All Comments on 'The Van'

Meh. Why is this in Non-con if it’s just a roleplay?

I don't like rape scenes, even if they include "willing" participants

The ending did not ruin the story, you kept up the suspense to the very end in a good way. Don’t worry because people want you to maintain the hard rape. Fantasies work out just as well and going over how well it was built up shows great story telling. Thanks for a good story.

stupid, very common ending: 2* only because of it

The storyline was good although the ending was expected. I am wondering though at the beginning she had her panties in her mouth then she was talking freely? Did I miss something?

I liked this story and was glad it ended the way it did.

Thanks for the comments. A few answers for your questions

1. Its non-con cause its fits better there than anywhere else

2. No, you didn't miss anything, I did. The panties was a mistake I didn't catch while editing. I'll have to work harder at that.

I liked the ending but maybe post a second version with a different ending for those who didn’t? It’s a great story as is.

The trouble with the ending is that it clearly indicates that they've done similar things before. This one was “the best one yet”, which suggests this is at least the third time. It's easy to accept that Rick hasn't used a van before, so being snatched from the parking lot was surprising, but we get lots of narration of her thoughts, and there's no hint of those previous incidents. That ruins the story for me; it's just outrageous that she would be so taken in that she wouldn't have even once wondered "Is this Rick?” After all, she's familiar with him, and she sees his silhouette, and gets a good look at his eyes. It would be far better if she was remembering those other times, and convincing herself that this was different enough that it's not him this time. Or if we just never get inside her head, as if it was a movie.

The other problem is that right when he pulls her into the van, he hits her head so hard that she blacks out, but doesn't do anything appropriate to deal with the probably concussion that she's got. Again, this is at odds with the assertion at the end that he cares about her. Boo!

Thank you for your comment SuzieFloozie. You have obviously put more thought into the story than I did, something I am going to have to take a serious look at for any future works. My only defense is this story was originally written more than fifteen years ago in a category I am personally not overly comfortable with writing in, in response to an off-hand comment by a friend that got some wheels turning in my brain. Poor excuses I know.

Wonderful story. People have brought up the ending so I won’t be a broken record, but with a tween of it maybe ending as he holds her and then it ends, it could be perfect. This is still so close to perfect. Bravo !