e-mail and text others when looking specifically for sex partners. It would probably be wise to join one of the local groups meeting near you to meet some of these people and vet them before pursuing any further contacts. NOTE: These contacts will likely be single and may produce uncomfortable emotional entanglements.

Personal Ads --NOTE: These contacts will likely be single and may produce uncomfortable emotional entanglements.

Swinger Websites -- This has been our best option for finding other swinger couples. Check with Jan for our user profile names and passwords for several of these sites and become familiar with the groups we have already joined to find others. The file server share has a folder named 'Swingers' with sub-folders for each website which contains info on the people we have met through those sites. Review those files to become familiar with Jan's likes, dislikes, and 'never again with him' people we have encountered by reading the after-action reports.

Clubs: There are three local swinger clubs which can provide options for regular go-to places for sex with others. Our experiences at those clubs have been inconsistent. Many of the single guys at those clubs have alienated Jan due to their alpha-male personalities, lack of grooming, or other personality disorders.

On-Call:To address those deficiencies found at swinger clubs and the single males found via most approaches, I have organized a new local club; "The WHG Club" (Well-Hung Geeks) of males I have vetted in case the need arises. These are all relatively clueless and unemotional geeks, who are likely to do whatever they are told. The group prepared an on-call roster of outsourcing volunteers providing a schedule for 24/7 coverage for assistance when Jan needs to be serviced. Text the WHG emergency number at any time, day or night, for the on-call geek assistant to arrive within forty-five minutes (in some cases, you might need to wait a little longer for the end of his video game.) You are free to remain with them to watch or go out for drinks during the servicing session. A normal servicing session will require two to three hours due to showers, last minute shaving, and clean-up. This allows you enough time to enjoy nine holes of golf, a leisurely shopping trip to Best Buy for tech shopping, or Home Depot for tools and construction materials.

Section 4.5 SCORE!

If the session starts by watching porn, comment on the porn star's tits, ass, and pussy, paying particular attention to pointing out the starlet's ability or inability to deepthroat, or asking Jan if she could handle the males. After approximately fifteen minutes of viewing the porn selection, Jan will either kneel in front of you to start sucking, or you may stand beside her chair with your penis out for her to start sucking in that position.

NOTE 1: Being patient and awaiting her decision to kneel will be rewarded with her amazing ball-sucking and perineum sucking skills.

NOTE 2: If she is wearing bright red lipstick when you enter the living room, take your seat in your swivel chair with your drink glass and begin stroking yourself. You have no more than a five-minute window of opportunity from the time she starts sucking your balls until you will be given the chance to ejaculate in her mouth.

WARNING: If she is wearing bright red lipstick, all ejaculate must go into her mouth or onto her chest. DO NOT ejaculate on her face!

If the session starts with others involved, Jan is self-starting and will likely initiate the sex. Go with the flow of events and enjoy her. She will likely be open to any suggestions for positions or changes you suggest.

If Jan is asleep during your late night or early morning erection, after ejaculating inside her, stuff three tissues in her vagina to prevent a wet spot and just roll over to return to sleep.

In all cases, Jan will usually continue non-stop until she experiences what she describes as "The Big One". This is her ultimate orgasm usually brought about by one of her toys after a thorough fucking. Her playing with the sex organs of others seems to build her excitement to make her toy use more enjoyable.

Jan tries to maintain control over every situation, including during and after sex. There are two indicators when Jan loses all control: involuntary muscle twitching and excessive moisture from her vagina (leaving a wet spot.) The twitching is most likely to occur when she receives simultaneous stimulation of her clit and G-spot for two to three minutes. And the wet spot/excessive moisture occurs when you stimulate the nub beside her G-spot for two minutes. Jan will attempt to minimize her reactions to the stimulus, so your goal is to maximize the stimulation causing a more extreme reaction she can't conceal.

Make the bitch lose control!

Final Words

The Bitch v3.0 is the best entertainment system ever made and a favorite with all who have enjoyed her. When fine-tuned and serviced in accordance with these instructions, Jan will provide a lifetime of unparalleled and enjoyable sexual experiences for her husband. DON'T FUCK IT UP!

**************

Reviewing

We were sitting in our living room swivel chairs with glasses of wine, as my wife closed the binder of the latest draft printout.

"So, did you finish reviewing the user guide?" I asked. "Any changes, questions, or recommendations?"

"Well, it's mostly accurate," Jan replied. "I just don't know about Section 4.4 on outsourcing where you mentioned a new club with an on-call list."

"You know you need a stiff cock. So, if anything ever happens to me, you'll have help available."

"Yeah. But yours is the one I want," she said. "I only do those others at house parties to put on a show for you."

"That's not always true," I corrected her. "What about your boy-toy, Ken, the night before our first house party? You left me in their basement game room with the others and went off to fuck him without me."

"There is that" she said a little dejectedly. "You knew I was looking for a good pounding from a younger guy. And you even encouraged me to suck him in the restaurant."

"And what about sucking that new guy, William the next day in their kitchen? You didn't wait for me to show up before you started with him."

"He was really great going down on me later," she said "but he didn't fuck me. ... It's just ..." she paused briefly in thought. "I do like flirting. And this lifestyle gives me more options. I really enjoy it. But I don't need them as much as I want you."

"If I'm not around anymore, the guys will be available when needed until you find a replacement. And they might help your next husband or boyfriend keep you satisfied."

"Is that what you meant by the 'Well-Hung Geeks Club' in that section on outsourcing?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said. "My boss, Walt and I were having drinks with a few others after that tech conference a few months ago. He started talking about wills and things that he and his wife were discussing in case of an accident and he's not around. I mentioned your ... ah, ... needs. And the idea of a club just evolved starting as a joke where the guys were all willing to help. Then after some serious thought, we decided 'Why not?'"

Jan's expression changed to a scowl as she said in a terse, accusatory tone "Why not? Are you geeks serious? You started a club with the potential to fuck me? And you didn't ask me?" A slight smile started to break through her serious expression.

"Only when called as needed," I said defensively, as I smiled.

"And how many are in this fuck club?" she asked.

"Just five guys," I said, "and that doesn't include me or Walt."

"Are they all single guys?"

"Yes. They're all between thirty-five and forty-five-years old, single or divorced."

"Well, then," Jan began teasingly, as she set her wine glass and binder on the end table beside her chair. She stood and turned to face me in front of my chair. "I can't have my next boyfriend or husband calling a complete stranger to come to my aid at our house in the middle of the night, can I?" she said coyly.

I stood and wrapped my arms around her, reaching down to grab her ass cheeks and lift her slightly. "I can understand where that might be a concern," I said with a hint of seriousness.

"And what if I feel a strong need for a spit-roasting one of these evenings?" she asked teasingly. "I should have some idea who you're calling for tech support from your geek squad," she added with her innocent voice.

"So, how do we make them 'not strangers'?" I asked.

"Maybe you could invite them here some evening," Jan said with an excited look in her eye. "After all, your club's name is "Well Hung Geeks", and it should have some qualitative oversight. I'll be the judge of whether they're well hung."

I chuckled, and asked "So, you'll want proof they qualify?"

"Tell them it's a club inspection," she said, and added "And I might throw in a blowjob for the biggest cock."

"You want me to set up a gangbang?" I asked surprised at how she was twisting this.

"Probably not a gangbang, but you never know. On second thought, don't tell them it's an inspection or a blowjob. Make it a poker game, and I'll allow the winner with the most chips at the end of two hours try me out."

My mind was racing at the thought of where she was going with this. "You want me to set up a poker game with five guys, and you're going to suck and fuck one or two of them in front of the rest us?"

"Who knows," she said coyly. "You might be the big winner. So, play like you're betting my pussy." And she added sternly, "Because you did when you set up that group, asshole!"

"Slut!" I said and laughed.

"But I'm your slut!" Then she added "You should be careful what you wish for, geek! Set it up within the next month, or I might start calling them for regular meetings!"

"Okay, bitch. I can do that!

Since we've been in this swinger lifestyle for a while, we've been to a few house parties and I've seen my wife with other guys, even two at a time. And she's seen me fucking other women. So, we are long past any jealousy over sex. Her teasing and feigned outrage, over me talking about our sex lives with a few guys at the tech conference, was just another of her flirting ways of getting me aroused. Setting up a poker game with the guys is her way of trying out another flirting scene. And I love her for it.

***

Poker Night

The five guys had varying plans for the weekends within the next month. So, it was a Wednesday evening I chose when they all finally agreed to a poker game in person. Two of them had suggested an online poker game, and when I mentioned meeting my wife, one even suggested meeting her via a Zoom call. These guys were clueless!

I rolled the sleeves of my black dress shirt to above my elbows, as I looked in the mirror. The denim jeans and black shirt went well together, and I knew this was one of Jan's favorites on me. With my slightly graying almost black hair, even full-body tan, and my hair combed and falling just over my ears, I wanted to look my best for tonight's poker game. I would be competing for my wife's attention this evening.

At six foot three, I knew I was the tallest of the guys. And with Jan and my experiences at house parties, I knew my tool would at least equal most guys in length and girth. Of course, there's always the chance one of these guys would impress Jan enough to earn a blowjob. But this wasn't going to be about jealousy. This was about Jan enjoying herself, and me getting to watch an exciting erotic show.