All Comments on 'The Visit Ch. 01'

Excellent effort!

Great first effort- Hopefully they meet again very soon.

several goofs one that really stood out was you said she had "her bangs tied in a small braid at the back of her head" bangs are on the forehead not the back of the head also you hinted at the end that there was some problem between him and his dad not nice to bring something like that up if you are not going to explain it would have been better left unsaid get a good editor and do a rewrite and never post a story without going through a good editor first

Don't look now but Myrtle Beach is in SOUTH Carolina. If a family tradition, you would surely know that.

Others have already begun the nitpicking, which could have been avoided had you sought the assistance of an editor. The best writers on this site are not afraid to use an editor (Check out D.G. Hear and Jake Rivers, to name a couple.)

I am a bit of a sucker for a brother/sister tale. While I thought you had them becoming sexually intimate, just a bit unceremoniously, I do think your story has potential. I believe it could be developed into a pretty good story. I hope you with pursue more chapters.

This site is famous for its number of anonymous cheap shot artists. Don't let them discourage your efforts, or dampen your enthusiasm for writing. Remember that there are a lot of us out here who appreciate the people who write for this site. Thank you for your story.

A very nice little story. It has lots of potential if you want to continue it, or leave it as is. Keep writing, double check details, and have fun! Ignore the anonymous ones who can only say bad things.

you will listen to the anonymous commentors atleast they give an honest opinion unlike the other kiss asses. so heres my honest opinion get a good editor and do a rewrite to many goofs as said before bang are in front not in back never hint at something unless you are going to explain it and do some research before writing

I enjoyed reading this story, it is a wonderful start. I hope you will post the next chapter soon.

about time to get your lazy ass in gear and finish this story it is never acceptable to leave the readers hanging. SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A WHOLE LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND ALWAYS FINISH WHAT YOU START AND USE A GOOD EDITOR BEFORE POSTING.

don't be lazy either finish the story or delete it this is totally unfair to the readers.

A good story, but why didn't she stay. Broke up with boyfriend...where was she going.

Need another Chapter.