The Virgin Ceremonies Ch. 13

Chapter 13

Brent: Out of the Shadows

I jogged around some walkers as I made my way through the park, Max tugging my arm every step of the way. It was late in the evening. Talking with Ginny in the cafe this morning had been eye opening. She had been right. I was asking her to choose between me and her entire family. It was a selfish choice. I wished I could take back those things I'd said in the hotel. I supposed, either way, she'd never call again. I was just lucky to see her from time to time. Hell, I was her gay friend now. Yes, it was a lie, but it was all that connected us. If she knew the truth, that I was desperately in love with her, it would be over.

I circled that damn fountain, looking at the faces in the crowd, a hobby I'd grown accustomed to. Ginny wasn't here. I didn't want her to be, not anymore. We'd said our goodbyes. I tripped over Max when my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I dug it out, my heart thumping. I knew it couldn't be her, but the possibility, the slim chance made my heart thump. I stared at the caller: private number.

I couldn't believe it. Was it really her? And still blocking me, of course. It kept buzzing. What did she want, to tell me she could never be with me again, to rip my heart out one more time? I was tempted not to answer, to just let it go to voicemail. But of course, my voicemail was, "Hi, it's Brent, leave a message at the beep!"

"Fuck." I swiped to answer and said, "Hello?"

"Hi."

I took in a deep breath and let it out. "Ginny."

"I didn't even make it one day," she said.

"I almost didn't answer," I said. "The way we left things, I'm sorry about what I said. I was out of line. But if you called to tell me it's hopeless, and we'll never see each other again, I'd rather spare myself the heartache."

She was quiet for a moment. "I have finals all week. Friday evening, my mother will expect me home. Saturday, I have a party I can't miss. But Sunday night I'm free. It can't be any other day, because on Monday my family goes to Long Island for two weeks for Christmas. Can we meet?"

I was shocked. "You're not serious."

"I am."

"Ginny..."

"I know how it sounds, like I'm making a booty call or something, but it's not like that. I found the money."

"So?" I said, moving away from the crowds to get some privacy.

"So, it meant a lot, more than you know. It really bothered me that I'd basically paid you for sex. It made everything feel wrong. But not anymore."

"What do you want from me, exactly?" I asked, leaning against the stone barrier near the edge of the lake. "I thought we said our goodbyes. I made it easier for you, didn't I?

"No, you made it harder. It was amazing. Was it just me?"

"Of course not."

"Then don't you want to be together again for one more night?"

"And after that?"

She paused. "Then another night. We'll figure it out after Sunday."

"And we'll keep doing this every week, just meeting up, having sex?"

"I don't know. I don't have a plan. I just know I want to see you, be with you, make love to you."

"I can't afford a hotel like that every week."

"We'll use the cash you gave me. It will be our secret love fund. Just for us, nothing else."

"So, what does that make me?" I asked. "Am I a boyfriend? Just a friend? A stranger? Tell me, Ginny."

She was quiet. "You're a secret, and you have to stay that way."

I scoffed. I sank down, sitting on the cold pavement, my knees to my chest. "So, we're not official? We're just meeting up for sex?"

"Look, I'm trying here, okay? Do you want to try with me or not?"

"Of course, I do. But I want you to tell me one day we'll come out of the shadows."

"Beau, you have to understand, what we have, no one can ever know about it, especially my family. It has to be a secret forever."

"So, you're telling me this will never be more than a weekly hookup?"

"Yes."

"Wow, and I thought taking money for sex made me feel cheap."

"I'm sorry, okay? You know how I feel about you, but this is all I can offer. I want you so bad, but I can't have you, and you can't have me. All we can have is a taste of each other. That's it."

I rubbed my face. Max was looking at me. He whimpered.

"And what about when we're not together?" I asked. "Are you going to start dating someone else? Do I have to share you with some other guy while I'm wondering when you'll call me next? Are you gonna block your number forever? Is this all one way?"

"I, I hadn't thought about stuff like that."

"Well, do you want me to be loyal to you? Do you want me to date other women? Which is it?"

"Do you want to date other women?" she asked softly.

"Hell, no. I don't want anyone else but you."

"I don't want anyone else but you either," she said. "It would break my heart if you told me that you found someone else."

"Then are we exclusive?" I asked. "Because having you once a week is hard enough, but knowing you're with some other guy would kill me."

"Okay, we're exclusive," she said. "I promise, just you and me. I won't be with any other guys."

"So, it's a relationship, just in the shadows, once a week, and nothing else? I can't go out with you? I can't introduce you to my friends and family? I can't take you to dinner? I can't skate with you at Rockefeller Rink?"

"I can't risk someone seeing us together."

"So, it's still just sex?"

"No, Beau. It's so much more than sex. It's us, together, connecting, sharing the night, making love. We can do so much more than just have sex. You took me on a date with whispers. Take me on a date again. Dance with me. Watch a movie with me. Order delivery. Tell me all your secrets. Don't be cynical about this, please. I know it's a bad deal. But this is it, Beau. This is all we get. Do you want it or not? Because it's all I can offer."

I had my hand in my hair. How could I refuse her? I was hooked now, so madly in love I didn't know how to escape. "Deal."

"Okay," she said, excitement rising in her voice. "So, exclusive?"

"Exclusive."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Sunday?"

"Where?"

"Same place," she said. "I'll book it and pay with cash."

"On one condition," I said.

"What?" she asked.

"I don't want to wear that mask again. I want to show you who I am. And I want to use my real name."

"Oh." She paused for a moment. "Okay. Yes, you're right. There's no point in hiding that now."

"And I want your phone number."

"Beau, please. I can't have you calling me. If you called at a bad time--"

"That's the deal. My name, my face, your number. Those are my conditions. I'm not going to be left so far in the dark I can't even contact you, where you can just walk away from me without even saying goodbye to my face."

"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. We'll do that. That's more than fair."

I put my head back against the hard, unforgiving stone wall. "I can't believe we're doing this."

"I know. I can't either. But I'm excited, really excited."

"Me too," I said softly. "It's not going to be easy to wait, let alone say goodbye next time."

"I'll make it worth the wait, and when we say goodbye next time, we know we'll see each other again."

Max barked when another dog passed. The other dog barked too.

"What was that? Is that a dog?"

"Yes, I'm at the park, at the fountain. There's a couple of dogs barking at each other."

Max barked again. I tugged on his leash to control him.

"You're there now?"

"I'm always here at 7:00 p.m., Ginny."

"You mean if I walked there right now, I'd find you?"

"Yes."

"That's tempting. Really tempting. But why do you keep going there?"

"I go to the park every day. I didn't make up a place. I chose something familiar." I was hoping she would get the hint, figure out I was Brent. God, I wanted to tell her.

"That's nice. I wish we could walk in the park together."

"Me too."

"Yeah," she said, exhaling softly. "So, we're okay, right? We were both so angry this morning. I hated leaving us like that. I don't want to hurt you ever, Beau."

"I know you don't, Ginny. We're okay. We're great. I get to see you again. I'm back on cloud nine."

She giggled. "It was so amazing last night. The way you make me feel, the way you hold me, love me, touch me, it's so perfect. Everything you do, I love."

"I love pleasing you. I love your body. You turn me on so much. You're so perfect, every inch of you."

"Mmm, that tongue of yours, my God."

"That tongue of yours," I countered. "You were so eager to suck my cock, as I recall."

"Beau..."

"It's true."

"You're in public. Someone might hear you."

"I wish I was with you instead," I said. "Are you in your bedroom?"

"Yes, in bed," she whispered. "What would you do to me if you were here?"

"I'd kiss every inch of your body."

"Mmm, every inch? You might miss something."

"Nope, every part, from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. I'd spend extra time in the middle though."

"Mmm, I hope you do. There are so many more things I wanna try with you."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Positions, for one."

"Really? Which ones?"

"I want doggy style again. We tried it for a minute, remember?"

"I remember."

"Your cock was so big and hard, you completely overwhelmed me. I really want to try it again, really get fucked hard by you."

"Damn, woman," I said, feeling my cock stir in my pants, all these people walking past me.

"Will you spank me a little more next time we're together?" she asked.

"You liked that, huh?"

"I did. It was so naughty."

I chuckled. "I might want to give you a few more for making me wait so long to see you again."

"Mmm, I deserve it," she said. "You know what I want to do with you the most, though?"

"What?" I asked, my breath catching.

"I... oh, no."

"What?"

"My mother is calling. I gotta go. I'll try to call later."

"Okay. Hey, I love you." There was no answer. I glanced at my phone. She was still there. I quickly put it back to my ear.

"I love you too, Beau. Bye."

My smile was huge. "Bye, Ginny."

I headed home, feeling uncertain but excited. I was going to see her again in just one week. I'd get to hold her again, touch her, kiss her, be inside her. And secretly, I hoped if we continued to see each other, our love would grow until she couldn't keep me in the shadows any longer.

At home, I got grandma ready for bed. She was especially confused tonight and fought me quite a bit, but I settled her down and put her to sleep. Soon, I snuggled into my couch with the lights off, Max beside me on the floor. I scratched his ears, and told him he was a good boy. I kept my phone close, hoping for another late-night call, but it didn't come. At least I had Ginny in my dreams. She always wanted me there.

In the morning, I went to work. Karen was still giving me a hard time because of the way I'd been coming and going. She put me on the 9:00 a.m.--5:00 p.m. shift, which made it harder to take care of my grandmother. I was on thin ice with her.

"Scrub the espresso machine. I want it to sparkle. And wipe down the flavor bottles. They're sticky again. And then mop up in the back."

"You got it, Karen," I said.

I didn't care. Any menial task was worth it. I just needed to make it to Sunday, and then I'd have Ginny in my arms again. And who knows, maybe I'd get a visit from her between now and then.

Colin helped me clean up. The bar was a mess after the morning rush. He was telling me about his new boyfriend.

"Okay, real question," I asked him. "How do you decide who's pitching and who's catching? Do you guys flip a coin?"

"Believe it or not, sometimes."

"Really?"

"I'm mostly a bottom, but sometimes I top, and sometimes the coin has the best answer."

"Wow. Hm. Does it hurt?"

"Which part?"

"You know, the anal."

Before I got the answer, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I didn't think anything of it until I saw it was a private number.

"I think Ginny's calling me."

"I thought she only called at night," Colin said.

"Can I borrow your headphones?"

"Sure," he said, handing them over.

I answered, putting the phone into my pocket and the buds in my ears.

"Good morning, beautiful," I said.

Colin rolled his eyes. I shushed him.

"Hey, you," Ginny said. "I'm sorry I didn't call last night. My mom had me on the phone for hours, and then I fell asleep. Some guy fucked my brains out, so I was exhausted."

I chuckled. "I hope that was me."

"Bingo. Listen, I wanted to tell you I won't be able to talk much this week. I have finals, and I know if I call you, I'll be up all night, and I won't be able to focus. Then again, I may break down and call you randomly at 3:00 a.m. anyway. I hope that's okay."

"It's okay. But I should warn you, if I ever forget to answer, you'd better hang up before you hear my voicemail."

"Why?"

"Because you'll learn my name if you don't."

"Ah, well, I'm waiting until our date on Sunday. Don't spoil the surprise. We're still on, right?"

"Of course, we're still on."

"Mmm, good. I'm so excited."

I didn't respond, because I heard the ding of the doorbell in both my headphones and behind me. I spun around. My eyes flew open. In strolled Ginny, looking comfy in a sweater, a jacket, and tight jeans, her hair whisking across her beautiful face, white wireless earbuds in her ears. I turned back. I hurriedly pulled the phone out of my pocket and said, "Me too," and put it on mute.

I grabbed Colin's arm. "Bro! She's on the phone!"

"And she's here. What an adorable quagmire!"

"Hang on a sec," Ginny said to me. "Good morning, guys," she said cheerfully.

"Morning!" Colin said. He looked at me. "I'll take the order. You can keep cleaning, sweetie."

I nodded and then waved to her. "Morning."

She waved at me.

"The usual?" Colin asked.

"You know me so well," she said. "And a bagel with cream cheese, please."

"You got it."

"I'll mix your drink," I said, giving a smile. I hit the unmute button as I turned my back on her. "Hey, what was that, did I hear a bell?"

I muted myself again as I started to mix the mocha cappuccino. She was paying.

"Sorry, I'm on a call," she whispered to Colin.

"No problem, sweetie," he said.

"Yup," she said to me. "I'm at this cute little coffee place."

There was silence as the machine made so much noise. I couldn't unmute yet.

"Do you like coffee?" she asked when I didn't respond.

I unmuted. "Love it. What's the place called?"

"Oh, um... I shouldn't say."

I rolled my eyes as I muted her. I mixed some extra mocha in her drink and then reached for the cream. I unmuted. "Gotta keep me in the shadows, right? We wouldn't want to bump into each other in a cafe."

"Sorry. Thanks, Colin!" she said. "The guys here are so cute," she whispered. "They're both gay, but I think they're both too shy to make a move."

I slapped my forehead. "Really?" I said, unmuting myself for only a second. I turned around with the cappuccino, putting it on the counter. "Here you go, Ginny. Enjoy!"

"Thanks, Brent," she said with a bright smile.

"Sure!" I said. "Say hi to whoever you're on the phone with."

She giggled, talking to me on the phone. "Brent the coffee shop guy says hi."

I didn't respond as I turned away, hitting the unmute button. "Great. Tell him I said hi."

"My friend says hi!" she called.

I gave her a thumbs up. Was this fucking happening? Colin shook his head at me. Thankfully, Ginny sat on the sofa, and I was able to talk a little easier.

"Great," I said.

She laughed a little. "They make such good coffee here."

"Wherever 'here' is," I said.

"So, where are you?" she asked.

"In the shadows," I said.

"Come on, tell me. We'll get better at this. Just give us some time."

"I'm at a coffee place too, actually."

"Oh, wow, really? Which one?"

I shook my head, glancing at her in the mirrored espresso machine. She opened her laptop and sipped her cappuccino. Was she really oblivious to me, the real me? I half thought Max had given me away, and she had come in here to catch me. But she was clueless, or at least, she wanted to be. I didn't know.

"No specifics, right?" I said simply. "Hell, I could be in the same cafe as you right now, and you'd never know."

"Hmm," she said. She actually looked around at the few other customers in the cafe. "Okay, okay. I have to stop thinking of this as one way. Actually, when you think about it, you know more about me than I know about you."

"Ask me anything," I said.

"I will this weekend," she said. "I'm going to learn everything about you, Mister."

I chuckled. "You're in for some big surprises."

"I can't wait."

"Me either," I said. "What do you have going on this week, other than me? Did you say you had a party on Saturday?"

Colin was still giving me looks and mouthing, "Just tell her!"

"Oh, yes. It's kind of a birthday tradition."

"Uh-oh, should I be worried? I know all about your family's birthday traditions."

She laughed out loud. Colin glanced at her and then at me. "You're not that funny."

"Shh," I told him. "And, yes, I am."

"Actually, Saturday is my grandmother's birthday. You met her, sort of. We always celebrate with a big party and invite everyone. It's like a mix of a company party and a Christmas party, lots of extended family. We rent a hall and everything."

"Oh, nice. Anything else going on? You must be stressed about finals."

"Yes, but I don't care. All I can think about is Sunday. Save all your energy for me, big boy. You're going to need it."

I chuckled. "Save your own, woman."

"Mmm, I like when you call me 'woman.'"

Colin was eavesdropping. I pushed him away.

"Big boy?" he said.

"Would you please?"

"Is it big?" he asked.

"You're sexually harassing me," I said with a blush. "Now, shh."

"Mmm, Brent, you break my heart," he said.

"I'm so excited," Ginny said in my ears. "It's going to get better and better. You'll see."

"I believe you," I said.

"Oh, my God. Oh, fuck."

I was a little confused. "What? Is that what you're going to say when I make love to you?"

"I have to go. Um, love you, okay? Bye." She hung up on me.

I spun around in confusion. The bell above the doorbell rang. Olivia walked in. This was a disaster, and Ginny had no idea how big of a disaster. We were caught, and we'd barely started. I felt sick.

Olivia's eyes went from Ginny to me and back again. "Hello, Virginia."

"Hi, Aunt Olivia. What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you. I called Quinn. She mentioned you were going out for coffee before class."

"Um, yeah. I know this isn't your favorite place."

"Sweetheart, I don't ask much of you, do I?"

"No."

"Have I not done a lot for you? Have I not earned your respect?"

"Of course, you have."

"Then why would you ignore a simple request? I don't want you to enter this establishment again. Is that understood?"

Ginny nodded, gulping. "Okay."

"Hey, lady, what's your problem?" Colin spoke up. "Our establishment--"

I grabbed his arm and pulled him toward me. "Colin, please, be quiet."

Olivia barely spared Colin a glance. She took some cash out of her purse and handed it to Ginny. "Take a cab home. Study there."

"Okay." Ginny obediently gathered her things and went for the door. She glanced back at Colin and me. "Bye, guys." And then she was gone.

Olivia stood right in the middle of the cafe, her back to the big glass windows. I watched as Ginny hailed a cab, got in, and left, all while Olivia stared me down, her palms together patiently.

"Lady," Colin spoke up, "if you're not going to order something--"

Olivia shot him a glare and he didn't finish speaking. Her eyes turned to me. "Outside, boy." Olivia stepped outside, the bell ringing.

"Fuck." My stomach was in my throat. "Fuck."

"What's her problem?" Colin said. "Why's she such a bitch?"

"That's Ginny's aunt. She knows who I am, and she really doesn't like me."