All Comments on 'The Visit Ch. 01'

A great story in the making

This has the makings of a good story but you stopped just as it was becoming interesting.

This is just a first part. The cut is made deliberately there :)

Also I wanted to see what people would think.

I reflect others comments - a good start, but we need more please.

This is absolutely ghastly. Atrocious dialogue, lots of random spelling, missing words, and just plain bad writing. For instance: "Will you drive me there?" quipped Charlotte.

In what way is that anything resembling a quip?

Fail.