The User Guide - a Geek Pride Story

Author's Note: The Loving Wives category is for "Extra-marital FUN, sharing, and more". If this is not your preferred genre (Extra-marital FUN), I recommend you stop reading now and find something else you might enjoy.

After the opening scene, this story continues with a technical manual written mostly for my own entertainment. The manual is a humorous description implying past and future shared wife/swinger experiences.

This is for 2022 Literotica Geek Pride Story Event. Those of you who are NOT geeks will find the first half rather dry reading. If you are not a geek, I recommend reading about the first 600-word scene set-up and browse the notes in bold throughout the manual, then skip to the second half ("Reviewing".) But the guide with notes would give you a good picture of the main characters' personalities.

****

"Ted, would you like a martini?" Jan asked as she bent to retrieve the martini shaker from the low dining room cabinet.

Her narrow shapely ass in skin-tight black leggings was pointed at me as I sat in my living room swivel chair. I paused my reading to look at her ass. I could see her ample boobs hanging straight down in her loose spaghetti-strap blouse. Those were just waiting to swing if she were being fucked from behind. And her long dark auburn hair was falling loose around her face.

My wife's daily workouts kept her in great shape, even after the kids were born. Now that they're all out of the house, she tends to pose like this for my admiring glances more often.

She slipped a finger over her right ear to pull the hair back out of the way and glanced over her shoulder at me to ensure I was looking.

"Okay," I replied. "I'll have a martini, too."

I watched as she took the shaker, stood, and struggled trying to get the top off. Getting up from my chair, I walked to her now standing at the kitchen counter.

"Here, let me show you how to do that," I said as she handed me the metal shaker. "You can't grab the top the way you did. You're squeezing the shaker's thin metal sides and that holds the top on. You have to grab the bottom of the shaker and lever the top off with your other hand."

"T.M.I," Jan said smartly. "Too much info. I like my way better. It's easier."

"You mean; hand it to me to do it."

"And now that you have it open, I'll have a martini, too." She laughed as she left me there and walked into the living room.

Jan sat in her chair and started looking through her phone apps, while I retrieved the ice and other ingredients for our drinks. With a frustrated look on her face, she picked up one of the TV remotes.

"How do I get music on the Sonos speakers?" she asked, with a puzzled look at the remote.

"Alexa!" I announced to the voice assistant. "Play smooth jazz music in the living room."

"Here's a playlist you might like" the artificial female voice began as the music started playing on our surround-sound system.

"Alexa! Set volume level three in the living room," I added. The music volume lowered to a nice background level.

"If you decide to leave me," Jan said, "you owe me six-weeks advance notice to document all techie instructions on everything in our house!"

"If I decide to leave, you'll owe me six weeks of daily blowjobs to write those instructions. Nothing's free, bitch."

"But I'm your bitch!" she replied lovingly. "And we'll see what you get for it. Maybe I'll outsource to your friend Maggie to do it. Her husband doesn't mind, and she enjoys it."

"I thought you wanted to keep Maggie for yourself," I said.

"I do like going down on her when her husband is fucking me from behind. She has a nice pussy. But during our girl-talks she said she really likes your cock in her mouth, too."

"Should I shower now before the drinks?" I asked as I handed her the martini glass. "Or did you want to sit with drinks first before I shower and fuck you on the floor here?"

"Let's relax with drinks first. I just might wait until later and ride you in bed before we go to sleep."

"Sex in bed for a change. Kinky!" I said and laughed.

"I'm serious, though, about the tech instructions. If I have to replace you, maybe I'll find a guy who can cook next time. But he'll need instructions on everything else you do around here to keep my life as I like it."

"That's a tall task, writing instructions on EVERYTHING you want, the way you like it."

"Well, prioritize my favorite things first. Then write instructions on the rest as you have time."

"Okay. I can do that!"

'Her favorite things first?' I thought. 'This will be rather easy. I just need to update the instructions for sex I started documenting a long time ago.'

**************

The Bitch User Guide v3.0 (Final draft)

Preface

This User Guide is a pro-active attempt to comply with the wife's instructions: "If you decide to leave me, you owe me six-weeks advance notice to document all technical instructions on everything in our house!" NOTE: The timeline increases as I add new technology to the house.

Other technical guides describing the router and wi-fi passwords, file/media servers, TV remotes, and numerous sex toys are provided separately. (See the file server share at "192.168.3.2/Bitch" for those other guides.)

This guide is focused on navigating the complex and dynamic challenges of fine-tuning the wife, Jan.

Version Descriptions:

Version 1.0 was the post marriage and pre-child years, emphasizing the monogamous newlywed couple sexual limits.

Version 2.0 applied to the child-rearing years, adding limits on frequency and timing for sex.

Version 3.0 now includes upgrades for the empty-nest years, with almost all standard monogamous limitations eliminated (specific conditions apply).

Final Draft -- This version has incorporated all of Jan's recommended changes and is awaiting her final review and approval.

Chapter 1 Terms and Definitions

Section 1.1 -- Introduction

Congratulations on deciding to READ THESE INSTRUCTIONS and taking the first best steps to ensure a wild and enjoyable sexual experience with Jan. I recommend reading through all instructions contained in this guide before attempting sexual interaction with her to maximize your pleasure. Years of research and experimentation with her controls and settings went into revisions of these instructions to aid in reducing user errors.

WARNING: Applying the wrong pressure or techniques to the wrong body part during sex with Jan WILL cause a negative experience!

The first thing you should be aware is Jan is not customizable. Actions and settings which you might have enjoyed with other women may lead to disastrous consequences when applied to Jan. She does things her way. Unless it comes naturally to her, any attempts to change her methods may result in distractions and lack of male performance. (IE. Describing my college girlfriend digging her fingernails into my back as pleasurable resulted in Jan annoyingly scratching my back just as I was about to orgasm.)

Section 1.2 - Terms

Jan will routinely use terms in front of her sexual partners (or actually in front of other vanilla friends as well) which other women find offensive. Terms such as "pussy", "cock", "fuck", "ass", "blowjob", and "bitch" are frequently used at ease by Jan when in the mood to discuss sex.

Pussy is a noun not an adjective, a term she will often use to describe hers and other women's vaginas. DO NOT use pussy as an adjective to describe another person.

Cock and balls are nouns referring to male sex organs, and not to be used to imply a lack of masculinity. (ie. Do not say someone should "grow a pair of balls.", but you can say, "Suck my balls!" for a very pleasurable experience!)

Fuck is a verb to describe sexual intercourse. Although used in common American English as a term of frustration, Jan's tolerance for such use is limited to hearing it only under extreme duress in normal conversations. Repeated use of the term 'fuck' will result in a verbal confrontation, unless requesting the acceptable action, as in "Would you like to fuck?" or the command version "Fuck me!" Alternatively, use of fuck as an adjective is acceptable when describing Jan as your "fuckbuddy".

Ass (not 'arse') is a noun referring to the glutes or buttocks but may also imply the anal opening. Common usages are "Grab my ass", "Smack my ass", or "Fuck me in the ass" (the latter only monthly and when she indicates her prior approval.)

Blowjob refers to the act of oral sex by inserting a penis in her mouth for approximately two to three minutes as a precursor to vaginal or anal sex. Attempts to extend this standard oral time limit with arguments like "It's not a blowjob until the job is done" resulted in her responding with "That's all you're getting, so get over it and fuck me!" When the blowjob is preceded by her use of bright red lipstick (approximately monthly), you may extend the time limit to ejaculate in her mouth. NOTE: Swallowing or spitting is her option, and usually depends on the male's hydration level and ejaculate buildup since last release.

Bitch or slut are often used accurately to describe Jan by her husband on an almost daily basis. This is always followed by her response; "But I'm your bitch/slut!" Other males should proceed with caution before applying those terms to Jan. Failure to heed this advice usually results in a loud verbal altercation, which the other male will always regret.

Cum is the term used to describe the male or female orgasm.

Cum Shot is the term describing the thick white fluid from male ejaculation. When watching porn videos, Jan's favorite part is watching the male cum shot at the end. Videos which do not show the cum shot are disappointing to her, and you should review all porn videos to ensure they show the ejaculate.

WARNING: Cunt is an unacceptable term and should never be used! LOUD verbal altercation doesn't begin to describe the consequences.

Section 1.3 -- Definitions

Boy-toy -- Jan's male partners who are at least ten years in age younger than Jan (size and stamina subjectively determined by Jan to achieve the full "boy-toy" status.)

Cuddle -- This is the term Jan uses to describe sitting on the couch leaning against you and using you as a pillow while watching a romance movie.

NOTE 1: Minimize ALL movement during this contact, and do NOT place your arm behind her neck or over her shoulders.

NOTE 2: "Cuddle" does NOT include any physical contact after orgasm! Attempts to cuddle after her orgasm will elicit the response "I'm done, you can get off me now!" or "I'm thinking of chocolate right now, so since you're getting up anyway ..."

"Do him" -- This is Jan's term to indicate a desirable male she would suck or fuck. The most commonly used phrase with this in context is "Oh, yes. I'd do him!", which you are likely to hear multiple times per day when socializing with others. NOTE: Don't bother tracking the number of times you hear this from Jan. If statistics are your thing, track the number of males/females she actually sucks and fucks. (See the file "DidHim.xls" on the file server in the shared subfolder "Bitch". This lists all of the dates and participants we have encountered in this swinger lifestyle.)

Facials -- This term applies to Jan's occasional skin treatments at massage centers or spas, and not to be confused with ejaculating on a woman's face. Applying male ejaculate to Jan's face will result in a very loud verbal altercation and will likely eliminate any further sex for the foreseeable future.

Fingering -- Inserting one or two fingers inside Jan's vagina. NOTE: Recommend using index and middle finger (see definition of G-spot.)

Fisting -- Inserting three or more fingers inside her vagina. NOTE: This is forbidden except when she does it to herself.

Flicking -- This is the action which best describes how to use your fingers on and around her G-spot. As this spot is at the end of the fingertips in their maximum possible reach inside her (fisting is forbidden), the "flicking" technique involves alternating those two fingertips in sideways tapping of the protrusions inside her (see definition of G-spot for further details).

Flirting -- Jan's favorite sport. This usually entails her rubbing against other males, making suggestive comments about their physical attributes, implying potential (or past) use of her own physical attributes, or not-so-subtle glances at otherwise inappropriate locations on the male.

NOTE 1: Once Jan initiates the flirting sequence on her chosen target, DO NOT intervene, unless he becomes physically abusive. And the male's erotic physical contact with her various body parts is not considered abusive by Jan, but rather a goal. (Get used to it!)

NOTE 2: At those special "adults-only" nude resorts, be prepared for the flirting sequence to rise to a higher level. IE. Any penis made available at her face level is considered an open invitation to relieve her boredom with a new oral "toy" to fill any awkward silences.

G-Spot - This is a general term used to refer to all sensitive areas within Jan's vaginal canal. This includes (but is not limited to) a half-inch diameter raised spot located approx. four inches from the entrance of her vagina on the forward side of her canal. Alternatively, this also describes a quarter-inch diameter "nub" which expands adjacent to and approximately a quarter inch to her left of that larger protrusion. If after initial stimulation of the larger area you feel the "nub" grow, focus finger flicking on the nub for best results (with luck this entails her leaving a wet spot.)

Lube -- Jan uses the 'Pink Lady' brand silicone lube for all vaginal and anal sex. Four-ounce squeeze bottles of lube are readily available in all rooms and under furniture (check the cabinet above the coffee pot in the kitchen, and please sanitize the counter afterwards.) Vaginal sex requires NO MORE THAN two to three drops of lube applied to the head of the penis and must be applied prior to entry. Anal sex requires as much as ten drops (or more) of lube spread liberally on the entire penis. Fingering her vagina requires five drops spread around no more than two fingers (recommend index and middle finger, not the middle and ring fingers, refer to the definition of G-spot), or two drops around the clit before using fingers or toys on her clit. NOTE: More than three drops applied to the penis for vaginal sex will result in her saying "I don't even feel you in me!"

Oral -- Mouth to genital sex:

1.Male-to-female -- This is lightly sucking on her nipples with approx. 3 to 5 psi vacuum and using the tongue on her nipples (DO NOT bite with teeth), sucking on her clit with moderate 5 to 8 psi vacuum while using the tongue and lips, and alternating tongue in and around her vaginal opening. NOTE: Tongue or mouth to anus is not permitted.

2.Female-to-male -- BE freshly showered and with your balls shaved for a mind-blowing experience! (Enough said.)

NOTE 1: Simultaneous mutual oral sex (aka "69") is forbidden. Attempts to get into that position receive the response from Jan; "I'll suck your cock, but I don't want to stare at your asshole!"

NOTE 2: When she sucks your cock, DO NOT get on top of her to face-fuck. Allowing her freedom of control elicits a MUCH better (aka "mind-blowing") experience!

3.Female-to-female -- Bitch v3.0 now readily accepts and encourages all types of female genital contact (see section on positions.)

NOTE: The descriptive term "mind-blowing" for Jan's oral techniques has been used by females, too.

4.Male-to-male -- As this would not involve Jan's physical pleasure, it is outside of her comfort zone and is forbidden.

My Shoulder -- Jan refers to the husband's left shoulder as 'hers' for use as a pillow in bed when going to sleep. It is expected every night that the husband at least offers her the option to fall asleep with her head on his left shoulder and his left arm around her. Lay perfectly still and expect her to take approximately five minutes to fall asleep before attempting to move. ANY movement will likely restart the five-minute clock. More than one noticeable movement/reset will initiate a verbal altercation. Failure to offer her the shoulder requires a doctor's note. The shoulder obligation is complete when her snoring starts.

NOTE 1: Probing her body with the right hand during My Shoulder time is not an option.

NOTE 2: Jan's snoring is described as a "cute" snore. Any other description may result in you needing medical attention.

NOTE 3: A large quantity of foam earplugs are available in the husband's nightstand. It is advisable to have a pair within quick and easy reach with your right hand and requiring minimal movement to retrieve them. (Consider going to bed WITH earplugs already inserted to minimize movement.)

Penis (aka "cock") -- This is the male sex organ used to satisfy Jan's cravings (almost daily). Jan's tolerances encompass the standard ranges. A "good" penis should be between five to eight inches in length when hard, and approx. 1.5 inches diameter/4.7 inches in circumference. Up to 1.75 inches diameter/5.5 inches circumference would be considered "very good". And greater than 1.75 inches diameter/5.5 inches circumference would be considered a "horse cock" (NOTE: Such abuse of animals has NOT been tried, is NOT allowed, and is merely used as a visual comparison!)

NOTE 1: If more than eight inches in length, the penis is considered too large (but Jan has said, "WOW! Let me first try deepthroating THAT!")

NOTE 2: A penis less than five inches in length or less than 1.5 inches diameter/4.7 inches circumference is best used for her oral satisfaction. A future husband with a penis this size should invest in plenty of large toys.

NOTE 3: A penis should be able to remain hard enough for at least five to ten minutes of sustained thrusting in oral and vaginal/anal sex. Thrusting longer than 10 minutes results in Jan asking, "Are you done yet?" as she gets bored. If the male orgasm occurs in less than five minutes, consider using just her mouth (see definition of Cum Shots for warnings.)

NOTE 4: If the penis cannot remain hard for more than five minutes before going flaccid without male orgasm, ask yourself "Why bother with the mess?" Hand her a toy while you enjoy her show or a SciFi movie.

Sensitive spot -- This is commonly known as the perineum or "taint". Giving Jan's mouth easy access to this point on the male is one of her favorite entertainments! Either prop your ass six to eight inches higher than your back when lying down or sit in a chair with your testicles hanging over the edge of the chair. Jan will do everything else (when she's in the mood AND the area is freshly showered.)

Spank -- Using your open hand to smack her ass. This is often desired by Jan and encouraged.

NOTE 1: Any other strike with your hand on any other part of Jan's body will result in the need for medical attention. If you strike Jan inadvertently, it is HIGHLY recommended you immediately protect your testicles to minimize the pain! All other injuries will heal.

NOTE 2: If you strike Jan anywhere other than the ass deliberately ... Don't obsess over remaining too attached to your testicles, as the countdown has begun.